forum Guess who is completely out of steam?! (0/0 GAY and CLOSED)

Started January 09, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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(Thank you for surviving suicidal friend that doesn't have a name)
"He's with….Kyle now. I don't want this….to happen again. Not again…" Rowan clenched Grayson's shirt. "Please…not again…" Rowan dug his head into Grayson's neck.

(fjskdjfsk)

"Shh..it's okay. He's okay." Grayson reassured him, kissing his palm and wiping his tears away. "Where's my happy, optimistic boyfriend?" He asked softly, smiling a little as he tried to comfort Rowan.

Rowan chuckled through his tears. “I just don’t want Payton to be alone for the rest of his life. He has us, but I can tell without him he won’t be the same…”

"He won't be alone for the rest of his life. They might get over this and come out stronger, or they might break up. Most couples don't make it past high school, Ro." He said gently, smiling a little and glancing up at him. I'm so lucky..

"I'm glad we did," Rowan pecked Grayson's lips. "Now, all we can do is wait." he sighed.

Grayson leaned on his shoulder and sighed, gazing towards Kyle's room.

(Should he wake up now?)

(I was thinking of the same thing!)
Kyle shot up and his heart rate spiked. He grabbed his head. "Why am I still here?!" he groaned. "I don't want to be here. I hate it…"

Payton jumped out of the chair and backed away as a nurse rushed in and pushed him back onto the bed. "Calm down, honey. You're okay, just stay in bed." They said gently, leaving the room a couple minutes after checking up on Kyle and telling him why he was there.
Payton watched, pressed up against the wall with tears in his eyes. Maybe he won't notice me..

"I don't want to be here. He left…I have nothing to live for….." Kyle whispered to himself.

Payton accidentally let out a quiet sob at his words, immediately covering his mouth with his hand. It is my fault. I drove him to do this. He almost died because of me..

Kyle's eyes moved to the side and fear struck him when he saw who was there. "Why are you here? You left you….." Kyle sat up backed up against the wall. "You said you didn't care, you left, you hate me so why are you here?" Kyle's body was shaking. "You're not real….stop it…"

"I..I'm sorry Kyle.." He choked out, pressing a hand against the wall and taking a small step forward. "I don't hate you..you..said we would be better off apart so I left..I'm sorry…I was going to come back..I promise.."

Kyle held his head. "No, you weren't…..stop messing with me! Stop it…" he moved to the corner of the bed. He scratched head. "I need something sharp…." he looked around frantically. It looked like he was on crack. "You don't…..you don't love me….get away!"

Payton stared at him, terrified. "Kyle..please..I'm not lying. I love you! I promise!" He told him frantically, walking towards him and taking his hand.

Kyle's eyes widened. "Let go me…you're lying….stop it…..stop lying…" Kyle ripped his hand away. "You don't want me….so stay away….I'm not……I'm not crazy…." he whispered.

"I do want you..I do Kyle.." Payton said quietly, holding his hand back and taking a step back. "Stop saying I'm lying. I'm not." He added, a bit more stern.

"You are, you are, you are!" He yelled. "Don't come any closer….." he whimpered. "Please…"

"Why would you think I was lying to you? I'm your boyfriend, remember?" He walked forward again. "I love you and I want you back, even if you don't think we should be together."

Kyle's eyes filled up with tears. "Do you mean that?" he wiped his eyes. "Don't lie to me…."

"Yes, I mean it. I'm going to come back tomorrow and we're going to figure out what to do about college, okay? Right now I want to know how long you've felt like hurting yourself and what made you do it this time?" Payton replied, calming himself down enough to sound rational.

"W-Whenever we fight I….I have the urge to do it. You always….turn the fights…..back to me….I'm always the one….who has to beg for forgiveness….I don't like having to beg……for love. I always stop….myself before I do it. When you walked out…..I though you were gone…..for good. I thought….you didn't care about me…..anymore…."

"I don't turn the fights on you. I get mad when you do something wrong and you get mad when I've done something wrong. And we've only fought twice besides this time, I don't know what other times you're talking about." Payton replied, sitting down at the end of the bed.

“The…one where you…..got bad at me because I was…..mad that you wouldn’t kiss me. I think about that….everyday….it’s been killing me…..I know we talked about it, but….you always talk about it…..how our first kiss was when I was drunk…..you think I want….to be reminded of that……every time I drink or say something remotely related to drinking…..you make the same joke……it doesn’t feel Ike a joke anymore…….it just feels like shame. That same night we came home from the party…..in the middle of the night…..I went downstairs and grabbed the knife…..it so close. I could feel it. Then I stopped and put the knife back…..you never even noticed.”

Payton sighed and rubbed at his eyes, feeling his exhaustion slowly weighing him down. "I thought we talked about that. I thought we figured it out. I haven't joked about that for months. Am I not trying hard enough for you? What else do you want me to do?"

Kyle jumped. He was afraid of Payton. He didn’t want to be scared, but he was. His hands began to shake once more. “You’re annoyed…aren’t you?”

"No, no. I'm just confused." Payton sighed, gazing down at the hospital bed. "Maybe we should just talk about this tomorrow." He added quietly.

Kyle refused to look Payton in the eye. He was dead scared of Payton. "You….don't get it? I'm scared that if I slip up you'll leave. You already did…."

"I left because I was angry and I wanted to stop arguing with you. I didn't leave because I stopped loving you." Payton replied. "You told me you were going to break up with me so I left before you could actually say it."