forum Your personal venting space.

Started January 17, 2019 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Okay, so I leave for camp tomorrow and my birthday is during this time and I'm getting a new phone, except Problem: I don't have Icloud, so I have to email every single document, note, and picture to my email and it pisses me off

@The-Great-Wizard-Pickles-The-Great you okay? (And I'll totally have a conversation with you-)

Yeah, thanks. I'm okay now

@The-Great-Wizard-Pickles-The-Great you okay? (And I'll totally have a conversation with you-)

Yeah, thanks. I'm okay now

I'm glad uwu

I have to read 30 pages of absolute boringness for school by tomorrow. I bet your thinking, ummm Ellie, that’s easy. Your WRONG. IT TAKES FOREVER. The characters have to goal to work towards and it’s just been a soldier sitting around for the past 5 chapters. I NEED HELP.

Wait you’re in school right now?

My advice is to turn on some catchy music (if you can, that is. Preferably instrumental music or music in a language you don’t speak, that way your brain won’t get distracted by the lyrics) and just read through the thing. I know it’s awful but you’ll be so glad you did once it’s over.

It's the billionth and second time I've listened to Bring Me To Life by Evanescense, and I'm curling up on my floor having a silent panic attack because of the arguing going on in my house. I think I just heard a goddamn plate smash.

Well… I'm not sure how to help. Just try breathing.

I don't know what the fuck to do right now. I'm just gonna die inside I guess? I'm not okay….

Yeah um… Please don't die.
I don't really know you. You probably live hundreds of miles from me. But I do care.

It's the billionth and second time I've listened to Bring Me To Life by Evanescense, and I'm curling up on my floor having a silent panic attack because of the arguing going on in my house. I think I just heard a goddamn plate smash.
I don't know what the fuck to do right now. I'm just gonna die inside I guess? I'm not okay….

pm's??

I'm reclusive, it makes sense you wouldn't. I'm just a weirdo queer writer with a thing for horror and gore because I'm a literal demon or something? That's just most of what I write because… stuff. But yeah my family argues like this a lot, it's gotten worse ever since my sister started questioning ("We've already got one fag here! Really, (my mom's name), why haven't you took her to counseling?" a literal quote from my aunt. Guess who ain't coming to the next Thanksgiving dinner?) and a recent meltdown I had where I was gonna kill myself. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I probably shouldn't go on about this, I'm just another angsty teen who can't really write, but I'm just having a hard time.

It's the billionth and second time I've listened to Bring Me To Life by Evanescense, and I'm curling up on my floor having a silent panic attack because of the arguing going on in my house. I think I just heard a goddamn plate smash.
I don't know what the fuck to do right now. I'm just gonna die inside I guess? I'm not okay….

pm's??

What about them?

It's the billionth and second time I've listened to Bring Me To Life by Evanescense, and I'm curling up on my floor having a silent panic attack because of the arguing going on in my house. I think I just heard a goddamn plate smash.
I don't know what the fuck to do right now. I'm just gonna die inside I guess? I'm not okay….

pm's??

What about them?

do you need pm's is what i'm asking…

I'm reclusive, it makes sense you wouldn't. I'm just a weirdo queer writer with a thing for horror and gore because I'm a literal demon or something? That's just most of what I write because… stuff. But yeah my family argues like this a lot, it's gotten worse ever since my sister started questioning ("We've already got one fag here! Really, (my mom's name), why haven't you took her to counseling?" a literal quote from my aunt. Guess who ain't coming to the next Thanksgiving dinner?) and a recent meltdown I had where I was gonna kill myself. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I probably shouldn't go on about this, I'm just another angsty teen who can't really write, but I'm just having a hard time.

sparky…
oh my gods…
i'm right here for you, okay? no matter WHAT.

I dunno. I'm also hella indecisive, did I mention? I think I might want to call a mental health helpline but I don't have a phone and I can't really ask to borrow one right now.

Update: It's not a plate, it's a gravy pitcher thingy. I don't know what those are called.

I'm reclusive, it makes sense you wouldn't. I'm just a weirdo queer writer with a thing for horror and gore because I'm a literal demon or something? That's just most of what I write because… stuff. But yeah my family argues like this a lot, it's gotten worse ever since my sister started questioning ("We've already got one fag here! Really, (my mom's name), why haven't you took her to counseling?" a literal quote from my aunt. Guess who ain't coming to the next Thanksgiving dinner?) and a recent meltdown I had where I was gonna kill myself. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I probably shouldn't go on about this, I'm just another angsty teen who can't really write, but I'm just having a hard time.

Ok

1. You sound like an absolutely amazing person
2. I bet you're great at writing. Better than you think
3. F your aunt
4. Counciling to make you unqueer…. Ok? Not that that would ever help. Stupid being queer is fine and completely acceptable.

I dunno. I'm also hella indecisive, did I mention? I think I might want to call a mental health helpline but I don't have a phone and I can't really ask to borrow one right now.

Update: It's not a plate, it's a gravy pitcher thingy. I don't know what those are called.

oh a gravy boat!!
does your house have a landline? use that if you can.

No we don't. It's not really useful I guess so we never got one.

No we don't. It's not really useful I guess so we never got one.

okay. the trevor project has an online chat for help. use that. need a link?

I know about Trevor Project, I've talked to them a few times. I'll see if I can connect with them?

I know about Trevor Project, I've talked to them a few times. I'll see if I can connect with them?

yup! do that!
talk to me when you get back!

Will do, thanks.

7cupsoftea gives free 24/7 therapy chats. I didn't have much luck but maybe you will.

I have a summer reading camp. Yay. That’s why I have to read 6 chapters by tomorrow. Extra yay.

… can I quickly list a bunch of problems I have. And slightly vent about them

… can I quickly list a bunch of problems I have. And slightly vent about them

go ahead!

• I really want to talk to people verbally. But honestly the whole action makes me really tired after awhile.
• I don't love hanging out with people for extended periods of time, especially depending on the person. Don't get me wrong I love my friends… But like when one of them hung out with me till 11pm and made me feel really guilty telling them to leave. I really can't deal with it.
• I have 0 self confidence and no self esteem… At some point I've actually hated myself. But I've gotten a bit better.
• I WANT A FREAKING HUG. _{No joke. want a hug}
• I have procrastinated A LOT.
• being in a car doesn't mean you want to talk to the other person every few seconds.
• I reserve and hold back a lot of feelings.
• sometimes I really need to cry.
• I may have depression
• I hate therapists. I honestly can't talk to people about how I feel because I have no idea.
• I don't eat breakfast when my parents aren't around and that's probably not a good thing…
• also I probably wouldn't really eat if I wasn't told to, felt hungry, or were watching someone.
• I have no idea what I'm doing.

HUGS

squeezes tight