forum Guess who is completely out of steam?! (0/0 GAY and CLOSED)

Started January 09, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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“Why won’t you let me kiss you?” He pouted crossing his arms. “I’m not going anywhere until you let me give you a long kiss.”

"I just don't feel like it right now. Guess I'll walk home." He shrugged, walking off and yawning quietly.

He just stood there and growled. He walked up behind him and turned him around. He held him close. Kyle pressed their lips together making sure he couldn’t move out of the way.

Payton struggled a bit in his grip and dipped his head down below Kyle’s, breaking the kiss. “Kyle..I said I didn’t feel like it.” He muttered, looking down at the floor, his lips trembling slightly.

“Fine whatever,” he let Payton go and walked past him. He started to walk home a little annoyed.

Payton stood there for a second, tears gathering in his eyes. He took in a shaky breath and turned around, starting to walk back as well. What did I do wrong? Am I not allowed to say no? He thought, looking down at the ground as he walked.

He sighed. “That was a dick move,” he said to himself as he walked into his house after parking the car. Kyle took his phone out and hesitated before calling Payton.

Payton got home and went straight to his room, wiping the tears off his face. He picked up his phone, answering after a couple rings.
“I’m not coming over today. I have a lot to do.” He said quietly, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying.

“That’s not why I called. I figured since your probably pissed at me. Anyway, I wanted to say sorry. I didn’t mean to get like that I just…I don’t know. I’m not mad at you for saying no I get it. I’m just a little annoyed that I can kiss my boyfriend in public. It’s not like no one knows I’m gay. I just want to be able to love when people are looking or if people aren’t. Anyway, I should probably leave you alone since you said you had stuff to do. I just wanted to say sorry and that I love you…” he sighed and tapped his finger hopping to hear a response.

Payton listened to him, biting his lip. “I know..I’m sorry. I..I’m worried people will get mad or grossed out or something and then they’ll hate me and find out I’m trans. I’ve been outed before and it was horrible and I don’t want it to happen again. I know..it’s stupid. I’m just being paranoid, but I’ve never been in a relationship before. I don’t know how it works. I didn’t know you would get so mad..but..I’m sorry I made you so mad..”

“I promise you I really don’t think that anyone in this school care about our relationship. Besides we already have like 12 trans kids in our school what could one more hurt. So you are a little over reacting. There is no rule book to dating you just be open and be yourself. So don’t stress it. I’m not mad, I’m just kind of sad I guess…but hey I should leave you alone you got stuff to do I wouldn’t want to keep you.” He held the phone against his ear not wanting to hang up yet.

"Wait..Kyle.." Payton sat down on his bed, curling up against the headboard. "I'm scared..I know I can be myself around you and you keep saying that you want to take things slow but then you say that you want to touch me and that you won't be able to hold yourself back." He took a breath, feeling tears rolling down his cheeks. "I don't want to have sex with you today or tomorrow or maybe not even next month. And..and I feel like you hate me for that. I can't give you what you want. I wake up each morning and think, maybe I'll be good enough for him today. And then I never am." He sobbed, covering his mouth with his hand and dropping his phone on the bed, the call hanging up.

“Did he just…” Kyle dialed the number again and waited for him to pick up.

Payton picked up the phone quickly, holding it close to him but not saying anything for a minute, trying to stop the flow of tears. Overreacting, as usual. Even Kyle said so. And now he thinks I hung up on him. He probably thinks I'm stupid.

“Hey, listen, I’m not planning to have sex with you and do you want to know why I can’t hold back? It’s because I’ve been holding back since the day I met you. You are better than good enough. You are so much better. I don’t care what other people say. I don’t care who I’ve been with. Guess what? I’m here with you right here, right now. There is no one else you can compare to you because are better. Don’t ever loose sight of that okay? I don’t hate you for not having sex with me. I respect your limits and I will never ever force to go out of your comfort zone. I’m not mad at you for anything. You should be the one cursing me out right now because I pushed you without thinking.”

"So…so if I tell you that you can't kiss me, will you get all mad again?" He asked quietly, shifting around and curling up on his side, pulling his blankets over him. "And I am really mad at you. I just don't sound like it cause I'm over emotional and cry for no reason. And you're really annoying sometimes but I want you to come over and hug me but you can't cause I'm mad at you." He added, rambling slightly towards the end.

“No, I won’t get mad at you like that again. Even if you are mad at me can I still come over and hug you because I love you?” He asked chuckling at his rambling.

"Just for a little bit. Then you have to leave so I can keep being mad." Payton replied, clutching his phone in one hand and the blankets in the other. He noticed Kyle's shirt next to him and let go of the blankets, clinging to that instead as he waited.

“Okay, I’ll be over soon,” he smiled and left the house. It took no less than five minutes to walk there as he only lived 2 houses away from his. He rang the door bell and waited.

It's unlocked, just come inside
Payton texted, too tired to get up and go downstairs to let Kyle in. He nearly fell asleep waiting for him, a couple tears occasionally rolling down his cheeks.

He looked at the text and came in he locked the door after. Kyle went up to his room and got in the bed with him. He rubbed his shoulders. “Hey…”

Payton didn't look up, he just wrapped his arms around Kyle and pressed his face against his neck, sniffing quietly. "I'm still mad.." He muttered, feeling himself tearing up again as he clung to Kyle.

“I know,” Kyle kissed his forehead and wiped his tears away. “I know.”

Payton sniffed again and pressed himself close to Kyle. Part of him wanted to yell at him and tell him to get out but the other part of him wanted to be hugged and comforted by him and forgive him Immediately.

"I love you," Kyle whispered over and over again. Kyle kissed his cheek and forehead. "I will never treat you like that again I promise. If I do you can slap me."

"I will. You scared me." He replied quietly, relaxing a bit and letting his eyes close. "You have to leave after I fall asleep." Payton told him.

"Whatever you want, I'm sorry," Kyle closed his eyes as well trying not to fall asleep. "I am very sorry."

"I know. I'll forgive you when I wake up." Payton murmured, dozing off shortly after that, his arm still draped around Kyle.

Kyle sighed and started to move off of Payton. He took his hand and moved it off his chest. Once he finally got out of Payton's grip he got up and started to leave.

Payton whined softly in his sleep, curling up with Kyle's shirt held in his arms. He shivered slightly, wishing Kyle was still there with him.