"Cool! I got arm tentacles! I'm like Lucy but heroic!"
"Anyways, as punishment for making me misunderstand, I decided to eat my wife for dinner that night."
"Are you stupid?" "Depends on how I'm feeling."
"I fell down my fair share of stairs."
"You can fire him or kill him."
"I'm actually glad that the person who gave us the boring non-electric urn died.
"I'm not a cube. Turn it off."
"Make the bin do it, he's pathetic."
"As far back as I remember, I always knew I deserved to be dead."
"I am trigger happy for needles and not in a sex or drug way"
"I live in a conservative town, the only thing I'm going to pull is the push door"
"Everyone is a peasant at 4am"
(All of these were said in a 30 minute span of time at the airport)
"What a coinkydink, my entire family is either dead or missing too."
"No such thing as red tape if you bitch loudly enough"
"I'm actually glad I don't have a family."
“Also don't feel sad, 'cause Trump's not president anymore, smile!”
"The alcohol you drink while leaving your little brothers freezing at home is the best!"
"I'm weird cause I love space bingus cat"
"Did you just kill a pig(cop)." "I might've made some bacon."
"The 5 spirits have collided! The barrier is broken!"
"I've always wondered what it feels like to be a peeled potato."
"Freelancers deserve to die. <3"
"Thanks to you I am a figure of ridicule in the marketing community. I will burn down my orchards tonight."
"I tried to crack an egg, but there was no egg"
"I tried to crack an egg, but there was no egg"
That's not what i said lol
(It's close enough XD )
(You only quote me here 🤣)
"Dr. Bipples, your time has come! Tell us which kidney is the tastiest!"
whooaaaaa out of context slashest video quotes dump nooooo way
"why is his head shaped like a football??"
"hello! i do calculus and i cannot drive"
"we do not have FUCKING TREE SAP at mcdonalds"
"actual loser… why are you deafened??? you're gonna pay the price"
"bro calls himself packgod because he works at uhaul"
"do you guys remember when the crab walked in and he said 'it's crab game time' and he started crabbing all over the place"
"Wait you didn't know farmers are really creepy aliens that live on pluto and are really trying to poison us?"
"Not now sweetie, mommy's cyberbullying the mayor."
"Not now sweetie, mommy's cyberbullying the mayor."
okay… WUT
"Not now sweetie, mommy's cyberbullying the mayor."
okay… WUT
I don't really know myself
"I couldn't afford a fursuit, so I became part cat."
"Ah, parades. The only time of the year when I can legally run into traffic and fight children for candy."
"Burn in hell! You motherfucking unlucky bitch ass weeb cunt shit eating cuck with a dick for a fuckin' antenna! And no friends, you virgin, waifu stalking, smelly motherhumpin', crack sniffin', dog raping, prick sucking, goblin molesting. dwarf twerking, kid voring cuck! I hope you die a fucking virgin! I'm going to circumcise you shitty antenna ha-"
"Your Honor, my client pleads oopsie-daisy"
"I woke up to my natural obligation to leave my offspring."
Just wish for less kids with your Timmy Turner-looking teeth."
“A monkey could do my job. At least HE’D be able to fling poo when he heard a stupid idea.”
“Swans are just female geese though…right?”
"There was a condom outline on the wall!"
Quit being a fish!
"I'm a fish!" "You're a beautiful fish." "I am?"
"Can you adopt me?" "Can I adopt your dog?"