forum 2nd 1000 words (Or chapter 2 I guess) Critique it please.
Started by Another
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Another

6-11-16 10:23 AM. Saturday.
Paul rolled over under the covers, squinting his eyes in the soft daylight. Someone had opened the curtains beside his bed. He could see the street from his window, it was never too busy. The whole town could be described as “Never too busy.” Beowulf stepped over Paul’s head, waving her tail impatiently.

“Get off me,” Paul grumbled, pushing the cat away. Beowulf circled around onto Paul’s chest and pawed at his face, meowing loudly. “What do you want?” Paul sat up abruptly, Beowulf tumbling off the side of the bed. Jessica was wrapped up in a blanket on the floor. Beowulf hopped onto the bed again and started to meow again. “I’m going,” Paul got up, stepping over Jessica and leaving the room. Beowulf didn’t bother with decency, she climbed over Jessica and pounced after Paul. Paul noticed Crystal’s door was shut as he strutted through the hallway. The living room curtains were open, Paul figured Richard must’ve already left for work. Paul stepped into the kitchen opened one of the shelves above the counter, the bag of cat food was less than half full. “You’re almost out of food,” Paul yawned as he dumped a pile into Beowulf’s bowl. Beowulf started eating and Paul noticed a small black bug in her water bowl. “Gross,” he picked up the bowl and rinsed it out in the sink. As per usual Richard left a platter of pancakes in the fridge. Paul was swift and monotonous, plucking up exactly six pancakes, tossing the plate into the microwave for 28 seconds, drowning them in syrup and making sure to grab the remote before sitting down on the couch. There was a paper on the cushion beside Paul, he could see it in his peripheral vision as he skimmed through the channels. The paper was either facedown or completely blank. Beowulf hopped onto the couch, watching Paul’s plate. “Back off,” Paul threatened to chuck the remote at the cat, she was unphased.

“You shouldn’t be eating those on the couch,” Crystal leaned over the back of the couch and snatched the paper up. Her blue hair dangling loose as she stood up straight.

“I’m being careful,” Paul cut a piece of pancake away with his fork and mocked Beowulf with it before eating.

“You’re going to camp?” Crystal asked.

“What?” Paul craned his neck to look at her, she was wearing her longest nightgown, it dragged behind her.

“Are you going to camp?” Crystal repeated, slowly.

“No,” Paul swatted Beowulf away from his plate. “Why?” Crystal marched into the kitchen and set the paper down on the counter.

“No reason,” She opened the fridge.

“Your blue is starting to grow out,” Paul poked at her. “I saw it when you were leaning down, right on the top of your head.”

“Right,” Crystal was unphased. Paul returned to his pancakes in defeat.

“Did you eat my fish?”

“What?” Paul craned his neck again, Crystal was stomping back into the living room.

“I had some fish left over from Thursday,” Crystal went on explaining that she saw the plate it was on in the sink.

“We threw that out,” Jessica appeared in the hallway, wearing the same clothes she was wearing when she arrived. “Your dad was going to give it to me but it was ruined,” she shrugged her shoulders and made her way around the couch. “Hey, Paul.” Crystal was stuttering, trying to put a word together. Paul started to say there were some pancakes in the fridge, Crystal had already broken out crying. “I’m sorry,” Jessica murmured as she sat on the couch, scaring off Beowulf. Paul jabbed her in the shoulder.

“Speak up,” Paul insisted.

“I’m sorry,” Jessica said louder.

“Leave me alone!” Crystal ran off to her room, slamming the door.

“She really hates you now,” Paul poked at his pancakes.

“Your dad threw them out, not me,” Jessica complained.

“What are you even doing here?” Crystal screamed from her bedroom.

“I live here now,” Jessica shouted back.

“What?” Crystal’s door swung open and she stuck her head out.

“Dad let her move in,” Paul called out.

“What?” Crystal repeated, coming back out and staring at the two of them. Her face was deathly pale.

“It happened last night,” Paul explained, Jessica got up and walked into the kitchen.

“Get out of there!” Crystal screeched.

“I need something to eat!” Jessica insisted.

“You should starve!” Crystal ran into the kitchen, nearly tripping over her own feet and tried to wrestle Jessica away from the fridge. Paul finished his pancakes, trying to ignore the two of them fighting.

6-11-16 6:33 PM. Saturday.

“Hello?” Richard closed the door behind him and looked around. The living room and kitchen were empty. He wandered further into the house, noticing Beowulf asleep behind the couch. “Does anyone want to help me with the groceries?” He asked the empty room.

“Dad!” Paul came running out of the hallway. “What took you so long?” Richard avoided the question,

“Where’s Freddy and Jessica?” Richard asked.

“They got in a fight,” Richard noticed a bruise on Paul’s arm. “What did you think would happen?”

“Dad!?” Crystal’s bedroom door flew up and she hurried out into Richard’s arms. “That crazy girl threw out my fish! And then she tried to steal my food and she scratched me and made fun of my hair and called me a loser!”

“She didn’t call you a loser,” Paul interrupted, trying to get Richard’s attention.

“Don’t defend her,” Crystal yelled. “You’re supposed to be on my side!” Paul fought back, claiming not to be on either side. Richard looked past the two of them, Jessica was peeking out of the bathroom door. Richard had gone to the police station, with the picture he’d taken of them. He’d asked his friend, Michael, to figure what was going on with her. Michael wanted Richard to bring Jessica down to the station but Richard was hesitant.

“Get out here,” Paul noticed Jessica. She walked out into the living room.

“I think I have the perfect solution to your problems.” Richard proclaimed. The three kids all looked to him, surprised. “First, go get the groceries from my truck.”