forum I wrote a story...
Started by @wwWolfgirl
tune

people_alt 55 followers

@wwWolfgirl

Really like this. When I saw the 'coronavirus', I couldn't help smiling. Finally, somebody is writing something about this–situation!

Thanks!!

@Starfast group

I've only read the first chapter, but here's a couple things I've noticed:

  • Show, don't tell.
  • It's good that you've given some backstory, but it doesn't need to be thrown at us all at once. You don't need to tell us your character's entire backstory in the first chapter. Sprinkle it throughout the story.
  • I'm a little bit skeptical of the fact that Lily bought a house at age 20, especially since it's mentioned shortly after that she needs to find a job. Houses are expensive, even if it needs some work done. Unless her parents helped her out, I think it would be more realistic for her to rent a place first.
  • In a similar vein, I think you're underestimating how much work goes in to opening up a business. Granted, it's not something I know much about either, but there's a lot more that goes into it than just setting some books out and letting people in. She'd need to register her business, get a license, get a business bank account, do some advertising, among many other things. I found all of this in a 30 second google search. Do your research.
  • You need to separate your story up into smaller paragraphs. It'll make your story a lot easier to read (especially on Wattpad. People like short paragraphs there).