Notebook.ai

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by native Americans and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach.
The native Americans say "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

@Firebrand

May 25, 2018

oh…

ooooooh…

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh…

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh…

Deleted user

May 25, 2018

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?”
The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.”
The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?”
The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.”
The third baby comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Daisy?”
The momma cow again replies" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."
The final baby walks over and says, “Huh Ruh Buh Duh!”
The momma cow says, “Shut up, Cinderblock!”

Deleted user

May 25, 2018

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Deleted user

May 25, 2018

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her, "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!" Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.