forum The Strangers in the Palace (Closed)(Fantasy)

Started October 31, 2021 by Deleted user

tune

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Several of the instant excuses Arquis had to those types of questions sprang to his mind. They flooded out of him before he could think to stop them. It was like watching water burst through the cracks in a dam.

"Ah, I cannot have cream or sugar. I much prefer black coffee, and it does make me quite jittery to have anything sweet this early in the morning, and I… I…" He knit his brow, frowning. "I am doing it again. Lying. It is just so easy, I…"

Elsie had told him to avoid using the word cannot. She'd instructed him to replace it with what he was actually struggling with. He made a mental note to add the cream and sugar thing to his list of self-made rules. Then, after a deep breath, he turned towards his partner.

"I love sweet coffee. I enjoy mochas the most. When I say I cannot have them, or sugar or cream, what I mean is that…" It'd sound pathetic, to say it out loud, but he had to. He bit his lip. "They are terribly unhealthy. I should not have them. They will do awful things to my body.”

——

Honey hummed softly. "Those things are accurate. Well, the first two things. You can carry and father a child, handsome. But look, to go back to the other two points, having those features doesn't make you less of a man. Arquis has real dainty hands, and he's still a man. Though I hate him, Myr has long hair, and he's a man. And a bastard. A bastard of a man. Many of the other men I've been with have had characteristics that aren't exactly considered masculine. They were all men. And you are, too."

He paused to clear his throat. Almost embarrassed, he mumbled, "And really I like your hips. They're part of your legs. And hot damn, you've got great legs, you know that? They're nice and strong. Beat me in a race, and I run regularly."

Rin let Arquis ramble, watching as the nobleman's expression changed before turning to them to speak. He nodded slightly. "I see. Well, darling…how about we compromise a little bit? If the idea of having too much makes you sick, but you want sweet coffee, why don't we add a little bit of cream and sugar?" he suggested. "That way it is not so sweet that it will upset you, but it is better than just plain black nasty coffee." they didn't like plain coffee either, to be honest. They would drink it if they had no other choice, but they vastly preferred it with some sort of sweetener added to it.

He exhaled quickly, pressing his face to his knees again so that he didn't have to look Honey in the eyes. "But it's…it's different." he said. "Arquis and Myr and the others were…they were born men." his voice was faint and muffled and weak now, almost trembling. "I wasn't." his voice cracked faintly on the final word, and he took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions a bit better. "And I'm just…I'm just…the only difference between who I am now and who I was is that I got someone to cut my breasts off, as if that made me less of…less of a woman." the final words came out in a strangled rush, and his voice hovered on the edge of tears. He knew Honey was trying to comfort him, knew that he was being so…so dramatic, but it really felt that way.

Arquis hadn't considered that. For him, it was usually all or nothing. That was why he often chose nothing; it was much better than choosing to eat everything on his plate. Over the years, however, the amount on his plate had grown smaller and smaller. The rare times he did choose to eat, he was basically eating nothing anyway.

"I suppose that would be alright. It would not hurt." Would it? Surely having just a bit of sugar wouldn't do much. But that was on top of the bagel, cream cheese, and honey. None of the items he was picking out were nutritional. They were all just empty calories, meant to fill out his waistline. He gritted his teeth. That was his goal now. He was supposed to gain weight.

"Can you perhaps pour the coffee for me, love? I may go sit. Just for a moment, I… I think I should not be in control of this part."

——

"It didn't make you less of a woman, Ari, because you were never a woman to begin with," Honey said firmly. He wanted to touch Ari in some way, maybe give him a hug, but it seemed like he might want some distance. Curling in on oneself was usually a sign that privacy was needed.

"You were born with some stuff that didn't represent who you actually are, and so you changed them. Maybe you weren't born with the right body, but that doesn't matter nearly as much as who you are now. And who you are now is a very patient, kind, strong, good man. A man that I'm proud of."

Rin nodded slightly, kissing Arquis's cheek. "Of course. Go sit down, and I'll bring you some coffee." he watched Arquis go for a moment, and then headed over to the coffee bar and prepared two mugs of coffee. One for himself, one for Arquis. He put the same amount of cream and sugar in each; more cream than sugar, and he mixed both mugs up before he picked them up to come back over to Arquis. The meeting with Elsie earlier must have worked, if Arquis was so willing to try things now. They just hoped that it would stay that way. That ARquis wouldn't revert back to his old habits, his old ways of doing things.

He shook his head, sniffling faintly and taking another deep breath to keep from crying. "H-Honey, I just…" what could he do? What could he say to Honey? He knew Honey was trying to help, and he knew that any other day maybe he would be able to just smile and accept Honey's words, probably even believe them, but today…today that was so hard and he couldn't even nail down why it was so bad today. Just that it was.

Arquis waited silently by himself as Rin prepared their coffee. At least, that was his plan. As soon as he was seated, the two strangers from earlier came over and sat across from him. He gave them a curious look. With the way the young woman had been acting, he'd expected them to leave him alone.

"Hello. Are you waiting for my partner? They will be here in a moment, I promise," he said. The stranger with the ruby heart necklace nodded enthusiastically. Their friend still seemed uncomfortable. He wondered what she'd seen in his aura. What even was an aura? Was it a colorful fog? Or was she seeing his thoughts? He wanted to ask, but that seemed like it'd upset her even further, so he refrained.

"Very sorry for Cearan! She did not mean to make trouble. She is not good at not speaking." They gave him a dazzling smile.

"Ah. That is quite alright." The nobleman glanced over his shoulder, hoping Rin would be approaching. This conversation was pretty off putting.

——

Honey straightened up, suddenly alarmed. There had been notes of sadness in Ari's voice before, but this was new. It really sounded like he was crying, or maybe about to start. The blond drew nearer and adjusted the hood so that more of his face was visible.

"Ari? Oh, Ari, did I say something bad? C'mere, handsome, c'mere." He held his arms open, though he wasn't sure if Kevran could see what he was doing. "Today's real tough, isn't it? That's okay. That's alright. It happens. Just, y’know, c'mon. Get on over here."

Rin came over after only a minute or so, setting Arquis's coffee down in front of him and then sitting down beside the nobleman. "Hello again Cearan, Ivanaya." he greeted the two, taking a sip of his own coffee and hoping that it would be alright for Arquis. He had not added a lot of sugar, but it also was more than none, and he knew that this was new to ARquis. That the other man was still trying to readjust. This would be a long, slow process, but Rinlos was going to be there for him every step that he could be. Sure, there was a lot that Arquis would have to do on his own, but Rin would help whenever they could.

He leaned into Honey, taking another deep breath and trying so hard to steady himself. "Today's bad." he breathed, pressing his face to Honey's shoulder. "'m sorry." Honey didn't deserve to have to deal with Ari's shit on top of everything else, especially when it wasn't something that Ari usually had issues with. Today was just bad, for whatever reason.

Arquis leaned over and gave his lover a quick peck on the temple. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Cearan scowl. He flushed faintly, ducked his head, and examined the meal before him. It'd probably be best to try the coffee first, just in case he didn't like it. He took a small sip. There was definitely more sugar in it than he was used to, but it wasn't bad. The sweetness was faint enough that it wouldn't bother him. He set the mug down and turned to the bagel. If it'd been up to him, he wouldn't have put honey on it, but he guessed he just had to deal with that.

Just as he began to eat, Ivanaya slapped their palms on the table. "So! Rinlos and special friend of Rinlos! Want to have fun tonight?"

The nobleman choked. He coughed for several seconds. It took a sip of coffee to finally clear his throat. "Pardon me?" he asked in a strangled tone. His entire face was pink.

——

"No saying sorry," Honey scolded, though there was no bite to his words. He hugged Ari tightly enough that he'd feel it through the hoodie. "Bad days happen sometimes, and that's alright. Not your fault. You can't control it. But what you can do is let me take care of you, okay, handsome? I wanna make you feel better in whatever way I can."

He wondered if he should be offering to get Ari something to eat. Breakfast in bed, perhaps. But maybe the other man wasn't hungry; emotional stress tended to do that to a person.

Rin sipped at his coffee, then started to laugh at Arquis's pink cheeked confusion. "Arquis, darling, Ivanaya has extended the invitation to, ah, come and do some group activities tonight." he said, kissing Arquis's cheek softly. "With them and some of their friends." he reached over to wrap an arm around Arquis's shoulders, still snickering softly. This whole thing was just very amusing to him, in all honesty. They had known that ARquis would be awkward about this, and it was endearing to them. It really was.

He stayed pressed close to Honey, taking a deep breath. "Okay." he said quietly, biting his lip for a moment. "Thank you." he closed his eyes, still close to Honey and just breathing. He could smell the cologne on the hoodie, could feel the warmth of Honey's body beside him.

(for some reason I'm in the Christmas spirit today and I just imagined ari/honey and arquis/rin decorating gingerbread cookies which like could be a cute idea for the future of the story maybe?)

Ivanaya beamed at Arquis, who was looking rather flustered. "Yes, yes! Rinlos said to ask you. I think you will like! We do not rush. And are very nice! Will be much fun."

"Oh. Goodness. Well, I must thank you for the offer. It is very kind of you. Now, if you will give me a moment," the nobleman said politely, then swiveled to face his partner. His eyes were wide, like he'd just seen a unicorn or stumbled upon a treasure chest. It was clear he'd never expected to get such a proposition, and he was completely out of his depth.

"What do I say?" he whispered, frantic. "Do you want to go?"

——

"No problem. Now, how about I go fetch you some stuff, and you stay here and wait for me to get back?" Honey stroked his hand down Ari's back, which was hidden beneath the thick, fluffy material of the hoodie. "Do you have a comfort food? I can go get it for you. Or something to drink, if you'd like. Anything your heart desires, handsome."

Maybe not literally anything, he added in his mind. There was only so much the inn could make. They had limited resources and ingredients, and a lot of those went towards making regular meals for their guests.

(yeah that would be adorable!! Getting frosting on each other and mmmm yes)

He kissed Arquis's cheek, and whispered back, "I am not opposed to it, but I only want to go if you do." he replied, wrapping his arms around Arquis and holding him close. "I know that it, ah, might not be something you are comfortable with doing, and that is alright." he rubbed Arquis's back softly, giving their lover another little smile and following it with a kiss.

Ari took another deep breath, nodding slightly. "I, uhm…just breakfast. And coffee. With cream and sugar?" he peeked over at Honey, adjusting the hoodie again and shifting on the bed. "Bagels would be good. Or a breakfast wrap? With eggs and sausage and cheese." he shrugged his shoulders, gaze moving away again after a moment.

(awwww and honey making a gingerbread cookie shaped like sugar and making him and ari as gingerbread men and arquis using the experience to help get past some of his food fears)

Arquis fidgeted with his gloves, pinching, pulling, and scratching over his scars until they stung. This wasn't a situation that should make him nervous, but he couldn't help but feel anxious. He'd had a hard enough time showing his body to Rin, the person he loved. Showing it to several strangers and expecting them to treat it with care sounded like a literal nightmare. Plus, the last two times that he and his partner had been together, he'd felt terribly guilty after. He wasn't sure he wanted a handful of people he didn't really trust—and that didn't trust him, judging by Cearan's attitude—to witness him breaking down.

At the same time, he didn't want to disappoint Rin. They deserved to have some fun, after everything they'd gone through. The nobleman put on what he hoped was a convincing smile.

"Well, I think you should do it, if you so wish. It does sound like an excellent way to get rid of some stress."

——

"Mm, that sounds perfect. I don't know about wraps, but we have the best breakfast sandwiches in Anvillea, I swear. You'll see. They've got sunny side up eggs and this real melty cheese and, like, the best sausage I've ever tasted. You're gonna love it. I'll go get one—or two? How hungry are you, handsome?"

As he spoke, he pushed himself to the edge of the bed, stretched, and stood. His hair was so messy that it wouldn't stay flat, even after he combed his fingers through it a couple times. He gave up with a shrug. The patrons of the inn had seen him looking much worse. They could handle a little bedhead.

"And how much cream and sugar for your coffee? Do you like it black, or are you more on the sweet side?"

(:D yess! n Rin giving his gingerbread man a lute and Arquis's a little teeny paintbrush)

Rin kept an eye on Arquis, thinking. "Darling, I don't want to go without you, or if it would make you uncomfortable." they didn't want to go if Arquis was not, and they didn't want to go if Arquis was uncomfortable with it, whether with the idea of Arquis going or of Rin going. Group "activities" could be fun, yes, but they didn't want to abandon their partner. The problem was, they knew Arquis would likely tell them to go and have fun, even if Arquis didn't really want them to.

He hummed faintly. "Not very hungry. Just a little. And I prefer my coffee a bit sweeter." he replied, looking over at Honey and watching as the young man moved away. He curled into himself a little more, knees pressed up against his chest again. "Thank you, Honey. For, uhm…everything this morning." being so sweet and understanding and kind, even if Ari hadn't been making much sense.

(wait pause the cute gingerbread discussion I just remembered that they were in Ari's room not Honey's so the earlier hoodie thing didn't really make as much sense spatially as I thought, so just for clarification's sake he probably would've had to leave the room to get that—luckily I did write that it was from his own wardrobe, so like it doesn't change the earlier message just the time it took for him to get it, whoops)

Arquis deflated, giving his partner a look that was honestly more sad than the situation warranted. He didn't want to prevent his partner from going out and having a lovely time. They deserved to have some fun, especially after all of the pain and worry they'd experienced during the previous night.

"Are you certain, my love?" he asked softly. "I would not mind. I am not a jealous man, I do not care if you seek enjoyment elsewhere. As long as you come back to me in the end, then it would not bother me."

That was all true. He knew Rin was a bard and had probably had his fair share of adventures in the bedroom. They were definitely more experienced than him. If they had a need and he couldn't satisfy it, then he would be perfectly alright with them satisfying it with another. Or several others, in this case.

——

"Aw. You're very welcome, handsome," Honey responded, reaching over to give Ari a pat on the leg. He straightened out again and went to the door.

One egg sandwich and a somewhat sweet coffee. That was Ari's official request. There was probably no harm in sprucing it up a little, though. Going the extra mile. He departed for the kitchen, collected the food, and found himself making a quick detour to Lovey's room. While there, he said hello to Sugar—who was napping in a spot of sunlight—and Pretty. The young woman was reading a book in a language he didn't know. When he asked about it, she said it was on metalworking. He wondered if that'd be something Ari would like, then dismissed the thought. Instead, he grabbed a jigsaw puzzle from the back of Lovey's wardrobe. He balanced it with the breakfast tray as he hurried back to Ari's room.

(lmao yeah i was wondering about that a little. it's fine tho! nbd)

Rin shook his head a little. "Darling, I think…I think this is something that we need to discuss a little bit more before we make any decisions about it, but maybe not something to discuss right here, right now." he turned to Cearan and Ivanaya, and gave them an apologetic smile. "Thank you for the kind offer, but I don't think Arquis or I will be participating tonight." he said, hoping the two would not be upset or too disappointed at the answer. Then again, Cearan didn't seem to like Arquis much, so he doubted she would be all that disappointed by it.

He didn't really move once Honey left, just stayed seated on the bed with the hoodie draped around his body. It…had helped, a bit, to have that hoodie on and blocking his ability to see himself. It wasn't perfect, but it went a long ways towards helping him to focus on other things. He still felt off, though. Still felt inadequate.

(yeah haha sorry sometimes continuity over a couple days gets blurry, there are definitely details that I've written in the past that are just accidentally untrue or completely changed as the story has progressed)

Cearan, who was stabbing her fork at a plate of eggs she'd gotten from the breakfast bar, barely acknowledged what Rin had said. She still looked very upset. Ivanaya, on the other hand, seemed cheerful. They waved dismissively and offered the couple a bright smile.

"Okay! No worry. Maybe sometime else! Plenty of tomorrows to say yes. Or no. Both are good!" They turned towards Rin specifically. "As long as you are happy! And also your special friend. He makes you happy, yes?"

Arquis dearly hoped the answer would be positive, though there was a little kick of fear in his head that said his partner would hesitate. He glanced down, afraid to see their expression. What he found was surprising. Without knowing, he'd already eaten half of his bagel. He felt his stomach twist and cramp with guilt. For quite some time, he'd been more than just careful; he'd kept his guard up, watched and counterbalanced everything he ate. The fact that said guard was already falling alarmed him. This was such a slippery slope.

But a necessary one, he reminded himself. He had to do this. He had to take another bite, and he did, swallowing hard after.

——

Honey knocked on the door before re-entering the room. He set the tray of food on the bed beside Ari, then placed the jigsaw puzzle next to him on his pillow. He tapped the top of the box. On it was a faded picture of a garden. There were tons of flowers and herbs in it, plus a small vegetable section on the right side.

"I thought it might be nice to have a bit of a distraction. Grabbed a puzzle from Lovey's room. She won't notice that it's gone, but honestly, I don't think she'd care if she did." His hand settled gently on one of Ari's knees. "Let’s eat first, and then you can decide if you wanna do it. I got us some of those breakfast sandwiches."

(Same lol, it's nbd)

Rin smiled at the question, wrapping an arm around Arquis's shoulders again and smiling lightly. "He makes me happy, yes." he said softly in reply to Ivanaya's question. They seemed like a very kind person. Very energetic, but kind. Cearan…she seemed to have good intentions, but her constant words about Arquis and death were alarming. He wasn't sure what to think, how to feel about her accusations directed towards his partner.

Ari looked up when Honey came back, giving him a faint little smile. "Thank you, Honey." he said softly, reaching to take one of the breakfast sandwiches and taking a bite of it. "This is delicious." he still seemed sad, still seemed off from what he normally was, but better. Better than he had been, at the very least, and that was a good thing.

Arquis blushed when they wrapped an arm around him, quite pleased at their reaction. He kissed his cheek, then the corner of their mouth. Cearan scoffed. She muttered something in her native language and nudged Ivanaya, who gave her a stern look. The two argued back and forth for a bit before turning back to the pair.

"Cearan says he is not good. Very sorry," Ivanaya murmured to Arquis. They looked ashamed. Cearan tugged on their sleeve, and they sighed. "She says his aura is bad. Something about family? Ask about family. She says many pain."

The nobleman's pleased expression vanished. It felt like he'd taken a sledgehammer to his stomach. "That- that is not-"

"Pain," Cearan repeated darkly. She gave Rin a pleading glance. "Turn in. Please? No good."

——

Honey flopped onto the bed and wiggled his way over to Ari, then hugged him. He took Ari's hand away from the breakfast sandwich and instead placed it on his own back, then did the same with the other hand. Once he was settled, he grinned up at the other man, his brown eyes shining with amusement.

"You get to be big spoon, as thanks for my tremendous efforts." He pulled the Kevran's legs around him and curled up in his embrace. It made him feel small and protected; he hoped it had the opposite effect on Ari. "Mm. This is cozy."

Rin's eyes widened faintly, and he shook his head quickly. "Cearan. Stop." they said firmly. "Arquis is a good person. His family is…is complicated." he held onto Arquis, standing up from the table. "We're going back to our room." they couldn't sit here and let Cearan continue to say thigns about Arquis, irregardless of how much truth there might be in the woman's words. He picked up his coffee and gently touched Arquis's shoulder. "Come on, darling. Let's go."

He returned Honey's hug, smiling faintly as the young man shifted him around. "Mm, it is." he agreed softly, kissing Honey's temple softly as he held onto the blond man. It was comfortable like this. Warm. And…he enjoyed it, to be quite honest. "Thank you, Honey. You've…you've been wonderful."

Arquis didn't move. Even when Rin touched him, he didn't so much as blink. It didn't really look like he was breathing, either. He was just frozen in place, his lips slightly parted, his dilated pupils fixed on something across the dining hall. There was nothing in the direction he was looking in except for two chairs posed around an empty table.

"No one listen," Cearan mumbled sadly. She wrapped her arms about herself like she was cold, though the room was relatively warm. "Never. Never listen."

That seemed to finally get a response out of the nobleman. Something flickered in his eyes, and he pushed away from the table so abruptly that his coffee splashed over the lip of his mug. Cearan flinched. He stumbled backwards. The few remaining people in the room were all staring at him now, a couple whispering under their breath. He turned on his heel and, as fast as he could, left the room. Where he was going, he didn't really know. He just couldn't be there anymore. He ducked through a door, then another, and then he was outside, practically tripping over himself in an effort to leave the inn behind.

Eventually, his pace slowed. He came back to himself. He was somewhere unfamiliar, a small hill he didn't know. It seemed to gently rise above the valley and field that the Cecilia Rouge was located in. He hadn't gone that far, then. That was good. He sat down heavily on a knocked-over tree stump. His breath formed clouds of mist in front of his face; he hadn't realized it was that cold out. The temperature must have dropped again overnight.

He wondered where Rin was. Maybe they'd tried to come after him, or maybe he was still in the dining room. He felt awful for leaving like that, but it hadn't been intentional. He hadn’t quite been himself.

——

Honey patted Ari's chest and nuzzled into his stomach, growing more and more tempted to go back to sleep. "Yeah. 'Course. You can keep eating, by the way. Just don't get crumbs on me."

He snaked an arm out and grabbed his own breakfast sandwich. Lazily, he turned his head to the side and began to nibble on a piece of bacon. The chefs always put some kind of spice on it that made it extra flavorful. If he had any knowledge of or will to cook, maybe he'd ask about it, but he didn't.

Rin stared as Arquis bolted, frozen in place for just a moment, and then he was running after Arquis, unsure just what had happened, but knowing that Arquis was upset. Rin would follow him, and if Arquis asked them to leave and give him space, they would. If Arquis was alright with them staying, though, then they would try and comfort him in any way that they could. They did their best to follow Arquis, but they didn't quite keep up. He continued walking in the direction that Arquis had gone, frowning and wondering what had set the nobleman off so badly.

Ah, who was he kidding? It was Cearan's words. Of course it wsa. But…he still did not understand. He knew that, yes, he was missing context. Perhaps whatever secret that Arquis had struggled so much with trying to tell him? The one that had caused those notes, the ones that Rinlos had mistaken for break-up letters that turned out only to be practice for this secret. It had to be related to Cearan's words, they just were not quite sure…how.

He hummed very faintly, taking another bite of the sandwich. Doing as Honey asked, he was careful not to drop crumbs all over the blond man curled in his arms. The one that had done so much today to soothe Ari's worries and fears, when he didn't have to. He could have left. Could have ignored it. Worse, he could have agreed. That Ari was delusional, that he was lying to himself. He had an ex that had done that once, on one of Ari's bad days. Ari had expressed the way he was feeling, had expressed that he didn't want to do anything because he couldn't stand the way his body felt, the way his skin sat on his bones and muscle, and his ex had rolled his eyes and scoffed and said it was just his brain trying to remind him what he really was. Reminding him to stop playacting.

He swallowed faintly, setting the sandwich aside and burying his face in Honey's shoulder, taking a steadying breath and trying to pull himself out of the spiral his mind had started to fall down again.

Despite the chill in the air, Arquis stayed put on the old, askew tree stump. Tall grass swished around his legs, and a bird chirped somewhere off in the distance. He took a deep breath in. No matter how horrible things were for him, life went on. When he'd first found that out, it'd been a tremendous shock. How, he'd wondered, could there possibly be sunshine outside when he felt trapped in the darkness of his room? How could a stranger laugh when he was aching inside? It'd seemed like everything should've stopped, maybe given him some time to catch up. But nothing had. His sense of normalcy had been completely thrown off balance, yet he'd been expected to recover swiftly; to rejoin public life; to gladly assume the duties of his household. And he had, but at the expense of his mental and physical health.

The crunching of dry grass nearby alerted him to someone's presence. He jolted and spun, preparing to face either Rin or Cearan. Instead, he found himself facing Doctor Lavin. The middle aged man offered him a startled smile and a little wave. Beside him was his daughter, who, with her kohl-lined, dark eyes and stylish black trench coat, seemed quite intimidating.

"Why, hello there!" the doctor said kindly. He cast a glance around. "Where's that partner of yours? Is he about?"

——

Honey had finished his entire breakfast sandwich before Ari came closer, and he'd begun to drift off. His eyelashes fluttered as he forced himself to wake. It wasn't time for sleeping. Ari needed some comfort, and he was going to provide it to the best of his ability.

"Mm, handsome, it's okay. It's alright. I'm here." His accent was really thick. That happened sometimes when he was worried; he had no control over it. In an attempt to soothe him further, he repeated, "I'm here, Ari. Just listen to my voice. Okay? And focus on your breathing."

He was tempted to throw a joke somewhere in there, but there was a time and place for everything. What the other man needed wasn't for him to break the tension with a wisecrack. He needed someone to support him by providing reassurance.

Rin kept walking, though he walked slowly so that ARquis would have time alone before they found him. If they did. They were a touch concerned about what would happen if they did not. If they failed to find Arquis…what should htey do? Head back to the hotel and wait? Keep looking? He wasn't sure what the best option was, what he should do if he just couldn't find Arquis. Probably heading back to the hotel would be their best bet, but at the same time, what if Arquis didn't come back?

He did his best to follow Honey's instructions, trying to steady himself a bit. "Sorry." he mumbled, face still pressed into Honey's shoulder, seeking that soft, physical comfort of touch. He almost didn't know how to deal with Honey being so kind about this. Most prior men he had been in relationships with had been, at best, awkward in their comforting, unsure how to make him feel better. Thinking they could, when there wasn't anything that could really be done beyond just waiting it out.

Arquis struggled to speak for a long moment. It felt like his lips had been frozen shut. Eventually, however, he managed to stutter something out about needing some fresh air. The doctor's brows raised, but if he was actually suspicious, he did a pretty good job of hiding it. He seemed more concerned than anything.

"That's actually what we were doing, too. Oh, hold on, now. I haven't introduced you to my kid. This is Hayli." Doctor Lavin smiled over at his daughter. Her expression stayed the same, somewhere between blank and mildly exasperated. He ruffled her hair, and when she scowled, he grinned at the nobleman. "We go on daily walks. It's good exercise. Really helps out my joints and back. I'm not as young as I once was, and it's nice to stretch my old legs."

"You're not that old," Hayli mumbled. Her father looked positively pleased, though his smile dimmed when he saw the look on Arquis's face.

"Are you staying out for much longer?" His tone was gentle. Extremely gentle, and for some reason that hurt. "We're heading in soon. You should walk with us."

Arquis nodded. Hayli took a few steps to the side, giving him some room to stand. After he got up, the doctor hummed, the sound deep yet soft. He shrugged off his thick coat and wrapped it around the nobleman's thin shoulders. It was so big that it looked like he was wearing a comforter. He tried to give it back, but the older man shook his head adamantly. The gesture was kind, and it made him teary-eyed. It was just so fatherly. Not authoritative and braggingly masculine in the way Aurisi had been, but truly good and kind.

Doctor Lavin saw the tears gathering and frowned. "Life has not been kind to you, has it?"

Arquis didn’t answer that. He couldn’t. He didn't want to think about all of the things life had done to him. He just wanted to be back at the inn, safe in his lover's embrace, pretending like none of this had ever happened.

——

"Aw, it's okay," Honey replied, and he meant it. There was nowhere else he'd rather be at that moment than with Ari. Sure, maybe the situation was less than ideal, but that didn't matter. He wanted to be there for him in the same way that the Kevran had supported him.

"It's just a bad day. This ain't gonna last forever, handsome. You're gonna get through it." He kissed the top of Ari's head and smiled, even though he couldn’t see him. "And I'm gonna be right here with you, okay? For as long as you want me here, at least.”

Rin hesitated for a long, long moment, then turned to head inside. Arquis clearly needed some time, and the nobleman would come back when he was ready. Rin would give him a little while. If Arquis was not back in a few hours, Rin would go looking for him again, and perhaps recruit Honey and Ari to help, but for now, they knew it would be better for Arquis to have some time to himself. The nobleman needed it, after the appointment that morning and everything that had happened at the appointment, and then what had happened with Cearan.

He nodded very faintly, taking a deep breath and leaning his head into Honey's shoulder. "I…alright." he said faintly. "Thank you." he stayed snuggled close, not letting go. He knew that, come tomorrow, he would be fine. Knew he would look back on today and sigh and shake his head and wish this hadn't happened, but that didn't make it any better in the moment. Not when he was still in that moment, feeling like this.

(missed it by a couple days but this role play is officially one year old!)

When Doctor Lavin realized that Arquis wasn't going to respond to his question, he patted the nobleman on the shoulder. It was obvious that he was overwhelmed, and his excuse about getting fresh air had been pretty unconvincing. Clearly, there was something deeper going on here, and the doctor didn't want to send him spiraling even harder.

"Does your partner know that you're out here?" the older man asked, adopting that gentle tone once more. Arquis shrugged in response. "I hope I don't sound too nosy, but are you two doing alright?"

Ah. The doctor thought he and Rin had argued, which was why he was out on the hill alone. Maybe he pictured something dramatic, all sharp gestures and heated words, a falling out of epic proportions. Maybe he thought Arquis had stormed out, which was why he hadn't brought a jacket. Or maybe was just asking to be polite, and he really wasn't thinking about it at all. He could just feel obligated to help the strange man who'd been his patient.

"We are fine. It was not his fault. My being out here, I- that was- I should not have come."

They started walking towards the inn. Arquis drew the borrowed coat tighter around himself. It felt colder now that the initial panic had faded. Hayli, the doctor's daughter, gave him a strange look. He raised his brows curiously. Her gaze darted away.

"You look really familiar," she muttered. He stopped, digging his heels into the dirt, nearly toppling over. Unless she'd come with her father to one of his family's events, which was unlikely, she'd probably never seen him before. So, how could he possibly look familiar to her? What was it that Honey had said? That there'd been rumors of a reward for finding him? What if someone had started to put up pictures of him, to show the townspeople what he looked like? To give them a better idea of who to hunt? What if Hayli remembered where she knew him from and told her father? What would he do to Arquis? Turn him in? Would he act like Cearan had, or would he be worse?

"I have forgotten something. My apologies, I must go, I must- I-" Arquis shook off the coat and handed it over quickly, like it was too hot to hold. "I need to go. Excuse me."

Doctor Lavin turned to him, surprise and concern flickering across his face, but he couldn't get a word out before the nobleman hurried away. He called out his name, but the younger man didn't turn around. The doctor sighed. It didn't look like Arquis was headed back to the inn, which meant his partner would worry about him. They'd seemed plenty worried the day prior, at least. He made up his mind to take Hayli to go pay Rin a visit. They set off in that direction together, neither saying much about what had just happened.

——

Honey hummed but stayed quiet otherwise. If Ari needed more reassurances, then he'd provide them gladly, but he didn't want to overdo it. Showering him with too many compliments might make them seem forced or fake. He wanted his words to matter; he wanted them to ring true.

He wondered how often Ari had days like these. Were they less common after his surgery? Did they get less severe with age and time, or were they always this bad? It wasn't like he minded taking care of Ari, but it made him sad to know that the other man's mind was so cruel to him.

(ayyy, awesome!!)

Rin headed back into the hotel, and went back to his and Arquis's room. It was the most likely place for Arquis to head to, should the nobleman return. They sighed very faintly, opening the door and settling down on the bed. He hesitated for a long moment. What could he do now? He cleared his throat faintly, and finally pulled out his book, paging through it. He could at elast read, they supposed. Arquis would come back when he was ready, and Rin would be waiting when he did. They cared for him deeply, and hoped that ARquis was not too upset by what had happened.

Ari curled up a little bit more, still snuggled close to Honey. Honey was warm and strong, and Ari couldn't help feeling like he was not. Not strong, anyway. He knew that he was warm. He exhaled softly, closing his eyes and holding tighter to Honey. "I am sorry for destroying any plans that you had for the day." he said in a quiet tone. "I…I know that this is not anyone's ideal."

It took Doctor Lavin a good few minutes to remember the way to the couple's hotel room. He'd only been there once, after all, but the fact that he'd gone the day prior made the trip easier. Hayli stayed quiet as she walked beside him. He never knew what she was thinking. Her expressions were hard to read, and trying to get her to open up could sometimes be like pulling teeth. She was as stubborn as her mother had been. He pushed that thought out of his mind as soon as it came up. It would do him no good to think of his wife. She'd been gone for a long time. He was just feeling sentimental because he was around two young lovebirds.

Once he reached the suite, he hesitated for a moment, then knocked twice. He wasn't sure if Rin would be inside, but he hoped they would at least be around. They deserved to know what he'd witnessed.

——

Honey poked Ari in the cheek. He was wearing a frown, but when he spoke, he clearly wasn't mad. Just concerned. "Hey, don't say that. Yeah, okay, maybe this isn't ideal, but it's not 'cause I don't wanna spend time with you. It's 'cause you're hurting, and that really, really sucks."

He kissed the other man's shoulder once he was done talking. Or, rather, he tried to. The hoodie was so thick that he wasn't sure Ari would feel the kiss. He hoped the sentiment mattered more than the execution.

"Really, Ari. I like this. Not the stuff you're going through, of course, but the other stuff. Staying here, cozied up next to you. Holding you. Having breakfast in bed. It's nice."

Rin blinked at the knock, hopping off the bed and coming over to the door and opening it. "I– oh. Hello, Doctor Lavin. I…wasn't expecting you." he said slowly, studying the doctor uncertainly. "Is…what are you here for?" they really had no idea what Doctor Lavin was here for. Had something happened? Why was the doctor here? He ran a hand through their hair, stepping back a little bit and studying the doctor, a faint frown still tugging at his mouth.

He nodded faintly, staying pressed close to Honey. "Okay." he said softly. "Thank you." he still didn't like the fact that he seemed to need so much reassurance right now, especially when it was over something so…something that he normally wouldn't have cared about. Something that normally wouldn't have mattered and yet, here he was, worrying about it.

Doctor Lavin smiled when he saw Rin, glad to see that, while they looked confused, he didn't seem heartbroken. He hadn't wanted to intrude if they and their partner had split. That sort of thing was hard enough to deal with alone, and he would've hated to make him feel like they had to postpone their suffering just to talk to him.

"Hello again. I'm very sorry to interrupt your morning. Or afternoon, rather. I suppose it's a little later than I thought, isn't it?" Hayli cleared her throat behind him, a clear warning for him to hurry up. He pushed aside his urge to further indulge in polite small talk. The situation wasn't dire, but the longer he ducked around the subject, the more worried Rin would get.

"Yes, well, my daughter and I happened to bump into your partner on our daily walk." He lowered his voice just a touch, and in a soft tone, went on. "He seemed rather distressed, and I noticed he hadn't brought a coat. I thought something was the matter and offered to walk back with him, just to make sure he'd get here safely. He agreed at first, but something must have startled him because he left in a rush. Given how worried you were yesterday for his safety, I thought you might want to know about this. He truly didn't seem well. I am concerned about his state of mind."

——

Honey gently kissed Ari's cheek. The other man had seemed so steady up until this point. To see him so out of sorts and miserable was almost jarring. It felt wrong, though the blond didn't say that out loud. The last thing the Kevran needed was to feel guilty about anything else.

"Any time, handsome. Really." He smiled, his dimples showing, and tapped him on the nose. "You're kinda stuck with me now. Hope that’s okay.”

Rin listened, brows gathering for a moment, then his expression cleared as the doctor went on. "Yes. He…the specialist was here earlier, and it put him off-balance. And…someone made a comment to him in the dining hall that was not kind, and he took off." they said. "He…I followed him outside, but lost him, and I decided to come back here rather than wander." they ran a hand through their hair. "Thank you, by the wya. For…for arranging for the specialist to come here. He ate more this morning then I've been able to get him to eat previously." and that was still an accomplishment, even if what Arquis was doing now was…not. He gave the doctor a faint, quick smile, shifting a little bitl.

Ari hummed a little bit, looking over at the blond with the faintest smile. "Mm. Well, I don't think I mind being stuck with you." he responded with a quiet laugh, though his laughter was soft and weak and not very strong. Just a quiet little thing, really. But at least he had laughed, right? At least he was a little less stuck in his head, at least enough to find something amusing in Honey's words.