forum Abandoned and Alone | Open

Started January 17, 2019 by @Knight-Shives group

tune

"Selfish. Selfish?! How am I being selfish?! I am risking my life for everyone here!" Jordan snarls at them, "And I'm not being a hero. No one no matter how bad they are deserves to live here."

"You don't understand… man why did we even drag you into this.." They ran their fingers through their hair, grumbling under their breath.

"Yeah. Why did you?" Jordan walks briskly to his bunk. He swung his legs up on itand rolls on his side facing the wall

Kale let their composure falter and knots formed in their chest and stomach. "You're not the only one who needs company." They slowly exited the room, dragging themselves down the hallway.

Jordan raises his head slightly but the other was gone. He snarls and his head falls back against the disgusting mattress.

Kale stood by the large barred window at the end of the hallway in silence, until falling deep into thought. How can someone be selfless enough to give themselves up for the sake of others, yet selfish for not thinking about their own safety. I don't understand how other people process their thoughts, and I suppose that's why I distanced myself from everyone other than Jay. Oh god, what if they catch us escaping? I'd never forgive myself if Jay got hurt, he doesn't deserve any of this. And why was I stupid enough to let my guard down ant tell Jordan what was on my mind? My sanity really must be fading… They were completely unaware that they had started singing and that they were crying.

Jordan could hear singing down the hall. He sighs exasperatedly. He had never heard a song from outside this place. He never knew what it was.

'I mean, how hard can it be to actually express thoughts and feelings like a normal human being? Everyone else seems to do it just fine, so why am I different? Why do I know so much about other people yet never show them I care, is there something wrong with me? Why don't I feel like smiling all the time like I did with mum and dad? It would be wrong to blame their death for this change in me, but… What am I even thinking anymore? I just want to get out of here, and I'm taking Jay and Jordan with me, whether the latter likes it or not!'

Jordan stuffs his fingers in his ears at the noise. His breath was becoming sharper as his PTSD was starting to kick in again. He could remember that day still. It started with, what he presumed was, his mother's singing. Then flashes of lights and screams and loud popping noise. Jordan began rocking back and forth again, curling into a tight ball, his hands over his ears

(Side note: The song Kale was singing was Fire on Fire by Sam Smith.)
Kale abruptly stopped, caught off guard by their tearful reflection in the window. They swore at themselves before the clock chimed for tea time. They returned to their room to quickly throw water on their face. "I can't let people see me like this… I should probably apologise to Jordan.."

(Oh ok. I'm listening to it now. It's a good song)

Jordan chokes as the flashes intensify behind his eyes. He looks up into the barrel of a gun.

He jumps and sits up with a harsh yell. He breaks into tears and hugs his knees. He could still see the bodies beside him. He touches his forehead where, hidden in his hairline, there was a bright white scar. He flinches at the sound of a distant pop and blinding pain

Kale heard a harsh yell from down the hallway and instantly ran towards it. They found Jordan in tears and felt another knot form in their stomach. "Is everything okay? What happened? Did someone hurt you? I swear I will beat up whoever did, no one touches my friends."

Jordan looks up with a feeble smile, "It's nothing don't worry about it. I'm surprised you came running. Usually others are like, 'Damn. It's that crazy cry baby again." He chokes and coughs on his sobs. He rubs his forehead again

"It's obviously something if you're getting upset about it. It's to do with your past." They hesitantly sat at the foot of Jordan's bed. "And of course I came running, as I just said, you're my friend now."

The word rang in Jordan's head and his eyes contract, "No. It doesn't matter to you. You should have just ignored it." He was now feeling a bit guilty.

"Sorry but 'ignore' isn't in my vocabulary. In case you haven't noticed I know things about everyone in this building, and you don't get that kind of knowledge from being ignorant." They smile softly. "If you don't want me prying into your life then I wont, but I am here if you need to talk."

Jordan was silent but sits up straight and pulls back his bangs. They parted slightly along the bright white scar, "I was shot in the head at the age of five. Please don't call me Harry Potter."

Kale pressed their fingers to their lips in thought. "Wrong type of scar but okay. Why were you shot?"

"Wrong type of scar?! Excuse me?!" He barks, dropping his bangs, "People can still live with a bullet through their head! I'm living proof!" Jordan didn't hear the last part of the question.

"I meant- Never mind, sorry." They averted their gaze to the floor. "Why were you shot?"

"I don't know. I was five. They got my mom, dad, and my mom's sister. And then tried to kill me but… Like I said. Do NOT call me Harry Potter." he snarls, playing with his pant leg absently.

They shrugged. "I wasn't planning on doing." Kale quickly reached out to push Jordan's bangs away with their hand, and stared at the scar with curiosity. "It's remarkable how you survived that, it must have been a quick procedure to remove it with little to no internal damage."

"I had a bit of trauma but that was quickly fixed. I have a plate over the part of my skull that is smashed by the bullet." He keeps his hand up near his bangs but doesn't touch them. He flinches a bit at the contact.

"I see why the trauma has stuck with you, no child, no person, should ever go through that." They remain fascinated by the scar, since they've never actually seen a scar up close before.

Jordan was silent. He looks down at his hand. He shrugs, "I can still remember it as if it just happened."

Kale rubbed the back of their head with a soft chuckle. "That is usually the idea with PTSD." They smiled. "I wish I could help, but I'm no doctor y'know, all I can offer is my support."

Jordan looks up, "Support. Well that's the first." He looks back down again with a small smile. He pats down his bangs again over the scar

Kale huffed, crossing their arms. "Don't make me think twice about being nice, I'm not there for just anyone y'know. Only Jay and you."