forum Could You Please Spare A Critique?
Started by @CWPoofToxicRush
tune

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@CWPoofToxicRush

JoJo Diaz was probably one of the most random, paradoxical, childish people you’d ever meet. No one understood why she went by JoJo, when even she admitted her first name- Josefina- was pretty and charming. The only answer you could get on that was usually “So people can pronounce it easier”. Her bass was as beat up as her song book, but somehow still in immaculate shape (or, at least, it was in better condition than it was when she found it for five bucks at a tag sale). Her brown eyes always seemed to have a smile in them, even when she was on the verge of tears (which was commonly witnessed when she got hurt and it was just her bandmates and her- she always damned her low pain tolerance). Her voice was lovely- rough with emotion and anger and defiance, loud and confident and burning. And then, the second she was speaking with a new person, soft and quiet and shaky, skittish as a faerie whose deception has been uncovered. She would slip away at night, but be back before the sun rose, and no one knew what she did. But her other journal- and old, leather bound tome she claimed to have found in the attic as a teen, that no one was allowed to touch, would often vanish with her. She never turned down the opportunity for a prank, or a pun, or some other stupid attempt at humor that only ever got eyerolls from everyomne invloved, with the only exception of the infamous seance prank, which had more confused screaming than eyerolls. That, on top of her naivety, generally made people think she was younger than she was. And, despite her bright purple, curly and wild hair, she was very easy to lose in a crowd. All it took was for something to catch her attention- something shiny in a store window, a cute dog, a puddle that looks like it would be fun to jump in, a street performer singing a song she likes- and the rest of her bandmates were asking around for her like worried parents (and eventually, one of them- usually their guitarist- would also scold her like one).

So maybe that’s why they were more annoyed than worried when they realized they lost her in the park. (Fifth time this week- and it was only Tuesday). To be fair to them- they did actually get worried once the sun had long set, and she was still missing. And they had the sense to file a missing person report once they checked to see if she just headed home and had forgotten to tell them, and when she didn’t answer her phone, and when nobody saw her- except a young man who said he saw her run into “The Grove”- the park’s little grouping of trees made to be like a forest. It was a few weeks when they were remembering all the things she would have liked at her funeral, because the police told them there was a high chance she wasn’t alive anymore.

Oh, don’t worry, she’s fine. She’s just a little stuck before she was even born and some people are trying to stop her from getting home and her bandmates didn’t know what ghosts she was talking to at night- but she’s okay, right now, just shaken up. She has her spells, and some smarts, and already knows the people she’s stuck with(they just don't know her yet)- she’ll be fine!

@Simon-Says

This is a really cool story idea! I thought it was an essay for a fat second and I was really confused like ma'am, ma'am you can't do that. I really like the paragraph describing Jojo, it's really captivating.