First of all, @CloudyWithAChanceofSpontaneousCreativity your mom is gaslighting you. I know this because my mom does the same thing to me. It makes you question if your intentions are really pure and if you're actually really this bad person. It really messes with your head, but you can't let her keep doing this.
It's probably me just being a cold-hearted ass bastard on my part but don't listen to her and possibly ignore her. I personally learned how to shut off my feelings regarding my mom- but that's brought up a bunch of other problems so don't do that. Just know that we're here to support you and help you go through whatever the heck it is you need.
also, as i was reading your post, I got a little scared cause the situation you described is something i go through on a daily basis and it's kinda scary how we're going through the same thing. but that aside, just know that this, the whole 'world' and 'life' thing is pointless. Live in here and now and don't worry about your grades. If you keep putting that first then you'll end up not having enough health for it and then it would have been for nothing.
i know my views on life and everything, in general, are pretty pessimistic but that's how i get through life, that's how i help myself. but dude, just know that you only have a few more months left and you'll be out of school, one less thing to worry about and one less stressor.
talk it out with your mom, if you know she won't change then don't even bother (as in my case). focus on yourself, this isn't about what your mom needs or how you want to make her feel. You. don't. need. her. approval. for. anything. If she wants to treat you like trash then do that same thing right back. It may seem like a horrible thing to do but there's no point in treating someone nice when all they do is keep emotionally beating you up.
sorry if this didn't help, i know im pretty emotionally detached when it comes to things like this, especially when i don't know people too well, but i tried.
I don't think you're emotionally detached at all! I really appreciate your input, actually. I'll try talking it out with her sometime soon, since she must understand at least parts of what I'm going through, considering I think she feels similarly in some of those regards. She's not a bad person, but it gets to the point that my nerves feel so frayed and I'm living on the edge of a mental breakdown, so you're right in that it needs to stop.
As for living day to day, I've heard that advice a lot, but it's something I struggle with constantly, because, especially at this time in my life, everyone is stressing that I have to go to college or I have to get good grades or I *have to do all the things other people are doing or I'll be left behind and become miserable. But I think what no one realizes is that we're already miserable.
Anyways, seriously, thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. It means a lot—and that's not just something I'm saying I'm saying lightly.
