(true tho :( )
Ari nodded slightly. "Alright. I'll call you Honey, then, unless or until you ask me to do otherwise." he replied softly, running his thumb over Honey's knuckles to try and reassure him a bit. "Alright? I'm not going to judge you or be upset with yuo if you change your mind." he gave the young man a soft smile.
Rin smiled down at his lover, leaning down to kiss him. He loved being like this, loved being with his lover, just cuddling and spending time together. It was probably one of his favorite things right now.
Honey grit his teeth and nodded, exhaling slowly. The feel of Ari's hand on his was grounding, but he wondered if he could feel the tension of his muscles, the pounding of his pulse. He felt like he'd been on alert for a long time and hadn't been able to relax. Everything ached in a dull way. The alcohol from their meal was wearing off, leaving him with a headache.
He glanced over and saw the young man's smile. For some reason, it hurt to be on the receiving end of it. He didn't feel like he deserved it after all that had happened that day. Maybe Henri would deserve it, if he was still around. Maybe Henri would've told Myr off, slapped his hand away, sent him packing. Honey had let it happen.
"Ari?" he said in a shaky way. "Can I give you another dare?" His eyes were teary, but he blinked rapidly, trying to maintain control. "Can I dare you to hug me? 'Cause I think I might need it."
Arquis yawned against their neck after the kiss and smiled, letting his eyelids drift shut. Beds felt so warm and cozy with them beside him. He couldn't imagine sleeping on his own anymore; the experience would be ruined for him. He placed his head on his partner's chest and listened to the steady thump of their heart until he was close to sleep.
"You don't have to dare me for that." He replied softly, moving closer to Honey and wrapping his arms around the blond, holding him close. "It's going to be alright." his voice was soft and gentle and sweet, and he knew that Honey just needed someone to hold and stay with him right now.
Rin shifted a little bit, snuggling closer to his partner and giving Arquis a soft, happy little smile. "Love you." he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Arquis's shoulder. He knew that their partner was close to sleep right now, so they didn't try to wake him or speak too loudly.
Honey wasn't quite crying, but his chest began to spasm as he drew in heaving, agonizing breaths. He couldn't hug Ari tightly. All of his energy was in keeping himself together, so his embrace was weak, his hands unable to even grasp onto his shoulders. He tucked his face into the crook of his neck until he felt steady enough to speak. Even then, he didn't fully lean away, only raised his head so that they were seeing eye to eye.
"I'm real sorry. And I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry, I know people get on me about that, but, uh, I don't know. I don't think I'm okay?" That last part was meant to be a statement, but it came out like a question. He let out a faint sound, as if he'd stepped on something sharp, and retreated all the way back into the safety of Ari's embrace. "Sorry. I know that was a lot to throw at you at once. Didn't mean to make things so bleak. Again."
"Mm. Love you. Love, love, love you." Arquis nuzzled his nose into their stomach. He was in that stage where he would slip into dreams at any moment, which meant he was basically speaking nonsense. It also meant that he said whatever was on his mind, which was why he mumbled, "Ring. Need ring."
Aru held onto him. "You don't need to be sorry, and you don't need to be okay." he replied softly, gently rubbing Honey's back. "It's alright, Honey. Please don't be…don't be upset about being upset." he hoped that that made sense. He hoped that what he was saying made sense, in some small way. "I promise you, I am not mad at you."
Rin blinked. "What do you mean, love? Why do you need a ring?" they sounded a little amused, but loved this sleepy, sweet mumbling that Arquis was doing. They really did love it.
Honey understood what he was saying, but he was having a hard time forming a response. That headache was turning into a real beast. He held onto Ari for a few minutes more, his feelings brewing like a storm inside, before letting go. It wasn't that he wanted to move away, but he really had meant it when he'd said that he hadn't wanted to darken the evening.
"That happens sometimes," he said awkwardly, clearing his throat. To avoid looking him head on, he reached out to the nearest armchair, snatched a pillow, and set it in his lap. He pretended to examine it from all angles before wrapping it in a hug. It was pitiful in comparison to the real one he'd had just prior, but it felt good to just hold something. He rested his chin on top of it and looked at the fire.
"I wish I could control myself more than I actually can. But I can't. One minute I'll be fine, and the next I just, like, y'know." He made a gesture with his hands, hoping that he'd understand. "Ophia once said that people are kinda like glass. They can take a lotta heat and pressure as they're growing, but too much'll make them bend and break. Sometimes, you'll get cracks you won't even know are there, and one day you'll just burst without warning. I don't know. It's kinda an odd metaphor or whatever."
In the guest bed, Arquis opened his eyes just a sliver of the way and smiled earnestly at his lover. It was overtly clear that he was pretty much sleep talking. His voice was slurred and soft.
"Marry you," he mumbled, as if it were obvious. His eyelids drooped once more, but he wasn't all the way asleep. In a very pleased tone, he repeated, "Marry you, love."
Ari watched Honey quietly, nodding faintly. "I see." he said, voice soft and sweet and gentle. "I am sorry, Honey, that…that you feel this way." he wasn't quite sure what else to say about it. How else to phrase it. "But, it is alright. I promise. I am not upset that you sometimes need more care."
Rin smiled, pleased by the idea even though they knew that they had been the one to originally bring it up. "I see." they kissed Arquis's cheek softly.
Honey's lips thinned. He squeezed the pillow, dreading what he was about to say.
"Listen, Ari, you don't gotta be here. I mean, I appreciate it. Really, I do. You're fun, and you seem like a real good person. But you don't gotta feel like you're responsible for me just 'cause I've been through some shit. You know what I'm saying? When I was saying all that stuff earlier while we were eating, what I really meant was that you can probably do better. You don't gotta be the one to care for me. It's awful work."
A muscle worked in his jaw as he spoke. He didn't want this all to be a quick fling, a brief, meaningless thing, but he'd understand if that's all he wanted. Now that Ari had seen what he was really like—had seen that he wasn't all jokes and witty, flirty banter—he'd understand if he walked away. What fun was it to be with a man who broke down uncontrollably? How attractive could he really be when he was having a panic attack?
Behind closed doors, Arquis sighed dreamily and pulled his partner in. His hand slipped under their shirt to cup his bare shoulder. He tried to kiss him, but it was more of a drag of his lips on their jaw, followed by a yawn. His other hand found one of theirs, and he brought it to his lips. He left another sort of kiss at the base of his ring finger.
"Here," he whispered. "Right here."
Ari thought about that for a long moment. He really did, turning it over in his mind. Then, he spoke. "I don't mind it, Honey. Everyone's got harder times, and, ah, I don't mind being here for you for yours." he cleared his throat faintly, giving Honey a soft smile. "I really don't mind, Honey."
Rin hummed softly, returning the kiss with a soft one of his own. "Yes. We've rather forgotten to wear our fake rings, but ah, I think I would rather have real ones."
"What if I mind?" Honey gave the pillow another squeeze, unable to look at Ari. His voice was so quiet that he could barely be heard over the crackling of the hearth. "I don't want you wasting your time. Sure, I'm entertaining for a bit, and I'll do pretty much whatever you want me to, but, like, you deserve something good. Someone good."
He wasn't sure why he was saying it. He really did feel that way, but he also didn't want to push Ari away. After everything he'd suffered, didn't he deserve something nice? Didn't he deserve someone who would give him soft smiles and hugs? Maybe not. Maybe that was why he was fighting him so hard on this subject—his subconscious was telling him the truth.
Arquis dropped his hand to their stomach and gave it a fond pat. "Mm. Not fake. Never. Only the best for you, love." He laughed, but it turned into a yawn. His fingers stroked their abdomen almost of their own accord; he was so sleepy that he was moving without really thinking. "Abs. Good abs."
Ari's gaze rested softly on Honey, a bit of pity and a soft sadness in his gaze. "I've had relationships before, Honey, and they don't always work out. Sometimes you're the wrong person, and sometimes it's just the wrong time. And I don't know what this is, but don't doom it before it can get started." he said, taking a deep breath.
Rin laughed at his lover's actions and words, kissing Arquis's forehead. "Thank you, darling, now go to sleep, alright?" he said, laughing quietly.
Honey's chest rose and fell a couple of times before he responded. "I haven't. Been in a relationship, I mean." When he finally glanced at Ari, there was something tired about his expression, like he'd already been rejected. In reality, it was quite the opposite. The young man was giving him so many chances, but he was struggling with the idea that he could be wanted for anything more than his body.
The pillow tumbled out of his lap to the carpet. He didn't bother with it, just pushed it to the side. Myr's words circled in his head. He wasn't relationship material. There was something wrong with him. His best trait was his body, and it belonged to a man that showed him no mercy. Myr had said other stuff as well, stuff that had really sent him into a dark place. He'd said that Honey was only worth the pleasure he could bring. He'd said that if Honey wasn't going to keep working, then he had no reason to live. His existence would be pointless, so he might as well end it. And Honey knew that Myr was prone to speaking impulsively. What he said was irrational. But the man had always been good at getting under his skin.
"I've never been on a real date," he said softly, embarrassed. Nobody he'd slept with had ever bothered with formalities. Some bought him pretty things, and some would get him dinner or drinks, but they'd never wanted to leave the inn. Or if they did, it was to show off, not for romantic purposes. "Earlier, when Rin made that comment about wanting to, uh, what was it? Wine and dine? When they said he wanted to do that with Arquis instead of me, it kinda hurt, I guess. Not that I actually wanna date them, I just got my hopes up."
Speaking of Arquis, the nobleman shook his head with surprising conviction. "Not tired. Want to stay up with you. Talk about wedding. Dresses? Who wears the dress?"
Ari listened quietly, keeping his gaze on Honey as he listened to what the other man was saying. "I see." he said softly. "Well…Rinlos wanted to go out with his partner, which is understandable. It isn't that they don't care for you, it is only that they wanted to wine and dine their partner." he took a breath, thinking for a moment. "If you would like, I would be willing to take you out. Wine and dine you, so to speak. If, ah, that would be something you would be interested in?" he tucked his knees to his chest, watching Honey quietly.
Rinlos laughed a little bit. "Both of us, or neither of us, or whoever wants to." they replied, smiling at their partner. "Why? Would you like to wear a dress?" his voice held no judgement as they asked the question; they were sure that Arquis would look lovely in a dress.
Honey sighed when he heard the first part of what he was saying. "I know, and I wouldn't really wanna go out with them. He and dreamboat make a good couple. They're cute together. I've just always wanted to-” He stopped, processing the rest of his words. Heat flooded his face. "Oh. Do you really mean that? You don't gotta. If it's, like, a pity thing, I don't really want that. But if you actually mean it, then, uh, well. That would be good. Fun. I'd like it. Maybe not the wine part. I know I messed up while we were eating, but I really am trying to stay clean, and, uh, yeah. Dinner, though? Or breakfast. Or lunch! Brunch? I'd be fine with anything, as long as it's with you."
Rambling. He was rambling again. He stopped speaking and smiled so hard that his dimples appeared. There was a genuine glow about him that emphasized his youthful energy. Lovey had been on a lot of dates in the past, and she used to spend time telling him about how sweet her partners had been, how much fun they'd had. He'd always wanted to try it out, but nobody really wanted to date him. It was silly, but he wasn't sure he could take it if Ari had been joking or pranking him. His heart would've broken right then and there.
Arquis's eyes opened, this time all the way, and he stared up at his partner. His gaze was innocent and a bit frightened.
"I have never seriously considered it before. Men are not allowed to wear dresses in Anvillea, or at least not noblemen. It is considered shameful." He remembered the ordeal about the skirt and carefully considered his wording. His hand snuck down to squeeze at his hip. It wasn’t even conscious at this point; he was just so used to the motion that it was second nature. "I think I would look poorly in one. I do not have the, ah, figure for it. But you look wonderful in whatever you wear, my heart."
"They are a cute couple." Ari agreed, then nodded. "I'm serious. You seem like a sweet, earnest person, and I should like to get to know you better. And, we can go out for lunch or dinner, whichever you would like. Though, yes, I would agree that we should steer clear from alcohol. That may not work out for the bset." he smiled happily at the sight of Honey's adorable dimples; the blond was gorgeous, Ari knew that already.
Rin caught the little squeeze, and reached down to take Arquis's hand, threading their fingers together. "You would look wonderful in one, darling. We would just have to find one that worked for your figure, just as anyone else would." he smiled at his lover. "If you would like to wear a dress, then we can work on that. We can find you a dress, my love."
Honey was basically bursting with happiness. The more Ari said, the more he smiled. At the end of it, he rolled onto his back, seized the pillow, and hugged it like it was an old friend. It felt like fireworks were going off inside him. A date! He was actually going to go on a date! And with someone as lovely and genuine and handsome as Ari! This was more than just luck. It was a one in a million chance for someone like him, and he didn't want to waste it.
"Lunch! No, dinner! Ice cream? I don't know! I don't care! Anything is fine!" He tossed the pillow into the air and caught it with a laugh. His excitement couldn't be any more obvious. He sat up so fast that his loose curls became a mess. There were practically stars in his eyes. "Oh, I can't wait! There's so much to show you around here. You're gonna love it, I swear!"
In the bedroom, Arquis let out a very long, nervous breath. Apparently, he had been affected by Ari walking in on him, more so than he'd thought. He gave his partner an appreciative kiss on the knuckles, glad they'd caught him before he'd spiraled too far.
"I still do not know about it, but thank you, Rin." He blushed and brought their entwined hands to his own cheek. Might as well try and joke around a little, brighten the mood. "I am not sure I have the necessary curves for certain dresses. I might look rather rectangular in some. Perhaps Honey could give me some recommendations. He seems to wear them quite confidently.”
Ari grinned, smiling so wide that it almost hurt as he looked down at the excited, happy blond on the floor. "Pick a restaurant, Honey." he replied, beaming. "And we'll get ice cream afterwards." the blond's excitement was, well, adorable, and Ari loved it. Loved the smiles and happiness that was practically radiating off of him.
Rin smiled softly. "That's why we get a fitting, find a dress that fits you exactly right. If that is something that you want to wear, Arquis, then I see no reason to stop you." he could tell that the idea made Arquis anxious, but they wanted to try and assuage that worry.
His smile only made Honey more eager. He rolled over onto his side—the one that wasn't marked by the burn and covered in bandages—and placed his hand on Ari's knee. It was a genuinely innocent gesture, just a way to show his enthusiasm, but it made him blush nonetheless. He withdrew his hand and clutched it to his chest as if it'd been touched by something precious.
"I know exactly the place. It's not somewhere I go very often, 'cause it's a little outta the way, and it's not much fun to go alone. But it's incredible." His wide grin shifted into something smaller, something nostalgic and fond. "It was the first place I went to when I saved up some money. I'd never really gotten the chance to eat out much before that, and when I did, it was always cheaper stuff. The kinda quick food that's good but not great. But when I went there, it was just… I got it. I got why people spent so much money on food, why it was such a big deal in books and stuff."
There was a moment when he let that settle in. The firelight was dimming to embers, and it made the room look dreamlike. Romantic, even. He folded his arms under the back of his head. There was a peace about him that hadn't been there before.
A similar mood had entered the guest room. Arquis, his feelings made soft by his partner's gentle reassurances, drew them into a hug that was followed by a kiss. He wasn't sure about the dress, but it didn't feel as daunting, there in the quiet darkness of the room.
"You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me," he murmured, his voice barely audible over a gust of wind outside.
Ari didn't mind the touch, and he beamed down at Honey. "Yeah. That sounds great, Honey. We'll go there tomorrow, just you and me, okay? Rinlos and Arquis will do something together somewhere else, and we'll go out to this restaurant, and we'll spend some time together. Just you and me." he was looking forward to it, actually.
Rin smiled softly, returning the hug and kiss softly. "Mm, same here, darling." he replied, voice as soft as his smile. "I adore you, my love."
(omg what if they go on a date while arquis and rin do the dress fitting ? of course they wouldn’t actually be able to buy a dress but it could be a test run of sorts)
"Just you and me," Honey repeated softly, starting to fidget with excitement once more. He was a bundle of nervous energy, pretty much ready to head out the door at that moment. If it wasn't nighttime, he might've actually done it, dashed away to secure a reservation. Instead, he cast a flirtatious smile up at him.
"What do you want me to wear? Surely you have a preference." It was the type of thing he was used to hearing. Men would request certain dresses or shorts or colors, sometimes for extremely immoral reasons. He hated to think of them. But Ari, he hoped, would choose his outfit for less offensive purposes. Maybe he thought it'd be rude for Honey to wear something short, a sign of disrespect. Maybe he didn't like it when Honey wore makeup. Maybe he'd prefer him to stay away from unflattering colors. These were all things he'd heard before. He was used to being dressed like a doll. Choices were only truly his when he was on his own.
"And I you," Arquis whispered in the guest bed. The burst of energy from all the dress questions had wore off, and his head dropped back against his chest. "Might not stay up as long as I thought. Quite, mm… quite…"
(ooh yes I love that!)
Ari cocked his head slightly. "You can wear whatever you like, Honey." he replied. "I'm not going to tell you what to do." he knew that that was probably what Honey was used to, but he wanted to leave the choice up to the blond. Whatever Honey wanted to wear, Ari was certain it would look lovely on him.
Rin yawned softly, holding onto Arquis. "That's alright, darling. Get some sleep." he whispered, closing his own eyes and knowing that sleep was just around the corner for them bot.
Honey's brow furrowed. Maybe he hadn't understood. Or had he offended him somehow through accidental negative connotations? He hadn't meant to imply that Ari would be controlling or manipulative if he picked an outfit. Certainly not.
"Oh, don't worry. It's not telling. You're just giving me, like, a recommendation. A suggestion. A guideline, if that's how you wanna put it. Something that'll make it more enjoyable for you." His smile was easy and pleased, as if what he was saying was completely normal. It was very clear even as he was trying to be positive that he felt that the date was an unequal exchange. He felt that he would get more out of it than Ari unless he did something to sweeten the deal. And in his mind, it was not only fair but reasonable to give up control of his appearance if it would satisfy him.
Arquis was asleep within five minutes. He didn't dream this time around, which was lucky considering his recent streak of nightmares. There was just nothingness, a peaceful void to sink into as his breathing steadied and his body relaxed.
(yooo 100 pages!!)
Ari's brows drew together. "Wear something that makes you happy, alright? Is that enough of a guideline?" he could tell Honey was doing this because he thought he needed to, and so maybe if Ari just gave a loose guideline, it would help? Give Honey an idea of what to do that wouldn't be controlling in any way.
Rin took a bit longer to fall asleep, but eventually did so, letting out a soft sigh and snuggling closer to his lover.
(yay that's a lot! also since arquis is asleep I plan to stop writing his perspective—unless something happens during the night, like rin has a nightmare?—until morning)
Honey's smile faltered. That couldn't really be it. Did happy mean something else? Maybe he was trying to say that Honey shouldn't act so bleak during their outing. That seemed like a stretch, though. After all, he'd said wear something, not try and look happy. Was happy a stand-in for something less innocent? Wear something that made him feel attractive, maybe? But even that seemed too pure. There had to be a catch. There was always a catch. If he kept pushing it, though, would that make him upset? Would he call off the date?
"Yeah," he said softly. "I'll try."
There was another question, one that he really did dread but knew he had to ask. His throat bobbed as he swallowed. Ari had said he wasn't interested in knowing him physically until he knew him emotionally. Now that they were going on a date, that meant that the latter requirement would be fulfilled. Which meant the former would inevitably be as well.
"And underneath?" His eyes went to the floor, where they stayed. "I have a lot of options. Anything you want."
(yeah! Alright that's fine :) yeah I might have Rin have a nightmare, tbh, since he's been under a lot of stress with the sickness and Honey's situation)
"Underneath…?" He frowned faintly, not understanding why Honey was asking that. After a long moment of confusion, he realized. "Oh. Uh…I don't…sex isn't something I want. Wear something comfortable. I don't care. Uh." He stammered for a moment, trying to figure out how best to communicate to Honey that normal dates, normal partners, didn't dictate what the other person wore. "Honey, sweetheart, on normal dates, your partner doesn't choose what you wear. And that's what this is. A normal date. I don't expect not want anything else. Just a fun date with a lovely, sweet young man, wearing whatever he wants to wear." He hoped he was saying the right things.
(that would work! I realize it's been kinda arquis/honey-problem-centric lately, so you could definitely put the focus on rin for a bit!)
Several emotions ran across Honey's face. At first, he looked confused, then like he'd been scolded, and finally anxious. Sure, he wore whatever he wanted in ordinary day-to-day life, but when it came to being with someone else he never got to choose how he dressed. There was always a preference. Lace instead of silk, something with a lot of straps, items with more gaps than fabric. Whatever the other man wanted, he'd get. Because he was paying for the experience. Ari wasn't paying him to go on the date, he knew, but the blond was just so used to someone else taking charge. Playing dress up, in a sense.
He wanted to ask if Ari was certain. Instead, he said, "Oh. Um, alright. Sorry, I didn't know." Suddenly, the room felt dark rather than cozy, and the smoke from the fire felt choking. It was because he'd messed up, just as he had with Myr. He waited for a punishment that didn't come, then, after a moment, relaxed. "For the record, I think you're sweet, too. And handsome. Very handsome.”
(alright!)
"It's alright." Ari said, then smiled a little at the compliments. "Thank you, Honey. But, ah, do you understand that I'm not going to tell you what to wear? That that is entirely your choice, and I am sure you will look lovely no matter what you choose to wear?" He really wanted Honey to understand all of this, before the conversation changed too much. This was important. Even if he and Honey didn't work out, he wanted Honey to get a better sense of what dating someone should mean.
"Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. It's weird, but not in a bad way. It's nice, I think. Makes me feel less, uh, like a thing. More like a person." His ears went red as he realized his mistake, and he stammered, "I mean, I'll be whatever! I can whatever you need me to be! I don't mind!"
That was the type of mistake that would've gotten him in deep trouble with most men. They would've scowled, demanding to know what he meant. He might not have gotten hit for it, but things would have become tense. He would've really had to work to make it up to them, especially if he wanted any kind of tip. That had been a very tough lesson that he'd had to learn in his first year. Then again, his first year in general had been extremely hard.
"Really, I, uh, didn't mean that. Made it sound like it was a bad thing for people to have preferences. And it's not. It's just fine."
He felt his heart break a little at the admission, swallowing softly. "Honey, sweetheart, there's a difference between a preference and control. A preference would be me saying, uhm, that I like it when you wear makeup. Control would be me saying that if you don't wear makeup, then you're in trouble or I am no longer attracted to you." he hoped that that made sense to Honey, but he wasn't honestly sure that it would.
Honey listened with a pinched expression, as if he were about to protest but couldn't find the right words to do so. He squeezed the corner of the pillow with a small sigh. What Ari was saying made sense, but he didn't want to admit that it did. If he accepted that, then he'd have to accept that he'd basically been a puppet for years, living without a voice of his own. He supposed that was the truth. If Rin and Arquis hadn't come along, then men would still be making choices for him, and nobody would know about his suffering until it was too late. He really had underestimated the danger of the business. In the past week, he'd been bruised and scraped, bitten and burned. He'd had his wrist and ribs nearly broken and his eye blackened. Usually, the attacks weren't so frequent nor severe, but maybe that was a sign that it was all getting worse.
He was spiraling again. He remembered Ophia's advice and took a couple of deep breaths, his shoulders rising and falling with the effort. Then, he rolled to face Ari.
"I think I get it. If it's something I wouldn't do to you, then I shouldn't accept it if it's done to me." His voice was almost unbearably soft. Scared, even. "Like, I wouldn't yell if you wore a certain color, and I wouldn't be angry if you put on a short skirt. That sort of thing. I should be upset if someone treated me like that, right?"
