forum Ignore

Started February 07, 2018 by @remarkab.le

tune

It's so confusing…..

Well, make sure you add in a LOT of foreshadowing. Because it's definitely a major plot twist, and you want your readers to be able to predict that something along the lines of that will happen (you don't want to just spring it on them). Crashing a ball might actually work, especially if she's going to take back an entire kingdom. It's gotta be really dramatic (because I'm assuming that's the turning point/climax of your book?) so crashing the ball would honestly be perfect. If you're worried about messing up her character because it's not something she would normally do, make it so that it's her only option. Write her inner monologue and show that she's conflicted about doing it before she finally makes the decision to crash the ball because it's the only way?
I'm not sure if this would work with your story but I hope it helps somehow

It should, but it's not the climax. I want it to be the climax before the climax if that makes sense?

I'll brb… I got to take a math test.

Ah, I see. So don't make it as dramatic as the climax. Include a lot of foreshadowing leading up to it and make it predictable so it doesn't overpower your actual turning point

I mean I've dropped some heavy clues… Like: "You know I haven't always lived here", and "When I go back home I going to"…..

I mean not your character specifically hinting at it. It's hard to explain. When I get home I'll see if I can find some examples of foreshadowing

I know what Jensy's talking about… i do it quite alot… add like clues in the world itself… behavior, and details are EXTREMEly important

hey so who wants to read my crappy writing

MEEEE

ayyyy I'd like to read it lol

k
I laughed awkwardly, knowing Ava's joking nature but also knowing her serious history. I decided she must be joking - it was too extreme.
But the look on her face told me otherwise.
"I'm not joking. Do I look like I'm joking?" She raised an eyebrow, her voice firm. My laugh died, and I swallowed before answering.
"No. You don't." I whispered, glancing to her stomach. She and her mother were right - she was rapidly gaining weight. My eyes flicked back up to her face. "You're - you're actually-"
"Pregnant. Yep." Ava nodded, her voice lower than usual and breaking some.
"Oh my god…" My hand flew to my mouth. "Are you - to who?"
Ava shook her head. "I…I can't tell you that." It was probably either Lupe, Kody, or Gabe, the criminals she hung out with, but I wasn't about to point any fingers right now, so I nodded instead.
"Are you…are you okay? Do you need help? Because I'll help you-" I began.
"I know you would. But this isn't your problem…it's mine…I was drunk, I was smoking, I wasn't paying attention, and he…raped me," Ava whispered. "You don't have to get yourself involved in this. I just needed someone to tell."
"But will you be okay?" I asked. "I want to get myself involved in this, Ava. That's assault. Will you be okay? God, I hope he's in jail…or something…"
Ava nodded. "Don't worry, he is. You don't…" She shook her head eventually. "Thank you."

my writing's pretty dark and crappy

That's great… i can see the emotions clearly

thanks, I guess
I still think it's crappy

It's not. ^~^

Wait is this Red Shoes? Dude, that's fucking awesome you started it and I love it so far. I'm excited for more lol if that's alright

yup it's Red Shoes
I can give you more if you want lol

HEY DUDES I DITCHED RED SHOES FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND MADE THIS INSTEAD
“What’s this?” He asked me, gesturing to the two leads slow dancing in the middle of the room. I smiled to myself.
“It’s called the snowball dance. It’s tradition here at this one party. The leads dance with each other for about thirty seconds, and then…” As if on cue, the DJ suddenly yelled:
“Snowball!”
“And,” I continiued, “The two leads break off to dance with two other people for the same amount of time, and then he says snowball again, and so on, so forth until everyone’s dancing with someone.” I explain, just as the DJ calls the snowball again.
“Does everyone have to do it?” He asks, eyes wide.
“Well, only if you want to. But most people do it. It’s annual, you know. You only do it three times in your life.” I shrug as more and more people get pulled into the dance.
“I don’t know…I don’t really want to dance with anyone…” He admits, glancing around.
“No one? No one at all?” I raise an eyebrow, smiling.
“Well, dancing with you wouldn’t be too bad, but I really don’t want to dance with any other girl…” He looks around, nervous, as the number of dancing people grows.
“Well, you can dance with a boy and then dance with me. C’mon!” I urge as a boy from costume crew comes over to invite me to dance. I wink back at him and turn to the boy.
Sneaking glances over the boy’s shoulder, I see that he’s doing just fine. He’s dancing with another tall guy I recognize from set crew, and although he does look a little nervous, I can tell he’s anticipating…
“Snowball!”
The two other boys move away from the both of us and he hurriedly walks up to me.
“Quickly!” I giggle, grabbing one of his hands and putting the other on his shoulder. His left hand hangs at his side awkwardly.
“What, do you not know how to waltz?” I ask with a smile, bringing his hand to my waist.
He shakes his head, seemingly speechless.
“It’s like this. You turn in a circle while also dancing in a square…if that makes sense…” I instruct, looking down at our feet to make sure it’s right. It is, and after a bit of trial and error, he’s waltzing quite well.
“See? You’re doing fine.” I smile at him, and he smiles back.
“It’s been more than thirty seconds.” He notes.
“Yeah, once everyone is dancing the DJ keeps it going for a while. I forgot to tell you.” I shrug sheepishly.
“And the lights are getting dimmer. I can barely see anyone else.” He also observes. I nod again.
“Forgot to tell you that too. It’s almost like he’s setting people up.” I reference the DJ.
“Setting…people up?” He asks, stepping on my foot. “S-Sorry,” He apologizes.
“Kind of. In a way.” I peer through the darkness. “Your face is red.”
“It - it is.” He clears his throat. “Sorry, sorry…”
“It’s okay.” I answer, inclining my head and smiling at him.
I need somebody to finish it tho
if u know what I mean

That's great… i can do it if you want

Vry good at romance imma make you love it

okie
thx

Yeeeee

you can finish it

yeah ok

you can finish it

eye and hair colors if i may ask?

you can finish it

eye and hair colors if i may ask?

His hair is sandy/dirty blonde and russet brown eyes, I got me some mouse brown hair and jade green eyes

you can finish it

eye and hair colors if i may ask?

His hair is sandy/dirty blonde and russet brown eyes, I got me some mouse brown hair and jade green eyes

Thanks! ^~^

np

HEY DUDES I DITCHED RED SHOES FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND MADE THIS INSTEAD
“What’s this?” He asked me, gesturing to the two leads slow dancing in the middle of the room. I smiled to myself.
“It’s called the snowball dance. It’s tradition here at this one party. The leads dance with each other for about thirty seconds, and then…” As if on cue, the DJ suddenly yelled:
“Snowball!”
“And,” I continiued, “The two leads break off to dance with two other people for the same amount of time, and then he says snowball again, and so on, so forth until everyone’s dancing with someone.” I explain, just as the DJ calls the snowball again.
“Does everyone have to do it?” He asks, eyes wide.
“Well, only if you want to. But most people do it. It’s annual, you know. You only do it three times in your life.” I shrug as more and more people get pulled into the dance.
“I don’t know…I don’t really want to dance with anyone…” He admits, glancing around.
“No one? No one at all?” I raise an eyebrow, smiling.
“Well, dancing with you wouldn’t be too bad, but I really don’t want to dance with any other girl…” He looks around, nervous, as the number of dancing people grows.
“Well, you can dance with a boy and then dance with me. C’mon!” I urge as a boy from costume crew comes over to invite me to dance. I wink back at him and turn to the boy.
Sneaking glances over the boy’s shoulder, I see that he’s doing just fine. He’s dancing with another tall guy I recognize from set crew, and although he does look a little nervous, I can tell he’s anticipating…
“Snowball!”
The two other boys move away from the both of us and he hurriedly walks up to me.
“Quickly!” I giggle, grabbing one of his hands and putting the other on his shoulder. His left hand hangs at his side awkwardly.
“What, do you not know how to waltz?” I ask with a smile, bringing his hand to my waist.
He shakes his head, seemingly speechless.
“It’s like this. You turn in a circle while also dancing in a square…if that makes sense…” I instruct, looking down at our feet to make sure it’s right. It is, and after a bit of trial and error, he’s waltzing quite well.
“See? You’re doing fine.” I smile at him, and he smiles back.
“It’s been more than thirty seconds.” He notes.
“Yeah, once everyone is dancing the DJ keeps it going for a while. I forgot to tell you.” I shrug sheepishly.
“And the lights are getting dimmer. I can barely see anyone else.” He also observes. I nod again.
“Forgot to tell you that too. It’s almost like he’s setting people up.” I reference the DJ.
“Setting…people up?” He asks, stepping on my foot. “S-Sorry,” He apologizes.
“Kind of. In a way.” I peer through the darkness. “Your face is red.”
“It - it is.” He clears his throat. “Sorry, sorry…”
“It’s okay.” I answer, inclining my head and smiling at him.
I need somebody to finish it tho
if u know what I mean

He looked around awkwardly, his face beet red. "Alright…Uhm…"
I smiled gently at him. His gaze shifted awkwardly, not keeping eye contact.
"You're getting well at this." I tilted my head gently.
"Oh… uh… Well, it's mostly because of you…" He shifted.
"It's part natural talent. Don't worry." I grinned again.
"So… the DJ is… setting people up?" He asked again. "Like… couples?"
I skimmed my eyes around the dimly lit room, feeling embarrassed. "Yeah."
He looked back at me and his face flushed a new shade of red. You could see the swirls of emotions in his russet eyes, his face gently contorting.
A wave of screaming fell through my brain, yelling about how cute he was acting. My own cheeks flushed a red. This was my chance…
"I never really told you… but I- I think your eyes are pretty…" He stuttered, looking into my eyes, his gaze wavering only slightly.
A part of me snapped, unable to take it anymore. I pressed up against him and pushed my lips to his. Though it was only a second, joyful heat washed down my body. I pulled away, aware of what I've just done. My face burned and my brain seemingly fried.
His eyes were wide, the russet orbs full of emotions. "/Name/,… I…" His face turned tomato red. He pushed his lips back against mine suddenly, his arms wrapping around my waist tighter.
I gasped in surprise, unable to realize what was happening. The heat washed down my body again, making me melt in his arms. My mind was a jumbled mess of inner screaming.
Soon, I snapped out of it in a couple seconds and pushed into his warm embrace, my lips moving gently against his.
He pulled away, seemingly reluctantly, as the lights brightened back up, blinding both of us. "Snowball!" The DJ yelled.
I looked at /Name/, still blushing. "We'll… talk about this later…" I told him as i rushed off to dance with someone else, embarrassed as hell.
He looked brain dead. "Yeah…." The blonde boy's voice was just a whisper.

(I tried…. im sorry)