forum Killer Critiques

Started May 05, 2020 by @SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

tune

Here's a list of my homicidal maniacs. Go in depth and kill them if you want.

• Clownface
• Lux
• Oliver
• William

Oliver- He has some good bones, but bones cant stand up on their own, right now what I'm seeing is a very generic "I'm the bad guy" Character. Give me a human here. Put some muscle on those bones, flesh him out some more. He seem's like an ambitious individual, why is that? Experimental accident gave him his powers right, how does he handle that experience mentally? Why does he hate super hero's? Does he have a family, how does he feel about them? What is his weakness? If I were this guy's best friend, what would I say about him? Good bones, now give him Character. Add some spices to that boy, right now I'm tasting some bland. He's a very flat character right now, dive me some dimension, make him Human.

William- Again give me some more to work with. Good bone's, even a bit of muscle this time. He seems to fall into the "Bad boy but secretly a softy" Trope area so what's your spin on it. He's good at killing, does he enjoy is, why or why not? It your intention was to make him sound like a prick, you've done it, make sure that is your intention in the story or the reader will be really confused. I think he's a prick. If that is your intention, than good job, you've succeeded in making me form an opinion about this individual. That's pretty good. Again what makes him Human (I get that he isn't human but I think you get my point) ? Show me his flaws, his insecurities? What would it take for him to break? Your reader's will always find more flawed characters more compelling. If you want to keep I'm a prick than the flaws aren't as necessary, just a nice touch.

ClownFace- This will be short. Tell me why he's a maniac. One of my favorite creepy character's is from a show called RWBY, his name is Tyrian. One of the reason's I think he's so creepy is he has a motivation, he does things to please his mistress, and he find's joy in other's pain. I know you mentioned when ever he sees blood, but if Pain and inflicting it made him laugh, ten times more creepy.

Lux- Right now this character has a very black and white morality. If you want reader's to connect I would recommend again, tossing in those flaws. Adding doubts he has about his moralit, having him struggle with being good all the time. make him struggle with that morality and you have a much more human character and a much more compelling one. I have the same problems with him that I do with Oliver so just apply the same questions and such.

Overall not bad, just beef them up, I feel like I have more questions than answers about them, good for the insane one, not so good for the other ones. Make them feel alive.