forum I need some writing help. If anyone’s willing to help and has something to share, please help me out, I’d really appreciate it! (If you think it’s too late, it’s not, I need all help I can get!)

Started June 05, 2023 by @IamNOTachickenok

tune

Hey, hey, hey!

So, I’ve finally gathered the courage and motivation to start writing a draft of a book idea I’ve had for a while…but I need help coming up with one specific detail.

So, my character was bullied severely as a child (like, in elementary/primary school, generally grades K-5) which formed a disorder within her.

Luckily, I never was bullied too severely myself. But, that leaves me unsure how to write realistic bullying. (Not going for Disney channel vibes of bullying…self explanatory)

So, I was wondering if people (I’m hoping for at least a few) who come across that were bullied as a child and would be willing to share their stories so I can piece together how to write her being bullied realistically. (And if you have any suggestions on how to write it that would be awesome)

I won’t directly copy anything. This is just for learning and figuring out how to write this.

Thank youuuu!

Ok so, bullying! I have… experiences.
Don't really want to get turbo personal, so I'm just going to have some general stuff to help out.

• If you include a scene of the bullies pushing a character into a locker, I'm going to come to your house and spill milk in your fridge. Unrealistic, overdone, and I can't even think of an elementary school with lockers.

• I can't really see elementary school kids getting violent with their bullying. Punches, hitting, all that stuff would be rare, honestly. It's more mental and verbal stuff like name-calling and being treated differently.

• Kids are unfiltered! Kids will say their mind with no remorse and not understand how they made someone mad. Verbal bullying should be pretty much expected – rumors, insults, threats, that kind of stuff. Even if it's not intentional, kids are kind of really awful at keeping things quiet.

• Does the victim know that they're being bullied? If they are, why haven't they told an adult? Were they threatened? Did they already try and nothing came of it? Were they ignored by adults, too? And if the victim doesn't know they're being bullied, why is that? Are they convinced that this is normal? Were they told by someone else that they were fine?

At this grade level, it's mostly kids who don't know the full effects of what they're doing. I'd say stay away from actual violence unless it's supposed to be a really bad/poorly funded school. Give some reason why the victim hasn't asked an adult to step in. It's pretty annoying to readers knowing that a character could just ask for help, but they chose not to for no apparent reason.

Good luck with your writing! Hopefully a few other people here are a bit more open than I am, sorry! ^^;

Hello! I'm going to pop in and share my experience (this applies to around Kindergarten to about fourth grade-ish)!

When I was younger (kinder-1st), I mostly got picked on for being small, weird and sensitive. Maybe it was because I said strange things, would do anything to talk about owls, or because I cried a lot. I was often called weird and left out of activities. I got laughed at since I'd always trip or drop things, when the reaction when someone else would was far less extreme.

As I moved into later grades (2nd-3rd) I stopped crying as much. I started trying to please a little more, by saying things I thought was funny- which actually got me some strange looks. Everything I did was something to be scrutinized, whether or not it was normal. I was called weird, again, a ton. I was called a "cat" (as an insult) because I pretended to be one with other bullied kids.

At the tail end of the bullying (4th-5th), I was still weird and small, but made sure no one thought I was sensitive. I'd pick fights a lot. so many rumors. so many "secrets". One went around where people weren't supposed to talk to me- I never found out why (rumors and secrets are super common with kids, by the way)

The bullying sort of dropped off and disappeared after that, but it certainly stuck with me, and still is stuck with me. People-pleasing, fake confidence (that quickly became fake arrogance), self-isolation and assuming the worst about what people thought of me became second nature.

Also, people always said to just tell a teacher. To keep it brief, that never worked. By then I felt like even the teachers didn't like me. They'd tell the person to stop but it only made things worse.

Luckily, this has definitely improved over the years and I'd say the "aftereffects" have begun to fade off, little by little, off and on. I hope this made sense and I hope this helps, and this is only my experience! if anything doesn't make sense or something feel free to ask :) good luck!

Thank you guys! To answer Stub’s question about not telling an adult (referring to parents here)

She was the firstborn, and around this time a baby sister has arrived and, for obvious reasons, is high maintenance because it’s a newborn. In true oldest fashion, the main character feels guilty if telling her parents about it, + they’re too busy (they end up getting divorced, heh-) so not in the best place for the main character

(Also dear gourd no, lockers- choke flail)

Also Atlas, thank you for sharing your story! You said teachers didn’t help. Could you give an example or go further into it?

Also Atlas, thank you for sharing your story! You said teachers didn’t help. Could you give an example or go further into it?

The first couple times I'd told my teachers, the kid I'd had trouble with would get some kind of talk with me and the teacher. The teacher would say something along the lines of "I can tell you two are having issues", make us apologize/express that we understand what she was saying and then it's over within five minutes. It was nothing more than that from then on. One time I was told that they'd contact the kid's parents, but that never seemed to happen. The most effective method I remember was when a girl got a talking to, trying to get her to pity me or something along those lines. I only "tattled" about four times before giving up completely, because for the majority of the time I was hardly aware that I was being bullied because I never got hurt or anything. I just figured the kids were mean or something.

If anything, telling teachers made it worse, because rumors would spread again and I'd get called a tattletale or something, then everything would go right back to normal. By the way, I never told my parents because I figured there wasn't much they could do about it.

Also Atlas, thank you for sharing your story! You said teachers didn’t help. Could you give an example or go further into it?

The first couple times I'd told my teachers, the kid I'd had trouble with would get some kind of talk with me and the teacher. The teacher would say something along the lines of "I can tell you two are having issues", make us apologize/express that we understand what she was saying and then it's over within five minutes. It was nothing more than that from then on. One time I was told that they'd contact the kid's parents, but that never seemed to happen. The most effective method I remember was when a girl got a talking to, trying to get her to pity me or something along those lines. I only "tattled" about four times before giving up completely, because for the majority of the time I was hardly aware that I was being bullied because I never got hurt or anything. I just figured the kids were mean or something.

If anything, telling teachers made it worse, because rumors would spread again and I'd get called a tattletale or something, then everything would go right back to normal. By the way, I never told my parents because I figured there wasn't much they could do about it.

Ahhh! I see. Definitely noted.

i may be a bit late for this but i have a few, mostly neurodivergent/foreigner base bullying stories about me and my friend.

at the start when i first transferred, a few of the kids (i'll call them mich and chris) would say a lot of insensitive things, like asking if i was going to shoot up the school and apologizing with stuff like "im sorry, please don't shoot me" (im american btw).
later, chris had transferred away.

mich started doing weird stuff that i still don't understand, he would meow anytime i pasted him and call me "pussy cat" (direct translation) and then after that, a lot of other kids started doing that to.
sometimes when we're not allowed in class i'd draw in the hallway right outside, he'd stand right in front of me and ask random questions or just say stupid stuff in a condescending way, like "why aren't you outside" and "why are you so quiet" when i wouldn't answer (because i hate confrontation) he'd go over to his friends nearby and talk about how i was probably stupid or mute or something.
after a while it died down and their attention went back to my friend (i'll call him will/john).

they would misgender and deadname him a lot, they also called him pussycat and meow and stuff a lot, but i think the worst part was when they'd suddenly jump at him and yell, which triggered his ptsd and they'd make fun of him for it.
a few notable times would be i guess in math when we were studying in the library and they'd open the door shout out stuff while we were trying to work, and when he told they to stop and started banging on the door and doing inappropriate things. eventually he snapped at them and had a break down in the corner.

personally, i never told the teachers because will tried and they literally did nothing and give the most stupid advice i've ever heard, also i don't like most of the teachers and get scared of confrontation and rejection, and i think if i ever really went into detail about it people would say 'im overreacting' and 'it's not that bad so i should just deal with it'. (also literally the first day a girl took me to the side and said "nobody likes a snitch")

it's not much but i hope it helps

Clementine, thank you! adds to list ok! We’re starting to compile! And I’m so sorry that happened to you. Being bullied sucks. Haven’t had it done much to me, but it sucks when it does happen

Ok. I was bullied 5th-7th, so this may not be as accurate, but here goes. I will be focusing on 5th grade though.

• They will tease you over ANYTHING. I was wearing these silly stick on 100% emoji earrings, and Ian (I’m not bothering to change his name) called me 100% ugly.

• The teachers don’t care, especially if you’re neurodivergent. My actual classroom teacher actually joined in, calling me a drama queen when I was out of the room. I only know about this because my friend told me afterwards. They also told me to ignore them like it was my fault they wanted me to react. I couldn’t ignore them. And they acted like that was my fault. Lots of victim blaming.

(Credit where credit is due though: my school counselor believed me. She just didn’t have the power to do anything. She had no control over my IEP, etc.)

• Unlike what someone else said, kids in elementary school can get physical. (I imagine it’s less common in the earlier grades, but I can’t judge.) I had a boy throw a whiffle ball at me (thank you Emili for telling me who did it) and he shoved me to the ground when I told the teacher.

The worst part is, the teacher actually did send him to the office, but the bully teacher intercepted him (and “talked” to him.) so no punishment.

• They use your interests against you. My bullies would belittle Harry Potter (my hyperfixation at the time, yes I know JKR is trash) and just shout that at me during gym class. I still get mad thinking about it, and I don’t even really like HP anymore.

Hopefully my trauma dumping can be of use to you.

YESSS! Thank you. Trauma dump all you want. I'm so sorry this happened to you.