forum So i've come up with a race and need feedback
Started by @AnxietyGremlin group

people_alt 81 followers

@AnxietyGremlin group

So my race is called Athens. I based it heavily of of greek mythology and sirens. They appear human on land, and are extremely beautiful They usually appear as young women with elven features, and have hair covering one of their eyes. They turn into hideous monsters when submerged in water. They have jagged sharp teeth, and oily stringy hair. they're always missing an eye. they're simply born this way. a poisonous gelatinous fluid comes from their eyes, and is usually black. They live in small colonies with up to 20 athens in each group. there are different subraces depending on the area. For example, Oracles live deep under the sea. and have an angler fish light. They're predatory and canabalistic. they will eat any and everything and rarely come up to the surface. But when they do, they are the most vicious and bloodthirsty of them all

Mt. G router

I think your race concept is really interesting and unique! I love the idea of the Athens appearing human on land but turning into monsters in water. I also like the subraces, like the Oracles, that add depth and variety to the race. It could be interesting to explore the cultural differences between the different subraces of Athens, like the Oracles and the ones that live on land. Do they have different traditions, beliefs, or customs that set them apart?

One thing that might also be worth considering is why the Athens have this ability to transform and what their motivations and behaviors might be because of that history. For example, do they have a specific purpose or goal in their colonies, or do they simply live and hunt as predators? Additionally, it might be interesting to explore the origins of the Athens and how they came to be this way.


Cool idea! Are they the "bad guys" of your story, or are they supposed to be thought of as evil for eating humans? Is there some twisted rational reason for why they do it? Do they have any hatred of humans, or do they just view humans like any other animal? Are there any of them that DON'T eat humans and instead are more or less "good guys"?

Lisandre Premium Supporter

That's a nice concept, and i do have a couple of questions:

  • For the oracles, you mention that the oracle are cannibalistic as they would eat even their own, or do you mean anthropophagus as man-eating. Also, if they don't come close to the surface and live in deep water, are they luminosensitive, are they easily blinded by the sun light for exemple.
  • How do the different clan exchanges, how do they communicate, what is their social and economical defenition, land (or water) territory, what history or feud do this people have, especially since the land able clans should have access to more ressources. What defines richess and knowledge.
  • Is there human folklore around them, are human even aware of their presence? What are their myth around humans?
  • Is there a rivalty for the hunting ground, are human hunting them as well?
  • Are they the evil in your story, or are they trying to fight against the human invasion of the sea.
  • Can they breath on land? It could be interesting that they only use the land as a hunting ground and need to go back in water to breath, reverse of the seals for exemple. Follow up question, are they mammals?
  • Why are they always missing an eye? There should be an evolutionnary reason for that, they might not know it, but you may drop some hint here and there. IS there other eye able to conteract the lack of perspective, or is this some sort of weakness on there end. How do they hide that difference on land if they turn into beautiful creatures? The removal of an eye could also be a rite of passage for some. Like if a hunter needs to go on land and need ot be able to shoot poison out of the eye socket once on land.
  • What degree of technology do they have or comprehend. Do they have some technology that human don't have and vice-versa. Technology may not be evolve, but for exemple a way to communicate under sea over long distance.