forum Would anyone be willing to critique my characters?
Started by @Ariavaana
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@Ariavaana

Hello!

I was hoping to get some critique on two of my characters, Eilore and Araite! For some context, they are sister Goddesses who work on Earth and were created by The Goddess of Life. They have a brother named Nyaery, but his character profile isn't complete just yet (feel free to check it out tho :P). Also please note the magic system I use is called Kilotai! You don't have to read that section because its pretty lengthy and confusing, but if you would like to be my guest! Thanks a lot :D

The Goddess of Time, Eilore: Eilore

The Goddess of The Sun, Ariate: Araite

(Forgive me for spelling mistakes I tried my best <3)

@ninja_violinist

oooh this looks like such a rich and thoughtfully crafted world!!! very intrigued by the concept of gods who have to master an existing force and take charge of it to control it 👀 there's so much lovely detail in here, so much to learn about the worldbuilding from the way the characters interact with it, so that's really well done!!

Eilore - my personal favourite of the two!! her aesthetic is excellent, and I love the complex set-up of "I hated this but now I will be the best at it to gain approval of someone I respect and am loyal to but whose true nature I also want to protect everyone else from" - there's so much potential there for really complicated interactions!! I'm also super interested in her dynamics with her siblings - they're the only ones she's kind of on one level with, but there's also the rivalry with her brother, the need to be the best, what I assume was some frustration around 'he just clicks with the thing I spent time trying and failing to connect with' (re: the moon), and then Araite who just wants everyone to get along but Eilore is gone a lot. idk there's so much set up there that I think could really work well in a story setting!!
if you wanted to flesh her out more, which I think really depends on the role she plays in the narrative tbh, you might like to think about

  • how far would she go/has she gone to achieve her motivations, and is there anything she wouldn't do? if separate motivations came into conflict (her love of her siblings vs her loyalty to the goddess, for example), which would she prioritise and why?
  • does her perception of herself match what she's really like? how or how not? could that impact her interactions with others?
  • are her prejudices ever significantly challenged? how would she respond?

but yeah, honestly it depends on if and what kind of arc she has, how it all fits into your story, etc. she's definitely well-developed as is!

Araite - also a really interesting character!! I'm particularly 👀 at the yearning for connection, with her siblings and family and through watching humans - it gets addressed, but she feels like she could be quite a lonely figure. generally the vibe of being envious of what humans have is a really interesting and cool aspect of her character. also I love that she tries all kinds of things that she ends up being mediocre at, and how she initially lacked motivation at all, and what a contrast that is to Eilore with her need to be the best at the singular thing she thinks she was intended for. Also very interested in her being proactive to be allowed to love and have kids!!
if you wanted to further develop her, I'd probably suggest taking another look at her flaws - not because she needs more per se, but because I think a really interesting method of characterisation is seeing if any of her other characteristics can be taken to an extreme where they become flaws, if that makes sense. So for example, we know she longed for family and wants them to be together - could she react excessively negatively when disagreements pop up because she desperately wants everyone to get along? we know she can be envious of human connection - would she treat someone unfairly because she's jealous? we know she started out lacking motivation to do things - could this mean that she's sometimes passive even when she should be doing something important? just some things to think about, if you want, and if it's relevant enough to your story to bother with haha. and I guess you could ask similar questions to the ones about Eilore - how does Araite view herself and does it match with what others think of her? what would it take to push her too far, and what would her reaction be?

@Esther-Finger-Chicken

Hi @ninja_violinist, Im editor sorta/ best friends with the author :). Your feedback is AMAZING!!! There is a scenario where Eilor must choose between the Goddess of Life and Ariate, she chooses Ariate and puts her self at jeopardy to do so. It was an emotional scene for Eilor because of how disappointed the Goddess was in her. I really love your thoughts on Ariate, it would add so much character to her personality. Taking the cheery and family girl, and making her have control issues and problems with reality. It would make sense with her childhood and we will make sure to add it into the story! Thank you for all your help and ideas.

  • Whatever you want to call me lol :D

@Ariavaana

oooh this looks like such a rich and thoughtfully crafted world!!! very intrigued by the concept of gods who have to master an existing force and take charge of it to control it 👀 there's so much lovely detail in here, so much to learn about the worldbuilding from the way the characters interact with it, so that's really well done!!

Eilore - my personal favourite of the two!! her aesthetic is excellent, and I love the complex set-up of "I hated this but now I will be the best at it to gain approval of someone I respect and am loyal to but whose true nature I also want to protect everyone else from" - there's so much potential there for really complicated interactions!! I'm also super interested in her dynamics with her siblings - they're the only ones she's kind of on one level with, but there's also the rivalry with her brother, the need to be the best, what I assume was some frustration around 'he just clicks with the thing I spent time trying and failing to connect with' (re: the moon), and then Araite who just wants everyone to get along but Eilore is gone a lot. idk there's so much set up there that I think could really work well in a story setting!!
if you wanted to flesh her out more, which I think really depends on the role she plays in the narrative tbh, you might like to think about

  • how far would she go/has she gone to achieve her motivations, and is there anything she wouldn't do? if separate motivations came into conflict (her love of her siblings vs her loyalty to the goddess, for example), which would she prioritise and why?
  • does her perception of herself match what she's really like? how or how not? could that impact her interactions with others?
  • are her prejudices ever significantly challenged? how would she respond?

but yeah, honestly it depends on if and what kind of arc she has, how it all fits into your story, etc. she's definitely well-developed as is!

Araite - also a really interesting character!! I'm particularly 👀 at the yearning for connection, with her siblings and family and through watching humans - it gets addressed, but she feels like she could be quite a lonely figure. generally the vibe of being envious of what humans have is a really interesting and cool aspect of her character. also I love that she tries all kinds of things that she ends up being mediocre at, and how she initially lacked motivation at all, and what a contrast that is to Eilore with her need to be the best at the singular thing she thinks she was intended for. Also very interested in her being proactive to be allowed to love and have kids!!
if you wanted to further develop her, I'd probably suggest taking another look at her flaws - not because she needs more per se, but because I think a really interesting method of characterisation is seeing if any of her other characteristics can be taken to an extreme where they become flaws, if that makes sense. So for example, we know she longed for family and wants them to be together - could she react excessively negatively when disagreements pop up because she desperately wants everyone to get along? we know she can be envious of human connection - would she treat someone unfairly because she's jealous? we know she started out lacking motivation to do things - could this mean that she's sometimes passive even when she should be doing something important? just some things to think about, if you want, and if it's relevant enough to your story to bother with haha. and I guess you could ask similar questions to the ones about Eilore - how does Araite view herself and does it match with what others think of her? what would it take to push her too far, and what would her reaction be?

I AM SO HONORED OMG!

First off, thank you so much I was worried no one would respond because it had been a while since I posted it, BUT THEN YOU CAME IN AND GAVE ME SUCH AN AMAZING RESPONSE I AM SO HAPPY!!

Okay firstly I would love to answer your questions personally (in addition to making some edits to their profile ofc)

Eilore:

I'm SO GLAD YOU LIKE HER! Her place in the story is a bit distant at first, but towards the end she becomes an important character. My main character (Kaizhu)'s goal is to kill the Goddess of Life, and as her guardian, Eilore is a big obstacle. Their is also additional strain because:

  • Nyaery helps Kaizhu constantly throughout the plot and follows him on his adventure

  • KAIZHU IS ARIATE'S GRANDSON. I'm not sure if you remember, but Hailoh is Ariate and Tygio's daughter. Kaizhu is Hailoh's son.

So yeah a lot of tension and morals, especially between Nyaery and Eilore. It's supposed to be a representation of loyalty.

Ariate:

BRO YOUR IDEAS ARE SO GOOD.

I did imagine her to react negatively with arguments (specifically between Eilore and Nyaery) but more in the way she tries to distract from the argument with other topics. Their is also a lot of tension between her and Tygios because he was only revived as a gift to her, so they didn't have a connection in the usual sense. They care about each other but theres a big gap, and Ariate becomes very irritated if anyone brings this up because she has this perfect picture in her head, so she ignored the flaws.

If she is jealous of a human but she wouldn't react in anger but more so be extremely sad and compare her life to others. More like: "Why couldn't that be me.."

While shes not motivated in many things, when she IS motivated she fights for it like it would kill her if she didn't. For example, she is motivated to keep Nyaery and Eilore happy together, she tries really hard to figure out how to do this without upsetting either of them further.

Anouther example, when she gave birth to Hailoh, and she wasn't a god (she was born an angel) she stormed The Palace, had a (while admittedly short lived) fight where she injured Eilore. She was extremely upset because her daughter was stripped of her birthright as a god.

And lastly, I mentioned in her profile that humans favor her out of the three siblings, humans depict her as a divine, graceful and beautiful goddess who is motherly and calm. In reality though, she is quite clumsy and anxious and can be very angry at times due to not knowing how to handle her emotions.

I HOPE THIS HELPS! AGAIN THANK YOU!!

@ninja_violinist

oooh I'm glad it helped!! they're such cool characters and they play off each other in such interesting ways!!! and klsdjfdslkfjsd all the implications of Ariate's grandson being on a quest to kill the Goddess of Life?? amazing. showstopping. it plays into their dynamic so well.
all the best with your writing!!!