forum *UPDATED* Edit and general advice please? Medieval story(I really need help)!
Started by @Rach
tune

people_alt 37 followers

@Rach

Prologue
It was dark. The tall graceful elf slinked among the trees of the forest swallowed up by the inky black of a shadowy night. The majestic silver moon was stunning tonight as it was every other, but the elf had no time to stop and seek out its guidance. He stood motionless for a moment and listened, brushing a thin strand of long dark brown hair out of his face. There it was! Three-hundred yards off! The snap of a twig and the rustling of leaves were audible even from here. The man started running, silently drawing his bow and notching an arrow as he went. He stopped about one-hundred-and-fifty yards away from his target. He pulled back the string and aimed carefully, his golden-yellow eyes seeking the perfect point to strike and release. No sooner had the arrow left the bow than he turned and sprinted away. Whether it arrow hit its mark or not, if he was too close to the victims he would be killed in the blast.
The arrow flew true to its master’s aim. The man was thrown to the ground by the impact of the purple explosion veined with silver but was otherwise unharmed. He turned to see what was left of the party of wagons and was pleased when the only things visible were trees burning in deep purple flames.
The man slouched against the trunk of a non-burning tree and pulled a necklace from under his green tunic. The silver charm of a crescent moon with a small arrow engraved on the back dangled from the delicate chain. The man pressed it between his thumb and pointer finger proceeding to speak to it,
“Achnorii,” the charm glowed with a faint green light. “Mission complete. Edgon requesting permission to return to base.” The light went out and all was still for a few seconds. Then the charm pulsed three times. Edgon smiled. After a long four months of mission after mission he could go home.

Chapter One
“There’s no reason I shouldn’t kill things!” The butcher argued with a snooty woman, their voices raising above the rush of the market place. The town of Lanii almost never had people like her, and when they did, they were few and far between. This particular lady was of the upper class, most likely a traveler going to Tannem, and yet still felt the need to complain about the price of a steak and how it was cruel to kill animals in the first place.
Guinevere Taylor was in line behind the woman silently listening to her shrill voice go on and on. After a while she couldn’t take it anymore. Her mother needed to start cooking soon and this woman was trying to cheat a man out of an honest living. “Mam!”, she butted in trying to be as polite as possible. “Please buy and go or get out of line so the rest of us don’t waste our time.” The woman looked affronted as she slowly turned to face Guinn.
“Excuse me?”, she sniffled.
“She said leave!” A man yelled from behind her. The woman glared at him and began to stalk towards the door and as she stepped out of the shop aimed a vile look at Guinn just for good measure. Guinn didn’t care. She didn’t have anything to prove to anyone. Much less that woman. Guinn stepped up to the counter and placed her order of beef.
The butcher, Garrin, got her meat and said as he passed it over the counter, “Thanks for getting her out. I thought I was going to have to call my sons to drag her out of my shop.” He dabbed sweat from his wrinkled forehead.
Guinn cracked a smile and said, “I Just need to get home but I’m happy to help anytime.”
“Hey,” Garrin called out to her as she was leaving. “Don’t you usually hunt, not buy?”
“My brother and I have been swamped with chores with harvest around the corner,” she replied. Garrin raised his eyebrows.
“You know my sons could always help you out here and there. Free of charge, naturally. They’re good workers!” Guinn shifted her packages into a more comfortable position on her arms.
“Thanks, but my brother and I are both adults. We can handle it.” Garrin had known Guinn and her brother, Johnathan, since they were born. He was her father’s beast friend and was always there to help in a pinch.
Guinn stepped out of the butchers shop and took a deep breath. It was a mildly warm day and the sun was on its way down which meant the temperature would be dropping fast. Despite that she took a moment to admire the painted sky. Brilliant blues, purples, and yellows splashed across the expanse while small clouds gently swirled above her head, the first few stars beginning to softly shine pure white in the darkest parts of the sky. This was her favorite part of the day. It was like a new work of art was set up every night just for her. A soft breeze grazed her arm, gently waking her from memorization. She strapped the packages down to her horse and saddling the umber mare, rode up the hill a few miles to her family’s cottage in the hills.
……
The cottage was filled with the aroma of beef stew and freshly baked bread. The skins of the potatoes were compiled with other scraps from the meal to be fed to the pigs that the Taylors raised.
“Guinn, can you take the scraps out to the pigs please?”, Mrs. Taylor asked, bent over a broom.
Guinn looked up from washing the dishes. “Johnny, take the scraps out,” she said as she turned back to the pot she was scrubbing at.
Johnathan snorted. “Mom asked you to do it,” he responded while wiping down the table Mr. Taylor built when him and his wife moved into the cottage they built by hand.
She quickly glanced at him and raised her eyebrows before returning to her work. “So am I. You’re less busy. Just go do it.”
“No! I wasn’t asked!”, He raised his voice and tossed the washcloth on the table, crossing his arms.
“Will someone please just take it out!!”, Mr. Taylor yelled. Everyone shut up. Johnathan shifted uncomfortably. “How about whoever gets done first does it?”, he suggested.
“That’s going to be me…” Jonathan mumbled under his breath.
“What was that?”, Mrs. Taylor asked with an edge in her voice. Guinn and Johnathan knew that look. Raised eyebrows, pursed lips, wide eyes, tight jaw, stiff stance… she was about to burst. “Johnathan you’re twenty-six, Guinn you’re twenty-four. Stop acting like children.” Guinn suddenly and inexplicably found her left hand extremely fascinating. Johnathan ran a hand through his dark hair and picked up the washcloth, starting to work again in silence.
……
Guinn was disturbed from her book by a soft tapping on the door. Annoyed that anyone would disturb her in the middle of a suspenseful chapter she looked up to see her brother’s head poking through the door frame. She was about to shoo him away when she saw the size of his eyes. They were so big and innocent, reminding her of one time when they were little, about five, and he accidentally hit her. He was so worried that she was seriously injured that he slept right outside of her door so he could hear her if she needed anything in the night.
“What do you need?”, she asked as he stepped in her room, closing the door behind him.
“Hey… I just wanted to apologize for getting us yelled at today. I should have done what you asked since it would have been easiest for me.” He scratched the back of his head. “So, I’m sorry.”
She grinned. “Apology accepted. And don’t take all the blame I should have just done it like mom asked.”
This time it was his turn to let out a half-hearted laugh. “Yeah I can see how you might think that. What are you reading?”
“The Tales of Alissa Nore. It’s the story of how the city of Nore was founded.” She held up the cover for him to see. He took a couple steps to get to her bed and inspected it. She had an extremely small room, but Guinn managed to cram books, maps, and ink wells into every nook and cranny. Her hunting bow was hanging on the wall along with a quiver full of arrows and some interesting little things she had found in the woods (painted glass beads, polished rocks, dried flowers and things like that).
“Wow.” he commented after a few seconds. “Sounds dry.” He walked around the room inspecting shelves and the desk she had shoved into the corner.
“It’s really not,” she insisted.
He threw up his hands in defense. “I just said what I thought. Oh, and by the way someone’s going to have to go hunting next week.” He turned back and looked at her
Her eyes lit up as she jumped off the bed. “I’ll take it!”
He chuckled. “I thought you would. Well, goodnight. You’re taking care of the cows tomorrow morning, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She rolled her eyes. And walked to the door with her brother. “Night,” she said as she closed the door. This had been a good day despite getting yelled at. And that sun set! She thought to herself That was breathtaking. She put out the lamp and crawled under her comforter, dozing off in seconds.
……
The tip of the quill lowered into the ink well, covering it in pure black liquid. Johnathan started writing, the characters flowing from his mind out onto the parchment, a new story unfolding before his fingertips. He set the quill down and pushed back his chair, reading over the few pages he had filled. It wasn’t perfect, it never would be, but he still strived for perfection. He looked out the window and tried to play out the next scene word for word in his head before putting anything down on paper. He liked to do that.
“What are you up to?”, Guinn asked. Johnathan jumped, and turned in his chair to face his sister, annoyance written on his face.
“The door was closed,” he said. “You know there’s this really cool thing called knocking and it’s a way to ask if you can come in before just barging through the door. You should really try it.”
Ignoring her brothers sarcastic remark, she looked over his shoulder and scanned that page, arctic blue eyes flashing in the sunlight. “Is this a new story?”, she asked, her eyebrows pinching together as she read. Johnathan shifted, scared of what critique his sister would give. “I mean its good, but this is like number fourteen, right?”
“Well…,” he started unsure of how to defend himself. “yes… but,” Guinn cut him off before he could finish.
“Why can’t you just pick one and work with it until the end?”, she asked laughing at her brother. Writing wasn’t her favorite thing in the world but every time her brother came up with a new idea, she was eager to listen to him plot.
“Its not that easy!”, he retorted. “Try doing it for yourself and find out! What did you even come in here for?”
“Whatever.” She stood next him for a second before giving a small sigh. “I forgot what I wanted to tell you.” She narrowed her eyes at her own forgetfulness. “Oh well, I’ll come back later.” She started to walk out of the room.
Johnathan called out after her, “Try knocking when you do. Also, can you close the door?” He looked back at his new story suddenly uninspired. He tossed it to the side for the moment and picked up a new piece of parchment, dipping his quill in the black bottle again, holding it over the parchment for half a second before launching into the letter he needed to write. When the ink was dry, he folded the letter and sealed it with the smallest bit of watered-down tree sap from the forest that was just half a mile away. He pushed it under his pillow and tidied up his desk, making a pile of unfinished stories. Stoppering his ink quill, he set it on top of the stack and left the room to finish his favorite book, To Be a Knight, on the bench outside.
…..
Guinn walked barefoot in the clear, bubbling stream. She was on her way to take care of the horses that were loose in the grazing fields. Some farmers had to worry about thieves taking the horses if they weren’t always secured in a pen and watched, but not the Taylors. They were so far away from anyone that it would be more trouble that it was worth to steal anything from them. She hopped out of the water and immediately her horse, Jasmine, came up to great her. Jasmine was a beautiful mare with a coat the color of umber, a black mane and tail, and white on her legs that made it look like she was wearing socks. The horse nuzzled Guinn and she fed it half a carrot. All looks well out here, she thought. Jasmine cocked her ear. Guinn could hear it too. The thundering of horse hoofs along the narrow dirt path leading up to the family cottage was just barely audible from the grazing fields. The letter carrier!! She excitedly realized. Patting Jazmine she whipped around and dashed back to the cottage at full speed. She had a birthday letter ready for him addressed to her cousins in Tannem and it was very important that it get there on time.
She came barreling around the corner of the cottage at full speed, running directly into her brother who was standing at the door giving the letter carrier something. They both crashed to the ground hitting the dirt hard. The letter carrier laughed and got off his horse to help them up.
“Are you two ok?”, He asked once they were both standing and brushing themselves off.
“Yes, thank you,” Guinn responded, her face turning slightly red. “I have something for you though,” she said as she disappeared into the cottage to retrieve the letter. A moment later she came back with it and handed the letter to him, saying, “Its very important that this gets to Tannem by the seventeenth.”
He smiled and took the letter from her. “I’ll do my beast to ensure that it gets there on time.” He put it in his satchel and mounted his horse. “Was that all?”, he asked before turning away. Jonathan nodded.
“No, I think that’s it.” He looked at Guinn and she had no objections. “Thank you.” The letter carrier nodded and turned his horse back toward the road and galloped off, back to Lanii where the letters would be given to someone else and then taken to Tannem from there.
……
Chapter two
Guinn woke up before the sun had risen. She sat up in bed, stretched, and tried to rub the sleep from her face. After a minute of sitting in silence she finally worked up the willpower to throw off the covers and touch her feet to the cold stone floor. She took a deep breath and stood. The first day of the harvest was always the hardest on Guinn. She took a few days to adjust and wasn’t even close to ready for the early mornings and hot hours in the sun that the next week or so would bring with it. She splashed her face with freezing water and groaned, losing any remaining chances of falling asleep again. Lacing her shoes, she stepped out into the cool morning and filled her lungs with fresh air, hunching her shoulders closer to her chest as she inhaled and releasing them as she exhaled. This is going to be a long day; her mind sluggishly thought. Johnathan was pulling out tools from the small shed behind the cottage and handed her some as soon as she came over.
“Are you going hunting today or tomorrow?”, he asked, handing her a basket to hold the ears of corn in.
Her eyes brightened at the mention of her favorite chore. “I’ll probably go out today and depending how much I come back with maybe tomorrow.” He chuckled.
“As long as you don’t purposely keep yourself from catching anything so you can go out both days, I’m alright with that.” She grinned.
“I would never!” They both laughed a little knowing full well that she might do just that. Loading their arms down with tools and baskets they trudged out to the corn fields and started working as the sun dumped red and orange all over the previously dark sky.
Guinn flexed her fingers, closing them around her bow as she sat in a tree willing something to wander by so she could get home before dark. Finally, she climbed down the tree admitting defeat, being careful to keep her dirty blonde hair out of tree sap. The peaceful summer evening was broken abruptly by the sight of black smoke furiously engulfing the sky. Guinn sprinted out of the forest and over hills to the stone cottage her family lived in, her mind wildly running through possibilities. Her feet throbbing, she crested another hill and was faced with a sickening picture: her cottage burning and a large group of no less than fifty men quickly traveling away from the destruction. Dropping her bow and quiver Guinn dashed down the hill and into the cottage. The smoke stung her eyes and filled her lungs. Sparks were flying everywhere, the old cottage lighting up like a match. “Johnathan!”, she called for her brother, covering her mouth with her shirt. “Johnathan, where are you?” A section of the blazing roof crashed down in front of her, a beam grazing her arm on its way down. Guinn cried out in pain and spun around looking for anyone in her family. The smoke was choking, and her eyes were watering so badly that she couldn’t see anymore. Tears streaming down her face, she stumbled towards what she thought was the door, or at least a hole in the wall. She staggered outside and turned to see the cottage collapsing in on itself; taking her family down with it. She sank to her knees, shaking, and blacked out.
……
Guinn woke up to the clanging of metal and shouting. She thought for a second that she was still by her cottage until she opened her eyes and saw the canopy of a tent over her head. She tried to sit up. As soon as she got an elbow propped up her head began pounding making it almost impossible to hear. She lied down with a moan. All sense of time was lost while she was in the tent. Am I dead? She began to wonder
“Oh!”, came the delighted voice of a nurse. “I didn’t think you would be up this soon. I would have brought food with me to…” The nurse looked around for someone to send to the cook and Guinn became acutely aware of how hungry she was. Her stomach growled forcefully and the nurse looked at her with pity. “I’ll go do that once I’ve re-dressed your wounds,” She decided when no one was found.
“Where am I?”, Guinn croaked. The smoke had taken a harsh toll on her throat.
“Well right now you’re in the Forest of Goundlead but to be more specific, you are in the military camp of the Bow-bearers!” Guinn’s eyes grew wide. She had heard about the Bow-bearers and the things they had done. They weren’t exactly the government, but they weren’t by any means outlaws. The primary thing that they did was battle Ronderick in his unrightful pursuit of the throne and help the towns that had been destroyed by him get back on their feet.
“The Bow-bearers? How did I get here? I was at my cottage and… Johnathan!”, she exclaimed as she recounted what happened. “Is he ok? Where is my brother?”
The nurse bit her lip and looked down at her hands. “You… you were the only live person we found at the cottage. I’m so sorry.”
Guinn took a shaky breath. “H-how many,” she spoke slowly, “how many bodies did you find?”
“I really don’t think you should be traumatizing…”
“Tell me! How my bodies were there at the cottage?” Her voice was shaking now.
“Two. And we found you.” Guinn’s mind went racing. They only found two bodies! But which two? Her mind was working as hard as it could after the incident.
“What did the bodies look like?” She asked.
The nurse took a long time to respond. “They were mostly burned in the fire. It would be impossible to identify them.”
“So, one family member is still alive, though, which one is unclear.”
“You need to sleep. Your mind is foggy any you’ve been through a lot. Ronderick doesn’t usually leave survivors.” With that the nurse got up and left the tent.
Guinn felt sick again. Ronderick? He was known for being merciless and cruel. Why would He burn her family’s cottage? What could he possibly want out of the Taylors? and more importantly, did he get it? She shifted around on the cot to get into a more comfortable position and finally let the pain of the last two days subside as a restless sleep enveloped her.
……
“Edgon is meeting us there?”
“Talitha, I already told you, he’s going from the Forest of Dure to the City of Nore directly.”
“But General, you know how reckless he is…”
“I also know that he is a good soldier and wiser than you think.” The tall man’s harsh expression softened slightly. He ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair and sighed. “Talitha, I understand your concern, with what happened to Kindle, but I trust him. I know he’s your friend, but I need you to relax and continue sharpening your skills.”
“Henri,” she received a sharp look for using his name. “Sorry. General Jonson, if he goes missing too, will you permit me to look for him?” Henri hesitated.
“Only if you take Quinton with you.”
“Yes sir.” Talitha turned and walked back to the training spot they set up for the day they had risked staying.
“General?” The nurse walked up and stood at a respectful distance.
“Yes?”, He asked as he turned to face her.
“The girl has woken.”
“Wonderful! What’s her name?” The Nurse stood and thought for a moment before speaking,
“She didn’t tell me, and I didn’t have time to ask. We had an… interesting conversation. She wanted to know about the aftermath of the fire.”
“What did she want to know?”
“Well…” the nurse contemplated how to put it before starting. “She asked where she was… and how many bodies there were, to see if anyone lived other than her. Then once she learned that there were only two, she went on about someone still being alive which I told her was unlikely and then I left her to sleep.”
Henri sighed. The day had already been long and now there would be a woman bent on revenge and finding a relative who was dead. Weariness tugged at his voice as he said, “Thank you for letting me know. Get her some food and water, I’ll be in to talk with her soon.”
……
The sun was setting above the trees and the camp was busting with movement. They were heading out the next day for the City of Nore and everyone was packing up everything they could.
“Henri said that I can only go after him if you come with me.” Talitha said as she struggled to stack some large crates.
Quinton laughed and stacked them for her. “It’s a wonder you made it here. Your five-two-ness should have kept them from taking you when you asked.” Talitha shot a poisonous look at him.
“And your arrogance should have made them acquaint your facial features with a brick.”
Quinton cleared his throat. “Anyways… well I wanted to go after him too so that works out great!”
Talitha raised an eyebrow. “Let’s hope he doesn’t get captured.”
“’Litha, sometimes I swear your out to kill me.”
“You or your ego?”
“Hey!”, someone yelled at them from across camp. “Quin, ‘Litha! Stop talking and start working!”
“Sorry Nakia!” Talitha called back. “Go find a place to be helpful.” She told Quinton. “I’m sorry, who was struggling to stack crates? I think I’m more helpful than you.” Talitha kicked him in the shin. “OW! Hey!” For such a small person she could put a lot of force behind her blows.
“Go. I’m good here.”
……
“Excuse me… miss?” Henri stepped into the medical tent. It was a long tent with lots of cots, only a few occupied, luckily for the Bow-bearers. It smelled like healing lotion and vinegar. The tent was half packed for the journey the next day.
Guinn looked over. “Yes?”, she asked dryly. “Do you need something?”
Henri sighed, stepping next to the cot. “Well, a name would be nice. And then you could follow it up with what Roderick wanted from your family.”
“My name is Guinevere Martha Taylor and I honestly have no idea what he wanted. Anything else?”
“Yes, I’m afraid we can’t just leave you out here to fend for yourself, so you’ll be accompanying us to Nore.” He waited for her response. She gave none. “Ok. That’s it.” there was an uncomfortable pause. “If you think of anything, please, let me know.” She turned her back to the entrance of the tent, eyes welling up with tears.
……
Chapter Three
He crouched in between a bolder and a tree growing against it, panting. He had been on the run for the past twenty-four hours, in and out of towns and the forest. Running most of the time and occasionally dawning a cloak and hiding himself in the crowd but always on the run. How his pursuers had managed to keep up with the young elf was beyond him but the only thing that mattered in the moment was getting back to Nore safely and not reveling his identity to any living organism. Even the trees have ears. Edgon pulled out the silver moon charm and pressed it between his thumb and pointer finger.
“Achnorii.” It lit up. “This is green , I’m being tracked. I can’t figure out by who, but they’ve kept up with me for a while now. I’m about fifteen miles from Tannem as of right now. I’ll do everything I can to make it back to Nore, but I thought you might like to know, General.” He let the charm fall and hit his chest. Then slowly stood up and surveyed his surroundings. Once he deemed it all clear he took off running towards the city of Nore, his trackers too close for comfort.
……

@Simon-Says

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SO SORRY I LOVE YOUR STORYLINE BUT IT'S MEDIEVAL NOT MID EVIL SORRY SORRY SORRY I LOVE YOUR CHARACTERS AND PLOT!

@Rach

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SO SORRY I LOVE YOUR STORYLINE BUT IT'S MEDIEVAL NOT MID EVIL SORRY SORRY SORRY I LOVE YOUR CHARACTERS AND PLOT!

no your fine :P its kinda late where i am and i never really knew that any ways. thanks for letting me know!!

@Simon-Says

😁 No problem sorry I hate correcting people cause I feel like a jerk but I just really can't handle mid evil ackk sorry

@Rach

😁 No problem sorry I hate correcting people cause I feel like a jerk but I just really can't handle mid evil ackk sorry

dont feel bad! i dont want to go around my whole life thinking something is true because someone didnt have the heart to tell me i was wrong

@Rach

😁 No problem sorry I hate correcting people cause I feel like a jerk but I just really can't handle mid evil ackk sorry

ok i figured out how to fix it XD