Farah inhaled steadily, but her exhale was visibly shaky. "Alright… You told me your darkest memory, so I feel it's only right if I share mine with you. My mentor was a mind fairy by the name of Rosalind. I looked up to her in every way. She was the one who brought me to Alfea, where I attended school. Rosalind was the one who practically raised me, the one who trained me, and in my last year at Alfea, Rosalind invited me to be her protégé for the coming year. I accepted, of course. It was an honor to me at the time. She turned me into a loyal soldier, and when she had my trust, I look back on it now, she began to manipulate me. She would give me just enough information to string me along, and I was stupid enough to fall for it."
She shook her head briefly before continuing. "The following year, as the Burned One attacks became steadily worst, Rosalind assembled a group of two other fairies and two Specialists to be in her personal battalion and travel with her on her quest to end the Burned Ones' reign of terror. I was invited by her, and again, I accepted. Being in her battalion and her protégé, Rosalind began to spend most of our time around each other.
"Then, one night, we were in her office at Alfea. We'd just gotten back from a successful expedition, it was dark, and we were both working late. At one point, when the words on the pages started blurring together in my vision, Rosalind approached my desk with a bottle of liquor."
Farah closed her eyes. "I should've said no, but I doubt that alcohol was the only thing to influence me that night. Her magic was taunting in the air, but I was too tired and soon too drunk to realize. Eventually, we ended up sitting together on one of the couches in her office, and she put her arm around me. I was too delirious to tell her no even if I wanted to. I don't know how I remember every word she said to me that night. I was horribly exhausted and drunk out of my wits, but I remember she looked me in the eye and whispered, 'Don't you want me?' And at that moment, I did. So I kissed her.
"That kiss was… incredible," she admitted reluctantly. "But I wish with all my heart that evening could've gone very differently. If only I told her how tired I was so she would let me leave… If I had refused the alcohol… If we hadn't sat so close…"
Farah took a deep breath and continued still. "It only got worse in the following days. Rosalind had me tied on the end of a string. I was completely, blindly loyal to her. She could've told me to do practically anything, and I would've done it. And… she did." The fairy smiled amidst the sadness and laughed while hurting tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. "Aster Dell," she murmured. "It was Aster Dell that changed everything.
"It was a civilization near the coast. Rosalind led us there, telling us the city was overcome with Burned Ones and the civilians had been evacuated. The five of us got there, and the three fairies in her battalion – Rosalind, Ben, and me – all combined our magic. There was supposed to be a shared expenditure of magic, but… Rosalind withdrew, and Ben wasn't strong enough to support the amount of magic needed. The power was already there, and mine just filled in the gaps without me even realizing it. It was so easy, and I drew on so much power, Rosalind was overjoyed. I had thought the civilization was evacuated, and the only beings in it were our enemies, the Burned Ones. But Rosalind had lied. It wasn't evacuated. I didn't find out until after."
"The lightning I brought down on the civilization destroyed it in seconds. It was the most power I've ever felt. When we went down to observe the damage and make sure all the Burned Ones were dead…" Her voice began to break. "There were people… she told us it had been evacuated… I should've doubted… should've questioned her. I murdered an entire town like it was nothing, and after trapping Rosalind in Alfea's hidden undercroft, I used a gateway ring to get here, made my barrier, and hid myself away. I don't deserve such power."
Farah trembled, unusually vulnerable at that moment. "I have hundreds of deaths' worth of blood on my hands. That day has lived in my mind for the past sixteen years. I'll never be able to outlive it."