"Don't undermine yourself, Mel… there's no way I'd be here right now if it weren't for your help." Lucas hugged her back tightly, really savoring the healthy physical touch. He felt safe with Melissa; he knew she wouldn't ever hurt him on purpose. "I had- well, have - a shit ton of problems, and you have to deal with me. I'm sorry."
Her chest formed another knot, and she couldn't help feeling awful. He did have a lot of problems, but she did her best to ignore them. He was still a human boy after all. "Come on Lu," She said softly, pulling away just slightly to look into his incredibly blue eyes. "I know you think that, but you're my best friend. I want to help you, even if that means dealing with things I shouldn't have to."
Lucas was clearly feeling immensely guilty as well. "And I really appreciate that, but I'm… I'm still really sorry…" He fidgeted nervously, looking away again. "Y-You deserve better, Melissa. I'm a horrible friend…"
A slight laugh came from her, looking completely amused. "You? A horrible… good grief Lucas!" She laughed more, unable to stop herself. "Come on, you should know better than that. You have your problems, it doesn't make you a terrible friend. I have plenty of problems." She admitted, tilting his chin back up to look at her.
"And I can't help you nearly as much as I should be helping." Lucas managed to meet Melissa's eyes, looking like he felt legitimately guilty. "If I were a good friend, then I… I don't know… you'd be happier. You'd have less problems. I'm really sorry, Mel. I am. I-I'm trying, but I just… I'm sorry…"
"Hey, shhh, you're going to start up again." She whispered, her smile softening to a more motherly like smile. "I am perfectly happy Lucas, trust me, you'd know if I wasn't." She told him, leaning forwards to rest her forehead against his. "Don't worry about me, I'm doing just fine. You have enough to worry about, don't add me to that list."
"It's a bit late for that…" Lucas laughed weakly, closing his eyes. "You've been on the list a long time. But in all honesty… are you sure you're okay?" He asked softly. "I'd hate for you to be struggling while I'm over here needing constant emotional support or whatever."
"I'm fine Lucas." She told him, forcing up a smile. That wasn't the full truth, but of course it wasn't. She never asked him for support on her problems, she never asked anyone actually. Forcing herself to get through it by herself, she held up the good girl appearance her parents expected from her. Her own brother didn't ever ask if she was OK. He just assumed. It killed her to lie to him, but she didn't want to burden him with anything. He already had her on his worry list, she didn't want to give him reasons to worry.
"No, you're not." He said simply, sighing. "I know your real smile, Mel, and that isn't it. What's wrong?" He asked softly, gently taking her hand. "I want to help you. You deserve to be helped. You're a good person."
Her smile dropped, and she felt the knot only get tighter. Her eyes grew just slightly, and with one glance she couldn't keep looking at him. "It's nothing Luc, don't worry about it." She told him turning her face away from him. 'Stop it! You just need to relax. You know he won't stop, so just get yourself together Melissa!' Harshly she scolded herself, trying to find something to say. "I don't really feel like talking about it, honestly."
"Mel…" Lucas watched her worriedly. "If you really don't want to tell me, I'll respect that, but I want you to feel safe to come to me for help. Okay?" He gently lay his hand on her shoulder, the other fidgeting nervously with the collar of his shirt. "I'm here to help. I care about you a lot, okay? You're my best friend, and I don't want to see you suffer."
She was tense, and forced herself to look at him. "I'm the crappy friend now, I'm asking you to trust me and I can't seem to do the same for you." Softly it came out, and she didn't regret it in the slightest. "I don't know why I can't just tell you, I'm just unable. Literally unable to tell you what's going on. It's not only you though." She added in the last bit, so he wouldn't doubt himself. "I can't make myself talk to anybody about what I've done and am doing."
"You're not a bad friend, Mel." Lucas replied softly. "Like I said, if you don't want to talk about it, I'll respect that. I'm not gonna make you say anything you don't want to say. If you ever want to talk, though, just text me or call me or something, okay?"
Nodding, she leaned forward to hug him tightly. "You mean a lot to me, you know?" She said softly, wrapping her arms around him. Everything she was saying was in a soft tone, barely above a whisper, just for the sake of keeping the calm mood in the room. "I know it's a weird thing to say, but I love you. You're more than just a friend to me. You're like family."
I love you. The words reverberated through Lucas's skull on repeat. He hadn't heard those words in so long… He didn't even realize how red his cheeks had gotten. "I… I-I love you too." He replied nervously, tightening the hug. "You've always been there for me, always being a great friend and person… when Claus died, and mom too, you helped me fill some of that void. I have you to thank for even being alive."
The knot only kept tightening in her throat, and in her stomach. She wasn't sure what to say to that. There wasn't much she could. Was she suppose to thank him? Compliment him? So she just stayed quiet, thinking it over in her mind. What he had said, hit her hard, creating an effect she didn't know would happen. Then again, no one was happy at her for "just being alive", there was always something else to it. Though, Lucas was special and she knew it. "I'm glad to know I could be of good use."
"I'm not just using you, Mel… You mean a lot to me, you know? If you hadn't answered your phone that night I don't think I'd even be here." Lucas sighed softly and closed his eyes. This was nice. He liked having Melissa so close. He felt safer with her there.
Melissa choked. Full on choked, pulling away from him and starring into his blue eyes. "Y-you… you aren't serious, are you?" She asked softly, having that mental image of her picking up the phone that night. Something had pulled her to answer the phone, even if she was tired, and she was so glad she had.
Lucas looked away guiltily, his eyes stinging with tears again. "Y-Yeah…" He eventually replied, his voice weak and wavering. "Remember? I… I was crying, and I don't think much of what I said was intelligible… it wasn't long after mom and Claus had died, and my dad had been yelling at me that it was all my fault, and I… I-I wanted… I dunno… I didn't want to be here anymore. Even if you couldn't understand what I was saying, you talked me down, and… well, here I am, three years later."
Her stare went blank, and she showed no emotion on her face. On the inside, she was screaming everything. All of this information was coming too fast for her to handle. "So you've been abused for the past 3 years… you never told me, and then you drop the bomb you almost killed yourself, but me answering the phone literally saved your life?" She asked, her heart pounding faster.
Lucas's eyes were brimming with tears now, and he felt immensely guilty. "Um… essentially…" He replied weakly. "I-I'm so sorry, I… I swear I really wanted to tell you earlier, b-but he kept telling me he was gonna… I'm s-sorry, Mel, I'm a h-horrible friend and a horrible person and you have every right to hate me for it…" He quickly brushed away his tears whenever they started to roll down his pale cheeks.
Listening to his words, she couldn't bare to look at his face. "Lucas, you need to stop saying that." She whispered, her head still down cast. "You aren't a terrible friend. You were scared, and I understand that. I don't hate you at all, it only makes me care more." She whispered, forcing herself to look up at him. So badly she wanted to kiss him, to tell him she was there for him. "I'm not going to leave you, alright? Don't forget that, I'll always be around when you need me."
Lucas hiccuped and hugged her again. "Y-You're too good for me, Mel… I… I don't deserve you, but thank you so much for sticking around anyways… I-I just hate lying to you, and now that my walls have been reduced to dust it's getting increasingly difficult to not just spill every little thing that upsets me, even if it's not actually relevant…"
"Then spill." She whispered to him, loosely hugging him. "I'll listen, to every word you have to say." Every word she was saying was the truth, she wanted to be there for him, maybe it would help him. He could actually start to build himself back up, without all of that on his mind all the time. "Go ahead, I'm listening."
Lucas looked up at her weakly, then looked away again. If he was actually going to do this, he wouldn't be able to make eye contact. "Um… I… I feel empty, like, a lot of the time? It started when Claus died, even though mom died first. I mean, obviously I was distraught at her death, but after Claus, I felt like I was only half a person. He and I did everything together. Even though we bickered a ton, which you saw firsthand, we were super close. I couldn't leave the house for weeks after he died, simply because I didn't even know what to do with myself anymore. I felt like I needed him to exist, and I couldn't believe that he had died…" Lucas paused after this, trying to figure out what else he should say.
Melissa didn't try to make him look at her, she just wanted him to feel comfortable sharing. So she sat besides him, taking his hand in hers. "I get feeling like that. It's an awful feeling." She whispered, looking at their feet while they sat on her bed. Her posture was straight, but she was relaxed with him. "Is there anything that makes you feel less empty?"
Lucas thought for a few seconds. "Um… being around you and our other friends helps. And baseball. Baseball is a pretty good vent for me. My dog used to help, but now he's gone too…" He sighed softly, still thinking. "Drawing, too. I don't think you've seen too many of my drawings, to be honest, but it definitely helps me vent too."
"That's good, and most of those things aren't just going to disappear too." She smiled soft, her voice the same. "I don't think you have shown me your drawings, I'd love to see if you're up for it… anything else that's bugging you?" She asked, turning her bright green eyes onto him. She seemed to have an inviting look, one showing she was paying attention.
"I might show you at some point… I don't have my sketchbook on me." He thought again to find more to tell her. "Uh… it's pretty hard for me to accept any kind of help from anyone without feeling horrible about it. I think it's because of my dad… he tends to make me feel bad about myself. He's also drunk most of the time and either thinks I'm Claus or a stranger…"
And that's when she started thinking. That was too horrible for her to imagine, she couldn't live there, why should she let him? The wheels turned in her head, and she slowly put a plan together. "That's awful Lucas, and there's nothing you can do to change this?" She asked softly, changing her gaze to the floor.