forum Learning to be human
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Anna looked over at Maddalena. The emotion behind her eyes was raw and painful. She had been betrayed, yes… but she couldn't help but feel responsible for allowing it to happen. The words Nikhail had spoken to her that day would forever be imprinted on her mind. In the living room, right before he'd seized control of Anna and Daisy, then again when it had been him and Anna alone afterward. Her face warmed as she shivered.

"It's worth a great deal," she replied quietly.

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Maddalena gently placed a hand on Anna’s shoulder. “I wish I could ease your pain but all I can do right now is teach you and your daughter how to defend yourselves and fight back so you won't find yourself in that kind of situation again.” she assured. “If you will let me. I don't know either of you very well but Daisy has grown on me. I want to protect her as if she was one of the children I used to look after. I imagine that is almost as much as you want to protect her.”

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Anna jumped slightly at the touch, but she settled herself at least enough to listen to Maddalena's words. "I understand," she whispered. "I've only ever wanted to protect her." She swallowed heavily and nodded. "The lessons… I'll do them."

The memories of Nikhail were in the forefront of her mind, and everything spilled out of her at once. "I still remember," Anna stated. The emotion played on her face as she spoke. "Every word he said to me, and every place he touched me. How the interior of his house looked, and the look on his face as he told me that he was exactly the person I was seeking to find. The cause of all the corruption at Whitecross. It's humiliating that I can't go near it again. It's part of my job. He's gone, and I know it, but I can't go inside. And everyone knows. The whole of the police force and my entire firm. I can see it in their eyes when they look at me. And I still can't be near swimming pools." A choking sob escaped her. "It's like everything I see reminds me of that day. Of him."

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Maddalena noted that way Anna flinched but did not pull away. The mortal woman needed firm reassurance. “You will not regret this decision. I will help you and your daughter and protect you both.” she promised.

The former goddess listened calmly to her story, nodding to show that she was hearing her. “Trauma can create the strongest memories and if those you work with had any sense, they would understand why those places bother you so much.” she pointed out. It may not have been her strongest suit but she remembered quite a few young thieves who suffered from their own traumas. “But I would hope you don't see him when you look at me.” she added with a soft smirk in an attempt to cheer her a little.

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Anna swallowed heavily and nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered. God only knew Anna and Daisy needed someone to protect them. Nikhail’s voice whispered in her ear, his hand ghosting her arm, ”You're a very smart woman, Anna. Did Harry ever really appreciate you?” She visibly shuddered and tensed her body. No… she couldn’t let the memory seize control of her again. She had to fight it.

The woman inhaled shakily. “They do. Some do, at least. But sometimes they forget.” She shook her head vigorously. “Damn him,” she whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut. “He’s everywhere!”

Maddalena’s words pierced through her scattered mind. Anna opened her eyes and looked over at the goddess sitting beside her. “No,” she answered quietly. “I don’t.”

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“Of course.” she nodded, gently squeezing Anna’s hand wanting to comfort her. In the brief time of knowing the woman, she believed that she didn't need to be suffering like this anymore.

It was fairly easy to see when her mind switched to… clearly unpleasant things and Maddalena started rubbing her back in circles. “No. He’s not here.” she assured softly. “If he is in your head, then we can work on that too.”

But she smiled softly at the answer and nodded. “I’m glad of that. If it helps you, you can think of me.” she offered.

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Anna accepted the comfort and the squeeze. It helped ground her, at least for a moment. She breathed slowly, steadily. There it was. She was coming back into herself. Until…

“I thought it was a wonderful romance.” Anna jerked her head to the side as if jerking away from someone touching her face. A whimper escaped her. “I know,” she whispered. “But it feels so real…” Her body trembled. “It was real.”

She blinked at the goddess and smiled. “Alright,” she agreed meekly. “I’ll try, I suppose.”

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Maddalena frowned slightly when Anna jolted away from her mental phantom before gently pulling the shorter woman into her arms. “I know it was. But you have to let it go. It was not your fault. The only way you will move on from this is if you stop giving those memories power over you.” she pointed out.

Though she returned the smile warmly and nodded. “If it will help, when I get my powers back, I will be able to search the dead for him and make sure that he is suffering as he deserves. As well as giving you and your daughter the gift to see if someone intends to do either of you harm.” she offered, reaffirming her decision to give Anna a gift of protection.

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Anna immediately relaxed as Maddalena held her. It was obvious that physical touch was her biggest love language. She enjoyed being held in someone else’s arms for however long it lasted. The illusion existed, if only for a moment, that there was someone protecting her from the painful world around her. It grounded her, and she listened more intently to the goddess’ words.

“I know,” she whispered. “But I can’t help it.” Anna shook her head and admitted the next words with a new kind of pain. “I was so deeply in love with him that I wanted things it was wrong to want.”

Anna’s brown eyes widened. “You can do that?” she asked incredulously. The reminder of the gift made Anna visibly relax. “Thank you,” she whispered. “That means the world to me. Though, I’m not sure how it works, promise me that if only one of us may receive the gift… let it be Daisy.”

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Maddalena wasn't familiar with love languages, partly because she was out of touch with mortals but even she could tell how much Anna needed to be held. And she did want to protect her as long as she was here.

“I understand that.” she nodded. “Love easily can do all kinds of things to people. For better or worse. I doubt anyone would really blame you for falling to his ploy.” she tried to encourage.

She nodded confidentiality at the question. “I can do that. Hades is actually a… fairly reasonable fellow. It's his wife you don't want to anger.” she admitted with a light giggle. “I should have no trouble giving it to both of you once I have my power and title back. But if it will assure you, I will give it to Daisy if I can only give it to one.” she nodded.

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Anna nearly went limp in Maddalena’s arms. It had been so long since someone had held her and let her be relaxed in their arms. She closed her eyes and let herself fall entirely into Maddalena’s embrace.

“I blame myself,” she whispered. “At least for Daisy’s involvement. I so wanted her to like him, but she knew. She knew there was something about him that didn’t seem right.”

Her eyes opened and widened. “Oh,” she breathed softly. A shiver rushed through her at the thought of Hades being real. Existing. She shivered again, though she knew Nikhail was dead. But she nodded at the promise Maddalena made. “Thank you,” she repeated. “Though it would be helpful to have aid like that tonight,” she added without thinking. She forgot she hadn’t told Daisy and Maddalena about Ethan and her date.

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Maddalena was content to hold the woman as long as she needed to be held. She remembered a few single mother's she had come across in the past who had not received enough support, in one form or another, and unfortunately it was seeming as though Anna was in a similar state.

She nodded in understanding, unable to immediately think of anyway to refute her statement. "Children do tend to be more observant than they are given credit for. And are often right when others dismiss them." she answered. Which was one of the reasons why she had taken many children under her wing, especially when they showed certain skills or were rejected. "But… I fear, even if you had not purposely tried to encourage a relationship between them, he may have still targeted Daisy just because she is your daughter." she pointed out gently.

"Oh? Why tonight especially?" she asked, raising a brow as she looked at Anna.

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Anna appreciated the embrace more than she could really say. Harry hadn’t been too “touchy feely” with her aside from intimate moments. And physical touch was something Anna craved deep down. It was at the top of her list of love languages, but she rarely received it nowadays. Maddalena’s arms were incredibly comforting.

“Well, he targeted both of us for my husband,” Anna muttered quietly. “He would have gotten us one way or another, and that’s what terrifies me the most. But… he’s gone. So I need to stop thinking about it.”

Her entire face turned pink as she blushed. “Oh… I… I met someone at the coffee shop,” she admitted shyly. “We’re going on a date tonight.”

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Maddalena hummed in agreement at Anna’s clarification. “I see. But I do not blame you for having a hard time putting those memories behind you.” she assured.

“Oh? Is that why you were gone so long?” she couldn't help chuckling. “Daisy told me of your usual habit but… I have to admit I am curious about your date tonight.” she grinned.

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Anna sighed quietly. “Where were you five months ago?” she asked wryly. “I wish I could be over all of this by now and move on with my life. Harry certainly has.” Her blush lingered as she remembered the comment Daisy had made when she assumed Maddalena was Harry’s newest girlfriend.

The pink across her face deepened to red at the goddess’ chuckle. “Perhaps,” she replied. “I don’t often keep track of how long I’m gone. It’s not for lack of trying. I loose track of time. But yes, sometimes I need to clear my head.”

Anna grinned excitedly, trying not to act too childish. “Oh, he’s marvelously handsome. And he’s taking me to The King’s Arms at eight. Well, we’re meeting there.”

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“Living obliviously to how things have changed here.” Maddalena reminded with a shrug before she noticed Anna’s embarrassment. “Well, I’m sure you know men can only think of one thing at any time.” she pointed out. “There are exceptions but, just from hearing you talk, it doesn't seem like Harry is one.”

She nodded at the explanation, understanding the need to have some time and space alone. Though her eyes sparkled with mischief as the mortal woman blushed. “Well, handsome is one thing but I hope you got to know him a little more than just that.” she teased.

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Anna smiled sadly. "I know. I can only imagine how differently things would have turned out if we'd met before everything happened with Nikhail."

She couldn't help the quiet scoff she let out. "No," she answered, trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone. It didn't work. "He certainly isn't." More than once, he'd chosen his addictions over her. The gambling, the casinos, the risks. Whatever rush of adrenaline. And, of course, that was where he met most of the women he now slept with too. Just the thought made Anna swallow heavily and shift a bit to make herself more comfortable.

The teasing made Anna blush deeper. "I did. We talked for a bit after we got our drinks. That probably didn't help with how long I stayed out either. But I've never met a man like him."

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Maddalena nodded thoughtfully as her usual mischievous smirk came to her face. “He probably would have been obliterated just for looking at you.” she giggled.

But she listened seriously to Anna’s answer. “Don’t punish yourself over him. The flaws lie with him.” she tried to comfort though she hadn't had much practice in a while.

“That's good. Considering how long you were gone, I would hope there would be more to this man than just his looks.” she teased. “So, tell me more about him. What’s he like?”

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Anna couldn't help the grin that overcame her expression at Maddalena's comment. She giggled with the goddess and shook her head. "I would have liked to witness that," she remarked quietly.

"That's far easier said than done," she murmured. "But I know that now." Her eyes still shone with held-back tears, but the emotion behind her gaze was firm as Anna looked up at Maddalena. "I understand it."

Anna giggled and adjusted her hair slightly. "Well, for one, he travels. Very often and all over. He's in the area, so he stopped by London. And he also loves music."

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"So would I." Maddalena grinned, knowing that such a task would be… near impossible in her current state and she honestly wasn't sure if seeing Nikhail would be a good thing for Anna even if it was to witness his demise on her terms.

The former goddess gently took her hand and gave a maternal squeeze, assuring her that it was all right. "There's no shame in tears either." she whispered.

"Oh, really?" she encouraged with an arched brow. "Has he been here before?"