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"Yeah, only if he asks," Cyrus agreed, "Man, I really hope the guy's actually doing sort of okay."
He shook his head, then looked up when he saw Marcus gaze out the window.
"And no. Saying I'm stressed or preoccupied wouldn't be far from the truth."
"I do too. Pollux was a nice guy. I liked him. He didn't automatically assume I was lower than him. It was a nice change." He mused, smiling softly.
His eyes returned to Cyrus's face, gaze softening as he did so. "I'm sorry you're so stressed. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Not at the moment, no. I'm still processing it all, honestly," Cyrus replied.
He mulled over Marcus' other comment for a few moments.
"Yeah, I mean, it's not like he comes from a high place. Actually, he doesn't care much for 'status,' or 'position,' or whatever. Always described social standing as a way for someone to get fucked over in a socially acceptable manner. I'm glad you actually like him so far. He just… rubs some people the wrong way, you know?"
He laughed to himself at the thought. How many people he had pissed off, just speaking his mind.
Marcus nodded his agreement, tilting his head when the other explained how Pollux was.
He trusted Cyrus’s view. Marcus didn’t know Pollux very well.
“I get that. I guess I kinda meant that he… well he treats me like you do, like I’m a human and not just some pet to keep around for pleasure and fun.” His voice had dropped so only Cyrus could hear. Marcus felt embarrassed by his past life. By who he had been when Marx had such a tight hold on him.
"Most people do, Marcus…" Cyrus sighed sadly, "You just got a bad hand dealt, you know?"
He squeezed the other's hand.
"For that, I'm very sorry. But I want to make sure that's not the case anymore, okay?"
Marcus opened his mouth to thank Cyrus but was cut off by the driver.
"Here you both are." He put the car into park before glancing back at the two males in his car. "Thank you for hiring me, now be off. I have another ride to pick up."
Marcus nodded gently, hurrying out of his side of the car so he could move to Cyrus's side to help him.
"Thank you love. It means a lot to me." He finally murmured, smiling warmly.
"Have a nice day," Cyrus replied with a smile as he climbed out of the back seat.
He grabbed onto Marcus, silently acknowledging the thanks as he gritted his teeth in pain. Cyrus shifted as much weight away from his injured leg as possible, but even then, his side still hurt. A lot. And it hurt more as he returned to the place where he'd received those wounds.
His heart sped up as he looked at the house.
"He's not there anymore," he murmured, trying to reassure himself, "It's fine, it's fine… I'll be fine…"
He took in a few deep breaths, trying to fight off the unease that settled over him.
The driver nodded to Cyrus, returned the sentiment, then watched as Marcus aided Cyrus out of the car. He drove off rather quickly, leaving Marcus slightly annoyed.
Though he didn’t linger on it.
“It’s going to be okay, Cyrus. I’m right here with you. Nothing can hurt you while I’m here. He can’t hurt you, okay?” He reassured, letting his fingers soothe the wrinkles in Cyrus’s shirt.
"Y-yeah," Cyrus agreed quietly.
He limped forwards with Marcus' help, and they entered the house.
He heard Nina walk towards the door. She had a cup of coffee in hand.
"Oh, you weren't kidding, huh?" she mused, eyeing him up and down.
She looked over to Marcus.
"Thanks for bringing him home in one piece. Oh, and I made some coffee. You're both welcome to get some. Make yourself at home."
Though Marcus had sworn to Pollux that everything was fine and he would make sure of that, Marcus still felt uneasy.
It only grew when he caught sight of Nina. Her laid back attitude left him slightly on edge, though he knew better than to just stand there like an idiot.
“Oh, uh… thanks. Do you want coffee Cyrus?” He asked the other, turning his head to look Cyrus.
"Um… yes please," he replied, not really in a position where he felt like refusing. Besides, with any luck, it might perk him up a little.
Nina pointed up at the cabinet to show where the mugs were.
As Cyrus walked into the kitchen, his heart started racing, and his muscles went rigid.
"Marcus, could you take me to my room first?" he whispered, giving his arm a desperate squeeze.
He didn't want to make a scene here, in front of Nina too.
Marcus wandered into the kitchen alongside Cyrus, helping him with every step. He had to admit, a cup of coffee sounded really nice at that moment. It had been quite a week. Marcus had lost a lot of sleep.
Though the second he felt Cyrus go rigid he stopped. His eyes went wide, his arm instantly wrapping back around Cyrus's waist as he turned them back around.
"Of course, lets get you to your room." He cooed, ushering Cyrus as quickly as he could back towards the main space. "It'll be better to rest anyways, and I can get you your coffee, how does that sound?"
"Y-yeah, let's do that," Cyrus agreed, pulling towards his bedroom.
Once they were in there, he sat on the side of his bed.
"I can't go in that kitchen…" he whispered, shaking his head.
His hands were trembling a bit, so he pressed them into his lap to stop it.
Marcus ran his fingers through Cyrus’s hair once he had sat down. He nodded gently, looking sadly over his boyfriend’s face.
“I can get you some coffee. You don’t have to go in there at all, okay?”
Cyrus swallowed, but the dryness in his mouth made it difficult.
"Yeah, okay," he replied, "Thank you."
His eyes looked a little glazed over as he kicked off his shoes and tucked his legs up into the bed and under the comforter.
Marcus didn’t move towards the door. Instead he sat down next to Cyrus and gently tugged him into a hug.
“Come here,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “Will you be alright here, Cy? I’m scared for you…”
"I'm okay- or I will be… I'm just… my mind is kind of racing still. It doesn't feel great, but I'll get through it. I always do," Cyrus replied, pressing his cheek into Marcus' neck.
"I just won't leave my room if I can help it."
"It's not good for you to stay in your room the whole time, Cyrus." He huffed, his fingers returning to the other's hair. "You need to go out. Sunlight and fresh air are good for you, you know." Marcus wasn't convinced that Cyrus was going to be okay. The trauma relating to this house was proof enough that it wouldn't be safe for him to stay. Not for his mental health at least.
"I don't want you to stay here if it's going to hurt you."
"I'll be okay. I can open a window if I need that- I can barely move anyway right now. A-and I'll just go out the back door if I actually want to go outside. I just can't be in there."
He shuddered a bit.
"It was just last night, and I think I still need time. But for now, all I can see is-"
Cyrus stopped himself.
"Marcus, I'm in no physical danger here, okay? It might suck for a couple of days, but I promise I'm going to be okay. I'm probably going to spend at least a couple of days mostly sleeping, because truth be told, I do not feel so great physically."
“Are you sure, love?” Marcus whined softly, pressing his face into Cyrus’s hair. He was incredibly worried, scared even.
But he couldn’t place why he was scared. He didn’t know if he feared being left alone more or the thought of Cyrus away from him more. He couldn’t understand it. He feared Marx. He knew that.
But did he also fear abandonment? Did he fear the possibility that Cyrus would decide to leave him if he wasn’t around 24/7?
“Sl-sleep would be good for you… please, get as much rest as you need. I-if you need home cooked food I can bring some over or if you need some company or anything I can help with that! Please, call me. I promise I’ll be right there, right here, to help.” Marcus had tried his best to hide the rising panic in his chest but it slipped out at times, making him feel like a clingy idiot.
Cyrus didn’t need his problems at the moment. Cyrus needed someone to support and help him.
So Marcus did his best to swallow his fear. There was no point in it. Cyrus was free. Marcus had even said himself that if Cyrus wanted to date others he would be okay with that.
If this didn’t work out, if he was just a stepping stone, he would give Cyrus the opportunity to keep seeking for happiness and love. Marcus would willingly be that sacrifice.
But then why did the idea of Cyrus being with someone else hurt so bad? Why was he so afraid of Cyrus leaving him?
“S-sorry, let me go get our coffees…” That translated more accurately to: I need a moment before I break down and I can’t do that in front of you while you have so much going on.
"Marcus, something's wrong," Cyrus murmured, in observation rather than question, "What is it, and how can I help?"
He bit his lip, his brow furrowing slightly.
"And I really appreciate you doing so much to help me through this, love. I'm glad to not have to do this alone. So if there's anything you need in return- even if it's just sharing your worries- I've got you, okay?"
Cyrus cast a pained smile.
Marcus swallowed the lump in his throat, his hands clutching Cyrus’s shirt. He tried to reassure the other that he was fine but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
“I-if I leave you here…” he choked out, forcing each word. He was afraid of them too. “W-will you still love me?” His neck and ears felt hot with embarrassment and shame, the words sounded ridiculous to even him.
“I’m scared… I don’t want to be left alone again. And I love you so much that the idea of you growing tired of me feels like someone’s trying to carve out my gut. Am I just being needy? Am I too clingy? I don’t know what I need to do… I- I don’t know how this is supposed to work and I’m scared.”
Cyrus stayed quiet for a few moments, trying to think of what to say. He put a gentle hand on the back of the other's head.
"Marcus, you're doing everything right in terms of this relationship. I feel more cared for than I have in a long time. You're not too clingy, either. Hell, I'm kind of the clingy type myself, so I get it to some extent."
He shifted a bit.
"Is there anything that I've said or done that makes you afraid I'm going to leave? Because I know you have a rough history with relationships that's causing some if these feelings, but I'd hate to make it worse."
“Thank you… I don’t know what I’m doing… you’re helping a lot.” He murmured, letting himself lean a little into the others hand.
Marcus’s head shot up at the next group of words, his eyes widening. “Oh no! You’re doing everything right! Please don’t think it’s you!” He nearly begged, waving one of his hands around in a panic.
“It’s all me, I don’t know what to do or what’s too much or what happens in certain situations. I wasn’t allowed to do very much when I was with Marx. Hardly anything actually. I always somewhere near him or one of his men. The only time I was alone was when I was out doing jobs or taking the short walks he let me take. I just… I don’t know what to expect.”
Cyrus continued stroking through his hair.
"I love you for you, Marcus. You don't need to change anything for me. Oh- and what I said wasn't to make you think I was accusing you of saying I did something wrong. You probably know that, but I just want you to hear it out loud. I just can't bear the idea of causing you discomfort, so you're more than welcome to let me know if I'm being too forceful, or otherwise making you upset. That's all."
He cast a smile.
"I know you feel like blaming yourself a lot. It's an easy pitfall to fall for, but just know that with me, you are free to be whoever it is you are, and there's not really a 'right' way to do that. If you were ever to do something that bothered me, I would have a conversation with you about it, and we'd work things out. No violence, no berating, no punishment. We're equals, Marcus. Don't be afraid to bring your worries to me, okay? There's nothing we can't try to work out."
Marcus squeezed his eyes shut, letting Cyrus soothe over the worries in his head. He nodded gently along as he listened, taking in deep breaths.
“Thank you…” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Cyrus’s cheek. “It’s hard… I’m sorry that I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m trying hard to learn.” He sighed deeply.
This whole thing was hard to feel, hard to sort out. He really wanted to believe Cyrus 100% but there were still things he didn’t quite believe.
“There really won’t be any punishments or anything like that if I mess up…?” He voiced his main disbelief, looking at Cyrus’s hands as best he could. “You won’t do anything too drastic?”
"I mean that," Cyrus confirmed, "Punishment isn't something you inflict on a lover. Not to mention, neither of us should have more power than the other in this relationship. We're two parts of a whole. No one owns the other. I'm very sorry you've had to experience what you have. You have nothing to apologize for, my love. Absolutely nothing."
He kissed Marcus' forehead.
"You're amazing, okay? I'll keep telling you, even if it takes a thousand times saying it for you to believe me. I love and appreciate you so much more than you know."
“Thank god…” Marcus whimpered, hugging Cyrus loosely. “I don’t deserve you, Cyrus. You treat me too well.” He sniffled softly before laughing nervously, meeting the other’s gaze.
“Fuck… I love you so goddamn much. You’re the amazing one here, Cyrus. I want to give you everything.”
"I feel that," Cyrus chuckled, "I've always felt greedy wanting someone who would do any- well, just about anything for me. But now that you're here… I just wanted someone who would treat me with the same love I would give them. And you're exactly that."
He smiled.
"We're a good fit for each other, really. We both have a lot of love to give."
Marcus pressed their foreheads together, smiling sweetly as he did so. “I like what we have. It feels weird but it’s a good weird. Almost like I’m not meant to have it.”
He paused for a moment, drinking in the warm emotions he felt with his boyfriend.
“I love you…” he whispered, the words full of so much meaning that Marx could never compare. “Thank you for dealing with my shit. Even though I’m a wreck I’ll always try and give you anything you want. I’ll be that person for you.”