Started an idea for a personal project. Anything helps! (I will add more as I go on!)
Looking around, Lincoln had found himself surrounded by space. Was this a dream? Or perhaps a nightmare? There was no telling. Everything looked so beautiful. The stars, planets, comets, and everything in between.
“Don’t turn around.”
The voice had ruined the silence of space. A shiver was sent down Lincoln's spine. The voice seemed so close yet so far. A million voices that joined to be one. He turned around to see… nothing? What was that all about? He turned around but suddenly, he wasn’t surrounded by stars anymore. There were eyes. So many it seemed that they trailed on forever.
“Don’t try to scream. No one can help you here.”
Lincoln just staired, too stunned to move. Lucid… No this has to be a dream. He felt a thick darkness start to surround him. He was no longer floating through space. Now, he was falling through darkness. The eyes followed him, even looking like they got closer the farther he fell. “WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!” Lincoln cried, but nothing seemed to help.
“We will always be here. Watching.”
Light filled the dark void surrounding him, the eyes now disappearing one by one.
Lincoln opened his eyes. He was awake now. He wasn’t in bed… He was falling.
I haven't written in a while so This is a breath of fresh air.
ok, first of all, I don't know how long you are planning on making this, and without much of the context im not really sure what is going on. That being said I think the idea could be good, but, (and I have trouble with this on occasion as well), the dialogue could be improved. specifically, I think you want to consider the role the voice(s) plays in the story. like if they are a mysterious character then maybe make it sound like it is observing the character from a distance, make the voice sound weird. on the other hand, if they are holding Lincoln captive, I would make them sound, well, pretty much how you made them sound. idk, just something to think about.
ok, first of all, I don't know how long you are planning on making this, and without much of the context im not really sure what is going on
I don't think it be too long. A little longer than a short story maybe?
That being said I think the idea could be good, but, (and I have trouble with this on occasion as well), the dialogue could be improved. specifically, I think you want to consider the role the voice(s) plays in the story.
I understand what you're saying. I was going for a nightmare feel though. The voices, not taking Lincoln captive but it's more like they are observing. Just… They want him to know that they are there. Maybe there's a way I could expand on it?
Ok, in that case I like it so far. In terms of expanding, the first speaking part might do well with an introduction or something, maybe like a "hello", or sound like a laugh or sigh to set the mood?
