"I was living on the streets. I was desperate for someone to give me attention, and they did. And I was naive and stupid. Their love was fake and they only ever wanted me for my body. I stuck around longer than I should have because they would feed me and let me hang around for a while, even if they forced me into things I neither wanted nor was prepared for. I should have left. It's my own fucking fault."
"They were manipulating you, Cas. They were giving you what you needed, and then they would take whatever they wanted. Cas, that'll never be your fault." He gently reached out again, carefully putting his hand on Cas.
Cas shied away again, tightening his grip on Zachary. "It's my fault that I let them. I was stupid and I should've seen what they were doing. I was just blinded by what seemed to be some fucking positive attention for once."
"It's hard for anyone to see when they're being used like that," Halm said gently. He took his hand away again, wishing he could make it all go away. Zachary put his arms around Cas, blocking Halm from him.
"It's good that you recognize it for what it was now, but that doesn't mean you were stupid for not seeing it then."
"But it was so fucking obvious! I was young, yeah, but they were forcing me to… to do things that I didn't want to do! I told them I didn't want to, and they did anyway! I should have seen how wrong that was!"
"You were young, you said it yourself. You wouldn't have been able to tell what they were doing was wrong, because you'd never had to deal with something like that in that way before."
Cas sighed shakily, huddling closer to Zachary. "They took things from me that I can never get back." He seemed to be growing increasingly distressed and was rubbing at his tears again. "I-I d… t-they… I d-didn't… know any b-better…" He sobbed, shaking in Zachary's arms.
Zachary held Cas close. Halm was going too far.
"Just leave him alone," Zachary begged. Halm was more than a bit shocked by this little outburst. His arms stiffened a bit as he held Nix, eyes holding a dangerous look.
"I won't forget this," he said quietly to Zachary. Zachary had, in short, fucked himself.
"P-Please go away…" Cas whispered, his voice breaking. He clung to Zachary for dear life, still sobbing. "I d… I-I don't wanna talk about this right now, p-please, I… just… please…"
Halm looked as Cas, nodding mutely. He stood, setting Nix down. Nix could come if he wanted to, but it was obvious Halm couldn't stay here. He'd probably end up taking Zachary to sheds if he did, and Cas would never forgive him.
Zachary held Cas tightly.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm so sorry. You don't have to talk about it anymore, okay?"
Cas tightened his grip on Zachary and buried his face in the other's shoulder, shaking violently. "I d… d-don't wanna… think about it…" He hiccuped, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks. Nix glared at Zachary, but sat down beside him anyway to try and comfort Cas. Cas flinched a bit when Nix touched him, but allowed it.
"Okay then," Zachary said gently. "Okay then." Zachary himself flinched a bit when Nix came closer, and under Nix's glare. He put this head against Cas's, wanting to distract him.
"We'll talk about something else, anything to help you stop thinking about it, okay?"
Cas nodded shakily, coughing as he tried to force himself to breathe. "Shh… don't strain yourself, Cas. It's going to be okay. You're safe here. They're not here. They'll never hurt you again." Cas gripped Zachary more tightly. "Shut up! I–… please, I-I just… I d-don't… wanna talk about it…"
Zachary patted Cas's back as he coughed. He needed to find something to talk about that wouldn't upset Cas, that wouldn't bring up any bad memories.
"Alright then. Do you want me to tell you about something that happened a little before you came here? It might help…"
Nix turned his ears back and looked away, fidgeting nervously. Cas clearly needed help and he was only making things worse.
Cas nodded weakly and rubbed at his eyes again with one hand, still clinging to Zachary with the other.
"Well," Zachary started. "My sister and I were in the pond as we usually are, just making sure everything was going smoothly, when Halm walked out of the house. He was in a bit if a rush, thinking he didn't have much work and wanting to get it done, and-" Zachary chucked a little- " he tripped over his own feet, landing face first in the pond water. His face was so hilarious, he was looking a bit like a fish himself." Zachary looked down at Cas, giving him a tiny smile.
Cas laughed weakly, his breathing still ragged, but gradually slowing down. Nix watched quietly, sticking around just in case he was needed. "Mmmm… didn't you and your sister come into the house when I showed up because Halm thought I was a kid?"
"Ah, yes," Zachary said, knowing this was shaky ground for them to be talking about. It would be easy for Cas to get really upset again. "Though I wasn't sure why. From what I had seen at the time, you didn't really act like a little kid."
"I-I mean, it didn't make much sense to me… I took Halm to my apartment and stuff, and I thought it was pretty obvious that I lived there alone… I couldn't do that if I was a kid." Cas sighed.
(Pfft, siiiimp)
(you're not wrong tho)
"Right? He should have realized you're no kid." Zachary leaned back against the headboard, arms around Cas's waist lightly. "I saw the stuff he brought from your apartment. No way you you could have been a little kid."
Cas nodded a bit, staying huddled up close to Zachary. "A-And he kept treating me like a kid too… like I couldn't do anything by myself…"
"Absolutely horrible," Zachary said. He wanted to steer the conversation away from the path it was heading down, because it looked like Cas was getting upset again.
"You should have seen how he treated my sister and I when we first started working for him."
"Mm… w-what did he do?" Cas asked. Nix seemed unsure what to do. He could tell that Cas was starting to resent Halm more and more, and that obviously wasn't good, but Cas also clearly didn't want to hear from Nix right now either.
"He was an absolute mess," Zachary said. "He had absolutely no idea how to act around other people. He was so awkward, it was quite funny. We had to help him figure everything out." Zachary chuckled a little. He had no ill will towards Halm, not really. He was a good man- er, God.
Cas nodded a bit. "What's your job? Like… what exactly do you do for Halm?" He asked, shifting a bit to be more comfortable atop of Zachary.
(me @ my brain: don't you dare make this sound fucking sexual)
(my brain: hehe didn't know Cas was a top)
"Did Halm take you to the caves yet?" Zachary asked. "Well, there's a lake in there that had healing properties. My sister and I are the ones who do that."
(Lmao he's absolutely not tho)
"Ah, yeah… I love it in there. It's really pretty." Cas smiled softly and nuzzled against Zachary's chest a bit. "You make it have healing properties?" He asked.
(right XD)
"Yes, it is pretty," Zachary noted. "And yes. That's why we have our pond. We swim around all day, and our magic seeping into the water. There's an underground river that takes it water to the lake, so it has healing properties too."
Cas nodded a bit, listening attentively to Zachary. "That's cool… the pond itself must be like, super saturated with healing stuff then, right?"
"Yes, it is," Zachary said with a little smile. "It's really nice, actually. Nice and warm. It's very relaxing." Zachary was glad Cas had seemed to calm down now.