Ari kept gently petting Sugar, scratching behind her ears and smoothing his hand along her fur, half to calm her and half to calm himself. "She'll be okay." he said softly. "But, uhm, she's doing her best to help you, Honey, and constantly being negative about that help doesn't help anyone, least of all you. She knows the past as well as you do, Honey." he gave the blond a faint smile.
"I know. She's being real nice and helping me out, literally offering half her house to me, and I just- I don't know. I really don't know why I did that."
Honey didn't smile back at Ari. Instead, he buried his face in his folded arms. When he spoke next, his voice was very muffled.
"I'm mad at her, and it's not fair that I am 'cause it doesn't make sense. I'm mad 'cause I wished she'd noticed my stuff sooner, even though I spent years hiding it from her. It just feels like she ignored it out of convenience. That's not how it really is, I know. She's a sweet person. She's good. She would've done something sooner, if I'd only told her. But there were times when I really thought she would've caught on, and even though I didn't want her to notice, I also kinda did? I think deep down I always wanted help, but I convinced myself I didn't need it."
Sugar whimpered and nosed against Ari’s fingers. She was still curled up, but her eyes were now on her owner.
Ari kept gently petting and scratching Sugar, trying to reassure the little dog. "Yeah." he said softly. "But, uhm, people tend to see what they want to see, not the truth. She…she wanted to see that you were okay, and what you were presenting to her was that you were okay, and she took that at face value. It's not her fault, but it's not yours either." he kept his gaze on Honey, reaching out with his free hand to gently rub Honey's back.
"It hurts," Honey admitted softly. He lifted his head and looked to the side, meeting Ari's eyes. "I spent years doing everything I could for her. When she was injured or sick, I always found the best help possible, even when it meant I'd eat scraps for a week. When she was upset, I'd listen, even when I was dead tired. When someone attacked her, I risked my life to get revenge. If what's been going on with me had been happening to her, I would've known. I would've. I mean, shit, it took Rin and Arquis, what, all of a couple days to discover what was going on? Four years. That's about how long I've been doing this, and she never asked once."
Sugar cried quietly and tucked her head into Ari's side. She was a very empathetic dog. Even though she didn't know what was being said, she could tell by the emphasis on certain words that Honey was upset.
The blond sighed. "I sound like a spoiled brat. She's done a lot for me, too, and now there's this. It's probably more than I deserve. I'm just being bitter."
Ari kept gently stroking the dog, trying to soothe her. "Honey…Rinlos has…more personal experience with this. They know what abuse looks like, even when someone is, ah, doing a good job of hiding it." they didn't go into any further detail; what had happened to Rin was not Ari's business to tell. "If…and I don't know about Lovey, what her experience with it might be, but if she has had little to none, and you were telling her everything was fine, that there was consent given, then…most people take things at face value. It's alright to be upset and disappointed, but please odn't take it out on her. She did her best, and sometimes people's best isn't what we need from them."
Honey shoulders rose and fell in a pathetic attempt at a shrug. "I know. She wants to see the good in people and assume the best, and that's what I love about her. She always tries to be positive. But, well, I don't know. I'm not making sense. Thinking with my heart, not my head. Always gets me into trouble, makes me say stuff I don't mean."
For a really long time, he didn't say anything else. Had it not been for his eyes, which were still clearly open, it would've looked like he'd fallen asleep. His brow was drawn, and his jaw was clenched tightly. It didn't seem like he was angry, though. Just hurt.
"I think she's being naïve with this, too," he finally murmured. "She wants to think that moving outta here is gonna fix things, and yeah, it'll solve some stuff. But I'm worried, Ari. I'm scared she's hoping that this'll all just," he flung his hands out, making his wrist ache, "go away or something. Like, we won't have to talk about it once we've moved out, ‘cause all the bad is behind us. She’s done it before. I don’t think it’s malicious, but, like, I can’t just pretend none of this is happening. I can’t go back to that.”
Ari nodded a little bit. "I understand. And that's…that's something that you'll need to make sure she understands. That moving out will help, but that it won't magically fix everything. It won't suddenly make everything right. And…it's going to be hard for both of you, I think." he shrugged his shoulders, looking down at Sugar for a moment, and then back over to Honey.
Sugar sniffed Ari's knee and pawed at it. She was no longer curled up. Her hind legs were stretched out, and her snout was poking into his calf. She wagged her tail when she saw the two young men looking. Her owner gave her a halfhearted pet.
"I know. You're right. We need to talk about it. That's the most logical thing." He flexed his hand and studied the way it moved. There was a very old, faint scar across the knuckles of his hand. It was tiny. Not from a fight, but from broken glass. He'd been digging around for something in someone's bins. Food, most likely. People threw out food all the time. He'd eaten his fair share of stale bread and old leftovers. It wasn't glamorous, but it'd kept him alive.
"I just get real tired of trying to do the logical thing. And, like, considering people's feelings. Sometimes I just wanna start screaming and never stop." He balled his hand into a fist suddenly, watching his skin shift over vein and muscle and bone. "Sometimes I think maybe I did want all this to happen. That I needed someone to, like, beat the anger out of me. I'm angry a lot. I don't wanna be, but I am."
His hand relaxed again. He let his arm fall to the floor and sighed.
He bit his lip faintly, trying to think of the right thing to say. "I…I don't think…I'm not a psychologist, or…or a therapist, but…you aren't…the anger didn't need to be beaten out of you. You're angry because there's been so much, uhm, trauma. And issues." he kept his gaze on Sugar, hoping he was saying the right thing but feeling out of his depth. "Just…it's not your fault, and I don't….you didn't want this, Honey."
Honey glanced over, his brows knitted with concern. All it took was a moment of observation for him to come to a conclusion. Guilt seized his heart, and he frowned. This wasn't right. Things were supposed to be going differently between the two of them.
"I'm overwhelming you," he said, half to himself. The realization made him blush. They'd only known each other for a couple days, and he'd already dumped so much of his trauma onto Ari. The poor man was probably stressed out of his mind trying to find a way to respond to it all.
Well, that wouldn't do. Determined, the blond continued, "You're right. You're not my therapist or whatever. And as sweet as you are, angel, to help me with all this, I haven't exactly been fair to you. So. Tell you what. Why don't we change the subject? Let's focus on you for a bit."
Ari took a deep breath, looking at Honey for a moment. "I…are you sure?" he said slowly, gently scratching behind Sugar's ears. "I don't…I know that this is important, but…but it's…it's a little overwhelming. I'm sorry. I…I don't want to hurt you, and I know you need to talk about it, but I…I think it would be better to find a therapist, instead of me. To…to work through all of this, I mean."
Honey smiled, pretending that what he'd said didn't hurt. That pain was irrational. Ari wasn't pushing him away, and besides, Honey had been the one to bring it up in the first place. He'd recognized the signs first and had stopped himself from continuing to rant. It was a healthy behavior, or at least it was supposed to be. Yet that tiny, awful part of his mind was screaming that this was a rejection. Ari was rejecting him. His problems were too much for him to handle. He really was that messed up.
He wasn't going to say any of that out loud, though. This wasn't the time to wallow in more self-pity. He nodded emphatically.
"Yeah! Yeah, nah, you're good. You're totally right! I've been real rude to you. And you're on vacation! Enough stressing out." His smile faltered, but only for a second, and it came back more radiant than before. "Do you want some alone time? We’ve got a spa, if you wanna relax. Champagne, too.”
"I'm sorry, Honey." he said softly. "I…I know this is important, but I just…it's too much for me right now." he took a deep breath, he looked down at Sugar again, taking a deep breath. "I don't need alone time, though! I'm okay. I am." he didn't know what to do now. Or where to look. He didn't mean to disappoint or let Honey down.
Honey nodded rapidly. His fake smile was still plastered on, and this time, he was determined not to let it falter.
"Oh, don't be sorry for that, it's all good. I talk about this stuff too much. I get it." Though the words themselves could be perceived as passive aggressive, there wasn't a single trace of bitterness in his tone. He was being honest. Everything he'd brought up had been terribly depressing, and it was layered on top of a really tough morning. Ari was probably exhausted. The blond to pat his knee before rolling to his feet.
"Well, here's the deal. You might not need alone time, but, uh, I've gotta go and get back to cleaning duty. And I've made another executive decision. You're not allowed to help. You get to stay here and relax a little. Unwind."
Honey gestured for Sugar to come to him so he could pick her up. The little dog didn't move. He called her name softly, but she didn't budge an inch. When he came closer, she actually started to growl. Her gaze was hostile; she looked like she might snap at his hand. Her owner's fake smile dropped.
"Sugar, please? You can't stay here." She growled again, and when he tried to take her, she tried to bite his finger. He scrambled back. Pain flashed through his eyes, quickly chased away by humiliated anger. "Fine! Stay! I'll get Lovey to come get you in a minute."
Ari blinked at him, not quite sure what to do. "Sorry." he said softly. "And, ah, are you sure you don't want any more help? I want to help you, if I can. If you'll let me." he looked down at Sugar, brows gathering faintly. "Sugar, go with him. You don't need to stay here with me, sweet thing."
Sugar didn't budge. She looked at Ari and wagged her tail twice, then barked at Honey. His face went scarlet. He wasn't sure what was happening. Did she think he was going to hurt Ari? He wouldn't dare to raise a finger against the young man, and it was heartbreaking that she'd turned on him so quickly. Maybe he wasn't always the perfect owner, but they loved each other. Or so he thought. Her trust had apparently vanished in mere minutes.
"It's fine," Honey huffed. He wasn't mad at Ari in any way. Really, he just wanted to apologize, but there was that fire in his blood again that told him to run. He'd never been all that great at fixing his mistakes. "Like I said, just stay here. I'll send Lovey in a bit."
He walked out of the room with his hands in his pockets, not turning back once. Sugar whimpered.
Ari kept glancing from Sugar to Honey, uncertain what, if anything, he could do about this. He didn't know why Sugar was acting this way towards her owner, nor what he could do to help mend things. All he knew was that this had all fallen apart so quickly. "I'm sorry." he said softly, scratching behind Sugar's ears again.
Sugar stood and trotted around the perimeter of the fort. She pressed her little nose to the ground as she sniffed the pillows, making sure that the space was safe. Once she was done, she did a small hop and raced back to Ari. Her tail was wagging impossibly fast. She pawed at his leg, spun in a circle, and pounced onto his lap. Then, her ears perked. She spun towards the door and started to growl but stopped when she identified the figure in the doorway.
"Sugar?" Pretty asked, visibly confused. Her long, dark hair was slicked back from rain, and it framed her face like a curtain. "I thought I heard Honey. I've been meaning to talk to him. Why do you have his dog?"
Ari poked his head out of the fort, blinking at Pretty with confusion in his own gaze. "I, uh…he just left." he said slowly. "We were talking and…" he exhaled, trying to think of how to explain. "I couldn't…I can't help him the way he needs. It's too much. He needs a therapist and I told him that I wanted to help but it was just a lot, and…I don't know. I'm doing a very bad job of explaining, but he left. He went back to his room, and Sugar wouldn't go with him. I don't know why."
Pretty frowned, crossed her arms, and propped her hip on the doorframe. "Well, that was rude of him. And Sugar. She's pretty well trained. I'm not sure why she's acting up all of the sudden."
There was a pause where she struggled with what to say. She kind of wanted to comfort Ari, but they didn't know each other very well. He'd been there to support Lovey's brother, and her partner seemed to like him quite a bit. Then again, Lovey kind of liked most people. That was her whole deal.
As if she'd been summoned, Lovey moved in the doorway beside Pretty. She stood on her tiptoes so she could kiss her girlfriend's cheek, then turned to Ari. Her expression was one of confusion. She wasn't sure what was going on, just that Honey had seemed in a hurry.
"I'm here for a Sugar pickup!" she chirped, trying her best to stay positive. Maybe things were fine. Honey could've just had an errand in town. "Divinity's watching the desk for a minute. Not that much has been happening today, honestly. I think the rain's keeping everyone inside."
Sugar wiggled around in Ari's lap, her paws in the air. When she heard Lovey's voice, she barked excitedly and tripped over her own paws trying to get to her. Lovey scooped her and pet her head.
Pretty turned back to Ari. "Hey. So. Do you have plans for the day? Someone said something about you doing gardening work, and the house in town that we've been looking at—they're willing to give it to us in a week if we can get the yard in shape. I'd pay you."
Ari looked up at the two, smiling at the way Sugar ran to Lovey. "I don't, ah, have any, no. And I'd be willing to see what I can do about the garden, yeah. You don't need to pay me, though. I have enough." he got out of the fort, smiling a little bit and running his hands through his hair. "I like gardening, so it's not like it's some massive chorse."
Pretty shook her head. Some of her dark, silky hair had fallen into her face in the process, and Lovey stepped forward to brush it behind her ear. The young swordswoman gratefully kissed her lover's palm before glancing at Ari again.
"Whether or not you like it, it's still physical labor. We'll have to pay you back somehow. It's only fair, especially if you're going to be working with me in this rain."
"It's more of a drizzle," Lovey piped up, and Pretty smiled one of her rare, small smiles.
"Criticizing my choice of words? I don't exactly see you offering to join us." If it had been anyone else, the statement might've sounded passive aggressive, but it was obvious that Pretty was teasing. Amusement bled into her tone. “Maybe it’s raining harder than you think. You’d never know.”
"I'm pregnant! I can't be doing hard labor.”
Ari listened to them, snickering faintly at Lovey's comment. "We'll see how hard it's raining, but uh, I really don't mind helping out." he said, standing and stretching a little bit, running his hands through his hair. "Seriously. If it helps get you guys out of here and into a place of your own, it's no big deal to help out."
"Aw. You're such a sweetheart, aren't you?" Lovey singsonged. She waltzed over and ruffled his hair. It was easy to imagine her doing that to a young Honey, even though they'd been children at the same time. She grinned, and it was bright and genuine, much different from her brother's forced, perfect smiles. They really were separate people. The hardships they'd faced had granted them such unique perspectives on life.
"Maybe he's trying to get bonus points. Get on a certain someone's good side." Pretty winked secretively at Ari to show she was joking. Her tone was cool and casual. "Not a bad way to do it."
Ari laughed a little bit. "Ah, maybe I am. Who can tell but me?" he replied, shrugging a shoulder. "Either way, I enjoy gardening and I will help you." he laughed again, sticking out his tongue at Lovey when she ruffled his hair. He didn't have an older sibling to ruffle his hair when he was younger, and it was a strange feeling now.
"Alright. Well, let's get to it, then. I've got some stuff that we can take that I usually use for around here. Just basic stuff. Shears for the flowers when they grow too wild, gloves for twigs or anything with thorns, even a scythe for the really tall grass. We might have some seed packets that we never used. Think you can help me carry all that?"
Lovey reprimanded her girlfriend with a look. "Oh, don't say it like that! It sounds like a challenge! You're not challenging him. He's a guest! And a very strong, capable young man."
Pretty rolled her eyes, though she was still smiling. The whole thing was clearly a joke. "Of course. Sorry. Ari, you sweet, darling angel," she said in a falsely bubbly tone, "can you help me carry some stuff?"
Ari laughed, smiling over at them. "I can help carry stuff, yes." he replied, grabbing his jacket and slinging it on. "Though if it's raining too hard, we aren't going to be able to get much done." he ran his hands through his hair, and then tied it back so that it would stay out of his face while they worked.
Pretty said, "It's thundering," at the exact same time that Lovey replied, "Light mist, at worst." The two side-eyed each other, then burst out laughing. Even Sugar seemed to join in, wagging her little tail and yipping. Lovey giggled and kissed the pup's head. She kissed her girlfriend's cheek as well before saying goodbye to everyone in the room. Though she'd like to stay for longer, she really did have to put Sugar in her crate and go work the front desk. Money didn't earn itself.
Pretty turned to Ari and tipped her chin towards the door. "C'mon, let's get going. Supply closet isn't too far from here. We'll see what we can get done while it's wet out, and I'll probably go back to do most of the work tomorrow when it dries."
It took her two long strides to get through the door and into the hallway. As she'd said, the supply closet wasn't far. She put her employee key into the lock and turned it. The room smelled of stale dust and old paint. There wasn't much in it besides a bunch of tools, ranging from home repair devices to rusted paint cans and an array of wrenches. She started loading gardening stuff in a small wheelbarrow.
"Seed packets are in the drawer of that workbench. See if you find any you like. I'm not too good at flowers or anything, so you'll probably know more than me."
Ari laughed again at their interaction, unable to stop the soft smile that pulled at his mouth. Watching two people who were clearly in love with each other was always a sweet, lovely thing to see. It really was. Oncce in the supply closet, he crouched to look through the seed packets in the workbench, examining them carefully. He wanted to mainly pick native flowers and plants, as those were the easiest to maintain. Non-native species would require more watering and care, and also could turn invasive if they weren't kept in check.
Pretty watched him out of the corner of her eye. At this point in time, she didn't have a reason not to trust him, but caution was built into her blood. She was a warrior true and true. Once it really was apparent that he was just picking seed packets, she turned to her task of filling the wheelbarrow with supplies.
"So." She coughed as a cloud of dust rose and swatted it. After it dissipated, she glanced over, sizing him up again. "Ari. I used to serve in Kevra. I used to serve in a lot of places, but Kevra was the most recent. It's an interesting place."
She placed an old, leaking bag of mulch into the wheelbarrow and followed it up with a large shovel. The edge of it was rusted.