forum Tell Me Stuff You Heard High/Middle School Students Say!
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@TeamMezzo group

"So, Grandpa, did you sign up for the physical therapy boxing league? Cuz I think your first fight was against Doorknob Man, and it looks like he won by a long shot."

@Fraust

My brother- I wonder what type of materials are best for boat building?
Me- Whatever floats your boat

Grandma- I wonder if clogs (Dutch wooden shoes) are comfortable?
Me- Wooden shoe like to know?

Me- finds pop rivet on the floor and proceeds to take it up to my teacher’s desk This class is riveting

So that’s the pun section let’s see what else I’ve got

@Fraust

My friend- I’m gonna break your nico nico kneecaps
Me- Words cannot describe just how disappointed I am in you right now

Me @ friend in sixth grade- Imma eat your middle finger so you can’t be profane

Me- What if we killed insert friend’s name as a senior prank?
Friend we planned to kill- You can’t kill me
Me- Yeah I can. I’ll inject your veins with air so you’ll have a stroke and no one will suspect a thing.
Friend we planned to kill @ the other two- You’re not gonna let her kill me right?
Other male friend- I’m helping
Female friend- I’m staying out of this but I’m not gonna stop her

Friend- What part of your morning routine takes the longest?
Me- Finding the will to live

Someone in art class @ my art teacher- So would you burn the bodies in that kiln? points to kiln
Art teacher- No, I’d use the other one. It’s bigger. More efficient

Me- I don’t like children
Literally anyone- But you’re a children (everyone says this exact grammatically incorrect phrase and it drives me insane)
Me- When did you ever get the notion that I liked myself?

Me- I have a lot of personality conflicts
Friend- Like what?
Me- We’ll you see, I hate myself, but I also think I’m better than everyone
Friend- Oh
Me- Also I’m probably a psychopath

Friend- I’m in a toxic relationship with a cello piece
Me- Oh. I’m in Chicago

@Pickles group

That reminds me
"Yes, I'm being possessed by the spirit of Hitler."
"No, you are Hitler. Secretly."
"Then why would I be helping you?"

@ElderGodSwimwithGamers group

P1: Japan: we will never surrender!
P2: They were the last to surrender. Hitler was cornered in a room, and he-
P1: Committed the self-murder.
P2: No, he went underground and is still living there. The end.

@Pickles group

"Does anyone know what bond energy is?"
"The name is Energy, Bond Energy."

My chemistry teacher needed that joke lol

@ravens

"get your own ladybug!!!!!"
this was in science class
we're studying the moon
not ladybugs
in short, what the fuck

Deleted user

"Logan's one cape away from being a supervillian."
"Bitch i already am.)

@Pickles group

"Vlad would bathe in his enemies blood-"
"So like a hot tub? But not."

"COMMUNISIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

Sometimes I fear for your peers

Deleted user

(Me and two of my friends did a duet of Sincerely, Me. Nuff said.)

@Mojack group

knocking at locked door
“the other door is OPEN”
knocking continues
someone walks to door and opens it
“The other door was open”
“We didn’t feel like walking to it”
“You didn’t feel like walking 5 steps?”

@ravens

knocking at locked door
“the other door is OPEN”
knocking continues
someone walks to door and opens it
“The other door was open”
“We didn’t feel like walking to it”
“You didn’t feel like walking 5 steps?”

me

@galaxyunicorn-is-in-love-with-starry

Most of these involve my friends S and C, so hopefully you remember them?
Also I’m just typing these as I remember them, so they may not all be in order
————
S: Save the food, not yourself! Food is important! You’re not!
C: Can that be my senior quote?
————
S is hugging C, and C doesn’t like it
C: If you don’t let go of me in ten seconds I’m going to cut your arms off
S: continues hugging
C & me: 10…9…8…7…6…
S: still hugging
C: 5…where’s my knife? searches through backpack
S: keeps hugging C
C & me: 4…3…2…1
C: Ok pretends to saw off S’ arms
————
“The more I read stupidpeople.com the less straight I become”
“One day I’ll be reading stupidpeople.com and I’m just going to turn into a rainbow”
(don't remember exactly who said these, but it was something S, C, and I were talking about)

————
The other day in social studies, we just had our last test of the year and we didn’t have anything we needed to do, so we played Uno. It was a loud and overly dramatic game of Uno. We had this rule where if you said uno and you had more than one card, you had to draw two cards. For some reason, one person (let’s call him Z) was just going, “Uno Uno Uno Uno Uno Uno Uno Uno Uno Uno Uno Uno” and just picking up cards until he had a lot of cards. Then this other girl, (her name also starts with C but I can’t call her that or she’ll get confused with my friend C. What about CE for her initials?) Then this other girl CE just lost her sanity at Z going like “Uno Uno Uno (etc)” just like, idek how to explain it without you being able to see me. Ok I really can’t explain it but yeah, that was our social studies.
————
The other day a classmate, lets call him O, brought a bag of mannequin heads to school
C: Why do you have a bag of mannequin heads?
O: Why not?
————
At rehearsal (theatre)
CH: walks in the room
J: points to CH You’re a person

The same day they were also talking about how we should have Afros and roller blades in the show, which takes place in the 1800s, not the 80s
Once on this Island: 80s Edition