im so tired of always trying to just be there for someone and then they dont appreciate me and
everyone is tearing me down
and im so sick of everything and trying to be happy for others
everyone leaves me behind and im just
UGGGGH

The exam is over.
And I did study.
Just let me have my adrenaline/anxiety-fueled vents…
(There will be another on wensday.)

… _Wednesday

The exam is over.
And I did study.
Just let me have my adrenaline/anxiety-fueled vents…
(There will be another on wensday.)

… _Wednesday

_{Never could spell it right…}

Listen up, my friends:
« Taking your own life. Interesting expression, taking it from who? Once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it. »

Sherlock?

whaaaaat nooo

I don’t usually use this chat for my own negative thoughts, but here’s this for a thought in my mind today.

I’m so sick today. I’m so sick of it all.

I’m sick of being a student, I’m sick of being a friend, I’m sick of even existing where people can even begin to see me today.

Not to the point where I’d want to do anything to myself.

Just to the point where I’d want to go somewhere secluded and take care of myself physically for a while.

I’m tired of having my thoughts somewhere else, somewhere where they won’t be heard by anyone, even if I tell them. I’m supposed to be the “therapist” of the group. I’m not supposed to have my own mental problems or frustrations or road blocks.

I’m just better off, huh?

They don’t know what to do for me, but I’m the one they can tell everything to, and I have a solution, for I TELL THEM WHAT I THINK

I can’t tell myself what I think, the damn hard truth.

Because that’s what I can’t accept.

it pisses me off.

I can tell myself anything, but today, nothing’s working. Nothing’s going right, no one’s acting right, life just isn’t right today.

Mood

The exam is over.
And I did study.
Just let me have my adrenaline/anxiety-fueled vents…
(There will be another on wensday.)

… _Wednesday

_{Never could spell it right…}

Just do your best. Study for it between now and then when you can. I'm sure you'll do fine!

so now i have a vent and another thing to say

vent: hhhhhh i hate being sick

thing: actually, I realize that this is more of a vent but bear with me okay? it honestly really annoys me when people ask for help from strangers because they're just so confused about life and everything but then people ignore them. that's why im going to be replying to those ones right now

Hi and I'm having a lot of depression thoughts with suicide involved. I don't know what to do.

hello! i actually experienced some of this last night. what helped me was that I had people that cared about me. it really scared me at the time, to have such… well, suicidal thoughts but you will get through this. you are a strong person. and how do I know that? you're still living. yay! you've made it this far, and you can still keep going. just don't give up because Life has mood swings. Life sometimes is on a good mood and everything is going great but then Life is in a bad mood and sends its very worst at you. Nevertheless, you can get through this! I believe in you!

im so tired of always trying to just be there for someone and then they dont appreciate me and
everyone is tearing me down
and im so sick of everything and trying to be happy for others
everyone leaves me behind and im just
UGGGGH

sounds like you're having trouble with friends. perhaps these friends are toxic? if they are suppressing your feelings, that means that they aren't real friends. real friends accept your feelings as they come and will be there for you when you need it. it is okay to not be happy all the time. if they're telling you you have to be happy all the time, ditch them and get new friends. they can't tell you what and when to feel.

so i actually don't know if that will make any sense, but i tried. i just had a big word vomit so…

Hi and I'm having a lot of depression thoughts with suicide involved. I don't know what to do.

hello! i actually experienced some of this last night. what helped me was that I had people that cared about me. it really scared me at the time, to have such… well, suicidal thoughts but you will get through this. you are a strong person. and how do I know that? you're still living. yay! you've made it this far, and you can still keep going. just don't give up because Life has mood swings. Life sometimes is on a good mood and everything is going great but then Life is in a bad mood and sends its very worst at you. Nevertheless, you can get through this! I believe in you!

Or
Or tell a responsible adult in your life or call a suicide hotline

im so tired of always trying to just be there for someone and then they dont appreciate me and
everyone is tearing me down
and im so sick of everything and trying to be happy for others
everyone leaves me behind and im just
UGGGGH

sounds like you're having trouble with friends. perhaps these friends are toxic? if they are suppressing your feelings, that means that they aren't real friends. real friends accept your feelings as they come and will be there for you when you need it. it is okay to not be happy all the time. if they're telling you you have to be happy all the time, ditch them and get new friends. they can't tell you what and when to feel.

so i actually don't know if that will make any sense, but i tried. i just had a big word vomit so…

the thing is they aren't even toxic im just always trying to be a good friend and when im moody or crap they arent used to it and they back off
and i missed a week due to a concussion and i have no phone so all this drama happened and they couldnt tell me and everyones talking aboutshitandimjustfeelingsoleftoutwhyisthisfriendsthingsohard

My arm hurts like hell.

…hi
my hiatus isn't over, i just…
heeded to be heard for a moment.
so hi.
i feel like shit.
i just need a hug.
end post, return to notebook hiatus

big hugs @ mezzo

I will hug.
Sends hugs over to Mezzo System

smiles thank you guys, hopefully, we'll be back for real soon <3

-big hugs for mezzo-

…hi
my hiatus isn't over, i just…
heeded to be heard for a moment.
so hi.
i feel like shit.
i just need a hug.
end post, return to notebook hiatus

cue big fuzzy bear hug its ok.

god i love you guys so much

yeah of course! you're a friend of ours!
anytime! ^^

Id you need anything, my dms are still open!

my dms are pretty much always open <33

thank you!! we love you guys, we purple you guys, all of it. thank you for always being here for us.

yup, as reed and maia said, my dms are always open as well!
and no problem, anything for my dearest friends! _{~~even if i technically haven't met them before but oh well}

_{Does existing really get better… or do we just get used to it?}

a little of both i think

Why am I so lazy? I don't want to do anything I just want to lay down on my bed

CARPAL TUNNEL

P A I N

I’m proud about the fact I have just taken a shower.
I don’t know what that says about me.
I’m going to go back to sleep now.