forum Want me to critique anyone? I'm game

Started March 06, 2018 by @@Rubyjane

tune

@Lightningclaw13
This is what I would add more detail to.
Her hair color
body type
everything in nature
Oh and I didn't mention this before, but her backstory was nice. I hope this helps a bit more!!

@Ruby jane
Thank you! That helps so much!

@LYNNNN
Name, no middle or last name? But since she is a robot I guess she might not have one…
All of nature I would add more detail, even for a robot she should probably have a bit more personality
maybe more background if possible

hello! could you please critique mine? i feel like something's missing from his personality but im not quite sure what it is Invalid Character

@petal piñata
First off, wow. I wish my characters where as detailed in their personalities as yours is.
Just a few things:
What are these unhealthy coping mechanisms he has?
Does he always deal with his problems in a childish manner? Why?
No backstory at all? I'm sure he has to have one somewhere
Why doesn't he sleep?
So he seems almost to childish, but at the same time i'm not sure that is the word for it. Most children aren't cranky all the time.
His good qualities seem to be that he is brilliant and occasionally thoughtful/kind. Maybe elaborate on that more(he is also seems to be a good writer, but I think you elaborated on that very well).
Also you have all of the sections you made, maybe fill those out a bit more, that might help. I just noticed that a few of them were blank

@Ruby jane thanks for the critique! he does have a backstory, but i haven't gotten around to writing it here because initially it didn't make much sense. i'll fill out the other categories i made and i think i should elaborate more on his behavior, like you said

once he's been edited, is it ok if i show you the updated version so that you can see if it's any better?

@petal piñata
Great! Of course its ok, I would love to see it!!

Here is my child Lucas. Thank you!!

@TheMusicalVampire
This is random, but I like your user name…Ok so Lucas(randomly I have a character named Lukas)
Hair color, is it like carrot red? Deep auburn?
So mannerisms, what does he do when he is scared, angry, depressed, happy?
Very few people only have one flaw, is he childish, immature, does he have anger issues?
Personality type, does he like being sarcastic? (some people view it as a flaw, others as a gift)
Ok so politics. It's great that you have thought all of that out, but he's thirteen. I mean most kids of that age that I know really don't care about all of that, although I do think it's perfectly reasonable that there certain ones that hit close to home and therefor he would have an opinion on.
He seems to have had a pretty upsetting childhood, did anything good happen to him?
Hope this helps!!!!!!!

@@Rubyjane
Thank you for your critique!! I will work on some of these things!
EDIT: Also, I forgot to thank you on the complement!! Thank you!!

I'm glad I could help!!

So I have been working on this character for a while but I have recently writer's block and have made no progress.

Kai
Does she leave her hair down? Pull it in a ponytail?
If she is 6'0 she is a bit underweight, but you probably wanted it that way
Does she do anything when she is excited? Happy?
What's her personality type?
What kind of mental problems?
Why was she living with a murderer?
Very interesting character!! I hope I was able to help!!

Can you help me out with mine? Kioshi and Aimi are my main focus though, please and thank you! https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters

@Ozera Katara
I'm not able to view your character. Is it on private?

I'm unsure. How would I check?

When you edit a character, right near the save button there are two other buttons. Click the left most button (A circle connected to two others) and you should see the privacy settings.

Ok thank you, that was very helpful. Ok, hopefully this works: https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters

I just don't understand it, it still won't open to your character page. It only opens to my character list. I'm so sorry I don't know what to do!!

I don't know either. Last try but with only one character: Invalid Character

Hey it worked!! I'll critique when I get done with homework!!

Ok lol, last one I'll send is his future girlfriend's (Aimi), her sister (Ayaka), and Nozomu (all from same story).
Aimi= Invalid Character
Ayaka= Invalid Character
Nozomu= Invalid Character
Thank you and good luck with your homework!

@Ozera Katara
Kioshi:
What shade of blue is his hair? Electric? Baby blue? Light blue? Royal?
What metallic metal? Silver? Gold?
Maybe add more detail to his personality type, some of his mannerisms can probably go under personality in addition
HIs backstory seems very interesting, try elaborating more? I would love to know more
Aimi:
What shade of blonde is her hair? Dirty blonde? Bleached?
Hot pinks eyes, really interesting! Very different
Is it possible to be both republican and democrat?
Again, maybe a bit more backstory?
Does he cat have a name?
Ayaka:
Any more detail on her eye color?(use same suggestions from Kioshi)
Maybe add more to her mannerisms and personality?
Again, a bit more backstory?
Nozomu:
Maybe add a bit more to his nature
I like his relationship with Ryoko its so sweet sounding
Back story is interesting!

Thank you, I'm adding it now. I'll send links once done plus one more character.

Kioshi: Invalid Character
Aimi: Invalid Character
Ayaka: Invalid Character
What more could I add to Nozomu's nature?: Invalid Character
Newer Character; Mikay: Invalid Character