"We can listen to A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, just we have to be careful and listen. Whenever Brendon makes a sexual reference or swears, we can yell 'CHEESE WHIZ!' In Ryan Ross's honor!" -My girlfriend in gym, when I brought Pretty Odd, and we got super depressed
Me: IM NOT A BALDING OLD MAN
Friend 1: How are you not a balding old man?
Me: I’m a 13-year-old girl with hair!
Friend 2: Are you assuming her gender, age, and hair level?
(This is kind of an everyday thing. It’s pretty much every day that I have to remind my friend that I am NOT a balding old man)
"What the fuck!?"
"OMG SHE SAID WHAT BEFORE THE FUCK!"
"Ah, fuck."
"Hey! Don't say the fuck word."
"What's in your pants?"
"Oh just your cut off d*ck"
"Thanos is a Teletubbie."
"She's right, but she shouldn't say it."
During a game of mafia Friend's Brother: "And Tony Stark saves himself, because he's a selfish jerk."
(They have a very fierce Cap VS Iron Man rivalry)
"HE DIDN'T WANT TO DISINTIGRATE THE UNIVERSE HE WAS JUST JAMMING OUT TO HIS FAVORITE SONG!"
hey! he looks like a dooooooooor!
"Ryan I swear on the conchas in the cupboard I will rip each of your fingers off one by one if you make that crackling noise again." "En Español!" "Suck my dick Benjamin."
This was an entire conversation. I'm the one threatening Ryan.
(MOOD!)
"Studies have shown that two out of three Matts are tiny. The other, third Matt is football quarterback sized."
Ah yes, very true. I've known three Matt's, two were tiny, the third one is the size of Texas.
BRUUUUUUUUUUUH same!
lunch bell rings
Senior: What time is it?!
Every other Senior in the hallway: I T S T I M E F O R L U N C H
Literally didn't say anything but one kid in my english class (when i was in school because a bitch is homeschoolin') turned in a screenshot of the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the angels are playing trumpets with their butts instead of an essay on Jekyll and Hyde, and the teacher just shrugged and stuck it on the whiteboard. The kid got a B.
We were doing a unit on the 60s prior to reading The Outsiders and one kid played the trailer for the Pink Panther movie, except he hadn't watched it first, and there was a part where the pink panther was watching the film reel and the narrator goes "ARE YOU WATCHING THE BEDROOM SCENES?" and I've never seen a kid move so fast to turn something off in my life.
Random guy: Sorry about my friend, he’s gay
Other guy: Yeah, gay for you
Random guy: Shut up before I rape your non exsisting children
i took a class your mom
– me in german class
Me: Name an adjective-
“YOUR FACE IS AN ADJECTIVE”
~My brother, 2018
i rolled a 20 on the life
Me: Name an adjective-
“YOUR FACE IS AN ADJECTIVE”
~My brother, 2018
I love it. claps
"Even if you say you're straight, Your hair says otherwise."
Friend 1: (to me) You look like an 85-year-old
Friend 2: If she (me) looks like an 85-year-old than you look like a middle-aged woman having a mid-life crisis
Friend 1: You’re a mid-life crisis
"I just want all the condiments on my chin."
“nO NOT THE HOTDOGS! I WAS HUNGRY!
Someone: Bangs on the glockenspiel
Someone else: Starts adding onto it
Everyone else: Starts playing it and singing never gonna give you up
chick-chick-chicken
We have a guy in my jazz band named Wes-pacito because that's one of the few songs he plays on the vibraphone, and it drives everyone nuts. He knows that one, Crab Rave, the Jeopardy theme, and a few others that I can't remember the names of.
“OOOH, DEATH!!”
(And even better our teacher walked in when my friend said that) (it was indoor recess though, not class)
“They did surgery on a bee. It was laser eye removal.”
“I created a new child last night.” -me, talking about a new OC and not fully realizing what I was saying
“WHATS UP GINGER” -me again, to all of my friends who are not gingers
Me: Next week in art I get to do Alex (Fierro)’s favorite hobby.
Friend: Decaptitation?
Me: ….No, pottery.
Me: Next week in art I get to do Alex (Fierro)’s favorite hobby.
Friend: Decaptitation?
Me: ….No, pottery.
um yes
Okay so I haven't posted here for awhile but I gotta share an after school moment with my sibling:
Sibling- "No one wants these?"
Me- "…No."
Sibling- Slams fists down on jelly donuts
Me- Looks at jelly sibling got everywhere"Well… Now it looks like you murdered someone."
y would u not want the donuts tho