Sena: When’s your birthday?
Vic: Why, so you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?
Charles: Elle, you have a good heart.
Elle: Aw, thank you–
Ernie: It's super annoying.
Lev: I have never been in a snowball fight.
Diane: Really?
Lev: I do not even know the rules. Is there a point system, or is it…to the death?
Tristan: In Scooby-Doo, secret tunnels are always behind shelves and shit.
Guy: Could we not base our decisions on what does and doesn't happen in episodes of Scooby-Doo, damnit!
Rosalie: Why are you late?
Cliff: A, uh, technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness.
Rosalie: Overslept?
Cliff: Overslept.
Stan: Gosh, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff!
Andreas: Ah, that was all real.
Stan: Wait, you were actually gonna kill us?!
Andreas: Well, if I am going to be sacrificed, I am going to do it right.
Clyde: Alright, so the vampire's gravestone is—
Everett: Cenotaph.
Clyde: What?
Everett: It's only a gravestone if it marks the location of a body. A monument honouring someone whose body isn't present is a cenotaph.
Jane: I'm… not sure that's how it works if the body gets up and walks away on its own.
Everett: There's a precedent for gravestones being reclassified as cenotaphs if the body is later removed and reinterred elsewhere. There's no rule that says the body itself can't do the removing.
Clyde: Okay, but the body is very much coming back. That's kind of what we're here to accomplish.
Everett: So it's a temporary cenotaph.
Clyde: And naturally our greatest concern here is avoiding semantic ambiguity.
Everett: Semantic ambiguity is how we get you.
George: When I get Doordash I order like twenty burgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times.
Jenn: I hope you understand how food poisoning works.
George: I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger I couldn’t eat.
Charles: Sometimes I like to call people by the wrong name to show them I don’t care about them.
Ernie: That’s brilliant.
Charles: Thank you, Orville.
Roy: So, which of you is the older twin?
Orville: It doesn't really matter. We're twins, we were basically born at the same ti–
Anna: Me.
Lev: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit. Fruits that do live up to their names? Orange.
Orville: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.
Andreas: I think you need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.
Stan: I think this message is extremely valid, but also Andreas has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?
Andreas: I want to set it off.
Orville: As usual, the Harrier is here to save the day!
Anna: And, as usual, the Kestrel has to hear about it.
Josie: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?
Stan, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?
Junie, whispering: Because I have little hands.
Stan: Because Junebug has little hands.
Bruce: Cliff, you're such a genius!
Cliff: Yes, I know.
Rusty: …So basically, they're just boys with cat ears. Do you think that truck honking at us is coming down this lane?
Dean: Don't talk to me, I'm counting gravel.
Bonnie: Sorry I'm late. I turned the shower on and started chomping at the water like a dog.
Kara: I do not have this "tinnitus", I have an angel in my blood and she likes to sing songs for me, okay?
Sy: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material.
Moriah: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.
Charles: Ernest. One of these pictures is of your room at the brownstone, and the other is of a dump in the city.
Ernie: That one's the dump!
Charles: They're both your room.
Stan: Now, I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Helseth? You're a damn cactus.
Mitch: Can you cut me some slack, Thom? I’m sort of in love.
Thom: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.
Mitch: I’m in love with you.
Thom: Oh. That…brings me in the loop, a little.
Leo: Woah! That's the longest worm I've ever seen!
Marco: That's a snake.
Charles: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Kara: I would say infinitesimally.
Tommy: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.
Marco: Mei, look, I didn’t know Mike was coming over. I always ominously clean my assault weapons on the coffee table like that. It had nothing to do with him.
Stan: Ow!
Charles: What’s wrong?
Stan: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.
Charles: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.
J.H.: You really don't know what propaganda is, do you?
Ernie: Ain't it when a British person takes a good look at something?
Andreas: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.
Helen: And I need you to be less vague and weird.
Rosalie: Your lab is in the bathroom?
Cliff: The boss says this is the perfect place for my work, and–I’m just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary.
Daniel: Define “dream”.
Andreas: Dream - the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works.
Bonnie: Not what he meant, Helseth.
Lev: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Diane: Okay.
Lev: And make out during the scary parts.
Diane: The scary parts. Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl?
George: Two years ago, I married my best friend.
George: Her brother is still mad about it, but me and Mei were drunk and thought it was funny.
Tristan: You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?
Guy: Eat a nickel.
Tristan: A reminder: you have retained all your skills and memories.
Guy: Eat a nickel.
Tristan: Okay.
Carlita: Who do we know that has handcuffs?
Roy: Well, Anna and I-
Anna: Elbows Roy
Roy: …wouldn't know.
Jenn: We wouldn’t last two minutes without George.
Jenn:
Jenn: Don’t tell him I said that.
Guy: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in?
Tristan: What's the taser challenge?
Nora: We tase each other and then we drink soda.
Tristan: How do you win?
Guy: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?
Kara: So what's the plan?
Elle: I'll think of something. It's like jazz; we'll just vamp!
Kara: "We'll just vamp" is not a plan!
Val, rushing into the room: God, everything's just terrible! I can't do this anymore!
Katharine: Valentine, it's okay, sit down. George, can you get him some water?
George: The hell is he gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank God, the water’s here”!?
Jenn: Do not ever come over to my apartment. If it's on fire you may knock once, and if I don't answer, assume I set it myself.
Helen: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Andreas: Which one? I struggle to do both.
Charles: Andreas isn’t alone. He has us.
Tommy: Yeah! Even when he wants to be alone, we won’t let him!
Andreas: I do not do…teamwork.
Stan: You are literally on a team.
Andreas: I also do not do consistency.
Jenn: I thought we were watching a movie. What is this?
George: I forgot to pay my internet bill, so we've gotta watched my Godfather poster instead.
Ximena: Serving cunt or cerving sunt?
Thom: What?
Anna: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this?
Stan: You're one bad day away from becoming a costumed villain.
Michio: Lights a candle
Andreas: Sitting at the table, eating bread
Michio: It’s four in the morning.
Andreas: Put that out.
Rosalie: You know that feeling where your heart skips a beat?
Cliff: That’s called arrhythmia
Rosalie: I get that feeling every time I see y—
Cliff, now very concerned: You can die from it.
Marco: I know we don‘t always see eye to eye on things…
Mike: Why? Because I'm blind?
Marco:
Mike:
Mike: Okay, continue
Kara, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?
Bonnie: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.
Kara: Ohhhh-
Ethel: Both of you, get out of this kitchen.
Stan: Sometimes I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
Jenn: I can't take you seriously wearing that.
George: You don't take me seriously at all.
Jenn: Fair point.
Ernie: Talk dirty to me, Mary~
Mary: The dishes.
Ernie: Wh-
Mary: They’ve been there for four days and it’s your turn to wash them. You still haven’t cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.
Mike: I feel like I've died and gone to heaven.
Marco: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.
Charles: I couldn't do this without you, Carlita.
Carlita: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.
Andreas: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.
Bonnie, pointing at her chest: We can't lose. Because we have this.
Daniel: We have heart?
Bonnie: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to kick their asses.
Stan: On the count of three, what’s your favorite cake?
Stan and Josie: One, two, three-
Stan & Josie: Chocolate cake, peanut butter frosting, and chocolate chunks!
Roy: Our turn, Anna! One, two, three-
Roy: Spice!
Anna: I’ve never had cake before. What is cake?
Charles: Roy…
Roy: Oh no, 'Roy' in B flat.
Roy: You're disappointed.
Michio: Do you even have a plan?
Orville: This is the plan! I break you out, chaos, destruction, something something something, we win!
Michio: Oh, of course, the old “something something something we win”. That’s a terrible plan!
