@The-N-U-T-Cracker
I don't wanna get up early tomorrow. Ew.
me neither fren
I don't wanna get up early tomorrow. Ew.
me neither fren
internal screaming
Dear Dickwad,
You're lucky I'm not being petty or confrontational directly toward you. You're lucky there's a third party. You're lucky I'm better than you at being a decent fucking person.
After I explained I had a life outside of this small corner of the internet, you still kept complaining about my unannounced absence. Like a dick.
And now today, after the third party dealt with also having an outside life, you admit that you forgot the corner was even a thing.
You had the audacity to try to pick a fight with me, when you yourself became guilty of an even worse fault–straight up forgetting to show up.
Fucker.
I want to stay to spite you, but honestly, leaving is way better for my health. I do not have the willpower to waste any time on your inadequacy.In conclusion: fuck you. The third party deserved better, you insignificant, annoying ant.
Who hurt you?
A dickwad, obviously.
Besides, what the fuck is that question supposed to mean, other than to provoke me when I'm already in some amount of emotional distress? Unless you were being genuine, in which case I mentioned no names or @ s for a reason.
I'm sorry, I tend to go about things in a clumsy way when I see someone who's hurt
…shit just got real…
i am in so much panic-
why did i do this?
why couldn't i just suck it up and deal for a few more years???
i keep hearing noises and thinking she's about to walk into my room
i'm so terrified…
i'm already starting to tear up and she hasn't even seen it yet-
this is going to go terribly
i can feel it
Hey, it'll be okay. It might seen scary at first, but it'll be good in the long run.
…she just walked into my room, calmly told me not to stay up late, and left
something tells me she hasn't found it but that didn't stop me from having a heart attack the moment i heard the door-
Random thing, but today got 10x better because we got the first monsoon of the season!!!
I'm sorry, I tend to go about things in a clumsy way when I see someone who's hurt
Eh, wouldn't really call it hurt. More like peeved, but I'll cool off in about an hour. I get heated when I'm pissed, so I can see how you thought I was hurt more than just a straight-up angry person, which is pretty much my default setting.
I'm once again skipping past five pages because I don't feel like reading all of them rn
Anyways
I was gonna say this earlier, but I forgot
I woke up this morning and like
I didn't wanna get out of bed
It's hard to explain the feeling but like,,,
It was like there was a hollow feeling inside of me
Just,,, maybe a more accurate explanation would be "there was nothing left for me to give to the world"
idk, that just popped up
So then I asked myself, "Is this what it's like to be depressed?"
I couldn't come up with an answer, cause I didn't know
In response to the question, I instead said, "If it is, I don't wanna be depressed, I don't wanna feel like this-"
Is that normal?
Am I normal?
Is there something wrong with me?
I just don't know-
heehee I'm terrified again :)))))
¿Por qué?
(Why? In case you don't know what that means.)
alright…
it happened.
they found the letter, dad had a talk with me, i’m still crying
but it went well-
…i’m on my path to recovery…
things should finally get better from here
That's great, Ella!!!!
I am so very happy for you and very proud. You did a good thing speaking out about this. <3333
thank you guys so much…
i really wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.
what did you write? what did they say?
¿Por qué?
(Why? In case you don't know what that means.)
hahhahhahahahhahaahahahahahahaha anxiety :))))))))))))))))))))))))
about a stupid fucking thing that probably won't even happen
Ah. I get that. I wish there was something I could do for you.
I'm shaking
and my head hurts because I keep having that stupid eyerolling tic
I just want everything to be okay again
what did you write? what did they say?
i’m not gonna post the entire letter here cause long but i basically explained that i’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts and need help
and since it was a face-to-face conversation i can’t say their exact response, but my dad came and hugged me, told me about his past struggles with depression, that he’ll always be there for me, how proud he is that i’m reaching out, all pretty generic emotional stuff but it meant so much to me i can’t stop crying-
things might get better after all…
please just tell me someone is online
Yo. I'm here.
Do I count?…
i’ll have to get off soon but i’m here for now
someone please just calm me down
I don't want to have an anxiety attack tonight
Uhh, I don't know how to. Would you just like some words of comfort? Or a distraction?
Woof woof.
Uhh, I don't know how to. Would you just like some words of comfort? Or a distraction?
sure
Hey, Mir.
I'm here.
You're not alone.
People care about you.
Life is rough and right now your brain is doing some pretty crazy things.
But such things will pass
Such things will end.
You're going to come out the other end of this, and you're going to be ok.
Do you want to talk about something?
It can be anything really.
Okay, forgive me if I don't help much.
It's going to be alright, Mir. I don't know what exactly is causing you to feel this way, but it will work out. There's no need to panic. If it's the same thing you were talking about earlier, then just reason with yourself. You said it probably won't happen, so look at it like that. It's something that more than likely isn't going to occur. So just take some deep breaths and count to 15. It may not do too much to help, but it's a start. And drink some water too.
my mom sent me a text
she’s going to call on monday to see if we can set up a doctor’s appointment
i’m actually getting help-
That's so great, Ella! I'm so happy you're getting the help you need and deserve. <333
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