William entered the dorm but froze when he turned around and found Amber sprawled on the couch, her eyes covered by her arm. His gaze softened considerably. She had been waiting for him, he realized. Of course she had. He took a step closer, wanting to pick her up and carry her to her room when he the dark smudges on her cheeks. Tears. She had been crying.
It felt like a punch to the gut. Amber was crying, and he knew it was because of him. He had done this. He was hurting her and he hated himself for it.
He bent down next to her, thumb reaching out to caress her cheek, biting down on his lip as he noticed how fresh her tears were.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered as he moved to pick her up. “I’m so sorry, Blue…”
Amber stirred when she was shifted. Her eyes slowly fluttered open, showing her a blurry picture of her boyfriend. Was she dreaming? They had t been this close in… Well, it had at least been a few days.
She made a soft sound and blinked up at him, clearly confused. "Will?" she mumbled, her voice soft and hoarse from sleep. "You're home…"
“I’m home,” William murmured, slowly picking her up in his arms. He pressed her close to his chest, lips burning to kiss her on the head. Or anywhere. He fought against it. “Sleep, Blue.”
“Mm-mm… No, we need to talk,” Amber murmured, yawning. She turned to bury her face in his chest, wanting to stay with him forever. “You were— yawn —were late… Didn’t know if you were coming home…”
“I’ll always come home,” William promised, holding her tightly. “Maybe late, but I’ll always come back.”
He sat down on the couch, her on his lap as he held her close. He didn’t want to let her go—not now. Not ever.
Amber loosely wrapped her arms around him, her eyes half-closed. “Good… I would be sad if you didn’t come home. I want you to always come home… Home to me…” she mumbled before yawning again and scooting down to bury her face in his stomach. “I’d miss you.”
“I always want to come home. To you, in your arms,” William answered quietly, running his fingers through her hair, gritting his teeth. “Blue… I think we should talk…”
“In the morning… Sleep, Will. And don’t you dare try to leave me,” Amber yawned, already falling back asleep.
William didn’t know how long he sat there, holding his girlfriend in his arms. Finally, he stood up with the intention of leaving her in his room. But at the last second, he turned and entered his own room. He set her down on the bed, pulled the blanket over her and slid in next to her. He pulled her into his chest, legs tangled, and pressed a burning kiss to her neck.
He didn’t think they would do that again after tomorrow.
Amber woke up the next morning in a very familiar spot with very familiar arms wrapped around her. She sighed and buried her face in William’s chest, not wanting to get up. The sooner she woke up, the sooner this would have to end. And she definitely didn’t want that.
William stirred from his sleep, opening his eyes and blinking. He looked down at Amber, who had her head buried in his chest. He sighed, pulling her tighter towards him. He didn’t want her to wake up—not yet. He didn’t want to have that talk.
Amber fell back asleep no long after that, and this time, she didn’t wake up until about an hour later. She sighed and tightened her arms around William without opening her eyes. Maybe if she jus pretended to sleep they wouldn’t have to talk about this. It was going to be so hard…
William pressed a kiss to her forehead, rubbing her back gently.
“Good morning,” he uttered out softly, his voice raspy from sleep. He didn’t loosen his hold on her. If anything, it only tightened. “Did you sleep well?”
Amber pulled away just enough that she could look at him from sleepy eyes. “Yeah, I did, I guess,” she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. “What about you?”
He caressed her cheek, pressing their foreheads together.
“Yeah,” he answered quietly. “Best sleep I’ve had in days.”
Amber hummed and closed her eyes again. “Can we just stay here all day?” she murmured. “I don’t want to get up…”
"I'd like that," William replied, running his fingers through her hair, kissing the top of her head, her forehead, her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Blue. I'm so sorry…"
Amber took his face in her hands, effectively stopping him from peppering her with kisses. “Shhh, hun… Just… Let’s enjoy this, yeah?”
William breathed heavily before nodding, closing his eyes and touching the hands cupping his face. He wanted to kiss her. Badly, but he swallowed the desire. He wanted to spend today with her like this. Just wrapped up in her embrace, feeling her breathe, feeling her heart thumping in her chest. Feeling just her.
“Yeah,” he agreed to her request. “Let’s enjoy this.”
Amber moved her arms to wrap them around William tightly. She buried her face in his chest, taking a deep, shaky breath.
“I don’t want you to leave me…” she murmured finally, her voice so quiet that it was barely audible. “Don’t. Don’t leave me. Please.”
William tensed, his eyes opening. He tightened his hold on her waist, a sorrowful look on his features, her words like a sharp knife. His heart clenched painfully in his chest.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered, forcing the words out. “I just—I can’t. I look at you and all I can see is your terrified face the first time I hurt you. And after—after seeing her again, I realized how… dangerous I am. I don’t want to put you in a situation like that… I can’t.”
“William, please. You know what I’ve been through. I know what you’ve been through. We can help each other. I— I don’t want to live a life without you,” Amber whispered hoarsely, looking back up at him with sad eyes.
“I wanted to hurt her,” William admitted, adverting his eyes, shame creeping up at him. “Badly. If my father hadn’t stepped, I would have. And I wouldn’t have regretted it. And I started thinking—what if one day I do that to you? What if I hurt you, what if I become a monster in your eyes? And it’s driving me insane. I can’t do that. I can’t stay. Not the way I am right now.”
“You would never be a monster in my eyes, Will. Never. I don’t believe you would ever willingly hurt me. And even if you did, I know you would feel awful about it. I know that doesn’t make it right, but I do know it’s the truth,” Amber murmured, cupping his cheek again with one hand. She tilted his face so he would look at her again, biting her lip for a moment before gently kissing him. “I’ll miss you. A lot.”
William’s eyes closed as he kissed her back, all the need and days of barely touching slamming out like water in a dam. He kissed her fiercely, pushing against her before he lessened the force of his kiss, lips moving against hers softly.
“I’ll miss you, too,” his voice broke, but he didn’t care to cover it up. “So much. Your smile, your laughter, your stupid, annoying self. I’ll miss all of you so goddamn much.”
Amber went weak with the sudden force of the kiss, though he softened it not long after. She sighed when he pulled away to speak, resting her forehead against his.
“I’ll miss this… I’ll miss watching you play, seeing you get jealous over stupid things, bothering you until you push me against the wall to kiss the life out of me. Gosh, I’ll miss you…” she whispered, feeling hot, wet trails go down her cheeks.
William shifted until he was on his back and she was on top of him, reaching out to wipe her tears.
“I want you to know that every minute I spent with you, I cherished them all,” he told her, looking right into her eyes. “And I did not, and never thought of, ever use you. I want you to remember that you mean a lot to me, that there is no one else I’d rather have in my arms. I want you to take care of yourself. Don’t drink. Live life happily, like you deserve to. Keep on smiling, Blue…”
Amber closed her eyes, letting another few tears drip down her chin. She slowly shook her head before opening her eyes, which were still brimming with unshed tears.
“It’s going to be hard… Gosh, it’ll be so hard to do this. Again,” she murmured, her voice slightly hoarse. “I don’t— You were the one who kept me from it last time. I don’t know if I can do this without you…”
“You can,” William said, wiping her cheeks again, this time kissing her softly. “You don’t give yourself much credit, but you can. You can fight it. You don’t need me to help you do it. You’re so much stronger than you think you are.”
Amber reconnected their lips again, pressing into him. “I’m going to miss you so much, Will…”
