forum Big Brother: Gay Edition (MATURE, Enter at own risk!)

Started May 16, 2020 by @ElderGodSwimwithGamers group

tune

"But you still stopped," Zachary said gently. He held Cas close, trying to help him feel better.

Cas sighed, burying his face in Zachary's chest. "I don't wanna worry you guys by hurting myself again, but I can't always help it…"

"We know, we all know," Zachary said gently, wrapping his arms around Cas tightly. "And we'll still be here for you when you do."

"I-I just fall into a sort of daze sometimes where I can see what I'm doing and I can tell I'm actively doing it, b-but I can't stop myself…"

Zachary rubbed Cas's back lightly, nodding.
"I see," he said softly. "That's why we asked Gloria for help, okay?"

Cas nodded weakly and sighed, fidgeting with the rubber band again. "Y-Yeah… um… I think I upset Halm and Nix during the last session."

Zachary was quiet a moment again.
"I think they are upset," he said carefully, "But not with you. They saw how what they were doing was hurting you, Cas."

Cas exhaled shakily and buried his face in Zachary's shoulder. "B-But it shouldn't be so upsetting to me… they should be able to do what they want…"

"They shouldn't," Zachary said. He wrapped his arms tightly around Cas again,hand going back up to his head.
"They shouldn't be able to do whatever they want. Not if it hurts you. We can't control what upsets you, Cas, but they should, and I do, care enough to not do want hurts you."

Cas hiccuped a bit, wrapping his arms around Zachary's neck. "B-But… you… y-you guys have to like… not do things that you wanna do just because I'm a wuss…"

"We have to not do things we want to because we care about you, Cas. That means we're willing to sacrifice things we may want to make sure you're okay. And everyone here is willing to do that." Zachary held Cas tightly, rubbing his back gently.

Cas sighed. "But I'm just being s-so selfish… you guys shouldn't have to sacrifice things for my sake…"

"You're not being selfish," Zachary said gently. "You don't choose to need these things. I want to sacrifice for you, Cas, because you deserve to be taken care of."

Cas hiccuped and rubbed at his teary eyes. "W-What have I done to deserve it, though…?" He asked weakly.

"You don't have to do anything to deserve it," Zachary said gently. "We do it only because we care about you. You don't need to earn that."

"But… b-but why do you care about me? I've been nothing but a burden and a nuisance since I arrived…"

"That's not true. I've seen you, from the pond. You're a good person, and it's obvious Halm already accepts you as part of his family." Zachary reached up to cup Cas's cheek lightly, holding him close.

"I'm n-not a good person… I'm a stupid, selfish asshole who can't even be considerate enough of other people to not hurt myself…"

"You said yourself you can't really stop it," Zachary said, voice soothing. "You're not selfish. You can't control these things that you say make you selfish. And we still care about you, Cas. You don't have to do anything to earn it, you never will. Because that's what it means to care about someone."

Cas bit his lip as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. "Y-You guys are way too nice to me…" He whispered weakly, hiding his red face in Zachary's shoulder. "I just feel so bad about it…"

"One thing we're not going to do is stop being nice to you, Cas," Zachary whispered gently, resting his head on Cas's. "We're going to be nice, and take care of you, and help you until you don't feel bad about it anymore, and then we'll still keep doing it."

Cas nodded shakily, drawing in a wavering breath. "I-I… thank you, Zachary…" He whispered quietly.

"You're welcome, Cas," Zachary said in return. He rubbed Cas's head gently, holding him close and rocking him a little.

Cas huddled close to Zachary, forcing himself to slow down his breathing and eventually relaxing in the other's arms after a few minutes.

Zachary stayed quiet as Cas calmed down.
"I really so care for you," he mumbled softly into Cas's shoulder once he seemed to be relaxed again.

"Mmmm… ditto…" Cas mumbled in reply, resting his head on Zachary's shoulder. "I'm sorry I've kept you stuck in bed for so long…"

"I don't mind," Zachary said. "I know you won't be wanting to leave this room any time soon, and I don't want to force you to be all alone in here."

Cas nodded a bit and sighed. "I'm terrified to go back outside, honestly… I know everything that's in here, so I know it can't hurt me."

(…let's let him believe that)

Zachary rubbed Cas's back lightly, nodding.
"You need somewhere where you feel safe," he said gently.

(Yep lol)
"Mhmm… not like I've got a lot of those, so I gotta take advantage of it. I really like the caves, though, so I might try to go there again…"