I literally have droves of random dialogue written on my phone notes, google docs, in notebooks; thousands. Thought I'd start throwing them out there for people to use since there's no way I can write all of them. Use them for stories, flash fiction, or even incorrect quotes. And feel free to share some of your own!
"You know, the undead is not a healthy diet."
"Did you just fall?!"
"No, I was checking if gravity still worked."
"I'm really tempted to give you a good tickle with this thing."
"I never thought I'd see the day when I stayed up till midnight texting a stranger about zombie apocalypse."
"B and I are the main characters so that means we are love interests," "oh yea and what are we?" "You boys are the homosexual supporting cast!"
“Be less dramatic!”
“…..”
“That’s even more dramatic!”
“Well, what do you expect, I’ve never been dead before!”
“…..Well. The goat lived.”
“Can I high-five you, or would it be disrespectful to high-five an angel?”
“Is this a good idea?”
“No, it’s not, but do it anyway.”
“I stand by the First Amendment!”
“The First Amendment gives the freedom of speech, not the freedom to be stupid.”
“Stupid is in the eye of the beholder. Your argument is invalid.”
“I am the embodiment of destruction, I am not cute.”
"Am I always angry?"
"No, only when you’re talking about the government."
"You can’t solve everything in life with friendship."
"Is that a challenge?"
"Hey, he's cute."
"….That's a bust of Alexander the Great."
"You don't give up, do you?"
"Now where's the fun in that?"
"It's not about being pretty!"
"I'm not human. I never was. So why are you expecting me to act like one?"
"I hate you."
"I think we've established that the feeling is mutual."
"Yeah, can we get a new Chosen One?"
"We're stupid."
"No, everyone else is stupid for not understanding our language."
"All right, who thought an evil cow would be a good idea?"
"TWENTY-SEVEN
He wrote twenty-seven sonnets to men!
BAM!
Bi!"
"Darn it, I deleted my homicide thing"
"Did you seriously just take a picture of my negative 85 dollars?"
"TWENTY-SEVEN
He wrote twenty-seven sonnets to men!
BAM!
Bi!""Darn it, I deleted my homicide thing"
"Did you seriously just take a picture of my negative 85 dollars?"
Gasp My Bi Shakespeare quote!!!!
"TWENTY-SEVEN
He wrote twenty-seven sonnets to men!
BAM!
Bi!""Darn it, I deleted my homicide thing"
"Did you seriously just take a picture of my negative 85 dollars?"
Gasp My Bi Shakespeare quote!!!!
YES
"TWENTY-SEVEN
He wrote twenty-seven sonnets to men!
BAM!
Bi!""Darn it, I deleted my homicide thing"
"Did you seriously just take a picture of my negative 85 dollars?"
Gasp My Bi Shakespeare quote!!!!
YES
I am very honored
"TWENTY-SEVEN
He wrote twenty-seven sonnets to men!
BAM!
Bi!""Darn it, I deleted my homicide thing"
"Did you seriously just take a picture of my negative 85 dollars?"
Gasp My Bi Shakespeare quote!!!!
YES
I am very honored
You should be
A bunch of non 5 year olds: "Let's watch bubble guppies!!!!"
"Who's your favorite starter pokemon?" "Squirtle" "wrong it's Bulbasaur!"
"I AM ANGRY AND WANNA FIGHT SOME ONE SO CHEEZ IT'S ARE BETTER THAN GOLDFISH" in the distance "no they aren't you cunt"
"I’ve been married to the women for 14 years…. I STILL don’t know what she means.
You don’t have to be useful! You’re Mom!
I do not believe in guacamole
I now have the power to smell children
The cool kids nowadays eat spoons with forks
The bread is dead
He fell off a cliff and it was kinda funny and it became our Christmas tradition"
"Burn the kitchen down, Character name. She'll love you more"
"The lesbian beat him in battle so he had to resort to manipulation"
"Yes, I love Character Name" Character Name in the background burning water…
"Do crabs think fish can fly?"
"Character Name it is one in the morning"
"He set the plant on fire. What an actual jerk, the plant didn't deserve it."
"I will call you by your legal name if you attempt to jump out of the window."
"My sister is no longer allowed to rollerblade in the kitchen while I'm cooking"
"I need to ask character name for permission to k!ll people."
"If you ged decapitated, what's your solution?"
"There's not a problem. I don't need a hat."
"He was having a main character moment or something?"
"Was that you complimenting me and insulting me at the same time?"
"I don't want you to be dead, but if you don't come over here I'm going to have to make you dead."
"She loved her family and wanted to show how much she appreciated them by burning down the house."
"Chivalry is dead and I killed it."
"I'm sure you're not supposed to do that… But let's find out why!"
"They care, they've just been told not to."
"Remember to become TikTok famous before you post your boxing video"
"Oh, you've got an ax, that's cute. You think that means I should be afraid of you, you shrimp–"
"Losers don't wear hats."
"Losers wear helmets cuz we hit our heads more."
"911, what's your emergency?"
"I'm levitating."
"What are you two laughing at?"
"Nothing."
"Murder."
"This relationship needs a therapist."
"Death is not on the to-do list."
"DoN't ToUcH mY pOm-PoM!!"
A: "Are Mario and Luigi brothers?"
B: "…It’s called Super Mario Brothers."
A:
A: (looks to the sky) "Why am I like this, God?"
"Sleep is for the weak! And I… I am very weak."
"Alternate reality."
"You mean a parallel universe."
"There’s a difference?"
"Yes."
"If you’re going to insult someone, at least do it properly."
"I can count down to my own impending doom, thank you!"
"Since when did my ex husband play the spoons?"
"You're too young! No I'm not! I watch dogs and babies!"
"This is an official invitation. A spoon!!"
"Since when did my ex husband play the spoons?"
"You're too young! No I'm not! I watch dogs and babies!"
"This is an official invitation. A spoon!!"
YES
A: "What'd you do to get so many people on your tail?"
B: "Well, (villainous faction 1) wants to use me against my boyfriend, (villainous faction 2) wants to use me against my brother, (villain A) wants me because he thinks I still have powers I gave up years ago, I'm pretty sure (villain B) just saw an opportunity for revenge, and (villain C)… I don't know, sentimental value?"
(pause)
B: "So what are you doing down here?"
A: "Well, technically, I was sent to kill you, but I feel bad about it now."
B: "UGH."
"Neon Pegasus is my war horse. I shall ride her into battle."
"Into battle against my war rhino and my army of Nindroids."
"I want a gummy bear! I want three gummy bears! I want ALL THE GUMMY BEARS!!"
"You can't have all the gummy bears."
"Right, so, hear me out; there's this guy. Not like a guy-guy, he's like, thirty, so no; blech–
"Of course."
"–And see, I'm sorta obsessed with him; not in a creepy way, more like a fangirl way–"
"You say that like there's a difference, go on."
"Ooh, I know what I want! I want Vegan!"
"You're not Vegan."