forum SHARE THE PARAGRAPH/SENTENCE YOU'RE MOST PROUD OF IN YOUR STORY.

Started May 12, 2020 by @Milani eco

tune

So I know that people are probably not going to see/like this but I do. it is actually my favorite sentence in the story I'm writing. I kind of like this one. (It's on Wattpad btw https://www.wattpad.com/858479330-lily%27s-one)

He inched closer to her. He reached for her hands and when she didn't protest, he held them.
"Yes And besides. It isn't her I'm looking for."
When she got what he was saying her face warmed.
"But you don't want me. You really don't. I'm not perfect."
"I'm not either."
"I am a messed up person."
"So am I."
"I cry over tv shows and books, and, and, and, and I have anxiety, and I overthink everything. Trust me. You don't want someone like me."
"Well, what if I do."
"You don't."
She shook her head and tried to convince him. In her eyes, she was too broken to be loved. She wasn't good enough. Not for him. He deserved the universe and she was just a little star.

Here's a random sentence I like.

The pain of the hurtling fist blossomed across his face like the blooming purple petals of an iris.

Gotta have it in my comic's format cause my writing skills can't match, here's one of my fav moments in my story. It's very sketchy and a tiny bit outdated in the style cause it's one of my earliest page concepts, but hopefully everything gets across

Ahh that's really cool-looking! I like your art style! ^^

Ahh that's really cool-looking! I like your art style! ^^

thanks! I'm excited to actually draw it but It's a long ways off… I think around book 3? tbh I probably sketched this instead of writing the first draft to get to this scene lol

Ahh that's really cool-looking! I like your art style! ^^

thanks! I'm excited to actually draw it but It's a long ways off… I think around book 3? tbh I probably sketched this instead of writing the first draft to get to this scene lol

Ahaha I know that feeling lol TvT I wish you good luck getting there!!

I like this thread.

I'm pretty proud of this, not sure where I'm going to put it but, I like it.

“Do you not feel the pit of dread weighing in your stomach, is the terror of what is to come lost on you? Am I the only one who sees this drifting of minds, this unfortunate separation of friends?”
“Perhaps you do not feel the impending farewell approaching as keenly as I do. Perhaps I have lost to many, perhaps I have relied too heavily upon our conversation and the utter joy speaking with you brings me. Or are you blind to it? This sad fate that befalls all but the most unlikely of friendships. I fear the divide, I fear drifting too far out of reach, but perhaps that is something you do not fear.”
“Am I alone in fighting the severing of ties who does not wish this to go the way of many other relations. Am I the paranoid fool screaming at the sain, or am I the berrar of warnings that fall on deaf ears.”
“I fear few things but this I fear most keenly, that you and I will go our separate ways without a fight to remain together. It seems you are intent of seeing this fear come to pass.”
“I once thought that perhaps we could remain bonded for much longer. That somehow words carved into stone could be erased and revised. I suppose such a thing is impossible in your eye’s, it is that very thought that makes them unachievable.”
“Is it possible you do not wish to be here, that your heart and mind rest upon distant horizons where no responsibilities can follow.”
She was quiet when I asked this, She and I knew the words before they were spoken, that did not lessen the blow, or the pain that ripped through my consciousness as they were uttered.
“You know that this has long been my desire, I will not pretend otherwise.” Not a trace of remorse could be seen on her face, no hint of the same pain I felt reverberating in my chest. The pain I no doubt wore on my face, a banner of despair.
“ I will not force such impossible wishes as mine upon you then. I release you from all obligations, Be free My love, remember this burden no more. Though I ask you remember the joy. For I hope that you will find no regrets.”
There was no reaction from her face, still as if carved from stone it was as I turned away. I did not turn to witness the tears that fell from her eye’s as I walked away.

These are the first few lines one of my stories, "This Is Where the Hero Lies."

“You don’t know where we are, or where we’re going, do you.”
Teus didn’t like to cause conflict, but he was done to the point where he knew he wasn't asking questions; he was stating facts, though this was one that Cassius would surely deny.

Springheart opened her sparkling violet eyes, she looked around to see a beautiful and wide moor land that stood before her. Heather and tall grass swayed gently in the wind. Springheart felt her paws tingle in excitement, she felt like a newly made apprentice going on a first tour of their clan's territory. The lake reflected multiple different colors as the sun began to rise. The stars began to disappear, fading into the sky. Springheart sat down, her tail wrapping around her paws as she watched the sky turn from a deep orange and red to a vibrant lilac and pale blue. The wind kept a steady breeze as the queen watched the sun rise and the faint outline of the moon disappear like the stars.

Also, yes it's mc-freakin Warrior Cats–

She’d chosen the location because it was where she had put the flyer. The time she’d picked because by then it was dark, even in the California summer where the sun made an inconvenient guest of itself, lingering far enough past when anyone would care for, long enough for people to exclaim, year in and out, as humanity changed and the sun did not: “Days are so long this year!” Of course, Anthem Judas had never considered being afraid of the dark. It was an easy place to hide from the very things that fed on it.

Ladios froze, his gaze staring wide-eyed at the horizon, but staring unseeingly. He felt the waves of pain and grief wash over him, his body convulsed to meet each one.
DeVaughn was gone, his light smothered by death’s empty darkness. All he had left of him was the fading image in his mind.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fully see his face. Like a ship straining to see the sun in a storm, he desperately searched for a picture of his face in his memories. None came. All he could remember was the brightness of his green eyes, the details of his face were gone, like him.
In despair, Ladios pressed his face into his hands, as close as he could get it. No, no, no, he lies, he lies!
His head shook back and forth incredulously, gaining speed as he fought against the truth.

I'm proud of a lot of the action sequences in my story, but here's one paragraph from a high stakes sail:

“ARE YOU MAD?” Professor Woods howls from somewhere on deck.
I see his tweed for only a second, flared in the wind near a port cannon. Before my eyes can focus, I am blinded in a flash of white light, fire, and dust. All is quiet. Deafeningly silent, like how I imagine the end to be. I blink the black blur from my eyes. As colors return to my vision, there is movement from all directions. I hear nothing but a faint ringing, though mouths are shaping words, the cave ceiling is rippling, and a cascade of stalagmites is staggering downwards and plunging into the rapids, stirring great waves that engulf the deck and drain away through the scuppers. Before us, the wall crashes down into the water, and whatever doesn’t sink sweeps away. The ship rises on the resulting swell, and I look up. Straight up, while the ship shakes like a wet dog, to see the tip of the main mast drive against the cave ceiling and snap.

• "The line between suicide and sacrifice is thin, yet no one dares acknowledge it."
• "They say legends never die." Thaddeus's eyes gleamed with an emotion Sparrow had never seen come to life before. Flames danced in his irises, his pupils deep tunnels that showed no light at the end, and the whites were bathed with the shadows of the cave. Frankly, it scared her. "They're right," Thaddeus spat into the dirt, gripping his staff and using it to pull himself from the floor. "We suffer."
• "Loved." Rune's voice was thick as she spoke, her crackling voice going through Sparrow's ears for the first time since they had encountered all those weeks ago. "Loved is the saddest words to ever leave someone's lips." Silver eyes traced the moon, lingering on the stars and getting lost in the inky blanket of night. "For it means that a feeling once so powerful and true had died. Shriveled or shattered, it makes no difference. Loved means that you went through pain, means that somebody let you down, means that you let yourself down. It means that some of you died with those feelings." The woman blinked, a iridescent tear falling from the corner of her eye. "Loved means pain," She whispered, her voice breaking near the end.
• "Sometimes you must abandon your past for a future." The princess looked painfully nonchalant, as if plotting to kill the Queen was a normal topic for her. "Sometimes you have to kill it yourself. Watch the life leave the eyes of a life you were assigned, sever the remaining ties with the bloodied knife." Her hand dropped, fingers red and raw from picking at hangnails. "And I'm not afraid to do so." She turned on her heel, diamond white hair whirling around her head and boots clicking as she left Rune on the balcony.

Spencer hated the first time his lips touched Wilbur’s.

He had imagined, in the moments he allowed himself to imagine, something peaceful. They’d be at home, comfortable, perhaps they had something to drink. Inhibitions lowered, their hands would brush, their eyes would lock and…

Or perhaps after work. Adrenaline rushing through their veins, still high from the thrill and it would be too much to hold back. They would meet halfway, pressing up against the wall and…

But not this. Never this. Spencer hated it. He hated it. They should have been at home, not there in that fucking alleyway, cold and alone with the sound of gunfire still echoing in his ears. Spencer tried to count: "28… 29… 30… Come on Will, breathe for me!"

*If y'all want to critique it, go ahead

Great opener ngl

Random dialogue snippets said by my gods:

• Solizha: "I will never back down when it comes to them. I will never let you harm them, why? Because I care for them in a way you couldn't even fathom. Yes, you may be all powerful, but that doesn't mean you're all knowing. You don't know a single thing about love, and that, you conniving snake, will be your downfall."
• Hyo: "Mortals are boring, ya' hear? They live their short, meaningless lives in fear of the inevitable. Death, famine, war, hate, blah blah blah. It's pointless. What's the meaning of their lives if they can't live it for us?! We'll never experience what they do and what do they do with it, they cower!"
• Geobi: "Without challenge there is no achievement. You all must understand that."
• Caliga: "No words you'll say will get under my skin. Why? Because my skin is made from the smoke of your offerings and the tribute of your lies, dear. You created me."
• Daedra: "Mm. Fascinating. You've done something I've never seen in the millenia I've lived. Consider that an accomplishment, child."
• Aarion: "Shh, please don't cry. Hey, you'll be okay. See, it'll all be over soon. Once it is we can spend all day playing in the field, alright? Yeah, just hold onto my hand… It'll be over soon."

here's a paragraph from my book that I'm sooo proud of :)

“You okay? Kaiden asks, sitting on the bed as I lay down. I sink into the mattress, a soft murmur escaping me. It’s been years since I’ve slept in an actual bed, “you seemed kinda off out there. Alex, too.” his voice is gentle, calming, “Is it Daniel?”
I nod, turning away from him, “Yes…no?…I don’t know, just this whole situation is doing me in: First, I’m on the run from Caitu, which, come to think of it, I haven’t dealt with one in, like, two days…anyway, while on the run from Caitu, I find out that a ‘ chasing after me has some connection to you, I’m the long-lost princess to a kingdom I legitimately have no memory of; plus, on top of that I find out my parents are still alive, get knocked out by a fog that apparently can talk, wind up in a ward, and now we’re in an inn with two strangers, one of whom is possibly flirting with me! Nope, scratch that, Daniel Finnigan is definitely flirting with me,” I freeze, realizing what I’d just said, putting my head in my hands, “Ugh, see? It’s all too much!” I sit up, turning to face Kaiden, who, miraculously, hasn’t said one word this whole time, “ Okay, look: I know it’s late, so you probably don’t wanna listen to me right now, but I just wanna say that you are my best friend…I know, mushy, but it’s so true! Kaiden, I have no idea how, but you saved my life…twice! I couldn’t do that if I tried.”

This is dead but I'm bringing it back because I'm bored and I wanna share some of my favorite bits from my story that I'm desperate to share with the world
TW: blood, attempted murder, freezing to death/hypothermia, and descriptions of violence

Felix walked to work. It was a new habit, brought on by the new need for a smoke in the morning. He stowed his guilt away with his lighter as the smoke hit his throat. It may have been an irresponsible use of an already tight budget, but he dealt with it by not thinking about it. He’d yet to be caught smoking by anyone who’d be angry, and the excuses felt a lot nicer than the truth.

He looked out the window as Steven reluctantly got back into bed, the setting sun hidden behind the clouds, staining them an ugly greyish orange. He pictured Benji, out there, alone, and his heart ached.

Or was he alone? Suddenly the mental image of his brother huddled under a tree had a shadow cast over it. Benji’s eyes peeked through his fingers as he stared up at the person in fright. His red sleeved shirt seemed redder, and there was a dark pool spreading around him. Would he be attacked with a knife? As if a picture was being painted by an artist as Felix focused on it, Benji’s skin began to split, blood splattering from cuts that hadn’t been there a second ago.

Or maybe the murderer preferred a blunt weapon. Bruises formed under the cuts, green and purple and no matter how Benji curled into himself, the bones were breaking, and now his eyes were stained pink, flicking away from the shadow and looking at Felix with a silent, desperate plea.

Felix staggered back in horror, almost falling as his hand caught the bedside table. The feeling of smooth polished wood under his fingers reminded him where he was, and he blinked. The sky would only darken. And every second he stood still was another second Benji was in danger.

At least he’d left the wind behind in the bog. Now trees loomed up all around him like the bones of a hollow rib cage, and the air was still, though the cold didn’t go away. He looked down at his hands, and they were bone-white. He tried to move his fingers, but they seemed disconnected from his body, refusing to do as he asked.

That's fine, he decided.

He was woken by a car’s engine, rumbling down the road. For a minute he was confused, but then lights passed over the log he huddled behind. He watched the trees in front of him brighten, the fog pooling from his lips outlined in gold as it curled away. Memories came back in bits and pieces. The killer. The bog. The truck.

He found me.

"Treat the seven deadly sins like a bucket list, toots."

He did not like the idea of fate.
He knew too well the strings that pulled him through a life that was not his own.
He loved others but knew that they were not his to love.
He made choices knowing they were the same as the ones before him.
He existed knowing he was only the replica of the many before him.
He despised his fate.

It's the first paragraph in my "maybe it will be written" story :>

Idk if I'm proud of this but its the first line of the book so between editing, recording for my podcast, and editing the recording, its absolutely hammered into my brain: The bleeding sun set in tumult of fire, staining the ocean crimson red.

Suddenly the lady yelled, making Lisha flinch.

‘Why can’t you just S̵̞̘̯̃̈̀̍͋̄́̈́̕t̷̢̧͇̭̝̺̣̭̜̞̞̯̫͛̋͆̑̈̏̌̾̌̀͘͠͠͝Ḁ̵͙̰͍͖̖̦̟͙̜͖̺̓̍̔͛̇̐̓̓̄̕͝y̴̨̲̥͋̾̄́̄̚͝ ̵̧̨̠̭̯͇͑̎̋̔͊͘͘Ŝ̶̯̯̻͓͎͓̣̝̩̣͖͗͜t̵̖̣̰̣̙̮̺̝̀̍ͅḮ̵̢̢̫͔̜̦̝͈̦̤͙̦̳̖͎̈́̀̌̎͊͘l̵̲͚͇̮̳̞͚̝̽̅͂̃̃̔̋͗!̶̩̯͈̘̰̔͆͆̆͆̉͊̇̎ͅ you, BRAT!’

With that, the ladies body mushed up into a jelly like form and turned into somewhat a tiger. But its teeth were sharpened and there were rows of them leading through to its throat. Its stripes almost jumping off its body turned themselves into daggers as it yelled into the orange and yellow sky.

Lisha’s eyes went wide as she wasted no time running in the other direction. She looked back to the beast but never ceased her running, the tiger-like beast had grown a third eye at the top of its head but its other two were closed. The third eye looked at Lisha and the beast’s other eyes opened. As it screams made Lisha flinch, light appeared from all 3 of its eyes.

What happens in the end

As she noticed a cliff up ahead, she looked back. It was a distance away from her, but not enough to be safe. She raced towards the cliff, she started to slow her pace. As the tiger came closer to her, she got closer to the edge.

She ran to the edge and just as the tiger leaped at her she turned quickly the other way, making the tiger fly off the mountain. As it fell, it screamed out. Lisha, overwhelmed with joy, ran to the cliff to confirm it’s death. How she wished she didn’t… She saw all its injuries heal like nothing.

Lisha went pale as the animal grew wings and flapped them hard. She began to back away from the edge in fear. She heard the flapping of the wings, how hard it was. Any more force would break the air, it could break physics itself.

As it flew up past the mountain, Lisha stood there. No intention of moving. The tiger stopped and turned its head in a 360 towards her. Lisha clearly heard the snapping of its neck and saw the blood dripping down its wings. The tiger roared at her, baring its thousands of teeth at her and its claws went sharp.

As it flew away, it snapped its neck back into place. As soon as it was out of sight, Lisha ran into the forest once again.

He realized this shortly after Robin moved. Nothing was as good as it was when he was there. Sitting under the tree felt weird. Lemonade was never as refreshing. Laughing felt empty. Nothing was the same. All of a sudden, Oscar was broken out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. He jumped up to open it, and when he got to the door, he was highly confused. There stood a tall, blonde man. He had amber eyes and dusty skin, peppered with freckles around his eyes and nose. "Do I know you?" Oscar said dejectedly. He looked just like Robin. He couldn't be. Robin was in Florida How many people did he know that had amber eyes though? The man laughed. "Know me? You grew up with me. Hi Oscar. Is the tree okay?" Oscar's heart dropped, as did his composure. He broke down in tears and hugged his childhood best friend. "Robin!? I thought you were in Florida. Come inside, come see the tree. It's grown a lot" Oscar said, releasing his hug. Robin smiled. Oscar had grown a lot too. Not height-wise, but he was still obviously older. His hair had gotten darker, almost black, and his feature less soft and more worn. He was cute. They got to the tree and sat under it, Oscar had poured two cups of lemonade, made exactly as it was when they were kids.