forum A Thing You Won't Remember

Started September 18, 2022 by @ElderGod-yellowqueen

tune

"You'll never get the years back that you lost, Teben. It's not possible. Nothing you do will ever make up for the years lost and that piece of innocence gone. But you can live now. You can live the best of your abilities. You have a chance to act your age. To have fun and learn and discover what it means to be Teben. Ask Lily and Calvin. They came from the same brothel as I did. And while their time there was not as bad as when I was there age," Evony was the reason behind them having a better time there, "they still experienced horrible things. And now here they are. They're in school getting the best education. Lily had the best dresses and the best tutors and she's learning how to dance. Calvin has caught up in all of his studies, he's shadowing me to eventually take over as lord. And they still both have time to go outside and play. Whether they're playing ball or pretend. Or they're inside and they're colors or playing the piano so terribly everyone's ears bleed. They're still learning to enjoy their youth. And that's what I want for you, Teben, to find joy in your youth while you still have it."

Uriah didn't comment on what Lady Ebony was trying to sell the kid, but he did think it was a bit disingenuous to try to convince Teben that Calvin colored and played pretend outside. Or Lily, for that matter.
Carth was more focused on Teben's reaction. The boy was… perceptive, to say the least. Had shown himself to be oddly aware for a 12 year old. And that wasn't lost on the soldier.
Teben looked at her again, just watching. Here was this woman, in all her finery, from a noble background, who'd had some rough years, but clearly knew life outside of suffering. Teben had nothing to compare to. His entire life had been nothing but torture and misery at the hands of the Venian people. And here was yet another Venian, trying to turn him into some kind of toy who loved bright books and loud toys and playing pretend outside. Teben was nobody's toy. He had been his entire life, and he never would be again, no matter how much this woman tried to make him one. She wanted him to pretend he was a happy kid in her care, when he knew that she had no real wishes for his happiness. She was Venian, and Venians hated the Haradrim.
So no matter what she promised, Teben knew better than to believe a single word of it.
"I'm not a plaything for you to give a pretend childhood to." he said evenly, quietly, drawing back from her, fully expecting his honesty to get him hit. She definitely seemed the type to get her way or lash out, Teben had learned to recognize them long ago.

Ebony watched him for a long time before she answered. She studied the child in front of her. She tapped her fingers against the arm of the sofa. "If you were my plaything, Teben, I would have sent my staff to spread rumors on town about what a wonderful person I am for taking in such a child. I'd parade you around for everyone to see what a good person I am. Luckily for you, I'm not a good person so I have no intentions of parading you around. Uriah will show you to your rooms so that you may refresh yourself for dinner. The estate is yours to do as you please with, though I ask you don't wonder outside or destroy anything. I have some business to attend to so I will see you for dinner. If you have any questions, ask Calvin or Lily."
She stood and clapsed her hands behind her back to hide how badly they were shaking. A drink. She needed a drink. But she didn't want this child's first impression of her as a drunkard. And she did have things that needed ger attending too. There was always something for her to do. It never stopped.
It was days like this that she almost wished for a spouse to share the burden. But she would not chain herself to a marriage nor let any man try to control her. A man would want things she simply could not provide.

Teben watched her go. He relaxed as she went, realizing he'd survived this encounter. Though dinner promised to be an interesting affair. All her finger tapping had made him want to hide. It spoke to a need for release, and usually that release came in the form of pain.
She did parade her kids around, in telling him exactly how much they loved being hers and living the life she'd given them. So he wasn't sure why she was denying that.
Her admission that she wasn't a good person was no surprise to him, and the fact that she would so readily say it meant she was alright with being a bad individual, and that was nervewracking. He'd need to protect the other, smaller kids from her.

Uriah nodded at her, hoping she wouldn't wind up drinking before supper. It had come to him earlier that she was likely replacing an addiction to sex with an addiction to alcohol, as a result of her background, and that had been… an interesting realization.
It also explained some of Lear's statements to him, about her 'needs'.

Carth followed them as Uriah lead the boy up to his room. He would stay with Teben and try to iron out exactly why the boy didn't trust Ebony so much.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Ebony found the bottle of wine she kept hidden between book shelves and quickly uncorked it. She took several large gulps, her shaking hands causing wine to dribble on her person but she paid no mind to that. She collapsed against the wall and waited for her shaking to stop.
In the dark corner of the library, she pulled her knees to her chest and rested her cheek on them, taking a swig of her wine every so often. She focused on her breathing. She felt the wine slowly soothe her body and calm her trembling. She felt her mind soften and senses blur. It was too much. She was drinking too much. But he…he brought out these memories. Memories swirling in her head, making it hurt, making her ache. She took another drink and just like that, over half the bottle was gone.
She felt like a child hiding in her closet when someone upset her. All she wanted to do was curl up in the darkness and waste away. She didn't want to be there. She couldn't do it. She couldn't be the person everyone expected her to be. She had to do this to give Calvin and Lily a good life. The moment he turned of age, she would hand it over to him and step back. Take enough money live comfortably somewhere no one would ever bother her. She wanted to be alone. She wanted peace and quiet and to be alone.

The evening came and went. Dinner was a happy affair, the 5 Venian kids happy and excited about their new lives. They largely giggled amongst each other and chatted with Lily.
Teben had been muted, and had stuck close to Carth. He'd changed clothes, and the smaller kids had all looked at him in wonder when he came into the dining room. Despite his appearance, here was a spirit that had been broken and remade and splintered again, and had still survived what the world had thrown at him.
Carth had made polite conversation with Lady Ebony, when she would speak to him, though he'd largely talked to Uriah and Calvin, who was asking a million questions about the war effort. Carth had to wonder at the young man's interest, and Uriah filled in some gaps for him by explaining that Calvin wanted to serve under the Prince for a while before becoming Lord of Morganshire.
The meal passed, the kids went to bed, and Carth made his departure, thanking Lady Ebony very sincerely for her hopsitality and kindness.
"I do hope we see each other again." he said warmly, by way of goodbye. She was a beautiful and intelligent woman, and the fact she'd seemed able to put aside their early history was not lost on him.
He'd ridden away into the night, and Teben had trembled in his bed all night long, waiting for them to come grab him and show him how they were really going to treat him. Waited for them to subject him to whatever new tortures they had for him.

Over the course of the next week, Uriah worked with Lady Ebony to get the children placed. The 5 Venians went relatively quickly, the nobility coming and getting them with no issues. The children were a bit timid, at first, but for the most part, this batch seemed not to have the worst hangups.
Nobody wanted Teben.
A child with that many psychological blocks and phsyical issues was hard to get anyone to accept. On top of that, he flatly refused to go with several, saying he could 'smell' the malevolence on them.
He had also refused treatment at the hands of Elsaria or anyone else with magic. Calvin very quickly noted that the boy had some kind of preternatural 6th sense for magic users, and regularly avoided them. He'd agreed to a different, non-magic user doctor, though that hadn't been an exact reason, and they had done their best to help him heal well.
Lily wound up being the biggest help to him. Sweet, gentle Lily. She and Teben bonded, slowly but surely, even while he avoided other people and continued to be prickly with Lady Ebony. They worked on that, Calvin and Lily, trying to get him to see her as a safe ally, but something about her just made him lock down his face and square his shoulders. Calvin couldn't help but notice the similarity between how the boy treated her and how she'd responded to the royals that first week.
Uriah watched his progress, watched Calvin and Lily working with him, and kept out of the situation. He had other things to attend to.
Lady Ebony finished some design elements, and Uriah began attending her meetings, standing behind her with his arms folded and a permanent glower on his face, which deepened when people started to question her.
The meetings began going much smoother, as her decisions were questioned less.
Things got done quicker, and within a couple of days, that particular pressure had been relieved. He was determined to lighten her load as much as possible, even as he watched her drinking get worse. If she didn't rein it in, she would end herself this way, and the guard wasn't going to let that happen without a fight.

And so, the first week passed.

Ebony had barely been able to get through the dinner without passing out. She had drunk too much wine on an empty stomach and her body was suffering the consequences. She managed to hold up appearances well enough, or at least she believed too. She held onto Uriah when they walked for support and managed to hide her clumsiness at the table. She tuned out the conversations around her, chiming in only once or twice. She was just watching and waiting and stuck in her own head, a prisoner of her own mind.
Desserts were brought out for the children, all different sorts of cakes and cookies and pastries. Many Ebony had never even heard of herself. She thanked the cooks and slid them a few extra coins for all the work they did.
And when the night came to an end, Ebony wished Carth goodbye. "I hope so too, in a better situation than this. Safe travels, Ser."
And then she went back to her room and drank herself into oblivion.

Over the next week, Ebony had her spies that were placed in other Lords' estates report back to her. Which families were a good fit for the children, and which were not. She reached out to families and childless parents of lords and wealthy merchants. She was able to place all of the children relatively well. All accept Teben. No one wanted a broken child. He was damaged goods, at least to the other families. Ebony only saw a struggling child who needed guidance and a chance.
She had a brace fashioned to fit his lithe body and crutches as well should he need or desire it. There was also a wheelchair tucked away in her infirmary should it come to that. She had consulted with her merchant on ways to make her home more accessible but there wasn't much she could do other than add a ramp.
She was thankful that Calvin and Lily took over looking after Teben. She hadn't asked them of it nor expected it but they took him in and made him welcome. It was better than she could have done. The boy was still scared of her. he often snapped at her and it took everything in her not to yell at him. She would never lay her hands on a child, or anyone for that matter, but sometimes it made her want to punch a wall.
There was something about Teben that caused memories to resurface. Ones that she had buried deep inside her. She would have flashbacks in the middle of the day, she would have awful nightmares. Her drinking progressed drastically over the course of the week compared to the couple of months she had been there. She was drinking to forget. She was drinking to escape. But no matter what she did, she couldn't escape her own mind. She often woke severely hungover or still drunk. She had an episode where she locked herself in her room, screaming and destroying things. The next day, she acted like everything was fine and nothing had happened.
This would continue to frequent throughout the next weeks.

The next two weeks were relatively normal. No surprise visits from royalty, no damaged children showing up on their doorstep. Just life as usual. Wine squeezing and beer brewing, handling money and educating kids. Uriah watched Lady Ebony handle it all relatively well.
If you went by the facade she put up for everyone.
On her own, though, she was a mess. She was drinking harder than she had for months, clearly bothered by something. It seemed to have to do with Teben. Something about him had set her off. Maybe telling her story, Uriah couldn't be sure. She wouldn't talk to him about it, though he tried a couple times.
They had begun prepping to head to the Palace for the party. Uriah had suggested to the Lady that she start learning all of the names of the nobility, so she would have a head start and not be totally lost at the party. He mostly wanted her to see who her allies at court might be. Uriah knew full well that as a courtier, she would need "friends."
He wasn't exactly sure how she'd taken the suggestion.
The news from the front stated that the King was engaged in active battles all along the Northeast border between Venia and Rhun. The Rhunian's defenses were holding strong there. Prince Romulus, however, had pierced the Eastern border easily and was conducting a siege of the secondary capital of the nation. Uriah had smiled to himself in cold satisfaction at the news of the Prince's success and his father's struggles.
He'll make a better King by far.

And so they were only a week away from the Party.

Ebony did well in maintaining her composure in front of others. She put on a facade that fooled many. But there were some she could not fool. Uriah, her personal staff, Robin. They would whisper when they thought that no one was listening. Poor girl, what a tragic thing. She's too young to be suffering.
The whispers spread and spread until the entire staff knew. Stroues had spread, some true, some not, about their poor Lady. It irritated Ebony to know end, causing her to lash out several times.
In her alone time, which was fewer and fewer, she would drink until she found the bottom of the bottle or blacked out. She would hardly remember the previous day's events and needed to be reminded several times. And while her drinking progressed, she began to eat less and less. The woman that had come to them with full hips and chest was no longer. She was skin and bone now. Her ribs could easily be counted. Her cheeks were protruding. She was boney. Too thin. There were dark circles under her eyes and her tanned skin had paled. She wasn't doing well and anyone with eyes could see that.
Despite her physical and mental wellbeing, she carried on. There were things to do and she couldn't slack off because she wasn't feeling her best. She was memorizing each Lord and Lady, their land, and their source of income. And had begun preparations for their journey to palace, something she was dreading wholeheartedly. She knew she needed to make friends, allies, should anything happen.

The remaining week was made up of a few things. Uriah was busy helping Milady pack. There were so many changes of clothing and other 'rules' that had to be followed at court, and making sure she was up to speed was a long job. He didn't have to explain much, but a few things were new, and on top of that… she was either drunk or hungover the entire time.

He was watching Calvin step slowly into the role he'd been given. The young man had been watching Lady Ebony descend into the state she was in, and he had shared equal load with Uriah in squashing rumors and whisperings. Many of them were pity rumors, about her terrible life before-hand, but some of the more insidious details of her life had been surmised, and the word whore was being thrown around far too much for Uriah's liking. The rumors were either full of condescending pity or sneering disdain. They wouldn't go away, especially not as the Countess deteriorated, but they'd have been a lot worse if not for Uriah and Calvin. Uriah was constantly breaking up little gossip circles, and had even had to fire one servant on the spot for pernicious lying. Calvin had been more diplomatic, and had simply been slowly reducing the pay for those he had to reprimand more than once. That had gotten people to quiet down quite a bit.
Uriah felt Calvin was well suited for the role he was being handed for the week. The young man would obviously rather be riding out with Lady Ebony in a suit of armor, but he'd become convinced he could do some good here. He was already making changes, having to pick up more as the Countess was less and less present.

The third job taking up Uriah's time was shooting messages back and forth with Carth, who'd been stationed at the Palace due to his injuries. Uriah had asked him for help getting the Countess's rooms ready, and making sure she was in a good spot. Carth had done his best to put her near the Prince's rooms, in a section of the Palace she'd be familiar with.

And so the week passed.

The news of war said that the King had left his battle, riding with an escort towards the Palace, to celebrate, even in the midst of war. Uriah had simply shaken his head at the sheer narcissism on display in that choice. He'd left a general in charge of his portion of the war, in order to come back and party.

Disgusting.

Lorcan was ready and raring to go. Nurl was saddled up. A few guards were prepped to make the journey with them, and as far as Uriah knew, they left in the morning for the Palace.
He knocked on Lady Ebony's door in the evening, largely to check that she was in as decent a mental state as could be expected. She'd been erratic lately, and everything Uriah tried, she rebuffed. But he couldn't just leave her to her brokenness and the bottle.
So he knocked, to keep trying.

As the days passed and their departure neared, Ebony found herself locked in her room on more than one occasion. She couldn't leave. She couldn't leave her room. She couldn't leave her house. She couldn't do it. The panic was building and building until she was left pacing in her rooms, tears streaming down her face, and muttering to herself. The closer they got, the more of her memories resurfaced. Memories of before, memories of that night. Just small bits and pieces, flashes. Even just the small snippets she saw had her locking up in her stance. She would shut down for minutes to hours. She would do nothing but stare. Stare at what? No one could guess. It was just horrors in her head turning over and over again. It was like she was stuck in a nightmare of her own making.
The drinking continued. She drank to get out of her head, and when that didn't work, she only drank more. She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on. She was in pain. A never-ending pain that had no end in sight. She just needed to wait until Calvin was of age and then she could the ropes over to him. But that was two more years, at the least. She wasn't sure if she could last that long. She knew she wouldn't last that long.
She never envisioned this life for herself. For as long as she could remember, she was ready to live her life until death in the brothel. And as horrible as it may have been, she preferred that life to this one. But she did not want the others to suffer. She wanted Calvin and Lily to be free of it. No child should be forced into services. So while she longed for the simplicity of the brothel, she knew she couldn't go back. Not after everything that had happened.

The night before they were to leave for the palace, she locked herself in her room much earlier than she usually did. She needed to be alone to come to terms with things. She would be returning to the palace, her home, now occupied by a usurper. She would be forced to participate in activities and parties and balls with the man that slaughtered her entire family, that would have slaughtered her.
She didn't want to go back. She didn't think she could handle it. Her heart would likely give out on her due to stress before the celebration was over. It would be too much for her to handle. But she couldn't show that. She couldn't show anything. If anyone got wind of why it pained her to be at the palace, she was dead. Calvin and Lily were dead. Everyone would be killed for their association with her. She had to put on a brave face. She had to shove down her emotions. She was terrified but she couldn't let anyone know.
She was going to be in close vicinity to the king. She couldn't be drunk off her ass throwing tantrums every other night. But the thought of ridding wine completely from her life made her physically ill. She would have to lighten up on it though, for everyone's survival. She needed to be able to function. She needed to be able to have her emotions in check. She needed self-control.
She wasn't sure she could do it.

Ebony hadn't been expecting someone to knock on the door. She hadn't been expecting company that evening. She barely registered the sound of the knock, so caught up in her own head. She strode over to the door and propped it open. She looked up at Uriah, in nothing but a simple nightgown. It fell to her mid-thigh. It was satin, a deep blue. There was lace trimming and a small V-neck that show her cleavage. She hadn't expected for Uriah to be at her door. She would have thrown on a robe otherwise. It was too late now. So she only said:
"Is there anything you need?"

Uriah didn't register her state of undress. He was more concerned that she was going to lose her mind in the Palace. Everything about the lead up had indicated her grip on reality and sanity was slipping.
Only her grip on the bottle had tightened.

"Milady… Ebony, I was going to ask you that." he said gently when she opened the door. "What can I do to help you? Anything, anything at all. I am yours to command, you know this…"
He had done everything but try to crawl into her sheets, in order to get her mind on other things or provide her some relief. She seemed intent on walking this road alone, despite his every attempt as someone who cared for her to help.
Now, he was beyond willing to try even the sheets, or something more extreme, if it would only crack the look of exhaustion, fear, and anxiety that she had worn perpetually for the last few days.

Ebony only turned on her heel and walked further into her room, leaving the door open for Uriah to follow should he wish. Her room was clean, a contrast from the past week or so. Now that her bags were fully packed and her clothes had been sorted through, everything had been put away. Everything was in its place. The curtain over the window had been thrown open, allowing the moonlight to seep into the room.
"I need nothing, Uriah. I'm alright. But thank you for checking up on me." Her voice did not slyr, a contrast to the last three weeks. While she wasn't completely sober, she was more sober than she had been in a long time. And she felt awful for it. She needed to find some sort of balance.

Uriah had been careful to keep his interactions with the Countess as respectful as possible, not wanting to give her reason to think he was against her.
But if there was a time to speak his mind, this as it.
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.
Here goes.
"Ebony… you're not alright. I can see it, and so can many others, but I'm in a position to do something about it." he said quietly. "So tell me what I can do. Tell me what you want."

Ebony's eyes flashed to Uriah, anger flooding them. Her subconscious knew she wasn't alright. She knew she had a problem, that she needed help, but it wasn't something she would admit. She pushed it down. She was fine. She was fine. She didn't have a drinking problem.
"As I said," she spoke sharply, "I'm fine. I don't need anything. So I'm not quite sure what you are insinuating. As for what I want, I want people to stop accusing me of not being alright."
She did not have a problem. Everything was fine. She was fine. She didn't need help. Not from him or anyone else.

Uriah swallowed, and pushed, knowing he was risking their friendship on the eve of a dangerous time.
"Ebony… I'm insinuating that you're human. That you have needs and you're not some automaton." He stepped towards her, reaching a beseeching hand out. "No one is accusing you, I'm simply putting a name to what I see. You don't sleep well, you barely sleep at all, you drink more than you eat, your interactions have become more angry and less full of the kindness you once showed… something is wrong, and I want to help you address it here before someone exploits it at the Palace…"
He made one more step towards her, his eyes pleading with her to be open with him. To let him care for her, whatever form that took.

Ebony took a step back from him, her eyes filled with anger and betrayal. He was supposed to be her friend. He was supposed to stand by her side but now he was standing against her. "I am fine. I didn't know being a little stressed was a crime. If you have nothing else to say other than these vile accusations, you may leave."
She wouldn't hear it. she wouldn't hear anything else he had to say. She picked up her half-full glass of wine and took a large gulp of it. She tapped her shorn nails, having bit them all off, against the glass of the goblet. She turned to gaze out the window, providing her back to her guard. She hoped he would take the hint.

Uriah did not take the hint.
Instead, he did something he'd been wanting to do for months. Since their friendship was already being scrapped…

He slapped the glass out of her grip, sending it spinning out the open window and tossed the bottle out as well. The satisfying tinkle of glass shattering was the only sound in the room.
The guard stared at her for a moment, coming to realize in that instant why the Prince had left that night a month ago.
Uriah turned and walked back to the door. He was sure she had another bottle somewhere. She'd be a raging drunk again in the morning, as usual. She'd be worthless in the saddle, and he'd spend half the day picking her up off the ground. She'd be a diplomatic mess at the Palace, and he'd have his hands full keeping her safe from others.

But literally none of that mattered if she wasn't willing to save herself from herself.

"As you wish, Countess." He stepped out with a stiff bow, and closed the locked door behind him.