So, you were right about my capitalization and punctuation. I'm very bad about that, especially when my hands start feeling weird from typing so long, i don't feel like pressing shift :/ And the viruses are kind of a conflict in the story, but a semi minor one. You'll find out a lot more in the next chapter :)
Ok, cool!
Disclaimer for chapter 4: While the story is mine, Caspian and Kuro ("the kids") are not my characters.
((Additional disclaimer: I have yet to watch Sherlock….))
Four
It was late at night when Sam woke up. There was a harsh tapping noise. Several moments passed before he realized what it was. Someone was knocking on their door in the middle of the night. He rolled over to see that Dean wasn’t there at the moment. He let out a sigh, knowing exactly what his brother was up to.
Bar hopping, cruising for a hookup, he thought. He wondered how long Dean had been gone for. He got up out of bed, stretched, grabbed his gun in the event that he’d have to use it to defend himself, and went to the door. He was still wearing the clothing he had worn from the previous day.
At the door was the same young man they had seen outside Walter’s window, with another man who appeared to be an exact copy of him down to even their facial piercing; the only difference was their apparel. The one they had seen outside Walter’s window had stunning golden eyes that sparkled in the moonlight, and was wearing the same silver studded jacket and jeans. The other was dressed in business casual attire mixed in with leather bracelets, and studded attire. There were even some studs on his faded jeans, and oddly enough he was wearing red and orange tinted sunglasses.
“Hello,” the one with golden eyes greeted cheerfully. “My brother and I caught word of your arrival and were wondering if you’ve noticed anything strange.” At the word ‘strange’ his lips curled up in a pleasant smile. Revealing sharp canines and even sharper fangs.
“We won’t take much of your time,” the one bearing sunglasses muttered quietly. His teeth were the same. Sam held the barrel of his gun to the inside of the door. He clicked off the safety.
Two fangs? These aren’t vampires, that much I figured out just from speaking to witnesses. That only brings the question of what they are. Sam looked at them carefully. He noticed that Dean was walking back over, being very quiet. Dean had his gun in his hand, and aimed it at the back of one of their heads.
“As a matter of fact, yeah; you!” Dean said. Sam moved aside, making sure to aim at the other one. “Move!” Dean ordered.
“Now that’s just rude!” The one with golden eyes pouted as he shrugged off his jacket, tossing it to Sam’s feet. Various weapons fell out and clattered to the ground. Now clad in only his t-shirt, the young man lifted his hands behind his head. “Please don’t make me strip my pants. I only have a couple knives there.”
“And a gun,” the one with sunglasses reminded him.
“And that,” the golden-eyed one sighed.
“And stiletto blades in your boots.”
“And those.”
“And the-”
“We are not mentioning that one,” the one with golden eyes cut in. The one with sunglasses remained in his cross armed posture. Expression unchanging in the sight of weapons. Dean shoved the one with the sunglasses inside, careful to not get too close with his gun. Sam motions for the other to enter the room, motioning with his gun.
“Try anything stupid like attacking us with plants, and you’ll be dead before you even hit the floor!” Dean snapped, closing the door behind him and locking it without taking his eyes off of the two strange people now in their motel room.
The one with golden eyes growled, pulling the one with sunglasses closer protectively. “Don’t shove my brother. It’s rude.”
“Shut it! What’s with the teeth? You two so are not vampires!” Dean asked.
The two backed away, the one with golden eyes acting as a shield for the one with sunglasses. “We asked first!”
Dean glared at them.
“Dean, I think that they’re trying to give us the go around,” Sam said.
“No, really? I didn’t notice,” Dean said sarcastically.
“Evidently you didn’t notice us asking about *killer plants,” Sam said.
“We’re the one’s asking about that, actually,” the one with sunglasses responded.
“And I don’t like talking to guns! I already gave you our weapons!” The one with golden eyes pointed to his jacket on the ground huffing. “If that doesn’t prove anything then give it back! I’m cold,” he whined.
Dean knelt down, picked up the jacket, went through the pockets, and roughly handed it back.
“Actually, you asked us if we’ve noticed anything strange, not about plants. Therefore, we’ve answered your question already,” Sam pointed out. Dean moved around to face them, still aiming his gun.
“Your turn,” he snarled, glaring at them.
As the one put on his jacket his golden eyes widened as he noticed Dean was still holding one of the objects that had been in his pockets. A silver rod. “Don’t touch that!” He cried nervously.
Dean looked at him confused. “This? It’s just a metal ro-.” He was cut off as he noticed a thin layer of ice was now coating his fist. “What the hell is this thing?” He attempted to remove it, but the ice grew thicker.
“It’s one of the ancient weapons my mother’s people have used since the dawn of their existence. If you touch it without permission it freezes your body; built in anti-theft protection ,” the one with golden eyes grinned. “Pretty nifty, huh?”
Sam stepped forward menacingly. “Help him out, and we might put our guns away!” He was surprised when Dean didn’t argue with that proposal.
The one wearing sunglasses sighed and held up his hands, a tiny flame flickering over them. “Hold still.”
Dean released the rod when once he could. He looked down at his hand and flexed it. He bent and unbent his arm to get it working normally again.
Sam looked at them. “Thanks. Now answer my brother’s question regarding your teeth first, then we’ll put our guns away,” Sam said. Dean looked at them.
“After you convince us that you aren’t the ones controlling plants, that is,” Dean retorted.
“Well obviously, we don’t control plants; not our division,” the one with golden eyes grinned as his brother sighed.
“Did you have to make a Sherlock reference?”
“Yes. It was right there! How could I not?” He turned his attention back to Sam and Dean. “I’m Caspian, and this is my brother Kuro. What we are is a bit difficult and hard to believe.”
“We’re hunters, and it’s obvious that the two of you know that already,” Sam said, still holding his gun.
“So try us,” Dean said. He too still held onto his gun.
“Our mom is a mermaid and our dad is a werewolf and vampire hybrid with fire mage heritage.” Caspian responded.
The Winchester brothers relaxed now, and put their guns away. They were now sure that Caspian and Kuro were not, in fact, behind the attacks. “So, think you could maybe let us go now?”
Sam sat down on his bed. Dean remained standing.
“Not so fast. Not until you tell us what you know.”
“Just that there’s freaky vines killing people, and bunnies running around,” Kuro shrugged.
Dean ran his hand over his face. “Great, they just know what we already know,” he said.
“Then we’re stuck right now,” Sam said. “I have a feeling that this hunt will be unlike anything that we’ve ever dealt with.”
“It already is, Sam. I mean homicidal plants, really? When we get this thing settled I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at a blade of grass the same way.”
“I know,” Sam agrees. He realizes something. “Wait, what bunnies? We haven’t seen any around here yet.”
“Unless you count the roadkill that we saw on our way here,” Dean jokes. Sam nods in agreement.
“There’s a ton running around in the woods.” Caspian jabbed his thumb in the direction of the woods. “We’ve been camping out there for a week now, and they’re multiplying pretty quickly.”
Dean sighed. “How many bunny rabbits are usually around?” He asked.
“From what we’ve seen, hundreds,” Caspian answered as his eyes drifted to his brother. Kuro’s eyebrows had given a simple twitch before he calmly made his way towards a window overlooking the woods. “What’s got you riled up?”
“Rabbits.”
“Well, we don’t know if a bunch of bunnies mating is a sign of anything,” Dean said as Sam sat down and took to the internet. He brought up the website for the city’s news, Midford City Journal.
“Oh boy. Dean, you should see this.”
“What is it Sam? How ‘bout you share with the class,” Dean suggested.
Sam looked back at the screen. “Well, there’s two articles now. Both of them are about something happening.”
“Well, what happened?”
“The first article is about a car accident. It’s a short article, so I’m guessing that the person that wrote it had to leave out some details.”
“And the second?”
“That one has a bit more information. It says that a male was attacked, and killed. His body was found by one of his family members when they came by for their daily visit. The police think that he was murdered.”
“Rabbits,” Kuro repeated.
“Why does he keep saying just ‘rabbits?’” Sam asked. “It’s kind of breaking away from the topic I’m trying to bring up.”
“He’s not so good with words. He’s only two years old,” Caspian explained as he peered out the window with his brother. “Holy.… That’s a lot of rabbits.”
“Told you.” Kuro responded, his fingers lightly fidgeting on the windowsill.
“How are we going to get back to camp?” Caspian muttered to himself.
“We could always get you a room,” Sam offered, which awarded him with a quick glare from Dean.
“It wouldn’t be right.” Caspian mumbled. “We earn what we get. It’s one of our morals.”
“As for saying that your brother is only two, haha, very funny. You’re clearly in your mid to late teens,” Dean responded. He looked out the window. That really is a crap load of rabbits!
Hundreds of rabbits were sitting at the edge of the woods. There was no telling how many were behind them. “I guess we could also give you ride back to where you’re camping.”
Caspian looked at them with a raised eyebrow.
“But he is two. Well, in a month or so,” he admitted. “As for going back to camp, it’s in the woods, and that’s where the rabbits are. If Kuro’s uneasy about it, I’m not risking it. He’s got killer instincts.” Caspian patted his brother’s shoulder, only receiving a grunt in reply.
Dean looked at them.
“I guess that you could stay here for the rest of the night,” Sam offered.
Dean looked over. “Dude, they’re just rabbits. They can scare them out of the way as they go back to where they’re camping.”
“Fine then. We’ll go,” Caspian shrugged. “Come on Ku-”
Caspian was cut off as Kuro harshly grabbed his collar, lips turning in a snarl. No words were needed for Caspian to get the message and raise his hands in surrender. “Ok, I won’t go out there. You can calm down.”
Kuro calmed, his face going back to it’s stoic state. Dean started eyeing Kuro.
“What was that about?”
“Like I said, he’s only two. He doesn’t know how to express himself the best, so when he gets scared, or thinks there’s a threat, he reacts like that; getting mad,” Caspian explained, scratching his brother’s neatly styled hair as he went back to watching out the window, smiling at the calming effect it had. “He wouldn’t actually hurt anyone. Though he did give me a nip once when I did something he thought was dangerous.” Caspian chuckled, pulling down the collar of his jacket and shirt to reveal the dark scar of his brother’s fangs on his shoulder.
Sam put his laptop away. “So, he’s just cautious. No harm in that.” Though being overly cautious can cause problems as well. He stood and looked at them.
Dean looked at Sam. “Who wrote the articles?”
“They were both wrote by the same person; Kaytelyn Wayne,” Sam responded. “Why?”
“We’ll go speak with her later, see what she left out. That’s why.”
Sam gave him a look that told him that he understood. Caspian moved for the door, but was once again yanked back by Kuro.
“Bro! What was that for?”
“Rabbits.”
“Yeah, but we’re wolves,” Caspian tried to move, but was held back by Kuro who kept his eyes glued out the window.
“What would mother say?” Caspian froze at that, no longer trying to pull away, and after a moment of thought slumped against the wall until he was sitting.
“Damn. Got me there, huh.”
Kuro grunted, and Caspian chuckled. “Better hope she’s not pissed at us for camping here instead of New Jersey like we said we would.”
“New Jersey?” Sam asked.
“We go on camping trips a lot. Mom and Dad agreed we were old enough to go on one by ourselves this year, and agreed with our plan to have a trip to hunt for the Jersey Devil…. If it’s real,” Caspian explained. “But it looked really nice here, so we took a pit stop that ended up about a week long.”
“Then freaky things started happening, making you interested in things around here, so you stuck around,” Dean guessed.
“Nah, we were going to stay either way. That pond was amazing,” Caspian grinned.
“You’d stay for a puddle,” Kuro snorted.
“Only if it was a big puddle,” Caspian cut in. “And clean. And far from people. Can’t risk growing gills and fins in public.”
“Have fun bar hopping, Dean?” Sam asked.
Dean grinned. “Yeah. Spent some great quality time with the bartender, if ya know what I mean.”
Sam just remained still. “You’re horrible, you know that?”
Dean looked at him and huffed. “At least I know how to have a good time, unlike you!”
Caspian inched away from the two, his face scrunching in disgust.
“Ew. Man whore.”
Kuro’s head lowered as he groaned. “Brother, remember what happened the last time you called a hunter that?”
“And he was one. Caught him in the bathroom two minutes later with some busty blond.”
Caspian crossed his arms over his chest. “I say what I think; not my fault.”
“I could argue against that.” Kuro mumbled before resuming his silent post. Some hours ticked by and the sun now hung in the sky. It’s warmth kissing those that came out to go to work or school. While they waited they had random friendly conversation with Kuro and Caspian. Dean went and changed into his suit.
“Well, I think that it’s time that we go have a chat with Kaitlyn,” Dean said.
Sam changed into his own suit and came back out, his hair combed so that it didn’t hang over his face. “I’m ready when you are.” He looks at Caspian and Kuro. “What about these two?”
“I want to go!” Caspian jumped up from his spot grinning. “Come on, Kuro!”
Sam exchanged looks with Dean. He knew how Dean felt about possibly placing others in danger. “We’re just going to the news station. I don’t think that allowing them to join us would hurt, Dean.”
Dean looked at him and the two teens. “What do we say if we get asked why two teenage kids are hanging out with the FBI?”
Sam sat and considered this. “We could say that they’re early recruits or something like that.” He thought of something else. “We could even say that they’re high school students that won a contest of some sort to job shadow us.”
Dean looked hesitant. “Fine,” he states after some time. “But they’d better stay out of the way,” he said as he walked out to the Impala.
Caspian leaned to whisper to his brother. “Or we could have just snuck in; killjoys.”
“Let’s just stay out of trouble,” Kuro suggested as they followed the Winchesters.
Dean starts the car, and has Sam look up the location of the location of the news station. AC/DC’s ‘Back In Black’ came through the speakers.
“There’s never any Panic or Fall Out Boy playing,” Caspian complained, pulling an iPod out of his pocket. He handed one to his brother to listen through before turning on the music. “Better.”
So the main thing i noticed is that it's kind of unclear who's saying what at certain points, so maybe give it a read through and specify somewhere. (this is on the supernatural story btw)
And i'm i bit tired at the moment so i think I'll get around to "Into the Darkness" sometime tomorrow, maybe 3-4 Pacific time. Also, i think i already critiqued a couple chapters of it, so I'll copy paste those here to make it a little easier to find.
That one you can read through and leave comments.
It's only letting me view it, i don't think you have comments on.
I forgot to change that…. It's been taken care of.
Ok ! I'm on it right now. I'm leaving all my general notes at the bottom in blue. I'll probably leave my grammatical corrections, if there are any, as comments.
I'm re-reading Dark Easter as I share it. 2014 me used "said" more than I thought.
Yeah, i did that too ! If you use pinterest, there are a LOT of posts about things you can use in place of said and just writing tips in general. I have a board full of stuff like that if you'd like me to share it ?
I have a board for writing as well, so I likely have pins that you have as well. :-)
I have no clue why I didn't do this in the first place…. You can skip to chapter 5 since you already did the prologue and the other chapters.
Ok this will make the critiquing process so much easier ! thank you :)
I know I have given you quite a bit of material to look over already, but since he is in Dark Easter I was hoping you'd be cool with looking this guy over once you get acquainted with him in the story. Perhaps you'll see things that I can add to his profile too.
Yeah of course ! I'd be happy to help. I'm actually going to take a little break tonight and try to focus on my current project but I'll be sure to get to that tomorrow :)
Soooo my break was a bit longer than intended (two days too long) but i critiqued a chapter or two of into the darkness (sorry if it was a bit harsh, i'm in a mood)
It's fine. For ItD I actually recommend taking breaks! I don't mind if you're "harsh" or not, just as long as you have helpful input. When M wrote this she didn't separate it into chapters (I did that), so if you feel like something should be part of a different chapter please say so.
So first of all, thank you for looking over my chapters ! I know my capitalization is reallyyyyyy bad (honestly i usually look over it when i'm revising since that's how i type on the daily, i needa work on that). Also, to answer your question, they live in santa monica which is only about 20 miles from LA (give or take), so they are in a bit of a danger zone. I'm getting around to mentioning their location in the next chapter. And the viruses do pop up again but it's hardly a concern to them. They're mainly worried about surviving.
Okie dokie. I'd be more concerned about surviving (and all my loved ones) as well, so that is extremely understandable!
Actually, almost a month ago my community dealt with some dam failures/breaches that resulted in some (actually more than some) major flooding; you probably heard about the dam failures/breaches in Michigan on the news. I was pretty worried about my loved ones! Luckily nobody died, and my family and I still have our homes and possessions. However others unfortunately didn't get that lucky.
Oh that sounds bad. Good thing everyone you care about is safe ! I hope for the best for all those who were affected !
Could someone critique this chapter ?