forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @evastardust groupRRAAAARRL

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malomi: oh, so it's "do what makes you happy" until i start crawling on rooftops dressed as a gargoyle and shrieking. then, suddenly, it's "not a useful skill" and "scaring people" and "illegal".
malomi: i see how it is.

kimtar: don't say anything stupid on the way out.
vienna: i won't!
vienna, shaking the priest's hand after the wedding ceremony: so are you God's boyfriend?

tulip: the phrase 'free as a bird' is often misused. it means you don't have to pay for ‘em. see a bird? pick it up. it's yours now. i’ve obtained 3 hawks and 58 crows using this method

Ace going on a feminism rant: Hey boys
Flyx, whispering to himself: Hi
Ace: I have a question for the men
Flyx: Okay
Ace: What the FUCK do you want???
Flyx: A grilled cheese
Ace: What is it???
Flyx: A sandwich

Azazel: Hey, Sandy? I have a question.
The Sandman: Go for it.
Azazel: What’s the correct ratio of gunpowder to essential oils?
The Sandman: What?
Azazel: I want this bath bomb to be perfect.

Anthony: …You’re giving me a sticker?
Quill: Not just any sticker! A sticker of a cat saying “me-wow”!
Anthony: I’m not a kindergartner.
Quill: Fine, I’ll take it back-
Anthony: Wait, I earned this!

Elias: Quill, you’re acting a little paranoid.
Quill: Everyone keeps saying that! It must be some sort of conspiracy.

Tetra: Wake up, Ellis.
Ellis: I’m not sleeping, I’m dead. Leave flowers and get out.

Madam Margo: Don't say anything stupid on the way out.
Varian: I won't!
Varian, shaking the priest's hand after the wedding ceremony: So are you God's boyfriend?

Hastur: Hey, Alune? I have a question.
Alune: Go for it.
Hastur: What’s the correct ratio of gunpowder to essential oils?
Alune: What?
Hastur: I want this bath bomb to be perfect.

Takeo: …You’re giving me a sticker?
Trace: Not just any sticker! A sticker of a cat saying “me-wow”!
Takeo: I’m not a kindergartner.
Trace: Well, you don't have to wear it -
Takeo: What? No. It's mine. Back off.

Lynn: Wake up, Leaoni.
Leaoni: I’m not sleeping, I’m dead. Leave flowers and get out.

Frost: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
Takeo: If you say 'dictionary I swear to fucking god I will shoot you.
Frost: I was gonna say 'high definition' but yours is better.

Alune: What do you want for breakfast?
Pipes: Ice cream.
Alune: Try again.
Pipes, genuinely confused: Should I say it louder?

shroom: what the fuck is wrong with you?!
carrot: wow, you could start with a 'good morning'.
shroom: good morning. what the fuck is wrong with you?!

shroom, addressing the squad: and if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
bun: but – that’s just a trash can.
shroom: it sure is!

portia: you love me, right, shroom?
shroom: normally, i’d say yes without hesitation, but i feel like this is going somewhere and i don’t like it.

Anthony, showing Quill around: And if you have any questions or comments, feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Quill: That’s a trash can?
Anthony: Yep.

Zephyr: You love me, right, Tetra?
Tetra: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

Bane: You love me, right, Rune?
Rune: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

Sparrow: Wake up, Thad.
Thaddeus: I’m not sleeping, I’m dead. Leave flowers and get out.

Sparrow: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Thaddeus: Killed without hesitation.
Sparrow: No.

Fennec: What if I were evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds?
Bane: My arms are very strong.
Bane: I would catch you and hug you.
Fennec: That's a nice sentiment, but we both know that's not true and I would run you over.

Fennec: [screams]
Thaddeus: [screams louder to establish dominance]
Sparrow: Should we do something?
Rune: No, I want to see who wins.

Rune: [stabs someone]
Bane:
Rune:
Bane:
Rune: He's only mostly dead

Fennec: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait.
Bane: You and me.
Fennec, tearing up: Okay.

shroom, standing with his back turned: i’ve been expecting you, bun.
bun: how did you do that without turning around?
shroom: … to be perfectly honest, the first couple of people i did that to were not you.

shroom: i can explain.
bun: can you?
shroom: if you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Trace: I'm rescuing you.
Leaoni, tied to a chair: Cool, do you have a plan?
Trace: If i stop for long enough to think about what i'm actually doing i'm going to have a panic attack.
Leaoni: I'm taking command of this rescue.
Trace: Please.

Kallai: We'll handle this the way we always do.
Takeo: Brute strength?
Sana: Almost dying?
Kallai: No.

Leaoni: You can’t just throw money at all your problems.
Zatian: [throws a wad of cash at Leaoni's face]
Leaoni:
Zatian:
Varian, from the sidelines: So are you gonna keep that or…

Varian: You know Alune, you think that you've seen it all and done it all, but guess what? You haven’t done me.
[Everyone stares at him]
Alune: Give him a second.
Varian:
Varian: That didn’t come out right.

Lynn: [walks into the room]
Graham: Alexa play god is a woman.

Malak: I’m breaking up with you
Gatzi:

GRRR!
Malak: What?
Gatzi: Angry bionicle

Lysander: it’s dark in here
Sara: don’t worry dude i got this
Sara: [stomps her feet]
Sara: [skechers light up]

Vieryri, going over Lindsay’s resume: okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Lindsay: yes
Vieryri: okay… may i know what you create?
Lindsay: problems.

Sara: treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Lysander: killed without hesitation.
Sara: no.

Ryan: bad things keep happening to me, like i have bad luck or something.
Lindsay: Ry, you don't have bad luck. the reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

Lindsay: Roth… why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Lysander: your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Lindsay:
Lindsay: i wrote sanitize, Roth.

Eliot: I'm rescuing you.
Tabitha, tied to a chair: Cool, do you have a plan?
Eliot: If I stop for long enough to think about what I'm actually doing I'm going to have a panic attack.
Tabitha: I'm taking command of this rescue.
Eliot: Please.

Samuel: You can’t just throw money at all your problems.
Darius: Throws a wad of cash at Samuel
Samuel:
Darius:
Nich, from the sidelines: So are you gonna keep that or…

Victor: I didn't think you'd help.
Geneva: I still might not.

Tabitha: Don’t worry, I have a permit.
Pietyr: This just says “I can do whatever the hell I want”.

SB: Daddy?
Gill: Do I look like-

Finch: Don’t worry, I have a permit.
The Director: This just says “I can do whatever the hell I want”.

Finch: It’s dark in here
Gill: Don’t worry dude, I got this
Gill: [stomps his feet]
Gill: [skechers light up]

The Director, going over Gill’s resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative
Gill: Yes
The Director: Okay. May I know what you create?
Gill: Problems

Finch: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated
Gill: Killed without hesitation
Finch: No-

Finch: Gill… Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Gill: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Gill: …
Finch: I wrote sanitize, Gill.

Sparrow: I didn't think you'd help.
Thaddeus: I still might not.

Fennec: Don’t worry, I have a permit.
Bane: This just says “I can do whatever the hell I want”.

Gerard: List of things that I'm handling well.
Gerard: 1.

Garzlan: What is your biggest weakness?
Calidor: I can be uncooperative.
Garzlan: Okay, can you give me an example?
Calidor No.

Ara: This is such a bad idea.
Andor: Then why are you coming along?
Ara: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Milo: i can explain.
Ravina: can you?
Milo: if you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Jack: You think you want me to shut up? I have to listen to myself even when I’m not talking.

Dally: Did it hurt whe-
Anthony: Yes.
Dally: I didn’t even fini-
Anthony: Everything hurts.

Vio: Nothing in life is free.
Poli: Oh, stop being so cynical.
Poli: Everything’s free if you’re fast enough.

Elias: Why do you guys like the rain so much?
Quill: I like splashing in the puddles! :)
Perry: I’m trying to get hit by lightning.

The Sandman: You have no idea what I’m capable of!
Jack: Oh, I’m terrified. Should I go get a step stool so you can look me in the eyes while you threaten me?

Azazel: I’ve saved your life twice now!
Quill: Yeah, because you put it in danger twice!

Ellis: Anyone else terrified right now?
Zephyr: Not really. I’ve already lived longer than I expected to.

Perry: I’m too young to die, but too old to eat off the kid’s menu.
Perry: What kind of bullshit age am I?

Zephyr: Wait, you’re not coming with me?
Tetra: I’m not your mom, Zee.
Tetra, handing them a lunchbox: Now here’s your sandwiches, I’m picking you up at five

Anthony: Don’t limit yourself to only panicking at the disco. Panic everywhere.

Azazel: …So I might’ve broken one of Emmett’s inventions. How long do you think I have left to live?
Quill: Ten.
Azazel: Ten what?
Quill: Nine.

Varian: You think you want me to shut up? I have to listen to myself even when I’m not talking.

Aris: Did it hurt whe-
Ren: Yes.
Aris: I didn’t even fini-
Ren: Everything hurts.

Leaoni: Nothing in life is free.
Hastur: Oh, stop being so cynical.
Hastur: Everything’s free if you’re fast enough.

Varian: Why do you guys like the rain so much?
Pipes: I like splashing in the puddles! :D
Sally: I’m trying to get hit by lightning.

Hastur: I’ve saved your life twice now.
Alune: Yeah, because you put in danger twice!

Trace: Anyone else terrified right now?
Varian: Not really. I’ve already lived longer than I expected to.

Trace: Don’t limit yourself to only panicking at the disco. Panic everywhere.

Oliver: Nothing in life is free.
Jon: Oh, stop being so cynical.
Nich: Everything’s free if you’re fast enough.

Marisol: Why do you guys like the rain so much?
Harper: I like splashing in the puddles! :)
Beck: I’m trying to get hit by lightning.

Therese: You have no idea what I’m capable of!
Nich: Oh, I’m terrified. Should I go get a step stool so you can look me in the eyes while you threaten me?

Robin: I’ve saved your life twice now!
Oberon: Yes, because you put in danger twice!

cisco: you live above that old bookstore in town, right?
catori: actually my dad lives above the bookstore
catori: i live in the moment

Lemon: I’ve saved your life twice now!
Shroom: Yeah, because you put it in danger twice!

Baby Foxxer: Daddy?
Phoenix (his actual dad): Do I look like-

Arson: Don’t worry, I have a permit.
Wasp: This just says “I can do whatever the hell I want”.

Mela: It’s dark in here
Thyver: Don’t worry dude, I got this
Thyver: [stomps his feet]
Thyver: [skechers light up]

Herb, going over Foxxer’s resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative
Foxxer: Yes
Herb: Okay. May I know what you create?
Foxxer: Problems

Mela: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated
Foxxer: Killed without hesitation
Mela: No-

Thyver: Foxxer… Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Foxxer: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned
Foxxer: …
Thyver: I wrote sanitize, Foxxer

Thyver: Story time!
Thyver: Everyone in this room was entirely straight
Quartz, Adi, Blue, Kio, Foxxer, Fleet, Spring, Corvid, Muse, and Zi:
Thyver: _{april fools}
Foxxer: Fake news!

Vivian: Don’t worry, I have a permit.
Giana: This just says “I can do whatever the hell I want”.

Frog: I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s a lot.

Shiloh: I am the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know

Dick: I love sleepovers.
Juniper: This isn’t a sleepover. You’re in the hospital.
Dick: Then why do I have this nightgown?
Juniper: That’s a hospital gown.
Dick: Truth or dare?
Juniper:
Dick:
Juniper: …dare.

Frog: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Juniper: Wasn’t Dick with you?
Dick: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Ren: Aris…I owe you an apology.
Ren :
Aris: Okay…?
Ren: No, that was it.

Future Varian: Hey, I’m you from the future!
Varian: Yeah, obviously bitch.
Future Varian: I don’t - i don’t remember ever acting like that -

Kara, opening a Capri Sun: I guess I’ll just drink my sorrows away…

Varian: This was a terrible idea, why didn’t anyone stop me?
Alune: Because you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me?
Varian: If I told you, you would’ve stopped me!

Takeo: I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s a lot.

Trace: I am the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know.

Devon: Punch me in the face.
Ryder: Punch you in the face?
Devon: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
Ryder: I always hear punch me in the face when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.

Jackson: This was a terrible idea, why didn’t anyone stop me?
Morgan: Because you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me?
Jackson: If I told you, you would’ve stopped me!

Jackson: I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s a lot.

Titania: I am the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know.

Kristi: Hey, did you know a group of fish is called a family?
Matthew: Yeah, and a group of lions is called a pride.
Kate: A group of crows is called a murder.
Morgan: And a group of people is called a migraine.

Kristi: Have you considered calming down?
Kate: It's on my schedule, but I don't think I can fit it in until Tuesday.

Cyrus: Physically, yes, I can fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.

Quill: So apparently, the “bad vibes” I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

Anthony: Can I be frank with you guys?
Quill: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.
Magnus: Can I still be Magnus?
Cyrus: Shhh. Let Frank speak.

Dally, setting down a card: Ace of spades!
Cyrus, pulling out an Uno card: Sorry, Maggie, you’ve gotta draw four cards.
Quill, pulling out a Pokémon card: Uh, I’m gonna heal my Jolteon for 20 HP.
Magnus, holding Monopoly cash, desperately: Can someone please explain the rules to me?

Quill: Cy, I'm sad.
Cyrus, holding out her arms for a hug: It’s gonna be okay.
~
Quill: Perry, I'm sad.
Perry, nodding: mood.

Dally: Punch me in the face.
Anthony: Punch you in the face?
Dally: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
Anthony: I always hear punch me in the face when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.

Quill: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Jack: Certainly. I'm as sure as I am honest.
Quill: So we’re lost as fuck, then.

Cyrus: I told Maggie their ears flush when they lie.
Anthony: Why?
Cyrus: Look.
Cyrus: Hey, Maggie! Do you love us?
Magnus, covering his ears: No!
Anthony:

Vio: You gave Drinn a knife?!
Poli, shrugging: He said he felt unsafe.
Vio: Well, now I feel unsafe!
Poli: …Do you also want a knife?

Dally: How’s the cutest person here?
Anthony: I don’t know, how are y-
Jack, from across the room: I’m doing great, thanks!

Quil, watching Perry stare out the window: Perry’s so cool. I wonder what they’re thinking.
Perry, internally: Wednesday. Wed-nes-day. Whens-day? Wednesday??

Cyrus: Hey, do you like Anthony?
Dally: …No.
Cyrus: Then why do you draw “A + D” in little hearts everywhere?
Dally, panicking: It stands for, uh…anger and destruction.

Server: Welcome to Applebee’s, what can I get you?
Magnus: Uh, I’ll have the apple.
Server: Oh, we don’t actually serve apples.
Magnus, gulping: Th-then I guess I’ll have the bees.

The Sandman: What would you like to drink? Water, milk, tea, spiders-
Quill: Spiders?
The Sandman: Spiders it is, then!
Quill: Wait, no-