forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @evastardust groupRRAAAARRL

tune

Milo: RIP to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris but I'm different.
Milo: And better.
Milo: Maybe even better than the gods.

Garzlan: Oh, you poor thing.
Calidor: Don't bring my financial status into this.

Caleb: I love you guys, you're the best things to ever happened to me.
Crispin: We're the best things to ever happened to you?
Caleb: Yes!
Crispin: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Ella: After years of pretending to be cool and chill and down, I'm ready to embrace my identity as the highest maintenance bitch you ever saw in your fucking life.

Kit: You don't care who you piss off, do you?
Crispin: Not in the slightest!

Ravina: I'll kill him! I'll kill him!
Garzlan: Who?
Ravina: The lyingest, cheatingest, sloppiest man in the Five Nations!
Garzlan: Oh, Milo.

Taven, when he's trapped in Arribea: My dad would turn over in his grave if he saw me like this!
Farli: But your dad is alive.
Taven: Yes, but this would kill him.

Gemma: Don't mess with me! I have the power of God and Anime on my side! AAAAAHHHH!!!

(Cassie, Sierra, and Gemma running to the car)
Cassie: I'm driving!
Sierra: Shotgun!
Gemma: Aw, but you had it on the way here–
Sierra: No, I found a shotgun! And I want front seat. (loads gun)

Jamie: I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.
Andre: That's ridiculous. Give me one example.
Lee: Spiders.
Cassie: Wasps.
Eli: Terriers.
Christian: Gemma.

Lee: Umm… Whatcha got there?
Gemma who just walked in with a half-dead Janus: A smoothie.

Copper: What on earth is a good response to being stabbed??
Gemma: Rude.
Lee: Not again.
Jamie: Are you gonna want this back, or..?

Gemma: What is Lhire drinking?
Lhire: The blood of my enemies.
Janus: It's cranberry juice.

Lee: If you had a shot for every time you made a bad decision, would you still be sober?
Copper, Andre, and Eli: Yes.
Christian, Gemma, and Cassie: Maybe a little tipsy.
Jamie and Sierra: Wasted.
Janus: Dead.

(Jamie bursts through the door in a panic)
Eli: What did you do?
Jamie: Nobody died!
Eli: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Cassie: Mrs. P., you made us dino nuggets again!
Melonee: And what's wrong with that?
Cassie: We're all grown! Mature! Adults! We shouldn't eat things like this!
Eli and Jamie playing with their nuggets: RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!
Gemma: You're right, Cassie, this is wrong. (bites her dino nugget's head off and puts ketchup on it) He's dead now.
Lee: Noooooo..!
Melonee: You see?
Cassie: I hate all of you.
Christian, who's been dousing his nuggets in ketchup anytime he bites any part of them: What's wrong with it?
Cassie: You are not helping.

Noah: If an enemy kills me, what do you do?
Eli: Avenge you.
Noah: What?
Jamie: Go after their children!
Noah: No! The answer is 'go on without me!'
Gemma: OHANA MEANS FAMILY, AND FAMILY MEANS NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND!!!

Therapist: So let's start by talking about the emotions you're feeling right now.
Lhire: Stabbing!
Therapist: Stabbing… isn't really an emotion, it's more of an… activity… which I hope you don't do to me… See, an emotion is more like a feeling!
Lhire: Well, maybe I feel STABBY!

Akello: You know who I am.
Lee: No, we don't.
Akello: You know what I do.
Gemma: We're still unclear on that, actually.

Oleander: RIP to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris but I'm different.
Oleander: And better.
Oleander: Maybe even better than the gods.

Algernon: Oh, you poor thing.
Addie: Don't bring my financial status into this.

Silvie: I love you guys, you're the best things to ever happened to me.
Aubrey: We're the best things to ever happened to you?
Silvie: Yes!
Clare: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Algernon: You don't care who you piss off, do you?
Launce: Not in the slightest!

Someone: I'll kill him! I'll kill him!
Skye: Who?
Someone: The lyingest, cheatingest, sloppiest con man in the galaxy!
Skye: Oh, Luc.

Bastian, when he's on Kauff: My father would turn over in his grave if he saw me like this!
Isaak: But your father is alive.
Bastian: Yes, but this would kill him.

The Director: You know who I am.
Tabitha: No, we don’t.
The Director: You know what I do.
Eliot: We’re still unclear on that, actually.

Eliza, who is Russian: I have just been informed by Grace that "Country Roads" is not actually the American national anthem. This is the worst day of my life.

Tobias, pulling out a flask: Want any?
Barry: Sure.
Barry, taking a sip: Is this soup?

Tabitha, sarcastically: Thank you, Uncle. I couldn’t have done this without you.
Algernon: Sure you could have. Not as stylishly, though, of course.

Rosa: If you did a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Martin: Sober.
Mabel: Maybe a little tipsy.
Joey: Wasted.
Ira: Dead.

The Evil One: I'm going to kill you.
Janus: Hold on, I have to ask Gemma first.
The Evil One: That's not how it–
Janus: She said no.

Jamie: Wanna hear my life story?
Christian: Not really.
Jamie: At age six, I was born without a face.
Christian:
Christian: There were, like, twenty absurdities in that one sentence.

Eli: We're on our way right now to investigate a murder!
Jamie: We've got an axe! (waves axe)
Noah: Huh, sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you to do.
Noah:
Noah: Me. I'm the responsible parent, you're both grounded.

Annie: What's it like being on the team?
Gemma: Imagine working with completely civilized, responsible, and mature people.
Annie: Okay…
Gemma: Now throw that idea out the window.

Gemma: Copper, you remind me of the ocean.
Copper: Why the ocean?
Gemma: Because you're salty and you scare people.

Rune: What's it like, dating one of the popular kids?
Sierra: (remembers the time Christian was lying on the couch upside down and drinking milk through a straw, then waterboarded himself with the milk and coughed for ten seconds then tried again)
Sierra: Amazing, I love him.

Akello: I could kill you, you know.
Lee: Yeah? So could another human being.
Lee: So could a dog.
Lee: So could a really dedicated duck.
Akello:
Lee: You're not special.

Gemma: I've only had Kage for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Andre: Okay, so how would you describe someone throwing something in Shakespearean?
Jamie: Yeet.
Andre: No.
Jame: Yeeteh.
Andre: NO–

Janus: I want someone to take me out.
Lee: Like on a date or with a sniper gun?
Janus: (not breaking eye contact) Surprise me.

Lhire: Violence is never the answer.
Lhire: Violence is the question and the answer is yes!

Fryght: I'm going to kill you.
Dally: Hold on, I have to ask Joey first.
Fryght: That's not how it–
Dally: He said no.

Dally: We're on our way right now to fight crime!
Safie: We've even got costumes!
Martin: Huh, sounds like something a responsible mentor wouldn't want you to do.
Joey: It's us. We're the responsible mentors. You're both grounded.

Phebe: What is it like being married to someone as esteemed as Lord Olivier?
Alessandra: Remembers the time Percy was lying on the couch upside down and drinking milk through a straw, then waterboarded himself with the milk and coughed for ten seconds before trying again
Alessandra: It's amazing. I love him.

Fryght: I could kill you, you know.
Cameron Alexis: Yeah? So could another human being.
Cameron Alexis: So could a dog.
Cameron Alexis: So could a really dedicated duck.
Fryght:
Cameron Alexis: You're not special.

Joel: I've only been working with Ernesto for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Joey: I want someone to take me out.
Mabel: Like on a date or with a sniper?
Joey, shrugging: Surprise me.

Kels: Violence is never the answer.
Kels: Violence is the question and the answer is yes!

Blitz: I'm going to kill you.
Quill: Hold on, I have to ask Mr. Croce first.
Blitz: That's not how it–
Quill: He said no.

Anthony: I want someone to take me out.
Cyrus: Like on a date or with a sniper?
Anthony, shrugging: Surprise me.

Dally: You know you’ve made it when you see pictures of yourself everywhere you go.
Anthony: Those are wanted posters.

Ophelia: Do you cook?
Quill: I made a cake once!
Elliot: Yeah, it was good.
Ophelia: Really?
Elliot: Don’t make me lie twice, Ophelia.

Claire: You have friends and I envy that.
Ophelia: You're welcome to share my friends.
Claire, looking at Quill and Elliot: …No thank you.

Emmett: What do you call disobeying the law?
Quill: A hobby.
Emmett: Crosses his arms
Quill: …That I do not engage in.

Vio: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Drinn: I’m going to politely decline.

The Void: How would you like to live forever?
Jack: I'd hate it. Shut the fuck up.

Daisy: We either die free, or die trying!
Dally: Are those the only choices!?

Quill: Hey, Dr. Device, you got any shaving cream?
Jack: No, I don't like the way it tastes.
Quill: You…you eat shaving cream?
Jack: No, why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?

Dally: So… what’s going on?
Quill: You want the long version or the short version?
Dally: The short one, I guess?
Quill: Shit’s fucked.
Dally: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

Anthony: Hey, Burman, can you lend a hand with this?
Felix: Oh, I would…but I don’t want to.

Luc: You know you’ve made it when you see pictures of yourself everywhere you go.
Mariam: Those are wanted posters.

Mariam: Do you cook?
Luc: I made a cake once!
Skye: Yeah, it was good.
Mariam: Really?
Skye: Don’t make me lie twice, Miss Dover.

Tabitha: You have friends and I envy that.
Imogen: You're welcome to share my friends.
Tabitha, looking at Kay and Addie: …No thank you.

Greta: What do you call disobeying the law?
Sal: A hobby.
Greta: Crosses her arms
Sal: That I do not engage in.

Mikhail: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Sal: I’m going to politely decline.

The Director: How would you like to live forever?
Kels: I'd hate it. Shut the fuck up.

Sal: We either die free or die trying!
Helsie: Are those the only choices!?

Helsie: So what’s going on?
Sal: You want the long version or the short version?
Helsie: The short one, I guess?
Sal: Shit’s fucked.
Helsie: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

Eliot: Hey Mr. Fynn, can you lend a hand with this?
Algernon: Oh. I would, but I don’t want to.

Janus: Gemma, how do I get the best revenge on my enemies?
Gemma: The best revenge is letting go and living life to its fullest!
Janus:
Janus: Cassie, how do I–
Cassie: Brick.

(literally every time a new kid joins the team)
Melonee: We're having a baby!
New Kid: Wow, congrats–
Noah: (slams adoption papers on the table) It's you, sign here.

Janus: Let's just assume for the moment that everyone here doesn't like me!

Phoenix: Freeze!
Everyone:
Mystee: Everybody clap your hands!
Phoenix: NO!

Mystee: I'm reckless and an endangerment to society!
Journey: Calm down.

Annie: Are you any good at acting?
Janus: Sure, I'm great at it.
Annie: Really?
Janus: Yeah, after the first couple times, it becomes really easy to plaster on a fake smile and tell everyone you're all right when on the inside you're screaming.

Gemma: What are you two laughing at?
Janus: Nothing.
Lhire: Murder.

Christian: Is anyone out there?
Jamie: (in low, scratchy voice) Only your worst nightmare…
Christian: Okay, cool. Hey, worst nightmare, can you get me a band-aid?

Phoenix: What is wrong with you??
Mystee: Do you want the whole list or just the highlights?

Tetra: What is wrong with you!?
Drinn: Do you want the whole list or just the highlights?

Anthony: What are you two laughing at?
Quill: Nothing.
Cyrus: Murder.

Ophelia: El, what’s the best way to get revenge on someone?
Elliot: The best revenge is letting go and living life to its fullest!
Ophelia:
Ophelia: Claire, how do I–
Claire: Brick.

(new character batch incoming ;-;)

Tania: You know you’ve made it when you see pictures of yourself everywhere you go.
Dominic: Those are wanted posters.

Jack: Do you cook?
Tania: I made a cake once!
Kane Arachnid: Yeah, it was good.
Jack: Really?
Kane Arachnid: Don’t make me lie twice, Kiddo.

Detective Sheriden: You have friends and I envy that.
Tania: You're welcome to share my friends.
Detective Sheriden, looking at the Hawthorne Ridge Troupe: … No thank you.

Detective Sheriden: What do you call disobeying the law?
Tania: A hobby.
Detective Sheriden: [Crosses her arms]
Tania: That I do not engage in.

Dominic: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Jack: I’m going to politely decline.

Kane Arachnid: How would you like to live forever?
Elias: I'd hate it. Shut the fuck up.

Elias: We either die free or die trying!
Dolly: Are those the only choices!?

Elias: So what’s going on?
Jack: You want the long version or the short version?
Elias: The short one, I guess?
Jack: Shit’s fucked.
Elias: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

Dominic: Hey Mr. Arachnid, can you lend a hand with this?
Kane Arachnid: Oh. I would, but I don’t want to.

Dolly: Nic, how do I get the best revenge on my enemies?
Dominic: The best revenge is letting go and living life to its fullest!
Dolly:
Dolly: Tania, how do I–
Tania: Brick.

Tania: We're having a baby!
Blaire: Wow, uhm, congrats–
Kane Arachnid: (slams adoption papers on the table) It's you, sign here.

Kane Arachnid: Let's just assume for the moment that everyone here doesn't like me!

Tania: Freeze!
Everyone:
Tania: Everybody clap your hands!
Dominic: MOM, NO!

Elias: I'm reckless and an endangerment to society!
Blaire: Calm down.

Kane Arachnid: Are you any good at acting?
Blaire: Sure, I'm great at it.
Kane Arachnid: Really?
Blaire: Yeah, after the first couple times, it becomes really easy to plaster on a fake smile and tell everyone you're all right when on the inside you're screaming.

Dolly: What are you two laughing at?
Elias: Nothing.
Tania: Murder.

Jack: Is anyone out there?
Bram: (in low, scratchy voice) Only your worst nightmare…
Jack: Okay, cool. Hey, worst nightmare, can you get me a band-aid?

Detective Sheriden: What is wrong with you??
Tania: Do you want the whole list or just the highlights?

Dominic: Hey, Elias, you got any shaving cream?
Elias: No, I don't like the way it tastes.
Dominic: You…you eat shaving cream?
Elias: No, why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?

Bram: I'm going to kill you, little brother.
Jack: Hold on, I have to ask Tania first.
Bram: That's not how it–
Jack: She said no.

Dominic: I want someone to take me out.
Jack: Like on a date or with a sniper?
Dominic, shrugging: Surprise me.

Dolly: Nic, what's it like dating the most outstanding trapeze artists in all of the Netherlands?
Dominic: [Remembers the time Jack was lying on the couch upside down and drinking milk through a straw, then waterboarded himself with the milk and coughed for ten seconds before trying again]
Dominic: It's amazing. I love him.

Bram: I could kill you, you know.
Tania: Yeah? So could another human being.
Tania: So could a dog.
Tania: So could a really dedicated duck.
Bram:
Tania: You're not special.

Elias: I've only been taking care of Dolly for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Tania: Violence is never the answer.
Tania: Violence is the question and the answer is yes!

Elias: Wanna hear my life story?
Blaire: Not really.
Elias: At age six, I was born without a face.
Blaire:
Blaire: There were, like, twenty absurdities in that one sentence.

Elias: We're on our way right now to investigate a murder!
Dolly: We've got an axe! (waves axe)
Tania: Huh, sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you to do.
Tania:
Tania:
Tania:
Tania: Oh. Me. It's me. I'm the responsible parent. You're both grounded.

Detective Sheriden: What's it like working at Hawthorne Ridge?
Dominic: Imagine working with completely civilized, responsible, and mature people.
Detective Sheriden: Okay…
Dominic: Now throw that idea out the window.

Kane Arachnid: Tania, you remind me of the ocean.
Tania: Why the ocean?
Kane Arachnid: Because you're salty and you scare people.

(Kane Arachnid, Tania, and Eliasrunning to the car)
Kane Arachnid: I'm driving!
Tania: Shotgun!
Elias: Aw, but you had it on the way here– WOAH-
Tania: No, I found a shotgun! And I want front seat. (cocks gun)

Jack: I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.
Dominic: That's ridiculous. Give me one example.
Kane Arachnid: Spiders.
Tania: Wasps.
Blaire: Terriers.
Elias: Dolly.

Tania: What on earth is a good response to being stabbed??
Blaire: Rude.
Elias: Not again.
Jack: Are you gonna want this back, or..?

Jack: What is Tania drinking?
Tania: The blood of my enemies.
Dominic: It's cranberry juice.

Kane Arachnid: If you had a shot for every time you made a bad decision, would you still be sober?
Dolly: Yes.
Dominic: Maybe a little tipsy.
Elias: Wasted.
Tania: Dead.

(Tania bursts through the door in a panic)
Dominic: What did you do?
Tania: Nobody died!
Dominic: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Jack: If an enemy kills me, what do you do?
Dominic: Avenge you.
Jack: What?
Tania: Go after their children!
Jack: No! The answer is 'go on without me!'
Dolly: OHANA MEANS FAMILY, AND FAMILY MEANS NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND!!!

Therapist: So let's start by talking about the emotions you're feeling right now.
Tania: Stabbing!
Therapist: Stabbing… isn't really an emotion, it's more of an… activity… which I hope you don't do to me… See, an emotion is more like a feeling!
Tania: Well, maybe I feel STABBY!

Bram: You know who I am.
Elias: No, we don't.
Bram: You know what I do.
Kane Arachnid: We're still unclear on that, actually.

Oberon: You have friends and I envy that.
Aspen: You're welcome to share my friends.
Oberon, looking at Aspen's friends: … No thank you.

Gabriel: What do you call inciting rebellion?
Louis: A hobby.
Gabriel: Crosses his arms
Louis: That I do not engage in.

Oleander: How would you like to live forever?
Christopher: I'd hate it. Shut the hell up.

Louis: We either die free or die trying!
Jack: Are those the only choices!?

Maisy: Mabel, how do I get the best revenge on my enemies?
Mabel: The best revenge is letting go and living life to its fullest!
Maisy:
Maisy: Ira, how do I–
Ira: Brick.

Mabel: We're having a baby!
Dally: Wow, uhm, congrats–
Joey: Slams adoption papers on the table
Joey: It's you, sign here.

Luc: Let's just assume for the moment that everyone here doesn't like me!

Jackson: Freeze!
Everyone:
Jackson: Everybody clap your hands!
Geneva: NO, STOP!

Ernesto: I'm reckless and an endangerment to society!
Joel: Calm down.

Ernesto: Are you any good at acting?
Joel: Sure, I'm great at it.
Ernesto: Really?
Joel: Yeah, after the first couple times, it gets real easy to plaster on a fake smile and tell everyone you're all right when on the inside you're screaming.

Paul: What is wrong with you??
Beck: Do you want the whole list or just the highlights?

Oleander: Want to hear my life story?
Lavinia: Not really.
Oleander: At age six, I was born without a face.
Lavinia:
Lavinia: There were twenty absurdities in that one sentence.

Harry: What's it like working at the palace?
Alistair: Imagine working with completely civilized, responsible, and mature people.
Harry: Okay…
Alistair: Now throw that idea out the window.

Safie: What on earth is a good response to being stabbed??
Mabel: Rude.
Joey: Not again.
Ira:
Martin: Seriously?
Dally: Are you gonna want this back, or..?

Victor: What is Geneva drinking?
Geneva: The blood of my enemies.
Jackson: It's cranberry juice and vodka.

Titania bursts through the door in a panic
Oberon: What did you do?
Titania: Nobody died!
Oberon: What kind of an answer is that?!

Joey: If an enemy kills me, what do you do?
Ira: Avenge you.
Joey: What?
Ira: Go after their children.
Joey: No! The answer is 'go on without me!'

The Erl King: You know who I am.
Vivian: No we don't.
The Erl King: You know what I do.
Iam: We're still unclear on that, actually.

Jack: What is Quill drinking?
Quill: The blood of my enemies!
Emmett: It's cranberry juice.

Quill: I'm reckless and an endangerment to society!
Anthony: Calm down.

Cyrus: Freeze!
Everyone:
Cyrus: Everybody clap your hands!
Jack: Stop.

Cyrus: Do you mind if I slyly mention to Dame that you’re single?
Anthony: Do not do that.
Cyrus: Just leave it to me. You won’t even notice I’ve said it!
Dally, walking in: Oh, hey, guys.
Cyrus: Hey. Did you know that Anthony’s single?
Anthony:

Claire: I just wanted to say that since I’ve first encountered you all, I have come to regard you as…people I met.

Claire: You’re giving me a sticker?
Quill: Not just any sticker. This is a sticker of a cat saying “me-wow!”
Claire: I’m not a preschooler.
Quill: Fine, I’ll take it back-
Claire: I earned this, back off!

Cyrus: I’m glad Dr. Device and Anthony are finally getting along.
Emmett: Uh, I’m not sure I’d call that getting along.
Cyrus: Well, they’re not trying to kill each other, are they?
Emmett: You may have a point.

Emmett: Jack and I are married.
Anthony: Stop sharing your personal problems with me.

Tetra: This is a very powerful artifact. You’d be messing with some forces we don’t fully understand.
Poli: Are you daring me? That sounds like a dare.

(i can't find where i posted last, so these might be some repeats)

Adam: When Freud said bisexuality is what happens when you don’t fully develop a brain, he was right & I am proof.
Crystal: Freud is a little bitch, my idiocy doesn’t have anything to do with my bisexuality and all to do with my own hubris.
Beck: I get offended when Freud says I’m a dumbass because I’m bi because I feel like he’s overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons that I’m a dumbass.
Thea: I’m gonna be a smart bi just to flex on Freud.

Malcolm: Kylie, make some ocean noises so I can sleep.
Kylie: Whoosh.
Malcolm: A French beach.
Kylie:
Kylie: Le whoosh?

[Adam & Malcolm leaving the base for ten minutes]
Kylie: Remember when you told us not to burn the base down?
Adam: You burned the base down?
Beck: No! We had the fire put out almost immediately. This is a success story.

Some Asshole: A person doesn’t dye their hair that color unless they have psychological problems.
Crystal: My hair color has nothing to do with my psychological problems.

Crystal: My gender is knives. That’s it, just knives.
Aidan: No, but what’s in your pants?
Crystal: I want you to look me in the eyes and take a wild fucking guess.

Beck: Heads up, if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom, all of the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out, and the glass will start to crack so you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring with boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter.
Beck: Please take my word on this.
Adam:
Adam: Beck, what did you do?
Beck: A mistake.

Bella: After years of pretending to be cool and chill and down, I’m ready to embrace my identity as the highest maintenance bitch you’ve ever seen in your fucking life.

Jonah: When Freud said bisexuality is what happens when you don’t fully develop a brain, he was right & I am proof.
Violet: Freud is a little bitch, my idiocy doesn’t have anything to do with my biromanticism and all to do with my own hubris.
Clyde: I get offended when Freud says I’m a dumbass because I’m bi because I feel like he’s overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons that I’m a dumbass.
Robert: When I was in college, I decided I was gonna be a smart bi just to flex on Freud.

Victor: Henry, please make some ocean noises so I can sleep.
Henry: Whoosh.
Victor: A French beach.
Henry:
Henry: Le whoosh?

Maisy and Tomas leaving the base for ten minutes
Maisy: Remember when you told us not to burn the base down?
Martin: You burned the base down?
Tomas: No! We had the fire put out almost immediately. This is a success story.

Some Asshole: A person doesn’t dye their hair that color unless they have psychological problems.
Emery: My hair color has nothing to do with my psychological problems.

Quinn: My gender is knives. That’s it, just knives.
Rhoda: No, but what’s in your pants?
Quinn: I want you to look me in the eyes and take a wild fucking guess.

Harper: Heads up, if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom, all of the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out, and the glass will start to crack so you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring with boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter.
Harper: Please take my word on this.
Marisol: Harper, what did you do?
Harper: A mistake.

Jack: When Freud said bisexuality is what happens when you don’t fully develop a brain, he was right & I am proof.
Kane Arachnid: Freud is a little bitch, my idiocy doesn’t have anything to do with my biromanticism and all to do with my own hubris.
Tania: I get offended when Freud says I’m a dumbass because I’m bi because I feel like he’s overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons that I’m a dumbass.
Elias: I decided I was gonna be a smart bi just to flex on Freud.

Kane Arachnid: Blaire, please make some ocean noises so I can sleep.
Blaire: Whoosh.
Kane Arachnid: A French beach.
Blaire:
Blare: Le whoosh?

Jack: Remember when you told us not to burn the big top down?
Dominic: You burned the big top down?
Tania: No! We had the fire put out almost immediately. This is a success story.

Some Asshole: A person doesn’t dye their hair that color unless they have psychological problems.
Midge: My hair color has nothing to do with my psychological problems.

Abel: My gender is knives. That’s it, just knives.
Donovan: No, but what’s in your pants?
Abel: I want you to look me in the eyes and take a wild fucking guess.

Grace: Heads up, if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom, all of the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out, and the glass will start to crack so you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring with boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter.
Grace: Please take my word on this.
Drew: Grace, what did you do?
Grace: A mistake.

Ravina: Let people enjoy things.
Milo: Ok, I enjoy critical analysis and being a hater.

Caleb: I’m glad Crispin and Kit are finally getting along.
Eva: Uh, I’m not sure I’d call that getting along.
Caleb: Well, they’re not trying to kill each other, are they?
Eva: You may have a point.

Milo: You know who I am.
Keyla: No we don't.
Milo: You know what I do.
Keyla: We're still unclear on that, actually.

Crispin: What is wrong with you??
Gerard: Do you want the whole list or just the highlights?

Milo: We either die free or die trying!
Garzlan: Are those the only choices!?

Dallas: Hey, Andor, you got any shaving cream?
Andor: No, I don't like the way it tastes.
Dallas: You…you eat shaving cream?
Andor: No, why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?

Christian: Well, that escalated mighty quickly.
Andre: Maybe?!?!

Kage: Why do you all keep trying to sacrifice yourselves?!
Gemma: It's the suppressed trauma. We secretly all want to die, but we want to go out in a blaze of glory so we feel like we've actually done something worthwhile. Suicide would just be too cowardly.
Kage:
Annie: Okay, you're all going to therapy.

Gemma: Whenever things get too dark…
Lee: Let me guess; you turn on the light?
Gemma: No; I LIGHT THE WHOLE STUPID THING ON FIRE!!!
Lee: …. Good Lord.

Journey: We're stupid.
Mystee: No, everyone else is stupid for not understanding our language.

Gemma: (at 2am) Do you eat ice or drink ice?
Sierra: (half-asleep) Yes.

Cassie: Does the plan involve pushing this girl down the stairs? (jabs thumb at Lhire)
Gemma: Cassie Jackson, we cannot push her!
Gemma: We have to throw her, I'll hold her arms, you get her feet.

Copper: Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

Lhire: I will kill you, burn you, and dance on your ashes.
Gemma: You've probably been told this before, but wow, you are intense.

Noah: (after the boys have done something particularly stupid) Have I been perfect? No! Do I know anything about children? No! Should I have picked up a book on parenting? Probably!

Mystee: From now on, we’ll be using codenames. You will address me as “Eagle 1.”
Mystee: Tara. Codename: “Been There, Done That.”
Mystee: Phoenix is “Currently Doing That.”
Mystee: Journey is “It Happened Once In A Dream.”
Mystee: Jesse. Codename: “If I Had To Pick A Dude.”
Mystee: Gemma is “Eagle 2.”
Gemma: Oh, thank goodness.

Andre: Just be yourself!
Janus: “Be myself?” Andre, I have one day to win this girl over! How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Jamie: A couple of weeks.
Lee: Six months.
Christian: Jury’s still out.
Janus: See?
Janus: “Be myself.” What kind of garbage advice is that?

Mugger: Give me all your money if you want to live!
Jamie: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Janus: Bold of you to assume I want to live.

Luc: Well, that escalated a bit quickly.
Skye: A bit?!

Hank: From now on, we’ll be using codenames. You will address me as “Eagle 1.”
Hank: Dottie. Codename: “Been There, Done That.”
Hank: Clive is “Currently Doing That.”
Hank: Simon is “It Happened Once In A Dream.”
Hank: Grady. “Well, I Wouldn't Be Opposed.”
Hank: And Niklos…
Hank: Niklos is “Eagle 2.”
Niklos: Thank the stars.

Louis: We either die free or die trying!
Jack: Are those the only choices!?

Mariam, to Luc: Do you always run headlong into certain death?
Skye: Sometimes he walks. Occasionally shuffles. Once I’m pretty sure I saw him amble into certain death. And he drags me along every time.

Cellphone rings
Cameron Alexis, answering: I’m busy.
Maisy: Do you think drinking thirty-six cans of red bull consecutively would make my senses more heightened or would I just die?
Cameron Alexis: …
Maisy: …
Cameron Alexis: I’m on my way.

Beck: I wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.

Helsie: You have illegal contacts?
Sal: You don’t?

Tiodore: Hello, Toria. Make anybody cry today?
Vittoria: Sadly, no, but it’s only 4:30.

Mariam: Thank you, Skye, and thank you, Annette, for all your help.
Luc: What about me? You didn’t thank me.
Mariam: You didn’t do anything.
Luc: I like being thanked.

Jane: Let’s not jump to any conclusions.
Clyde: I didn’t jump. I took a tiny step, and the conclusions were there.

The Erl King: Friendly reminder that it’s okay if you’re 21 and you still can’t turn yourself into an entire murder of crows! Any species of corvid is fine!

Tasha: How do you feel?
Agnes: Thanks for asking, I have no idea.

Skye: There’s no need to ever ask me how I’m doing. It's safe to assume I am crashing and burning at any given moment.

Joey: Walked into a liquor store bleeding, that kind of night.

Annette: Sometimes I worry about Mariam.
Annette: I mean, how damaged does a woman have to be to be into someone as annoying as Luc?

Everett: Is that why you keep calling yourself “Clyde”?
Jane: That’s his name.
Everett: Is it?
Clyde: Yes! You never bothered to find out?

Percy: Old people are so dramatic
Simultaneously
Erik: Who are you calling old?
Leda: I am not dramatic!

Silvie: We have a crisis!
Lydia: It’s a good day when we only have one crisis.

Clyde: Aunt Emma, what I’m about to tell you is so strange, no one in their right mind would believe it.
Emma: Then I’m your guy.

Prof. Alden: Call me cynical, but is it entirely without the bounds of possibility that you have an ulterior motive?
Algernon: James, I hope you know me better than that. At any given moment I never have fewer than seven ulterior motives in play.

Tasha: Well I did go to summer camp. For two weeks. I got kicked out.
Anthony: Kicked out?
Tasha: Yeah. It’s a long story. Suffice it to say I don’t like liars who steal nail polish and then pass out when you slap them a little bit on the back of the head.

Launce: Bro-
Algernon: I had your tongue in my mouth five minutes ago, don’t you dare call me “bro.”

Joey, to Mabel: You’re becoming dangerous, Mabel. It’s those doe eyes. Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain.

Joel: So, it’s Father’s Day. If any of your dads suck or aren’t there for you, I’m your dad now. C'mon sport, let’s grill footballs.

Kay: Oh, hey there, Imogen. What’s happening?
Imogen: Oh, nothing. Just the end of the world.

Jane: Crushes are the worst.
Clyde: Yeah. Whenever I’m near someone I have a crush on I just act stupid.
Jane: You’re always acting stupid.
Clyde: Yeah, don’t think too hard on that.

Skye: I promised Annette we wouldn’t do anything stupid!
Luc: Why would you lie to your girlfriend like that?

Ernesto: Where’s your optimism?
Joel: It opted out.

Mabel: He calls himself the Sparhawk.
Joey: What is he, a Batman villain?

Helsie: You should style your hair. I think a nice undercut will give that “don’t fuck with me” vibe, you know?
Brinna: I mostly use my face for that.

Charley: I love you guys, but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

Maura: Petition for stars in the day time please.
Naomi: Girls already exist.

(Usually from tumblr for me. But sometimes I'll hear a funny line from a tv show or something and write it down for this thread)

(what do you search on Tumblr for the quotes? I tried but nothing came out..)

Giles: Well, that escalated a bit quickly.
Emily: A bit?!

Fennec, to Rune: Do you always run headlong into certain death?
Bane: Sometimes she walks. Occasionally shuffles. Once I’m pretty sure I saw her amble into certain death.

[Cellphone rings]
Thaddeus, answering: I’m busy.
Sparrow: Do you think drinking thirty-six cans of red bull consecutively would make my senses more heightened or would I just die?
Thaddeus: …
Sparrow: …
Thaddeus: I’m on my way.

Hammy: I wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.

Dahlia: You have illegal contacts?
Howie, in the middle of calling Midge: You don’t?

Felix: Hello, Paisley. Make anybody cry today?
Paisley: Sadly, no, but it’s only 4:30.

Bianca: Thank you, Crim, and thank you, Shea, for all your help.
Jeb: What about me? You didn’t thank me.
Bianca: You didn’t do anything.
Jeb: I like being thanked.

Cole: Let’s not jump to any conclusions.
Zaid: I didn’t jump. I took a tiny step, and the conclusions were there.

William: Friendly reminder that it’s okay if you’re 21 and you still can’t turn yourself into an entire murder of crows! Any species of corvid is fine!

Grace: How do you feel?
Drew: Thanks for asking, I have no idea.

Drew: There’s no need to ever ask me how I’m doing. It's safe to assume I am crashing and burning at any given moment.

Felix: Walked into a liquor store bleeding, that kind of night.

Ransom: Sometimes I worry about Harriet.
Ransom: I mean, how damaged does a woman have to be to be into someone as annoying as Midge?

Kane Arachnid: Is that why you keep calling yourself “Elias”?
Blaire: That’s his name.
Kane Arachnid: Is it?
Elias: Yes! You never bothered to find out?

Abel: Old people are so dramatic
[Simultaneously]
Ray: Who are you calling old?
Haru: I am not dramatic!

Shea: We have a crisis!
Rhyda: It’s a good day when we only have one crisis.

Sid: Abel, what I’m about to tell you is so strange, no one in their right mind would believe it.
Abel: Then I’m your guy.

Dominic: Call me cynical, but is it entirely without the bounds of possibility that you have an ulterior motive?
Kane Arachnid: Nic, I hope you know me better than that. At any given moment I never have fewer than seven ulterior motives in play.

Rhyda: Well I did go to summer camp. For two weeks. I got kicked out.
Artemis: Kicked out?
Rhyda: Yeah. It’s a long story. Suffice it to say I don’t like liars who steal nail polish and then pass out when you slap them a little bit on the back of the head.

Ray: Bro-
Haru: I had your tongue in my mouth five minutes ago, don’t you dare call me “bro.”

Thaddeus, to Sparrow: You’re becoming dangerous, Sparrow. It’s those doe eyes. Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain.

Haru: So, it’s Father’s Day. If any of your dads suck or aren’t there for you, I’m your dad now. C'mon sport, let’s grill footballs.

Liam: Oh, hey there, Jess. What’s happening?
Jesi: Oh, nothing. Just the end of the world.

Bianca: Crushes are the worst.
Shea: Yeah. Whenever I’m near someone I have a crush on I just act stupid.
Bianca: You’re always acting stupid.
Shea: Yeah, don’t think too hard on that.

Shea: I promised Bianca we wouldn’t do anything stupid!
Jeb: Why would you lie to your girlfriend like that?

Sparrow: Where’s your optimism?
Thaddeus: It opted out.

Shea: She calls herself Vitreous.
Crimson: What is she, a Batman villain?

Abel, pushing the undercut agenda: You should style your hair. I think a nice undercut will give that “don’t fuck with me” vibe, you know?
Paisley: I mostly use my face for that.

Grace: I love you guys, but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

Midge: Petition for stars in the day time please.
Avon: Girls already exist.

Tomas: And now for a gay update with Maisy.
Maisy: Getting gayer.
Tomas: Thank you, Maisy.

Luc: One day I’m going to say “fight me” and someone is just going to fucking deck me.
Sy: Believe me, that day is closer than you think.

Paul: I love you
June: I love you too
Paul: I love you more
June: I love you more than you love me
Beck: I’d really love it if you guys didn’t do this in the group chat

Joel, on the waters of Kauff: I’m living my best life!
Judith: Emile's drowning.
Joel: This isn’t about him.

Mariam, to Luc: You know, when you agree with me, it makes me question whether I actually agree with me.

Annette: This plan of yours, one assumes it is entirely legal?
Luc: Of course.
Skye: Entirely.
Annette: Right. Wasn’t here. Didn’t know about it. Couldn’t have stopped you.

Beck: I literally cannot decide who the fuck I am sometimes. It’s so frustrating.
Beck: Like, am I an asshole? Do I really care a lot? I don’t fucking know!

Launce: Accidentally indulged in too much ‘me time.’
Launce: Turns out I’ve been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.

Calla: Can you help me with this zipper?
Oleander: Of course.
Calla:
Calla: Up, Oleander.
Oleander: Ah. Right.

Prof. Alden: You’re looking a little unsteady there.
Algernon, drunk: Says the man with three heads.

Vittoria: I like it when the sky looks like the world is going to end.

Samuel: No two snowflakes are the same. They are all unique, fleeting creations.
Nich, smashing together 20000 of them to throw at him: That’s beautiful.

Mariam: I want to hear those three little words.
Luc: I love you.
Mariam: That’s sweet, but try again.
Luc: Fine. I will behave.

Michael: There is a strict no-animals policy at this base.
Jacob: Okay.
Michael: Except for my cat.
Barry: And Tobias's high horse which occasionally makes an appearance

Marisol: How high are you right now?
Harper: How what?
Marisol: High.
Harper: Hi!

Geneva: If it happens again, I will take action. And I am from Wisconsin, which means that I will take Wisconsin action. Am I clear?
Victor: Not at all.
Henry: I’m from Kentucky.
Jackson: Gen means she’ll make us go milk a cow.

Luc: Why are you looking through a fork?
Mariam: I’m pretending you’re in jail.
Luc: Why?
Mariam: It’s spiritually healing.

Shep: I miss Maddie.
Sal: Shep-
Shep, sighing: Maddie used to call me that…
Sal: Because it’s your fucking name!

Clyde: I’m small, but knowing.
Everett: Yes, but you're not knowing what the top shelf looks like.

Tobias: Everyone always asks me how I handle running the team.
Tobias: The secret is, I don’t.
Tobias: I have no control over anyone whatsoever.
Tobias: This morning, Barry called my name, and when I showed up to see what was going on, Eliza shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.

Skye: Since you won’t be able to contact me for a month, I’ve left a complimentary bowl of advice. For instance, “Luc, stop doing that” just applies to everything.

Kitty: Alright, listen up, you little shits.
Kitty: —not you, Silvie. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

Calla: You should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed.

Prof. Alden: I think you have PTSD.
Algernon: Yeah, I have PTSD.
Algernon: Proficient Talent for Sucking D–
Prof. Alden, interrupting: We also need to talk about your use of humor as a coping mechanism.

Della, to amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) and Teagan: Alright, so to get things straight — I’m definitely the most responsible between us three.
amy (the most wonderful woman in the world): Just yesterday you lit your kitchen on fire
Della: I said “responsible”, not “able to cook without burning the house down”.

Carrie, about Nich: Do you ever look at your best friend who you’ve known your whole life, been through thick and thin, shared your whole life with them, and think, “I’d just love to fucking knock you out?”

Beck: How do people have consistent fun at parties? Like don’t they get hit with periodic waves of debilitating melancholy and subsequently need to sit outside and think about how they’re going to die alone? Or is that just me?

Joey, to Dally: Later I’ll tell you about the time I stabbed a cop.
Mabel: Joey!
Joey: What? He stabbed me first.

Emma: Anyone else angry and gay on this Wednesday night?
Clyde: I’m bi and annoyed, is that close enough?

Maisy: I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse.
Cameron Alexis: Please tell me those aren’t the names of your fists.
Maisy: My feet. I’m actually more of a kicker.

Eliza: Barry is late.
Tobias: How did this happen? I had Venus call him at 8 o'clock this morning and pretend it was 11.
Michael: I printed up that fake schedule for him saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Jacob: I set all of his watches and clocks to say PM when it’s really AM.
Tobias: Oh, boy. We may have overdone it.
Barry bursts in
Barry: WHAT THE HELL TIME IS IT?!

Prof. Alden: No matter how self-absorbed and shallow you pretend to be-
Algernon: Excuse me, there’s no pretense here! I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.

Hank: Can I bother you for a second?
Niklos: You always bother me, but go on.

Jane: What if I go up there and you stay down here and we turn our lights off and we see if we hear anything?
Clyde: Jane, no offense, but that might be the worst idea I've ever heard.

Luc: Mariam and I slept together.
Skye: And?
Luc: I thought you would be a little more shocked.
Skye: Oh, sorry.
Skye, in a shocked voice: And?!

Charley, to Brinna: Any interest in drunk sledding later? If not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

Cool, but if they aren't your characters, they don't belong in this thread.

Janus: Nothing is life is free.
Jamie: Love is free!
Sierra: Adventure is free!
Andre: Knowledge is free.
Lhire: Everything is free if you take it without asking.

Noah: JAMIE!
Jamie: It wasn’t me!
Noah: Sorry, force of habit. CHRISTIAN!
Christian: Wasn’t Blister.
Noah: Oh… Then who set the house on fire?
Wisp: (innocently cleans her whiskers from Sierra’s shoulder)

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on a motorcycle.
Cassie: Crap.
Gemma: Wait… three?
Sierra: OH MY GOSH!! COPPER FELL OFF!!!

Jamie: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Andre: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Christian: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Lee: I joined you in the dumb stuff.
Eli: I tried to stop you from doing the dumb stuff!!

Copper: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they’ve also met me.

Gemma: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

Kage: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Annie: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Sierra: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg and burned it.
Kage: I have a piece of graphite in my leg from accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in first grade.
Tony: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand, and I got a really bad burn.
Gemma:
Gemma: I have emotional scars…

Kage: What does “take out” mean?
Tony: Food.
Annie: Dating.
Janus: Murder.
Lhire: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU’RE NOT A COWARD.

Jamie: (flirting) How’s the hottest person here doing?
Cassie: (flirting back) I don’t know, how are you doing?
Jamie: (flustered) I—
Christian: (from across the room) I’m doing great, thanks!

Jamie: What, so now I’m just supposed to do anything Andre does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?
Eli: If Andre were to jump off a cliff, he would’ve done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Andre jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Jamie: You jump off a cliff!
Eli: Gladly. Provided Andre did it first.

Gemma: Lee, keep an eye on Janus today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Lee: Sure, I’d love to see Janus get punched.
Gemma: Try again.
Lee: (sighs) I will stop Janus from getting punched.

Gemma: Okay, maybe playing “whose family is most dysfunctional” wasn’t the best idea we’ve ever had. Kage has been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out…

Janus: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

Jamie: (posts a super low-quality image to the group chat)
Eli: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I'd have 15 cents.
Jamie: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.
Andre: Actually, I did the math; Eli would have $225, not $0.15.
Eli: Fam, I'm right here…
Christian: If I had a dollar, I would buy a can of soda. :)
Jamie: While you're there, could you buy me an apply juice please?
Christian: Sorry, I only have a dollar.
Jamie: :(
Andre: Hey, I just realized my friend is right, Eli would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.
Christian: If I had $22,500, I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.
Andre: You could buy anything you want with $22,500.
Lee: Yeah, and they want soda and apply juice.
Andre: Apply juice to what?
Cassie: Directly to forehead.
Eli: Great chat, everyone.

Lhire: You know you've made it when you see pictures of yourself everywhere you go.
Janus: Those are wanted posters.

Janus: You have friends and I envy that.
Gemma: You're welcome to share my friends.
Janus: (looking at Lee and the gang) …No thank you.

Okay. Can you delete the non-incorrect quotes posts so they don't clog the chat?

Howie: And now for a gay update with Avon.
Avon: Getting gayer.
Howie: Thank you, Avon.

Felix: One day I’m going to say “fight me” and someone is just going to fucking deck me.
Rhyda: Believe me, that day is closer than you think.

Drew: I love you
Felix: I love you too
Drew: I love you more
Felix: I love you more than you love me
Sid: I’d really love it if you guys didn’t do this in the group chat

Cagney, on the Donovan Research Yacht: I’m living my best life!
Asher: Milo's drowning.
Cagney: This isn’t about him.

Abel, to Paisley: You know, when you agree with me, it makes me question whether I actually agree with me.

Emily: This plan of yours, one assumes it is entirely legal?
Tania: Of course.
Kane Arachnid: Entirely.
Emily: Right. Wasn’t here. Didn’t know about it. Couldn’t have stopped you.

Abel: I literally cannot decide who the fuck I am sometimes. It’s so frustrating.
Abel: Like, am I an asshole? Do I really care a lot? I don’t fucking know!

William: Accidentally indulged in too much ‘me time.’
William: Turns out I’ve been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.

Tania: Can you help me with this zipper?
Kane Arachnid: Of course.
Tania:
Tania: Up, Kane.
Kane Arachnid: Ah. Right.

Grace: You’re looking a little unsteady there.
Felix, drunk: Says the chick with three heads.

Jesi: I like it when the sky looks like the world is going to end.

Grace: No two snowflakes are the same. They are all unique, fleeting creations.
Shea, smashing together 20000 of them to throw at her: That’s beautiful.

Drew: I want to hear those three little words.
Felix: I love you.
Drew: That’s sweet, but try again.
Felix: Fine. I will behave.

Grace: There is a strict no-animals policy at this base.
Abel: Boo.
Rhyda: Except for Felix's ferret.
Paisley: And Shea's high horse which occasionally makes an appearance

Dahlia: How high are you right now?
Howie: How what?
Dahlia: High.
Howie: Hi!

Shea: If it happens again, I will take action. And I am from Canada, which means that I will take Canada action. Am I clear?
Crimson: Not at all.
Jeb: I’m from the Philippines.
Bianca: Shea means she’ll make us go make maple syrup.

Midge: Why are you looking through a fork?
Dahlia: I’m pretending you’re in jail.
Midge: Why?
Dahlia: It’s spiritually healing.

Zaid: I miss Paisley.
Cole: Zaid-
Zaid, sighing: Paisley used to call me that…
Cole: Because it’s your fucking name!

Jeb: I’m small, but knowing.
Crimson: Yes, but you're not knowing what the top shelf looks like.

Paisley: Everyone always asks me how I handle running the team.
Paisley: The secret is, I don’t.
Paisley: I have no control over anyone whatsoever.
Paisley: This morning, Felix called my name, and when I showed up to see what was going on, Rhyda shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.

Paisley: Since you won’t be able to contact me for a month, I’ve left a complimentary bowl of advice. For instance, “Abel, stop doing that” just applies to everything.

Drew: Alright, listen up, you little shits.
Drew: —not you, Holden. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

Morgan: You should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed.

Drew: I think you have PTSD.
Felix: Yeah, I have PTSD.
Felix: Proficient Talent for Sucking D–
Drew, interrupting: We also need to talk about your use of humor as a coping mechanism.

Midge, to Howie and Hammy: Alright, so to get things straight — I’m definitely the most responsible between us three.
Hammy: Just yesterday you lit your kitchen on fire
Midge: I said “responsible”, not “able to cook without burning the house down”.

Shea, about Abel: Do you ever look at your best friend who you’ve known your whole life, been through thick and thin, shared your whole life with them, and think, “I’d just love to fucking knock you out?”

Grace: How do people have consistent fun at parties? Like don’t they get hit with periodic waves of debilitating melancholy and subsequently need to sit outside and think about how they’re going to die alone? Or is that just me?

Abel, to Ray: Later I’ll tell you about the time I stabbed a cop.
Haru: Abel!
Abel: What? He stabbed me first.

Rhyda: Anyone else angry and gay on this Wednesday night?
Felix: I’m bi and annoyed, is that close enough?

Shea: I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse.
Bianca: Please tell me those aren’t the names of your fists.
Shea: My feet. I’m actually more of a kicker.

Abel: Shea is late.
Rhyda: How did this happen? I called her at 8 o'clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Paisley: I printed up that fake schedule for her saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Felix: I set all of her watches and clocks to say PM when it’s really AM.
Grace: Oh, boy. We may have overdone it.
[Shea bursts in]
Shea: WHAT THE HELL TIME IS IT?!

Bane: No matter how self-absorbed and shallow you pretend to be-
Pesto: Excuse me, there’s no pretense here! I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.

Sparrow: Can I bother you for a second?
Thaddeus: You always bother me, but go on.

Midge: What if I go up there and you stay down here and we turn our lights off and we see if we hear anything?
Dahlia: Midge, no offense, but that might be the worst idea I've ever heard.

Bianca: Shea and I slept together.
Crimson: And?
Shea: I thought you would be a little more shocked.
Crimson: Oh, sorry.
Crimson, in a shocked voice: And?!

Felix, to Drew: Any interest in drunk sledding later? If not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?