forum I'll critique your characters or give some advice about characters if you want that too

Started November 26, 2020 by @Jolyn

tune

Says it in the title, got a character to critique? I got you fam? Suck on how to edit your character? Also got you there

I already had Leo critiqued, but I'd be glad to hear your opinion, too!

could you please look at nabila and yannika please?? any and all advice is appreciated :D

(Sorry if any of these come off as harsh…)

@tomat First of all I love how detailed everything is! I really am able to know all the ins and outs of Leo which is really nice!

There are only two things i'd like to ask though, the first is that I'm a little bit confused of what exactly she is? Maybe I missed it but it seems really interesting and I'd like to have some clarification there. Secondly (and I may have also missed this part) what draws her to learning languages? Is it her learning about other cultures that intrigue her or even just likes the idea of learning about other people? I will say overall a really balanced character and apart from the two little things there isn't much I can really critique on.

@kingnocedas
For Nabila
I really like her character! I love her general attitude its really fun to read, the only thing I'd say is that her backstory feels a bit lacking in a way? I know a character profile written out of context from the actual story doesn't do it justice but maybe include more of what her home life was like, did anything happen that made her the person she is today? How did her parents divorce affect her? Just small things like that would be nice to read about.

For Yannika
One thing that stands out is why does she wear contact lenses to change her eye color? Does she not like her og eye color or just thinks its fun to have different color eyes? What got her into tennis? It seems to be a big part of her life so whats the story behind that? And last why was she in the foster care system? It wasn't extremely clear to me when I read through her profile

This is more of reminder then a critique but you have a fair amount of things going on with Yannika, she's trans, had a not so great childhood and also is on the autistic spectrum so please please please make sure you are doing a lot of research to make sure you are getting facts straight. I've almost made that mistake a few times when i was creating my own trans character so once again, do research, search up real life stories and experiences so you can decide how Yannika's story goes. If you've done a lot of research thats also good.

Overall both really interesting characters and hopefully my critiques were helpful in some way shape or form.

thank you so much for this!!! these two are the characters i was struggling with the most and your advice really helps! :)

Its not problem at all I'm happy to help! @tomat if you don't have premium just add a new section on characters that describes their race, at least thats what I do since I also don't have premium

Hello, this is my first experience using notebook.ai based off of a freinds suggestion and as is such putting Payton down was a bit of a challenge, as I’ve had a vague idea of his character for some time but no concrete base. Any critique, feedback, or critisicim would be appreciated. And apologies for ththe lack of a clean link I still don’t know how to format a link into a singular word, rest assured I will be attempting to find out how.

Payton: Payton 'Faker' Outlaw

Its all good if you don't have a concrete idea for Payton yet but I still get a fairly good idea for what his character is like from the profile. Anyways he seems like a really interesting character but two things stood out to me, the first is his job and the second would be the fact that he is a heavy drinker. As an assassin he would be exposed to a lot of heavy tasks of taking other people's lives and even if he becomes used to it maybe it would be interesting to look more into his mental state, maybe something traumatic happened on his first few missions and, leading in to the second point, gives him a reason to numb himself though drinking a lot. I mean being numb to death and killing in general is a very interesting idea so maybe exploring that aspect more if you haven't already, maybe even seeing if you can find stories or war veterans, people who suffer from PTSD, those who are ex assassins and how their lives have changed/their mental state. Just make sure to fact check symptoms so you can have a more clear story for Payton.

I know you said you have a vague idea for Payton but he has a lot of potential and a whole lot more room to become a really good character, and of course if you need me to help answer more specific question this forum isn't exactly going away anytime soon and I
l'll be happy to help!