The look in the king's eyes made it difficult for him to decipher how His Majesty felt. He tried moving back as the king stepped forward, but his foot didn't dare to move at all. It is as if he were stuck there. His lips kept trembling as he managed to whisper, "Your Majesty….My words are nothing….but…the truth."
"They cannot be, I'm not…that is not…" Evander stammered for a moment, a blush rising to his cheeks. His gaze flickered away to land on a flower nearby, unable to meet Dacian's eyes.
"But they are, Your Majesty!" He swore. "They simply are for that is what I know because that is what my heart sees when I look at you." Dacian took a small step forward. His hand reached out, as if to touch the king's face, but he drew back. "They are true…."
Evander swallowed faintly. "It isn't…" he trailed off again, floundering in uncertainty about what to do in this situation, what on earth he could possibly say to Dacian. This wasn't something he had ever, ever been taught how to handle, especially not with all the extenuating circumstances.
Out of nowhere, he did something that he never expected himself to do. Dacian stepped closer towards King Evander then took the monarch's hands into his own. "Your Majesty," He whispered. "It is alright if you do not know what to say; you do not have to say anything at all. I will stay here with you unless you wish for me to go."
Evander stared up at him, letting out a slow breath. "Okay." He said quietly. "I'm sorry." His gaze flickered away after a moment, lashes brushing against his cheeks. "I wish I knew what to say, Dacian." But he didn't. He didn't know the right response, didn't know what he was supposed to do.
"You do not have to apologize to me, Your Majesty," He assured. A soft smile of reassurance spread across his face. His eyes lit up while staring back at the king. "Sometimes, one does not need words in order to communicate with another. There are countless of ways to without ever moving your lips." Dacian glanced down at their hands. He used his thumbs, gently brushing them against the sides of King Evander's.
Evander took a deep rbeath, gaze moving back up to Dacian, eyes searching Dacian's face. "Alright." he said in a quiet voice. "You're…sure about that?" he hated that he seemed to be so awkward about this but he didn't know how else to be. What he could possibly do.
Dacian nodded. "Of course, Your Majesty, and with the right person, they will pick up your signs and the meanings behind them," He said. Letting go of one hand, he used his other to help place the king's hand over his own heart. It rested on top as his heart continued to pound harder than a drum. "Please…..let me be that person for you, Your Majesty."
Evander's breath trembled for a moment. He wanted to. He wanted to so badly but yet…he closed his eyes. "I cannot." he breathed. "It's…I cannot." not "I won't". Not "I don't want you". But "I cannot". Because he couldn't. Not with the beast inside of him, not with how hard it already was, night after night, to stay in control and not let it out again. Not with how horrified Dacian had been to see the thing, how horrified Dacian would be to know its true origins.
The worry that was building up in his heart dissipated as his heart dropped. A blush appeared on his cheeks. Dacian looked down before letting go of King Evander's hand. His smile flattened, becoming very faint. Sure, he was not sure what to expect from his irrational actions. Confessing his feelings to the king of the country he is serving? Oh heavens. "I understand…." He murmured, walking a few steps back. After giving a bow, he added, "Please forgive me, Your Majesty." Taking a few more steps back, he turned and began to walk away.
"I'm sorry." he said quietly, hands dropping to squeeze each other in an almost anxious movement. "I…I hope I have not offended or hurt you." he still kept his eyes closed, head bowed faintly. He wished to the gods he could, but yet…he could not. He oculd not do that to Dacian, could not rope him to the beast like that.
Dacian stopped then turned to look over his shoulder. For a second, his eyes lingered while looking at the king. He sighed quietly while shaking his head. "There is no need to apologize to me, though I am grateful, Your Majesty," He assured. "Do not worry about me, I will be alright." He really did not want for King Evander to worry about him or to feel bad at all; it would make him feel even worse for admitting his feelings. Again, he took a deep breath, "I will stand by words though, no matter the time of day or when the seasons and moon change." His heart was pulling and tugging, telling him to try again, but he knew that there is not much he could do except to wait or to move on. And for the sake of his heart, he isn't sure what is better for him.
Evander's eyes flickered open and he studied Dacian for a long moment. "I'm sorry." he said again, pressing a hand to his chest for a moment and trying to comprehend the ache lingering there. He hadn't wanted to push Dacian away but he couldn't not. It was better if he did yet…yet he didn't want to.
Turning back around, he took another step then another after that. The king's words made him stop again. His brows furrowed. "Why?" He asked before facing King Evander. Dacian walked up to him then repeated, "Why?" Staring at the king's hand, he continued to take deep breaths. "Why are you apologizing to me, Your Majesty? You do not need to be sorry for this. I am sure you have your reasons; whether they be out of fear or the possibility that you do not like me."
He closed his eyes, shaking his head quickly. "Because I…" Because he wanted to say yes so badly but he shouldn't. He shouldn't and he knew that but gods damn him, he wanted to. He wanted to and it hurt that he couldn't.
"I beg your pardon?" Dacian looked at the king. His head slightly tilted while he observed him. There was hesitation that he could easily point out, but he was not really sure why King Evander should be this hesitant to him. Really, he should be the one to be stumbling over words with trembling lips. He gave His Majesty a little grin as he cupped the king's cheeks. "Your grace is immeasurable, my king," He cooed. "And yet…please do not waste your words in order to make me feel better. I will still stay by your side as your ambassador and friend. It is alright, really it is."
Evander kept his eyes closed. "It is only that, well, I…I cannot be with you like…like that. It is not…I cannot." he wanted to. "I would, if it was something that I could…if I were not who I am." he didn't know how to say it in a way that made sense, without giving away who and what the monster was.
Dacian still stared at the king, despite the monarch's eyes being closed. He wished that King Eavnder would open them, but at the same time, he could not imagine what the king was feeling. Another soft sigh left his lips. "It is okay, Your Majesty. I understand perfectly," He tried to assure. "I just…..I just…I just hope that my feelings and this moment do not complicate things between us, that is all."
"You don't understand, Dacian." the words were quiet. There was no venom behind them, no anger. "I wish you could, but things are too complicated. For me, for my country…" his words trailed off and he opened his eyes, turning his gaze to the palace beside them. "There is so much for me to shoulder."
He let his hands drop to his sides while taking a step back. Dacian tilted his head in response to what King Evander was saying. Just as the king looked over at the palace, so did he. There was nothing he could say at the time. The only thing that he did do was look over at the king with wide eyes. "I see….," He managed to whisper.
Evander's gaze flickered back to Dacian, and he bit his lip faintly. "I'm sorry." he said quietly. "I'm so sorry, Dacian, that it must…that I…" he couldn't quite meet the ambassador's eyes.
"It is alright, Your Majesty….." He mumbled. His heart started to sink deeply into his chest. Dacian shook his head as he started to blink very quickly. "I am not mad at you….There is no need to worry at all, I promise you that. Still I'll….I'll do anything for you."
Evander's chest felt tight as he stared at Dacian. He had not meant for it to be this way, had not meant to hurt Dacian. He bit his lip very faintly, unable to find any more words to say.
He held his hands in front of him while bowing. A few hair strands fell in front of his vision, but he decided to ignore them. Dacian forced a faint smile while glimpsing over at the king. "I apologize for this moment, Your Majesty. I hope that you will forgive me and we can move on from this," He said. Backing away he added on, "If you will excuse me, I must go.", then turned around and left the courtyards.