forum May I post mine here, would like some feedback if possible :)
Started by @livingonthedgeofmybooks

people_alt 5 followers

@Eldest-God-andrew health_and_safety flash_onAdmin

I actually love how "Ustnala" rolls off the tongue. :)

It's definitely a good start. From the description, am I correct in assuming you're running with a dystopian theme here?

Some questions I had:

  • Why are there people on this planet? How did they get there? Who put them there? (I imagine a reader would also have the same questions, so revealing it piece by piece would probably be a good idea!)

  • Who's in charge of this world? Who keeps the segments separate? How do they keep the peace?

Some other comments:

  • Modoka sounds cool, too, but with all the references to advanced technology on the planet I'd love to see more cool tools in items as well!

  • Anger's mentioned in at least a few of the characters. Might be worth throwing in a super-chill foil to balance them out, but of course they don't need to be a main character!

  • Jacob sounds fun. Remembering you were taken sounds like a recipe for disaster!

(One other note: I see Jackson listed as Xander's dad, but I don't think he's tagged as inside the universe. You probably need to add him to the universe, because nobody has permission to actually view the linked page otherwise!)