Hello! As the title said I'd like to get critiques on a character I've used for over many years. She was entirely changed 3 years back to this new version and I'd like to know if I have her well-rounded and done well. Also don't mind the lack of species for this character in particular I always struggled to decide what I wanted her to be. (A problem with her old self (past version) where I kept changing her species in the RP she was involved in-).
Hey! just off the bat id like to let you know that you should probably add an @ to your name, it makes it easier for people to tag you in things and search for your account! i believe all you have to do is go into your profile and enter your the username you want into the box with the big @ symbol in front! :)
Off the bat I can tell shes a very interesting character, though I see a lot of room for improvement and fleshing out. I like that you have given her flaws and limits to her abilities, but I just have a few things I wanna bring up-
Weight;
there's nothing wrong with how much she weights, but I would go in and add the unit of measurement to the end, Im assuming its pounds so I would change it to 135lbs to avoid any confusion.
Identifying Marks;
Its good that you've included this but i would recommend you expand on it more, for example, here is the identifying marks for my character Jack;
notice how I've really gone into detail on minor parts of his appearance and how his backstory may tie into his appearance now and in the future. Something like scars and the upkeep of one's hands and fingers can really tell you about them. Does she have long fingernails that are tidy and well-kept? does she have bags under her eyes from lack of sleep? Little things like that are huge in making a character feel more life-like!
Body Type;
This definitely needs more info. There's not necessarily an "average" body type like there is an average height/weight. Everyone's body is shaped differently. Does she have short legs and a long body? or a short body and long legs? Is she's a princess, has her form been maintained over the years, has she been wearing a corset so her waist is thin and high? Is she muscular? can you see her ribs when she stretches? It really helps the reader/audience get a visual idea of what your character looks like
Eye Colour;
This intrigues me. You said her eyes are Light Pink- why? Does it tie into her abilities? Pink isn't necessarily a "natural" eye colour unless she's Albino, which you haven't described her as being. If Light Pink is a natural eye colour in your world, there's been no mention of it. Also, light pink is a very broad term, what shade of light pink? are we talking baby pink or bubblegum pink?
Predjudices;
I like this. I like that you've given her a negative worldview that can be changed over the course of the story. My only advice is to make sure this worldview influences other parts of her personality. How she refers to or references others that may not fall into that narrow though.
Strengths;
You've given her flaws, which is a good start, but she's gonna need strengths as well. It's a very common mistake to make a character fatally flawed with no redeeming qualities. Everyone has something about them that is positive. A villain may hate humanity but might like dogs, that's a redeeming quality, kindness to animals. She could be loyal, welling meaning; maybe even disciplined. This website has some great ideas, though be sure to think of some yourself!
https://theartofliving.com/planner/start/character-traits/
Necklace;
This could be applied to all the favourites- but why is it her favourite? And if it's important to her character (which it probably should be if it is her favourite possession) then you should describe it little. what metal is it made out of, does it have any pendants or charms, what does the necklace symbolise, or is it her favourite because it's pretty? It's not necessary, but maybe link a reference image? (if its based on an actual necklace)
Puddinland;
What is the meaning behind this name? It seems a little bit odd, if the story isn't something kin to Adventure Time. Im not saying its a bad name, I just think its a little out of place in a story about missing people (unless you're going for a morbid story in a lighthearted setting, but that wasn't really the vibe I got.) Id recommend maybe changing it to something more subtle, maybe taking inspiration from a word that means pudding in a different language, something like Madelend? (like madeleines)
Abilities;
I like that you've got an ability that has limits, but id like to know more. So far all we can tell about the power is that it involves lighting somehow. Does she summon it or does she shoot it from her hands? what do these limits entail really? What are the effects it has on her mind and body?
Overall I think shes a great outline for a character, she just needs a little fleshing out. If I may recommend the Character Profile Thread? I has questions for you to think about things your character you may not have considered :))
@Seeba
First I'd like to thank you for telling me about the whole @ thing. I honestly didn't know you could do that before. I do realize I tend to be brief when describing appearances of my characters so I do need to work on that a bit.
The eye color part is mostly due to her being not human so she doesn't have the normal eye colors you'd expect which in the universe I use her in quite a bit of characters have abnormal eye colors. But also, yeah I should be more specific about the kind of pink.
The prejudices part thank you for the advice I will keep that in mind.
As for strengths.. I just realized I didn't add them that's my bad. She definitely has an almost equal set of flaws and strengths here
The necklace part it's a magic necklace that was a gift from one of her friends and has the friend's elemental powers stored in for her to use (she'd need to get the friend to recharge it though if she uses it too much) so it's a prized possession to her.
Puddinland is actually the name of a kingdom in this universe. But this also isn't the kingdom I created but a friend made when she was 13 so the naming choice does seem very odd. I can't remember the newer name she uses for it though since we just stick with calling it PL or it's full name.
Abilities wise she can summon it but also tends to use it to surround herself like giving her faster speed and such. Overusing it leads to her body growing exhausted and her muscles aching considerably. Also mentally it can have a lasting negative impact if she continuously over does it.
Also I'm really interested in that thread and plan to do it soon when I can. Thanks for recommending it!
@Seeba
First I'd like to thank you for telling me about the whole @ thing. I honestly didn't know you could do that before. I do realize I tend to be brief when describing appearances of my characters so I do need to work on that a bit.
No problem! I know from experience not being able to properly @ or find someones profile can be super difficult, so I'm glad to help out!
The descriptions were very vague, yes, and are multiple reasons that could be. One thing I will recommend is looking at a character creator and/or Pinterest for inspiration.
a lot of people use picrew:
and on Pinterest, you can search for something like "girl with chestnut hair" and go from there.
If the problem isn't with not knowing what you want the character to look like, then I recommend imagining of drawing the character, and making a brainstorming list on some of their features that maybe only you would notice, like their eye shape and type of nose they have. It can take a long time to really figure out what you want a character to look like, and their appearance may change over the course of months, but if that happens just remember to keep adding the differences to the profile so others know ! :D
The eye color part is mostly due to her being not human so she doesn't have the normal eye colors you'd expect which in the universe I use her in quite a bit of characters have abnormal eye colors. But also, yeah I should be more specific about the kind of pink.
I would also mention that she's not human. I noticed that you x'ed out the race option, idk if that's because you're not sure what race you want her to be, or if you want it to be disclosed information, but I would probably change it to "non-human" for now, just to not get confused as to why she has unnatural features.
The prejudices part thank you for the advice I will keep that in mind.
no problem! just remember that most prejudices in stories are resolved by the end, but this doesn't have to be the cause! however, in your story, I think that would be the best progression of Ellie's development.
As for strengths.. I just realized I didn't add them that's my bad. She definitely has an almost equal set of flaws and strengths here
Glad I could remind you! and well done on keeping it balanced, its important for a main character like Ellie to be equal parts flawed and strong!
The necklace part it's a magic necklace that was a gift from one of her friends and has the friend's elemental powers stored in for her to use (she'd need to get the friend to recharge it though if she uses it too much) so it's a prized possession to her.
That makes more sense lol. Yeah, id definitely mentions that in the profile, id also adds a description.
Puddinland is actually the name of a kingdom in this universe. But this also isn't the kingdom I created but a friend made when she was 13 so the naming choice does seem very odd. I can't remember the newer name she uses for it though since we just stick with calling it PL or it's full name.
It's a cute little nickname, and I'm not saying you stop referring to it as that, but i'd definitely find a more professional name for it if you're going to use it publicly one day. I'm worried your work might not be taken as seriously a name so light and fluffy in a more mysteriously set story
Abilities wise she can summon it but also tends to use it to surround herself like giving her faster speed and such. Overusing it leads to her body growing exhausted and her muscles aching considerably. Also mentally it can have a lasting negative impact if she continuously over does it.
It's good that it has a mental and physical effect on her body; I would also look into it having a possible emotional effect? like it can make her more irritable or it exhasts her to the point of tears sometimes? Also, what effects does it hat on her mental health? does it sperate her neurons? is it like electroshock therapy the more she uses it? or does it simply just make her go a little crazy?
Also I'm really interested in that thread and plan to do it soon when I can. Thanks for recommending it!
Im glad you like I lol! its my pride and joy