forum critiques please ? (trigger warning)
Started by Deleted user
tune
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people_alt 47 followers

Deleted user

hi :)

wanted to share this but i also didn't want to trigger anyone so ummm.

trigger warning: mentions of methods of suicide and suicidal thoughts

I get it. I'm selfish for wanting this.

but it's all I have left.

this is all I have left.

and I know you will just say that it's not true.

there are people to talk to

treatments to take

psych wards to stop you from making such a horrible decision

but it is, and I've been putting it off for years.

for my friends who are merely children and can’t deal with the thought.

for my family who would constantly second-guess everything they did, wondering if it drove me to it.

for my brother who I promised I would stick around for until we both saw that mushroom cloud explode in the sky.

don't you think I weighted up the outcomes

don't you think I sat there and pondered what happens to everyone else when i finally stop breathing

I know they will be heartbroken

I know they will ask why

what did they do

what was wrong

but I can't ignore the fact that every day, the little voice in my head gets louder, and louder, and louder.

and I just want it to shut the fuck up!

usually, I'm told to silence myself, to ignore my own feelings and get on with the day.

but suicidal people die in silence, because of silence, for silence.

I'm calling out for help.

whether you like it or not.

whether it be when I'm laughing and making jokes about it or when I'm crying with the blade against my wrists and the pills on the counter.

doesn't matter if they are standing on a roof, holding a gun, swallowing a bottle filled with bleach or standing on a stool with a string of rope around their neck.

they are trying, that's all they have been doing.

no one should have to prove their battles.

but it doesn’t matter. not anymore.

i stood down, the pills are back i. the cabinet and the blade is safely out of the way.

if society would rather me sit in the corner and break down then show my pain on my arms the congratulations

you’ve won.

i’m speaking.

all i do is speaking hoping someone will listen but it’s not worth it.

i try to make sound and hope someone takes their earphones out to listen but the static in my brain just pounds greater and greater until it seises at my hand.

i write and rewrite my suicide note, everyday.

for years i’ve tried to find the right words to say but it never sound quite right.

eventually i throw it away and turn to the locked drawer that houses everything and anything that could put my mind to sleep.

and i open it.

@d-r-e-a-m-s-e-q-u-e-n-c-e group

hello!! i'm not very good at this but i'll give it a shot hehe! below you'll see your excerpt quoted and edits are made in bold. words that should be emphasized are put in italics, and things that should be removed are strikethroughed. hope it helps!

(keep in mind this is just my personal opinion, you don't have to take these tips if you don't want to, just offering some tiny tips here and there. it is very good still! i really like it!!)

I get it. I'm selfish for wanting this.

but it's all I have left.

this is all I have left.

and I know you'll just say that it's not true.

there are people to talk to

treatments to take

psych wards to stop you from making such a horrible decision

but it is true, and I've been putting it off for years.

for my friends who are merely children and can’t deal with the thought.

for my family who would constantly second-guess everything they did, wondering if it their actions drove me to it.

for my brother, who I promised I would stick around for until we both saw that mushroom cloud explode grow/appear in the sky.

don't you think I weighed the outcomes

don't you think I sat there and pondered over what happens to everyone else when i finally stop breathing

I know they will be heartbroken

I know they will ask why

what did they do

what was wrong

but I can't ignore the fact that every day, the little voice in my head gets louder, and louder, and louder.

and I just want it to shut the fuck up!

usually, I'm told to silence myself, to ignore my own feelings and get on with the day.

but suicidal people die in silence, because of silence, for silence.

I'm calling out for help.

whether you like it or not.

whether it be when I'm laughing and making jokes about it or when I'm crying with the blade against my wrists and the pills on the counter.

doesn't matter if they are standing on a roof, holding a gun, swallowing a bottle filled with bleach or standing on a stool with a string loop of rope around their neck.

they are trying, that's all they have been doing.

no one should have to prove their battles.

but it doesn’t matter. not anymore.

i stood down stand up, the pills are back in the cabinet and the blade is safely out of the way.

if society would rather me sit in the corner and break down then show my pain on my arms then congratulations

you’ve won.

i’m speaking.

all i do is speaking, hoping someone will listen, but it’s not worth it.

i try to make sound and hope someone takes their earphones out to listen

but the static in my brain just pounds greater and greater until it seizes at my hand.

i write and rewrite my suicide note, everyday.

for years i’ve tried to find the right words to say but it never sounds quite right.

eventually i throw it away and turn to the locked drawer that houses everything and anything that could put my mind to sleep.

and i open it.