forum Does this sound readable? Like would you read this???
Started by @justapettySlytherin group
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@justapettySlytherin group

Howdy!

I'm currently looking for critic readers on my novel, but I first wanted to see if the premise seemed interesting to anyone. So I'm just going to post what the book is about/ the whole what would be on the back cover kind of vibe. If it seems like something you would want to read, let me know, haha. If not, that's chill too.

Novel premise:

Eighteen-year-old Cassian Kasther, Heir to the sector Arago, is dead. He burned alongside his family in the accidental fire seven years prior. A new Crius, or leader, has since filled the shoes Cassian was once meant to. There’s just one problem: Cassian Kasther isn’t dead. And he’s intent on no one learning that, especially the new Crius.

The swearing in of this new Crius has brought danger to Arago. It also brought the invention of the Flower, a device capable of matching one’s blood to their identity. For seven years, Cassian has pickpocketed, blending in with Arago’s other criminals. It’s kept his identity, and his blood, away from the Flower. But following a set-up, Cassian is captured.

It soon becomes clear that this was no mere ploy to have him taken out. The new Crius is looking for a fresh assassin, and his current one, Prather, has selected Cassian for the role. With his only other option to remain in captivity to die, Cassian agrees to become Prather’s apprentice, vowing to ditch him later.

But things aren’t so simple (they never are, are they?). Prather seems just as trapped by the new Crius as Cassian is, and Cassian’s guard begins slipping like never before. With time growing short before he’s presented as the Crius’ assassin, and with the reintroduction of faces from his childhood, Cassian is learning that the past isn’t easy to escape. And maybe, just maybe, he never really wanted to do so in the first place.

@justapettySlytherin group

Country: Caschtalan
Sector: Arago
Status: Significant

It is with heavy hearts we announce the death of Taliz Kasther, the Crius of the Sector Arago. He, alongside all known members of the Kasther household, perished during the night through cause of fire. Although several Crius guards attempted to rescue Crius Kasther and his family, none proved successful.

While this event is a tragedy, all signs direct toward accidental causes. Due to the brewing storm that night, it is believed the household staff disposed of the fireplace ashes close to the home. As winds worsened, the fire’s remains were blown toward the Kasther household, where the embers quickly took hold.

In light of the unforeseen circumstances, and apparent loss of any and all Kasther heirs, the Head of the Crius Guards has been selected to reign as the Crius over Arago, under Her Sovereignty of the country Caschtalan, until further action is decided or all heirs are proclaimed dead.

May Piticus Daciana, Head of the Crius Guards, set aside his mourning to rule as Crius. May he serve justly, as Crius Kasther before him. May he lead Arago into prosperity.

Funeral services for the Kasther family will be held in one week’s time. The swearing in of Piticus Daciana will commence immediately after.

Country: Caschtalan
Sector: Arago
Status: Mandatory

Piticus Daciana, sworn in yesterday morning, has decreed his first order as Crius: the Flower.

The Flower will be a unique instrument used to keep Arago’s records. When presented with a citizen’s blood, the Flower will document it, technologically matching it to the citizen’s stated name. This device will keep an account of all residing in the city.

In one month’s time, the construction of the Flower will be complete. Following this, all populace of Arago are required by law to donate one drop of blood to the Crius guards for the feeding of the Flower. Per the Crius’ instructions, those who resist this action will have their blood taken forcefully.

The Crius wishes to remind Arago that the Flower is not a threat, only a way to better provide for the sector’s population.

May the Crius continue to reign with wise reason. May Arago continue to prosper.

Hail the Crius.

Feed the Flower.

Part One
Apprentice

Chapter One

Cassian ran. The two notices, shoved inside his jacket pocket, shifted against his beating heart. Focused on them, he nearly lost his balance on the roof’s sloping shingles.

Silently, he cursed himself. He didn’t know why he kept the weathered parchments. Neither was relevant now, both nearly seven years old. Even when he’d first ripped them off the wall of an alley, he hadn’t known why he’d done it.

Yet he had. And even after all the time that passed, he kept the papers.

They weren’t to remind him of the Flower; everyone in Arago knew of the device now. Most everyone had fed it, too. Piticus had made sure of that. His Crius guards had knocked on each door in Arago, pricking fingers, slashing skin, and taking blood.

All for the Flower, Piticus had said. All to keep the city’s order, though it seemed more disrupted than preserved.

The city itself sprawled around Cassian as he sprinted. The infrastructure was jumbled and compact. At its edge, he glimpsed the verdant, tangled greenery that extended beyond the eastern perimeter. Out of all the sectors in Caschtalan, Arago was the most jungled.

Following Piticus’ swearing in and the Flower’s release, some Arago citizens had managed to slip away into the jungle. Cassian didn’t know where they were now. He never got the chance to follow them, either. Piticus had constructed the new Crius household and grounds at the jungle’s threshold. It was a barrier, although no one specifically said so. Just as no one mentioned how the Crius guards were withdrawn from the scattered settlements in the jungle, rendering those there unprotected.

The warning was muted but lucid. Out of reach of Piticus and the Flower meant out of reach of safety.

Below Cassian, a shout rang out. He froze. He dropped to a crouch in the cover of a rooftop’s chimney, peering into the alleyway beneath him. His breath caught at the sight of the figure within.

Xio.

Xio had been on a mission for Ales, same as Cassian. He was undoubtedly out to steal a wad of money or a trinket of jewelry. Ales was a raven, really, with a want for anything that gleamed brighter than his eyes.

Cassian had never meant to get mixed up with him, but he’d been starving. Nothing he usually did had been holding him through. Ales had come to him, saying he didn’t have to pledge his loyalty. He only needed to do a few jobs when Ales needed them done. Thievery and the like. Nothing serious. Only enough to keep himself fed.

Cassian had known about Ales beforehand, of course. Anyone in Arago’s underbelly did.

Ales’ parents, once wealthy, had been hauled away like so many others when they resisted feeding the Flower. They’d hid Ales before the guards came, hoping to save him from whatever fate had occurred before the Pit. Their last words to him, or at least what Cassian had heard Ales mock through a grin, was to make a life for himself.

In a way, Cassian figured Ales succeeded. Though only a few years older than Cassian, Ales’ reputation preceded. Controlling the sector’s largest larceny organization was notable, in a his-face-on-every-wanted-poster kind of way.

Xio himself was under Ales’ control. He’d signed away his soul and everything. But he was lower in the ranks, stuck doing the same demeaning pickpocketing Cassian was.

Only Xio wasn’t stealing now. He was pinned against the alley wall, two Crius guards in his face. They hadn’t pulled out their ruyns yet, but their hands were inching toward the guns. They were shouting too. Cassian shrunk into the cool shadows, tracking Xio.

If he was frightened, he’d never have shown it. He couldn’t have. A loose, dark mask covered his entire head. Cassian had never seen what he looked like. He’d never spoken more than a few words to him, either. In fact, Cassian rarely saw him outside of Ales’ base; all of Ales’ employees were good at getting their tasks done unseen. Which is why Cassian was surprised to see Xio now.

He raised his hands, a golden watch clamped in his whitened fingers. He’d been caught stealing, then. The Crius guards ordered him to hand the watch over. Again. Louder this time.

Xio dropped it with a dull clank.

He was shaking now, scanning the alley for a way out only to realize what Cassian already had. One end was blocked off by stacks of crates, the other by the guards. They’d cornered him like a rat. He’d be taken to the Pit now for sure.

Xio looked like he might bolt. Cassian expected him to. And he might have, had one of the guards not ordered him to remove his mask.

Xio stiffened. The guard barked the order a second time. The other guard seized Xio’s arms, grabbing for his mask. Xio veered backward, and his eyes skimmed the rooftops. His gaze found Cassian, and Cassian’s breath halted.

Cassian raised a finger to his lips, noiselessly pleading with Xio to remain silent. If Xio ratted him out, that meant both of them would be sent to the Pit. It meant Cassian’s blood, leaking onto the sand, while he could still be alive to watch it fall. To suffer the consequences afterward.

As Xio raised his own hand, his finger moving toward his lips, the first guard reacted. Before Cassian could blink, the guard’s ruyn slid into his hand. The gun fired with a bang. Xio crumpled, his head knocking against the pavement.

Cassian grit his teeth, drawing further into the shadows. He gripped his chest, trying to muffle his thundering heartbeat.

“You weren’t ‘sposed to shoot him!” the second guard complained. “Just ‘sposed to take him to the Pit, throw him in with the others.”

“He raised his hand. He might’ve been attacking.”

The second guard shook his head. “Third time this week. The Crius won’t be happy.”

“The Crius won’t care. There’s a million more like this one. They’re breeding like vermin. Just help me get his blood.”

Both guards moved toward Xio’s limp form. They pricked his skin, collecting his crimson blood in a vial. One guard tucked the vial away, but the other remained squatted beside Xio, scrutinizing him.

“Kinda wonder what he’s hidin’ behind that mask. He was so set on keeping us off it.”

“Find out fast. We’ve got places to be.”

The guard freed Xio’s mask with a quick tug. Despite himself, Cassian leaned forward. Xio was young, younger than him and Ales. He had the same dark hair and deep bronzed skin as Cassian, too. But where Cassian had a nose, Xio bore two slits, scar tissue arcing over them.

Cassian’s stomach flipped. He’d heard rumors of Ales’ punishment to those who became too much of a threat, who started questioning his judgment, and this made those rumors real.

One more mission, Cassian promised himself. Just this one, then he was out. He was gone. He’d find some way to survive without Ales’ help.

The guard dropped the mask back on Xio’s face. It slipped off, but no move was made to fix it.

The guard’s companion raised a brow. “Finished?”

“Very. Got his blood? Good.”

“We’ll feed it to the Flower, find out who this kid was.”

Turning, they headed back down the alley.

Even after they’d vanished, it took Cassian a while before he stood. His legs were rubbery as he descended the roof. Glancing around, Cassian darted to Xio.

He knelt beside him, working swiftly. His hands flew into Xio’s pockets, taking anything of use. If he was truly leaving Ales, he’d need a way to survive on his own. As he did so, however, Cassian avoided looking at Xio’s face. The slits where a nose should’ve been glared up at him, trailing his movements.

At last finished, Cassian was about to rise when he paused. Xio’s eyes were still open, staring blankly overhead. Working without his will, Cassian’s hands slid Xio’s eyelids shut.

There. A peaceful parting.

A piece of Cassian, one he knew he’d never let himself acknowledge after that moment, felt the gunshot had been his fault. He’d watched it happen and done nothing. His guilt subsided, though, when he remembered that Xio, and any other member of Ales’ gang, would’ve done the same to him.

Cassian stood, starting for the roof, but something caught his eye. Between Xio’s jacket and shirt was a glisten of gold. Cassian bent down, nearly laughing at Xio’s final stand.

The golden pocket watch. In the midst of the guard’s harassment, Xio had stolen it again. Cassian’s mirth halted abruptly. It was only a matter of time before the guards realized it was missing and returned for it. Cassian grabbed it.

In his haste, his finger caught on the chain, snagging where one of the links had been pried slightly ajar. Cassian jerked back. His skin tore, a bloody bubble rushing to the surface. Hissing, Cassian jammed his finger in his mouth.

“No,” he muttered around it. “No, no, no.”

He eyed the watch. His blood hadn’t soiled the gold, only stained his skin.

Outside the alley, the guards’ exclamations arose. They’d noticed the missing watch. Cassian lifted it again, his finger still wedged in his mouth, desperate to keep the blood from splattering anywhere but inside it. With a final glance at the scene, he left Xio’s corpse in a dash.

Clambering back onto the roof, he didn’t slow his pace, knowing the Crius guards wouldn’t overlook his presence a second time. The two notices rustled together as he ran and maybe, just maybe, Cassian realized why he’d kept them.

They were wrong. At least, in part. The Kasther household had burned, and Crius Kasther had died, but not every member of his family had perished alongside him. One had gotten out and left blood behind.

Because Piticus wasn’t meant to be Crius. Not when he, Cassian Kasther, lived on as heir.

@heeey-bitchhhhhhhhhhh

(Hey, it's fine! I really enjoyed reading this, and it kept my attention throughout! That's impressive when I have a tiny attention span, so you've done quite well! I'd definitely enjoy seeing more of this! I'm interested in the world and what's going on, the story behind it all, the characters and motives, literally everything. You're talented, that's all I've gotta say. :) )

@justapettySlytherin group

(Thanks!! I'm glad you guys enjoyed it! Yeah, I always struggle getting things to format on here, haha. I will get a doc shared, where you should be able to comment. That way, you can just go in and leave comments on specific areas if you think they're in need of work. I'm looking for criticism, so don't be afraid to tell me where/ how to improve!)

@heeey-bitchhhhhhhhhhh

(I'm not good at giving criticism since I always end up feeling like I sounded rude, but I'm definitely gonna read this! I'm more of the motivational type. Lol Chapter one was enough to get me interested. :) )

@heeey-bitchhhhhhhhhhh

(Fair! I just don't know many Danganronpa fans on here, so I wasn't sure if you'd heard of the series or the character. Seriously though, when I'm on here to motivate and encourage people, the character I used is fitting. Lol)

@heeey-bitchhhhhhhhhhh

(For context, it's a game series, the character in my profile is from V3, so if you watch/play the games in order, it'll be a while before you see him. I'm glad that motivation is appreciated! :D)

@heeey-bitchhhhhhhhhhh

(If you ever decide to look into it, I'm always open to chatting about it (I love Danganronpa too much-)! It's a murder mystery series, if you're wondering, so that's something you should know!)

@heeey-bitchhhhhhhhhhh

(It's actually on mobile now, but it costs a fair bit. If you don't have the money for it, there's a bunch of game plays on YouTube to watch! That's how I got into it! :D)

@heeey-bitchhhhhhhhhhh

(It's fine! I unintentionally got you interested in my favorite series, so I'm just glad you put up with it. I'm always available to message so we can stop blowing the forum up if you ever wanna chat about Danganronpa or other things! ^^)