forum Tips for writing a character with social anxiety?
Started by @WhiteLighters group
tune

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@Exis

Oh boy, well, I can only offer advice based on my own experiences, as I struggle a lot with social anxiety, myself, but hopefully this will help a little!

I think the biggest thing, for me at least, is to consider that not everyone with social anxiety is BAD at talking to people. I'm oftentimes terrified at the prospect of talking to new people, to the point where I can feel all the blood rush to my face and I can hardly keep track of what I'm saying. But friends and family who've been with me in scenarios like this tell me all the time that I'm good at holding a conversation. The best way for me to put this into terms for someone who might not have it is—have you ever written an essay for a class where you just sit down and words pour out and the whole time you're thinking "Man this is actual crap, there's no way anything in this is going to make sense–" and then you read it back and you're like "Holy crap am I a genius or did a demon writer just possess me out of pity for my english grade??" It's kinda like that feeling, except add in some adrenaline from your brain perceiving to be in a dangerous setting, and you're all good to go.

Furthermore, not everyone with social anxiety is an introvert. It's a common correlation, but I'm an extrovert and suffer from social anxiety (which highkey sucks 'cause then I feel all lonely all the time, wanting to talk to people but feeling terrified of it at the same time). I actually just learned this recently (wow, thanks random TedTalk!), but I think it's a pretty important distinction when you're writing a character with social anxiety.

This is all pretty general stuff, though, and you said you were unsure of how to write some aspects of your character? If you help narrow it down, I can give some more input!

@WhiteLighters group

@Exis Thank you so much for replying! Here are some factors that may make a difference

-This character is usually pretty nice to others and has about 4 other people they usually hang out with, and their all pretty close
-This character is romantically interested in another person, and they were previously in a toxic relationship a few years before hand, so they are pretty apprehensive
-This character was always pushed as a kid to be quiet and obedient as they could be and were taught to never question
-They are supposed to be huge contrast to one of my other characters
-This character is an adult
-This story is in a modern and realistic setting if that contributes anything
-They run into some issues with their toxic ex in story

@Exis

Hmm, well it seems to me like this character may potentially struggle more with PTSD than just clean and cut social anxiety. While anxiety is a symptom of PTSD, it's a lot harder for me to predict how a person would react to situations that might be triggering without having experienced anything like that, myself (thank god for that, though).

I think the best advice I can give, if this is the case, is to examine what their triggers are and go from there. What kind of toxic relationship was it? Does yelling, obvious manipulation or attempts to control immediately make them think of their ex? How do these things impact them in her day to day life? And if a trigger of theirs is, for example, yelling, then you could try and find a way to incorporate how their social anxiety stems from their fear (even if it's irrational) or someone raising their voices in an interaction with their.

Hopefully that helps, unless I was wildly off about the PTSD thing. If I was, then I'll just add a couple more things real quick—

The biggest, absolute BIGGEST side effect of my anxiety (or possibly even the root of it) is overthinking. The more I consider how a situation could play out, the more apprehensive I get until I feel physically sick (I get stomachaches as a side effect whenever it's particularly bad). Sometimes I even start to hyperventilate, although that's on a really really bad day for me. Note that the severity of my anxiety also depends on my circumstances, like hygiene, for example. If I haven't showered in a couple days (gross, I know, but depression, man ) and have to go out, I'm ten times more likely to feel anxious about it. I'll wear baggy clothes and tie up my hair and do anything to hide away from anyone who might be watching. Meanwhile if I showered that morning or worked out or something, I'll feel more confident and my anxiety is a lot less likely to spiral out of control in those situations (although also keep in mind it never really goes away entirely). This also applies to what I'm eating and occupying my time with. Like, I love writing, but if I'm ever spending more than an hour or two a day hiding in my room scrolling through Notebook, it means I'm probably in for a rough time when I actually have to leave my house.

Looks at the clock. Huh, kinda like I've been doing all this weekend. Anyways—

That's everything I can think of at the moment. I'll come back and add more if I remember anything helpful!

@Katastrophic group

That is an awesome rundown of anxiety, I have many of the same experiences. The thinking too much about something going to happen? Yeah that's fun. I got a few more things so you have more variety than one person tho:

  • Friends are not exempt from anxiety. I still have moments where I have anxiety and think about how I butchered a conversation or misinterpreted a sentence with my long time friends.
  • I have trouble going places alone, like finding classes on campus or going to the store alone (thankfully practice makes it easier). There's just too many things that could go wrong or require asking someone for help. Like trying to get an item in the store and someone's just having a conversation in front of it? well, hopefully the item's not that important
  • I personally have trouble remembering things. My anxiety makes it so I more or less zone out when very anxious, so like when giving a speech. I can barely remember what I said unless it was a stumble or a part I missed, then those things are amplified and mess with my head.
  • I deal with a sort of 'sensory overload' when very anxious or low on energy (introvert social battery is a fun theory and way of explaining it, but like Exis said, not all socially anxious are introverts). This means everything seems very loud and crowded. Being in a busy store in a state like this is a nightmare, it makes me very tense and exhausted after. Even sometimes listening to my roommates talk can be very grating and head-achy at times when it's bad. Luckily they get it and don't bat an eye when I shush them a little, they just roll with it and try to talk at a quieter tone and it helps. (something to keep in mind, if the friends of your character are close, they can help! Even without knowing the full of it, if they notice a trigger or a mood they can adjust to it)

Hopefully this helps a little! I can answer/give more as well if you need, but it might be a little bit between my replies.