forum Marvel AU OxO?

Started November 29, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

tune

Bucky laughed a little bit. "Uh huh. I'll try." he replied with a shrug, looking out at the city. He was leaning on the railing a little bit.

"Sure. Try not to die," Steve lightly chuckled, remembering how that phrase had once been so casual; 'try not to get yourself killed on the way home.'

Bucky let out another little laugh, shaking his head a little bit. "I'll try." he replied, still looking out at the city.

Steve nodded silently, letting out a quiet sigh as he watched the sun sink through the aureate clouds and slowly to the horizon, casting its final light over the city. Should I ask him?

Bucky let out a quiet breath, tucking a lock of hair back behind his ear to get it out of his face. He watched the sun quietly.

After a silent but emotionally taxing moment, Steve took a breath. "Hey, Bucky?" He asked, trying to bring himself to properly face him. I should be honest, or something. There's no goin' back. "Can I…ask you somethin'?"

Bucky looked over at him, raising his eyebrows a little bit. "Yeah, sure." He replied. "What is it?"

Steve paused for a moment, wondering how he might phrase his question. "So…you remember when we were playing truth or dare? And…we…kissed? He asked, swallowing as he willed himself to meet his gaze.

Bucky bit his lip a little bit. "Oh. I…yeah. I remember." He replied slowly, looking over at Steve and wondering where the blonde was going with this.

Steve nodded slowly. "Yeah, so…um, Tony said that there was…a look," He said, feeling his stomach getting a little twisty, "Like, you were…disappointed, or something? And I just wanted to know if–" Steve shrugged cluelessly.

Bucky's expression turned slightly guarded. "Why…why are you asking me this?" he asked slowly, hands tightening on the railing a little bit. Please don't make me answer this. You'd never look at me the same way again.

"I just–" Steve swallowed, his gaze flickering around, "I wanted– I need to know if you…How you…" He looked back at Bucky; at those eyes he'd always known and lost himself in. With a breath, he slowly asked him, "What did it…mean to you?"

Bucky's blue eyes were a little confused and a little guarded. "I…what do you want me to say, Steve?" he asked slowly, looking at his friend. At the person his memories told him he'd loved, and the person that he was…falling for all over again.

"I want you to say– to tell the truth. I don't care what it is," Steve said, quietly, fiercely. I've waited too long for this. He bit his lip for a moment, his expression pained but hopeful, "Just tell me. Please. What did it mean to you?"

Bucky looked down at the street below, not wanting to meet Steve's eyes. "I…" he had no idea how to admit that yeah, he'd enjoyed kissing the man who was supposed to be just his friend.

Steve looked at him, waiting for the words that would either bring forth what he'd wished for all these years, or confirm his assumption that he could never be with him. "What is it?"

Bucky didn't look at Steve as he admitted, quietly, "…yeah. I guess…Tony was right." He said slowly, still looking down at the street.

"So…there was a look," Steve said, taking moment to process that Tony had actually been right about that. He took a breath, trying to prepare himself for what he'd ask next. "Were there any thoughts or…feelings…that came with it?"

Bucky closed his eyes for a moment. I'm going to lose him. He thought, not looking at Steve. "…I…I guess. Yeah. Maybe."

Steve's breath hitched, his mind not fully believing that Bucky was here; saying these things. He cleared his throat, trying to keep his hopefulness from showing too much, "What uh…what feelings?"

"God, isn't it obvious, Steve?" Bucky replied, clenching his jaw for a moment and shaking his head.

"No, not really," Steve said with a weak laugh, searching his eyes for the answer he'd been waiting for. "I'm hopeless; I had to get all this from Tony. And– according to him, I haven't been too obvious either."

He glanced up for a moment, shaking his head again. I've been falling for you since we were fifteen years old. He ran a hand through his hair.

Steve let out a long breath, feeling the uncertainty beginning to eat away at his heart. "Please tell me," He said, nervously clenching his jaw, "Even if it meant n– I just need to know. What did it mean to you?"

Bucky's hands tightened on the railing again, and he hung his head slightly. "It…" he shook his head slightly. "I can't." he finally said. He didn't want to lose his friend and he knew that that's what would happen if he spoke his feelings aloud.

Steve bit his lip, looking down. He thought of a story he once heard, poised around the main question of 'Is it better to speak or die?' It's better to speak, He knew, and now– one of them had to speak. "I'll tell you what it– what it was to me," Steve said slowly, dragging his gaze up from the ground, "That kiss…It felt like I was being punished. It was…something I've wanted, for so long– only to have it as a show and nothing more. I wanted it to be more. I did."

Bucky looked over at him, surprised. "Oh. I thought…I…" He shook his head slightly, chewing on his lower lip.

"Yeah, whatever." Steve replied a little coldly, folding his arms, "Look– I know you don't want…that, and nothing has to change between us. I'm still your best friend– even though Tony made it seem like you wanted it to be more."

Bucky frowned a little bit. "No, I…" He ran his hands through his hair. "I do, Steve. I just…I wasn't sure how you…" He shook his head slightly.

Steve paused, his attention snagging on the one part of Bucky's reply. I do, Steve. "You…what?" He asked, his shoulder softening.