forum Anyone wanna proof-read each others writing? (Closed.)
Started by @Paperok
tune

people_alt 4 followers

@CWTurtleOfFreedom

It’s out of context lol but um yeah:

Four hours later, we were boarding a plane, United flight 3791, New Jersey to San Francisco. Getting through security had been a nightmare, what with Emlyn and Liia touching everything, Tracy asking a TSA agent where to find the library, and Walt and Wyatt refusing to follow any rule whatsoever, thus setting off about seven metal detectors. Thank goodness we didn’t have any luggage.
“Alright, Tracy, Emlyn, Liia, you sit there,” I instructed, pointing to their assigned seats. “And for heaven’s sake, don’t conjure anything.”
My, Walt, and Wyatt’s seats were directly across from them. “You two, window and middle. I’m taking the aisle,” I said. They actually listened for once, sitting down quietly and following my instructions.
I watched the steady stream of passengers board, examining them and their bags as subtly as I could. These wizards are making me more paranoid by the minute.
All of the passengers looked normal, but one caught my eye. She was dressed well enough, in a businesslike dress, but her face looked withered and her hair matted, though she struck me as no older than thirty.
She sat two rows behind me, and when the flight attendant came by to ask her if she’d like anything to drink before takeoff, the woman rasped, “No thank yo— yes, a whiskey—if I must, a club soda plea— whiskey, on ice,” her voice jarringly uneven.
“Uh…. of course, ma’am. Um…. are you aware that you’ll be charged $5.99 for the whiskey?” the flight attendant answered nervously.
“How dare you charge me fo— of course, that’s fine, than—r my drink!” the woman grated out.
Odd, I thought. Multiple personality disorder?
“Hey, Walt, Wyatt,” I whispered, turning to them. “Did you see that woman behind us?” I got no answer from either of them, as Walt was playing with the window shade and Wyatt was leaning over Walt to assist him.
I sighed, leaning back in my seat. “Guess not.”

They’re not actually wizards but my main character is sarcastic so

@Paperok

This is good! Sure I don't understand the situation very well and we have already established I am a dunce t grammar so I wouldn't notice if there were grammar mistakes.
If you don't mind me asking, what is the story about? I'm really curious!

@CWTurtleOfFreedom

Lol it’s ok

This will sound kinda stupid

But it’s where the guy isn’t ‘Magick’ And the girl is and he doesn’t know it and while they’re out together getting coffee she gets attacked but he’s the only one who can see it. The “bad guys” easily get rid of him (he ends up in the hospital) and cart off the girl. In the hospital, he is tended to by undercover Magick ppl. They go on a quest to save the world, angst ensues, etc.

@CWTurtleOfFreedom

That sounds nice! Do you have any more excerpts?

Well so far I’ve done six chapters i think but excerpts would be kinda out of context like the last one, so

@Paperok

That sounds nice! Do you have any more excerpts?

Well so far I’ve done six chapters i think but excerpts would be kinda out of context like the last one, so

I don't mind critiquing chapters, want to post some?