forum Need Writing Advice? Come On In.

Started June 19, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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Occasionally? Lol, more like all the time.

Okay, I'm working on this story idea and I need someone to like give me some pointers on it and maybe tweak it. So, could you?

But of course

(Here it is.)

A girl who is a tomboy and a girl who's a girly girl, they have different lives. (Possible Story Plot: But they both wish that they could live in this tv show Teen Wolf, and they could both end up in the tv show. But the tomboy is a girly girl character and the girly girl is a tomboy character.) They’re lives (kind of) get switched and the tomboy becomes a girly girl and the girly girl becomes a tomboy. They know that this happens and try to get back to their regular lives. But end up finding things that make their lives better. A boyfriend maybe? Another friend? The tomboy and girly girl are friends and have known each other since kindergarten.

(What do you think?)

Is this for an RP? Or an actual story?

A story I'm working on.

I don’t really think that’d be a good storyline for a book? It’s just like… overused. No offense or anything but like, you could make it lesbian? That’d be pretty cute.

Maybe. That would make it even more interesting, I guess.

Yeah, it's a bit…cliche….but making it gay could help add a new twist!

The life switching trope has been over used, but you can certainly add a little spice to it. Maybe by bringing in some controversial topics? Race/ethnicity, sexuality/gender.
You don't want your readers to think that the story is basic because at the end of the day they want to relate to your characters. Having a tomboy character that comes from a traditional Hispanic/ Asian house where it's more proper for a girl to be feminine would be an interesting plot point. Or even having a transgirl be your 'girly girl'.
Having two white girls switch lives for a few days doesn't give off feeling. Does that make sense?

Oh, the girly girl has a darker skin color than the tomboy. Her skin color is like a beige-ish brown

Okay, that's a great start! But that says nothing about her ethnicity what troubles she goes through, if any, from that. Or what deeper inner turmoil she may be going through during the story. Right now you've got two Mary Sues, you need to explore them as individual people. Don't be afraid to mess them up a bit. Everyone has skeletons

Beige is also…pretty white.

I've done a little work on the characters, would you like to see them? Keep in mind they're not finished. But, would you like to see what I've done so far?

Sure thing! Post it up

Here they are:

Self notes crammed in one:

Why so many nicknames? I only got one?? Nicknames aren't just spawned from nowhere.
Their appearances are very bland. Not a lot of detail at all.
Their personalities (gonna be totally honest) are completely worthless. I don't know anything from it and I literally can't remember one fact about them.

Pro Tip:
Don't use "quirky" to describe characters, it offers no insight and is the epitome of telling instead of showing.
No offense, but both are underdeveloped and seem like Manic Pixie Dream Girls.

Hmmmm. I have to agree a bit with what both Jynnie and Emi said.
These are great base characters for your story, but they are still in their Mary Sue phase. Think about how you really want them to act, be, think, feel, express themselves. Expand on the things you already have.

You said 'Quirky'. Okay great! What makes her quirky?
What makes them 'loyal'?
what are their backgrounds like? Ethnicity really helps you build on characters because you can take things from that culture to describe your character. For example:
If you have a Hispanic character you can say that they are very loyal and family oriented because that is what the culture is like.

Does this make sense?

edit: https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/570022# here is one of my characters you can use for reference (ONLY) Just so you can see how you can expand all those details.

Hiya Eris. So I've got my MC for the main story I'm working on, and I'm trying very hard to flesh her out and get her to a point where she's 'living' if you see what I mean. I'm just not sure where to go from where is now. I've got a page for her, and I can answer questions and things

Hey Hey!

Okay, I'm actually really impressed by the amount of detail and work that has gone into this. I think that she is really good! Ready for storytelling.
I say this because your character isn't really living until you've put them in their universe/situations/ and what not. She just needs a plot to jump into.

I would say that her motivations are a bit on the underdeveloped side. My favorite question to ask myself while working on this section is "why". Why does she want to go home? Why does she want the perfect romance? Why does she want to protect the ones she loves? etc etc.

It also helps you build on their personality like anyone who wants to protect their loved ones is fierce, strong, dedicated, etc.
Try that out and see how it works!

Thank you so much! I'll definitely implement all that :)

No problemo! :D

Heyyyy wanna help me? I'm real stuck.

Anything for you my dearest!

Yayy thank you
Okay so I have this one character named Lila thats really smart and really stoic and badass and awesome and she has like one friend at school whos kind of a jerk. There's this scene where the girl yells at Lil in the hallway at school in front of everyone and practically reduces Lila to tears. I need something for the friend to be a jerk about to Lila but I'm having trouble coming up with something that would make Lila be on the verge of tears because she hardly ever takes any shit.
Let me know if you need more details

Hmmmm. Does miss Lila have something in her past that she would rather keep secret that her jerk friend only knows?

Omg
Holy shit Eris you're a genius
Yes there is thank you so much

Oh! Well that was a lot easier than I expected. You are very welcome!

Lol sorry
I guess my problem had an easy fix
But this way is cool because it gets to show how much Lila cares for her family