forum Big Brother: Gay Edition (MATURE, Enter at own risk!)

Started May 16, 2020 by @ElderGodSwimwithGamers group

tune

Halm wrapped his arms around Cas again.
"Your a good person," he mumbled. "You don't deserve to be hated."

Cas shook his head weakly, sticking close to Halm. "I do… they're all right to hate me… I'm just a stupid street rat…"

"Cas," Halm said, cupping Cas's head with one hand. "You're not just some street rat. Not now, and not before. You matter, Cas."

"I had to steal before to get by… they all hate me and they have every right to. I was just a stupid kid who made a stupid decision and I deserved to be on the streets."

"Cas," Halm said gently. "If you deserved to be on the streets you would be right now."

"I deserved to be on the streets because I ran away from home like a dumbass even though my dad was slowly killing himself and I couldn't fucking go back because by the time I stopped being stubborn, he was fucking dead. I deserved to be on those streets and I stand by it."

"You must have had your reasons to leave," Halm said softly. He was trying his best.

"Well, yeah. He was an alcoholic bastard and he abused me sometimes, and that's why I left. But still. I knew the alcohol was gonna kill him and I abandoned him anyways."

"Cas," Halm said, "you were in a horrible position. You did the right thing by leaving. Even if he was going to die soon, he could have hurt you so much before that."

Cas hiccuped a bit, unsure how to feel. "B-But I… I could have helped him and I just left like a coward…"

"Do you think he would have accepted your help?" Halm said quietly. "What if he hadn't? What if you would have just made him mad and he hurt you?"

Cas shrugged a bit. "But I… I-I didn't even try…" He sighed shakily.

"Cas, sometimes it's too dangerous to try." Halm pulled Cas a bit closer.

Cas hiccuped again and huddled close, still trembling. "I just feel so guilty… I abandoned my father and then he died and I didn't even fucking know it until years later…"

"You didn't know because he wasn't a part of your life anymore. If he hurt you, getting him out was the best thing you could do. You didn't abandon him, he abandoned you." Halm gently rubbed Cas's back.

Cas rubbed at his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. "I d… I d-didn't even go to his funeral… I don't even know if he had one…"

"It's okay," Halm reassured, trying his best. "Even if he did, if you had gone, would it have helped? Would you have felt any better about leaving?"

Cas shrugged. "I dunno… but I… I feel like I should've gone… it was just hard to show up at my house and find different people living there and telling me that my dad died…"

"It must have been," Halm said soothingly. "And you've made it through that. Even I can't change the past. We have to keep going forward."

"That was only four years ago… my dad died six years ago." A couple tears rolled down Cas's cheeks and he rubbed at them.

Halm reached up with his thumb, rubbing Cas's cheek.
"Six years, you say," Halm said quietly. He was in charge of souls… Perhaps Cas's father was still here. In the underworld.

Cas nodded. "At least, that's what they said… I guess they could be lying, but I don't see why they would…"

"I don't either," Halm said. "But he's gone now. We can't change what happened."

Cas nodded again and sighed. "I just… I wish I could apologize to him…"

Halm went quiet for a long moment.
"What if you could?" He asked softly. "I am the God of souls. What if… I could find him? Let you talk to him?"

"R-Really? But… there's so many souls here! How would you even find him?"

"It would take some time," Halm said. "But I could find him. Would that help you?"

"Um… maybe… I hope he's not still mad at me…" Cas sighed softly.

"He won't be able to do anything," Halm said softly. "And most let go of their anger when they get here."

"I hope you're right, Halm…" Cas sighed softly and closed his eyes.